U.S. Ministry of Truth
@USMiniTru
Followers
378,406
Following
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Media
1,537
Statuses
7,371
Established to prevent disinformation and protect democracy. | They/Them | Sponsored by @PolitiFact , @Reuters , @VerifyThis , & @Newsweek | Satire | 恶搞
Washington, DC
Joined April 2022
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Last Seen Profiles
Pinned Tweet
🚨JUST IN: The White House has confirmed that President Biden's Uncle "Bosie" Finnegan has perished in the Israeli strike on Iran—just East of the Francis Scott Key Bridge.
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You don't need to own books. We'll make sure the right version is always electronically available.
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BREAKING: Hamas to be honored with a permanent place on the Pride/Progress Flag.
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🚨BREAKING: Eyewitnesses report that the Ghost of Kyiv has entered Iraqi airspace.
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BREAKING: After viewing National Treasure, President Biden orders FBI to raid home of Nicolas Cage to recover Declaration of Independence.
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🚨BREAKING: President Biden calls for Justice Ginsburg to retire after today's landmark 9-0 decision to keep former president Trump on state ballots.
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🚨JUST IN: Sen. Bernie Sanders spotted sprinting back and forth between his three mansions so the squatters he advocates for don't move in.
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🚨JUST IN: I'm quitting.
Nothing I could tweet from this account will ever top that press conference.
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🚨BREAKING: President Biden has directed the Department of Justice to begin an official investigation into who this "Jill" person is that keeps following him around.
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We promise you strong leadership.
We promise you justice.
We promise you old, rich, white people wearing colorful scarves they bought from Amazon.
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We've tried aliens, Hitler, submarines, we even blew up a bridge in Pennsylvania.
What do we have to do to distract you from Hunter Biden?
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BREAKING: San Francisco plans to protect its airspace by launching homeless people at incoming balloons.
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Every time you ask if birds are real, we send another one to watch you.
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@Harvard
Imagine being the president of an ivy league school and not being able to say this in front of Congress.
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BREAKING: Fox News is prepared to call Arizona for McCarthy.
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🚨JUST IN: Former President Bill Clinton calls on the United States to keep migrant children on a small, secure island until their parents can be located.
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If you give us just two weeks, we can slow the spread of Monkeypox.
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Verify us,
@ElonMusk
. Grant us the pure, stroke-inducing heroin of a blue checkmark.
We will bring peace, freedom, justice, and security to your new Empire.
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BREAKING:
@ElonMusk
has just revealed that he has information that will lead to the arrest of Hillary Clinton.
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We're thrilled to announce that Joseph R. Biden has become the first Black, Lesbian President of the United States.
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🔥BREAKING: Volunteer militias from at least 27 states have begun traveling to Texas in support of its National Guard amid the Constitutional crisis.
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BREAKING: Garland confirms FBI raided Mar-a-Lago to find George W. Bush's weapons of mass destruction.
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🚨BREAKING: In response to Governor Greg Abbott, Rep.
@AOC
calls on Americans to boycott Texas Roadhouse.
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I can switch off your electric cars from here.
Have a safe drive home.
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BREAKING: In response to the arrests of 16 congressmen, President Biden signs the "invisible handcuffs" executive order—requiring all future arrests to be made with transparent restraints.
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🚨BREAKING: President Biden confirms his son Beau passed away in the horrific bridge collapse in Baltimore, fourteen years ago today.
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If you just sign here, we'll erase that pesky first amendment for you.
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Bill Gates may have had dinner with Epstein, but he only ordered off of the kids menu.
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🚨BREAKING: Governor DeSantis has begun transporting squatters to occupy the homes of Martha's Vineyard.
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You are welcome to follow us, but rest assured—we are already following you.
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UPDATE: Senator McConnell issues statement on FBI raid of former president Trump:
"We must send another aid package to Ukraine at all costs."
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Mask your toddlers so we can study the effects of pulmonary microplastics over a lifetime.
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🚨BREAKING: Trump up 20 points in polls after announcing "Day One Executive Order" to deploy AT-ATs along southern border.
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🚨JUST IN: President Biden warns that Donald Trump's "bloodbath" comments are "haskalghing susigfolksy."
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BREAKING: President Biden appoints Jared Fogle to serve on DHS Child Safety Taskforce.
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You'll pay for others' debt while I track every $600 you spend.
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🚨JUST IN: Iran has deployed two battalions of goats to boost their troops' morale.
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🚨JUST IN: Kyle Rittenhouse makes landfall in Haiti.
Cannibal convicts are expected to be cleared out by 2:30pm ET.
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Live, Laugh, Love us or face substantial prison time.
