Mary
@MaryJackalope
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“Wallah” instead of “voilà” is my favorite malapropism. It kills me every time
Whisk it a few times and REALLY, I SWEAR TO GOD
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Husband keeps asking “should I get this keyboard?” And showing me increasingly strange keyboards, some probably AI generated. I keep saying “yes, seems ergonomic, you’ll be even more powerful” to affirm his masculinity
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As soon as the power went out my boyfriend started quoting Marcus Aurelius
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@_cingraham
I’m really not prepared for my future children to say this kind of thing to me because I know I’ll get spooked. It’s truly the one thing I imagine I could handle poorly as a mother. Apparently my husband used to “live in the walls” before he was born so
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So funny how "consultants" just do cute lil' college projects until retirement. Getting paid minimum $140,000 a year for brilliant insights such as "By treating homelessness as three distinct challenges, instead of one monolithic issue, solutions and resources can be rethought…
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This man wanting a paternity test is the equivalent of that woman with the go bag. Fairly neurotic, basic gender psychology intensified by podcasts, alienating to partners. The major difference is that there’s far less understanding of male neuroticism
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Overheard a first date where the guy was explaining that the great clown Pagliacci is in town tonight, and the girl said “I know, I…”
overheard a first date where the guy was explaining some paper to the girl & the girl said “i know, i co-authored that” oh i—
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So much of this brand of “wellness” is about getting vitamins and minerals without food, feeling “healthy” and “energetic” on an insane calorie deficit
my daily ginger shots and vitamins aren’t enough i must reach this level of wellness insanity
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She really is starting to look younger. Someone once said that as soon as people are able to see the effects of age reversal therapies, that’s when the public interest will hit an inflection point.
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This kind of joke is such a good filter. The reactions show who is smart+funny+kind vs who is lacking in one or more of those traits. It’s okay if some people don’t get it because it’s a weird style of humor but people who see what’s going on but don’t think it’s a joke…
Shower thought: The standard for healthy human body temperature (98.6°) is *suspiciously* close to the boiling point of water (100°).
Did life optimize for body fluid that was as energetic as possible to catalyze reactions as quickly as possible without turning into vapor?
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I think women should be free to express themselves sexually without being "slut-shamed," but I also think normalizing promiscuity has been detrimental for women because it disincentivizes male investment and breaks the norm of monogamous relationships. Not sure how to resolve
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My favorite silly thing about Sci Fi is when Earth gets a different name for no reason. “Urth” feels like a natural phonological change, but “Old Terra” is like if United States English started arbitrarily referring to England as “Ol’ Anglia.” There has to have been a break in…
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Taller women are smarter, the fact that the trait is “polygenic” doesn’t suggest mother’s height doesn’t matter (see Tanner method), maternal stature influences birth weight, taller mothers have lower risk of preterm birth. But okay cool weird sex stuff for smol girls
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@hello__caitlin
When they said Franz Ferdinand moment at first I thought they meant, like, musically
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“Do you want to watch a video of a man being attacked by a lion?”
“Certainly not”
“He’s a journalist”
“Oh, then absolutely”
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I stopped reading this when I saw “permit fee to own a car.” In the US, vehicle registration costs $50-200. In Singapore, one must bid for a certificate that costs $106,000??
Singapore is a transit mecca. As someone coming from the US, it challenges a lot of the assumptions we often hear about how transit “should” work. A few observations…🧵
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This whole time I guess I just assumed that the “die” in “dieworkwear” was the German nominative feminine article “the”?
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Men will literally spend so much time building dynasties in CK3 instead of starting a dynasty with me
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Ultrasound technician was confused as to why husband and I high-fived when she said “it’s time to measure her skull”
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Dudes used to smoke a cigarette after sex but these days they just hop over to the terminal and start vigorously typing
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Wish I'd thought if that when the Henry Cavill thing was going around
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We don't have herd immunity yet, but we've definitely got some herd mentality
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If this tweet gets 50 likes
@turrible_tao
and my little blonde normie sister will start a podcast about dating
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Dear women, what is preventing you from looking like this?
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Went to KBBBQ for the first time. Didn’t understand what the grill was for, thought it was like sushi. Have been eating raw meat for the past 2 hours, it was finally explained to me but still no complaints
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She admits in the replies that she started by calling her own job silly and he’s just responding to that, and she has “bad dates” in bio. It’s sad to see women making fun of men for engagement bait rather than opening their hearts to finding love
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Rachel Dolezal should start a podcast called "Rachelly Motivated"
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Saying "I can squat two plates, and I have two cats," is unnecessary and nonsensical.
Yelling "Dos platos, dos gatos," is a catchphrase and evokes a lifestyle.
