The Ginger Swindler
@lilydsmith
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Following
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Media
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Statuses
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views expressed are not in relation to the Department of Justice, professional Ben Simmons hater, cheesesteak whisperer
Philadelphia, PA
Joined October 2011
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Pinned Tweet
born to go to bed at 8pm, forced to go be young and fun
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This can’t possibly be the same 9pm I used to be starting to get ready for a night out at
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when is he gonna collab with a basketball
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anytime i see a hot guy out walking a golden doodle at the ass crack of dawn i just know he has a bitchy little gf at home running that place like the navy seals
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will update you later
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bb girl this used to be your favorite hobby
Nobody should have to go to jail for smoking weed.
We must continue to change our nation’s approach to marijuana while reforming the justice system so it finally lives up to its name.
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i feel about pickleball how republicans felt about gay people in the early 2000s. i don’t care what you do in your own home but stop doing it in public.
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the worst parts of a breakup are
1. right after
2. 4 years later when you find a perfect meme that only they will find funny
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sliced oranges at halftime
What will your job in the Civil War 2 be?
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cough cough mf
You gotta be a sick person to enjoy seeing the Cowboys get their ass kicked on national television
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Job applications today:
🔘are you a veteran?
🔘are you gay?
🔘are you high right now?
🔘do you ever get nervous?
🔘are you single?
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Lions my ex
🤝
fumbling the first
thing that was good for
them in a long time
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From the people that brought you “I can land a plane in an emergency” I present the NBA 3 pointer
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First they came for the mango Juuls
And I did not speak out
Because I was not a Juul user
Then they came for the Zyns
And I did not speak out
Because I was not a Zyn girl
Now they come for Texas Roadhouse rolls
And there was no left
To speak out for me
🚨BREAKING: In response to Governor Greg Abbott, Rep.
@AOC
calls on Americans to boycott Texas Roadhouse.
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Ron Desantis gets it
Women are really strong, men will never understand the pain we go through everyday😭.
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i need a job that is so unimportant it doesn’t require any two factor authentication
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feeling a little down? have you tried eating a piece of deli turkey straight out of the bag standing in front of your open fridge
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i can’t believe i have to say this but please don’t fuck the popcorn bucket
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i can’t believe my ancestors got to take Quaaludes and vacuum the house all day and they really thought, you know what would make this better? if we could go to work
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is he hot or is he just a coworker that’s similar in age?
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girl, have you seen a 26 year old man? stay inside
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THIS IS POOKIE IM GOING TO BE SICK
it’s just that i genuinely believe some of you don’t deserve to have free will
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is Mike McDaniel prepared to cover his ankles tonight
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Boston is a great town to live in if you’re a sports girl and a bad town to live in if you want to have an orgasm
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*me flirting in the bar*
“So did you finish connections today?”
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as someone with zero game i have accepted that me flirting is just looking at you and hoping you agree
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very proud new owner of this giant stick, have a great monday everyone!
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the absolute coolest part of Mormonism that never gets talked about is that their garden of Eden is in, yep you guessed it, Missouri
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a brief hiatus from my hiatus to introduce Winnie. this bundle of joy and energy landed in my life two days ago. Winnie is independent, stubborn and more than i could have dreamed of. until next time!
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i am the most fuckable mid twenties girl listening to NPR at this farmers market right now
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ill start a war rn
Cameron Brink’s legs are probably what men used to start wars over. Goodness Gracious.
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soft launching my move to Philly by buying an apartment and telling everyone that will listen about it
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i think about this tweet once a week
I have never seen a thin person drinking Diet Coke.
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raise the interest rates again
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ladies and gents, we’ve got ourselves a gay off
MAGA: “I’m switching to Coors Light.”
Coors Light: “The fuck you are.”
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after nearly a decade of no meat i have a lot of cheeseburgers to make up for
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I want the gay mini fridge
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obsessed with this absolute UNIT we met at the vet this morning
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don’t cry because it’s over, laugh because it was really funny
BREAKING: Ron DeSantis has officially dropped out of the 2024 presidential race.
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i do not dream of labor
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football is actually very enjoyable when you don’t have your team embarrassing you on national television
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my mom took me to my admitted students day at Syracuse and when the tour was over she looked me dead in the face and said “I will drop you off and I will see you at graduation, we will not visit you here”
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it’s so cheesy but you know there’s a daughter out there that is caring about football for the first time right now and getting to watch this with her dad and i think that’s really cool
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going to spend the summer finding love the old fashioned way (falling in love with 3 men on a remote Greek island only for them to return 20 years later for a wedding of the daughter they didn’t know existed)
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can’t be served alcohol in DFW airport until 10am? doesn’t taste very small government freedom to me
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ive been frozen like this on zoom for 4min and no one has noticed yet
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i told my parents i struggled with sleeping with my puppy in the bed and without missing a beat my mom goes “that’s because you’re not used to having anyone in bed”
ma’am lower your voice
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yeah sex is cool but have you ever watched Aaron Rodgers lose on national television?
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excited to wear my new shirt on the train today, maybe make some new friends!
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wearing power pants to dinner instead of a sundress, having mixed feelings
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“i could totally go on the Bachelor” baby you’re on it now you just don’t know about the other girls
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30 minutes to kill? Off to the porch to make deck boy fall in love
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see you on the other side of the mark wahlberg challenge 🫶🏻
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some dogs i learned about recently:
-curly coated retrievers
-rusty red labs
Enjoy!
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you shouldn’t have to go to work if you’re really cozy
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before you decide to shoot your shot and DM me, ask yourself this: would I be embarrassed if 10k other people had to see this brick?
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just accidentally heart reacted to an instagram story of a guy i hooked up with 8 years ago during study abroad and never spoke to again, time to hang it up for the night
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Me sowing: this is a no snack household, if you want to eat you have to cook
Me reaping: where the fuck are the treats
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game night is not about having fun and making friends, it’s for winning and crushing the spirits of everyone you’re playing with!!!!
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before you tweet something dumb today about how Taylor is ruining football, have you considered talking to a woman in real life?
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dad has now extended the Pinehurst trip twice, mom has no idea when he’s coming home, these are the only updates we get
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ah stunning
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imagine getting arrested and the entire internet is celebrating
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OUTSIDE
STOP WHAT YOURE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE! IT’S A BEAUTIFUL DAY TO LIVE IN PHILADELPHIA!
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you come to me on the night of my wild card game and you bring Josh into my home?
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football is actually really enjoyable when you don’t have a guy who would have gone D1 if it wasn’t for his knee in your ear making you name every player
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when the outer family finally leaves so we can all talk our shit
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leave the saving of the world to men? I don’t think so.
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