Kmarko
@Kmarkobarstool
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Following
337
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Statuses
31,458
Not a pilot. Former EIC @ Barstool Sports. Wrote a book:
NYC
Joined January 2011
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If I stay up for the whole game: 5-0 Astros.
If I go to sleep early for a nice healthy 8 hours: 19-18 Dodgers.
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Are millennials killing not being killed by drunk drivers?
DUI arrests in South Florida plummet. Uber, Lyft, millennials among the reasons why
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My piece on ordering a bologna sandwich for lunch got 645,000.
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I am now 1,000,000,000% convinced
@nflcommish
is the biggest Stoolie alive. It's the only thing that makes sense. You simply cannot give us more material to work with than he does with every SINGLE move he makes.
#FREEPORTNOY
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34 Year Old Unsigned Wisconsin Power Forward Dazzles NBA Scouts With 18 Foot Sky Hook In Private Miami LA Fitness Christmas Workout
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They are reading Dave Portnoy's tweets on the floor of Congress. What is this world.
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Imagine being so bad at the Internet you spend an hour on this
@barstoolsports
Definitely Fake - Lots of clues. Looks like a world cup goal in England several years ago because of ashtrays and lack of smartphones
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You may laugh but I've seen enough shit over the past 10+ years to know at this point there's like a 55-60% chance that Boner Dogs will be a real movie that is released in real life.
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“I saw Barstool’s valuation went up to $3.5 Billion, what happened?”
“A former Iowa corn field security guard picked up a suitcase and a camera guy with a mullet dumped a really large number of beers down his face.”
🚀🚀🚀🌑
You love to see people buying a Luggage Guy shirt and a Zillion Beers shirt. What a damn week.
#ToTheMoon
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Hit the Like button on this if you think Twitter shouldn't get rid of the Like button.
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Didn't mind the Stoolies when you were trying to sell them your dumb ass book and begging to be in the newsletter
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Best one yet. Millennials killed leaving your desk for 3 hours on a work day to spend $300 on lunch.
Here's how millennials have killed the Manhattan power lunch
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The Toronto Tavern reacts to the Kevin Durant news during a day-drinking party today
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Twitter Fingers Rap: "who are you?"
Real life Rap: "Please pay attention to me in the newsletter sir please please pretty please" 😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂
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Your favorite website could never sell $1 million of custom vodka and do a pizza taste test with Mike Francesca on the same day the boss got out of bed to come and murder interns named Kareem and Jack Mac 2 for keeping free Twitter gambling picks a secret
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I'm gonna leave Barstool with 20 bucks and a Penn National fleece vest
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Barstool Sports erred in assuming we could distance our efforts from ESPN and its company culture.
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Dan in the car ride: “should I dab? Idk. Maybe one quick dab. Should I thought?”
Dan on stage:
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Twitter kings stay kings
"Frank Vogel, Frank Ocean, Frank Gore, don't matter, this my team"
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My favorite part about payday is taking all of the money and putting it into your credit card debt and watching your account go back to $1 then waiting 2 weeks to do it again and then waiting 2 weeks to do it again and then waiting 2 weeks to do it ag
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The Walmart Yodeling Kid Chill Trap Remix is legit my favorite song out right now.
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Damn.
HBO Sports president Peter Nelson is out, amidst a wider restructuring of that division
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Oh my god this new Instagram questions thing is a nightmare. Girl's stories are like 25 minutes long.
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Some kid asked me to edit his 18 page book report on Barstool Sports.
Final grade: B+
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Adam Sandler promised "to fucking come back and make a movie so bad on purpose" if Uncut Gems got snubbed...
...what if that "bad" movie was the best bad movie of all time? 🤔
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Happy 30th to my best bud, cohost, drinking buddy, anti-life coach and star of 84% of my Instagram
@FeitsBarstool
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But you personally beg me to put you in my newsletter every week to get listens on your podcast 😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂
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Toby is in HR, which technically means he works for corporate, so he's really not a part of our family. Also, he's divorced, so he's really not a part of his family.
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This is incredible. Team Smitty makes Team Portnoy look like a retirement home.
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Oh my god yes. FINALLY some action.
Got four calls from front desk. Upstairs neighbors-(who have weekly jazz party where they blast jazz and blow cig smoke through my vents til 4 AM)-said my ceiling fans "cause a vibration in their apartment." I'm SO excited for confrontation!
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It's because you don't have any readers you bankrupt loser
You don’t see me out here begging Deadspin readers not to offer their legal opinions. The bed’s been made.