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BREAKING: In a stunning move, JEB BUSH has announced his candidacy for President of the United States via a Microsoft Teams call.
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A very pleasant and progressive Birthing Person's Day to you, formerly unwanted parasites.
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🚨🚨BREAKING: Murder drops to ZERO after President Biden yells "STOP IT" about gun violence.
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BREAKING: Stacey Abrams to assume the throne in England.
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We can assure you, Mark Zuckerburg is very human.
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🚨JUST IN: Clinton Foundation purchases Little Saint James Island to house Haitian children displaced by Haiti's unrest.
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🚨BREAKING: ABC News reports Nikki Haley has won Maricopa County in the Iowa Caucus.
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Quit sending me your nudes. I already have them.
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Go to sleep or I'll have the IRS audit your dad.
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I'm building special friendship camps on all of Bill Gates' farmland.
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We stand behind the brave heroes who come forward.
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It's perfectly unsuspicious that the lawyer who defended Jeffrey Epstein is the judge who signed the sealed warrant for the FBI raid on Trump's home.
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🚨JUST IN: President Biden announces tax incentives for families willing to take in slav—migrants in a new "Housing for Labor" initiative.
"You can now apply to keep a migrant in your home in exchange for cooking, cleaning, picking crops, and landscaping." - via
@IRSnews
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Failure to support [CURRENT THING] will result in 10 lashes in front of your local courthouse.
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We're sorry, we can't spare any FBI agents to investigate the Palestine/Hamas riots at the White House.
All available agents are currently engaged at school board meetings.
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I love the look on your face when you see how much I get from your paycheck.
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Put the phone down and go to sleep.
Your NSA officer is tired of watching you open and close Twitter.
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🚨BREAKING: President Karine Jean-Pierre to address the nation about the dangers of Islamaphobia within the hour.
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🚨🚨BREAKING: Donald Trump warns that there will be "Updog" if he loses the presidential election in November,
@NBCNews
reports.
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🚨🚨BREAKING: Following the Supreme Court's 7-2 ruling to allow Texas to arrest and deport illegal immigrants, Gov. Greg Abbott has begun deploying the border trebuchets.
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@FBI
I can see why you didn't go with a picture from the thousands of CCTV videos of the mass-lootings.
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It took exactly one day for Google to delete our YouTube page.
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BREAKING: Hunter Biden sleeping peacefully at home.
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🚨BREAKING: Secretary of Transportation Pete Buttigieg to address Baltimore Bridge collapse as soon as he's done chestfeeding.
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🚨LIVE: Renowned martyr Aaron Bushnell delivers his statement on the Iranian missile and drone attack:
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Masks will now be required over genitalia to slow the spread of monkeypox.
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Haha hello fellow Patriots, I am a Second Amendment loving girl.
What ghost guns are we printing today and what are your street addresses?
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The year is 2028.
Squirrel-AIDS-pox-vid-1883.jpg has reached its 3rd pandemic wave.
New York City mandates masks for dogs.
Grocery stores haven't had food in 6 months.
Gas is $26.53 per gallon.
Republicans authorize another $220 billion to Ukraine.
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We regret to inform you that this parody account is no longer a parody.
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Please ignore the fatherlessness epidemic. Children do not need them.
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🚨JUST IN: NY Post reporter
@LaurenSarner
spotted in photos wearing nearly identical outfits from weeks earlier.
Gene Hackman, 94, spotted in new photos wearing nearly identical outfit from weeks earlier
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BREAKING:
@realMikeLindell
to become CEO after
@ElonMusk
, renaming the platform MyTwitter.
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Inflation will be solved by printing inflation relief checks.
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BREAKING: Yearbooks reveal Justice Brett Kavanaugh may have cooked on gas stoves.
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@POTUS
I can't find room for them because those seats are already taken by the migrants you're letting in.
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Birthing Person Day is less than a week away.
I noticed you haven't bought anything yet.
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BREAKING: Stacey Abrams set to win the Gubernatorial Election in Georgia with 43% of the vote.
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@EndWokeness
We've rewritten the definitions for racism, Nazi, phobia, freedom of speech, hate, and genocide.
Why not "bloodbath"?
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Google lets me read your emails so I don't investigate their staff.
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Want a voucher for 40 gallons of FREE gas? Just trade in one of your firearms at your local police station!
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🚨BREAKING: Gov. Greg Abbott to begin flying male migrants from the southern border to Ukraine.
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We're hard at work determining which food-processing plant should accidentally burn down next.
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No, but we can send
@TaylorLorenz
to harass your relatives.
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BREAKING: Florida changes its state flag to Ukraine's so the U.S. Senate might start actually giving a damn about them.
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