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@classicallyabby
Of course femininity can include combinations of yin and yang traits and features, but that being said it’s still funny to see Audrey used as an example of classic femininity when she’s such a gamine. She’s often describes as having a boyish charm, tomboyish, even androgynous.
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The happiness that results from lifting is fake. I want the kind of happiness that comes from having a FAANG job and a baby
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Elon won’t see your jokes about his body, but your mutuals who have the same body type will
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I don't personally like Taylor Swift but I'd rather live in a culture where everyone else likes Taylor Swift and I don't rather than the, uh, alternative. She's wholesome and "smart." Just makes sense for baseline culture.
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“I don’t get why it’s funny” is really different to “I don’t think it’s a joke, because I am smart and everyone else is painfully dumb.”
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Being super into Tolkien is like getting really good at Guitar Hero instead of learning to play guitar. It’s fun and cool in its own right but instead of learning all that fantastical stuff you could learn real world geography, history, and languages
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"Why do you look extra cute to me today? Oh, it's because I'm ovulating."
"That study did not survive the replication crisis."
"Listen, I said I'm ovulating! I'm having a reproducibility crisis!"
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Wow, that girl tweeted "f*ck Elon Musk" and got a reply from him, whereas I constantly tweet "I would fuck Elon Musk" and get NOTHING
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Wow, unfollowing now. Was totally fine with the possibility of AI posing an existential risk to humanity, but had no idea Sam Altman is a Redditor
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PMC mfs really learn the word "monolith" on some list handed to them by their tutor when they're studying for the SATs then decided to use it as often as possible the rest of their lives
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Hey baby, were you leaked from a lab? Because that smile is infectious
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Travis County decided not to pay McKinsey to tell them ThE UnHoUsEd are not a MoNoLiTH
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@savvyRL
@PiotrPadlewski
You should feel at least a bit embarrassed when tweeting like this. This kind of rhetoric makes it harder, not easier, to be a woman in male-dominated spaces
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It’s messed up that the actor who plays Caligula has abs in this Netflix series about Rome. Very little historical evidence that Romans had abs, since all we have left is skeletons (no abs)
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Your friend is feeling down. What do you say to help?
A. Leonard Cohen lyrics
B. There’s a Slate Star Codex post about this
C. Marcus Aurelius quote
D. Improv a Deep Thought on the spot but you have to include the word “hormesis”
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Sitting at the “making friends table” but no one else has joined me yet 😭
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I’ve noticed a pattern where people who’ve always had their needs met just expect everything and want everyone to go above and beyond for them, and people who’ve been neglected are hypersensitive to the needs of others and develop deep empathy and go above and beyond for friends
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@goblinodds
A second brain, but also a left brain to my right brain, but also a right brain to my left brain, but also sometimes a rubber duck
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I never felt like I had representation before so it honestly feels great to have the same body type as Sydney Sweeney
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For every like this tweet gets, I’ll make this guys eyebrows bigger
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I haven’t been poasting much lately but we still got another kind of engagement
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Have I ever told you I independently came up with Dark Forest Theory?
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Everyone is saying "stimmy" and "vaccy" like these hard times have turned us into a bunch of Australians
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What do you guys think of the name Athena for a girl? Especially if she had been conceived in Athens?
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There's a strong desire in the culture now for weirdos and freaks to be whitewashed. People want punk rock aesthetic without the ethos. They want strange, eccentric people without any bad behavior
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I’ve been on the Mediterranean for a week. Completely gave up seed oils (I’ve only been having white fish, white wine, and olive oil) and despite being a ginger it gave me the ability to tan
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Can’t blame San Fransisco for doing exactly what I do - just one huge burst of tidying up immediately before having guests
In preparation for APEC, San Francisco is cleaning its streets, activating new public spaces, removing graffiti, and planting trees.
We're seeing civic projects delivered in record time without endless bureaucracy.
Imagine if we operated at this pace 365 days a year!
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I only just realized this expression Marilyn often did was basically the ahegao face of her time
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Wants attention gf, perusing the Wikipedia page for “Gnosticism” bf
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I have a friend who is a tall, attractive man in his early 30s who works at a cool startup
He has a MS from one of the top rated schools in the world, no personality disorders, and wants to marry & have kids who will hopefully colonize Mars
How does he find a suitable woman?
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If I see an account with a narcissistic following/follower ratio I don’t follow them even if they have interesting tweets
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“When our daughter is an adult, do you want her to hate the LinkedIn people, or do you want her to be able to put on a LinkedIn mask to be successful?”
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They’re changing the tire on the airplane and there’s a Dad here who is very excited about it. He observed that they leaned the tire against a golf cart. He wonders how much the tire weighs. Pure Dad joy
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Fellas, would it be gay if the freckles in our eyes were mirror images and when we kiss they're perfectly aligned?
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I asked my boyfriend what his TC is and he asked me how much I weigh 😭
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