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Well you could adapt your business model for a new generation that works too many hours to have time to go to the store and has options online with same day delivery...
Or just die out and shake your fist at those damn millennials!
Will millennials kill Costco and Sam's Club?
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Don't let all the excitement of the night distract you from the fact that ESPN did an Electric Chair and had 361 viewers.
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One major Barstool writer has left in the past decade. To become Deputy Editor at Complex now Editor in Chief of SNY. But shocker that a deadspin reader thinks they’re above people who work in insurance.
@Kmarkobarstool
I feel like every Deadspin writer who has left goes on to work for a very respected publication, while every Barstool “writer” goes on to, like, sell car insurance.
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Nothing makes me happier and brings me more joy than when failing blogs are so butthurt about Barstool's success that they won't even say our name. We're the Voldemort of the internet. 😂😂😂😂😂😂
The Ultimate Podcast Bracket is BACK! Vote for your favorite podcasts
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Must watch - UCLA cheerleader takes massive digger, dude carries her off, trips and smashes her head once more
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Frankie can we give the keyboard a quick wipe down? I've been thinking about this for 12 hours and it's making me really anxious.
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Your profile picture is literally you posing drinking a beer.
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Kind of crazy how many awesome sports moments have happened at that Toronto bar this year. Talk about a great place to watch a big game.
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"They are white males who want to join a country club...we work very hard to be inclusive" 😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂
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This is a MURDERER'S ROW of tweets to have in your history while launching an attack on sexism and poor taste.
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Chaps
@UncleChaps
is too humble to announce it so I will: ZBT won "The Moral Courage Award" from Headstrong for all the work they have done for veterans and their mental health.
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Idea for HBO original programming: The laughingstock of HBO and the second-fiddle of Call Her Daddy try to become the most hated, least influential couple on the entire Internet, succeed in 1 day.
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I was gonna say that was the worst series finale ever but then I remembered Dexter as a lumberjack
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What the fuck is this?
How tf you look at a baby in the eyes and name it Keith
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What if I told you that the newest Barstool Sports controversy is that we work too hard
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My new intern couldn't make it in for the first day of interns because he had a scheduling conflict.
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WHAT a series of emails to come back to!!!!!!
1. Delta: Tulum flight not eligible for refund.
2. Accountant: taxes done you owe please send check
3. Credit card: you didn't pay me
4. Your neighbor has COVID-19.
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Did millennials kill being cool?
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There's no more rewatchable movie than The Dark Knight Rises don't @ me
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Whoever sent
@BarstoolBigCat
the industrial size bag of ping pong balls that he’s throwing off the back of my head all day fuck you
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Trying to figure out what Mark Emmert was too busy doing to look into 37 sexual assaults. Was that when he was cracking down on second servings of pasta at buffets? Or when he was punishing homeless players for sleeping on teammates' floors?
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They really did be like this
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“Just as bad”? What you just described is 100 million times worse than Barstool.
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Been working on something 18 hours a day 7 days a week for the past 2 months, knowing it had a 5% chance of being ready for Black Friday. By some miracle we got it done. Midnight tonight I'm dropping my favorite thing I've ever done at Barstool.
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And now a bunch of 25-30 year olds search for the elusive online job of writing whatever you want, whenever you want, with no boss, no ads, and no worry about making any sort of profit whatsoever. Good luck!
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Do the one where you posted the illegal sex tape and were ordered to pay $140 million in damages! That’s my favorite
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Every now and then, as I’m lying down to sleep comforted by the idea of 100s of Jack Bauers out there keeping the world and me safe, I remember Marty worked in counter terrorism
When i worked at counter terrorism I accidentally wore two left shoes to work and nobody noticed. One of my best accomplishments.
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U. of Missouri board meeting:
“We’ve made good progress, but ppl still don’t hate us enough”
“Say no more fam”
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Max Hooper hugs his dad on Senior Night, who showed up in his hospital bed to watch the game
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The funniest part about this whole thing is I emailed the squad on Monday and said I wanted us to try stepping up the weekend blogging a little.
Rapaport getting himself fired is the only thing of value he's ever done for this company.
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Hearing rumors that the Rapaport team called me "KMarko-PlayaHata" and proceeded to "skeet skeet all up in my asshole."
I will now be taking the rest of the week off to recover.
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Francis invited me over to grill. Didn't answer the door for 20 minutes. Didn't answer texts or calls. Said he was outside so he didn't hear the buzzer and his phone was on silent.
Fucking guy wonders why no one comes over.
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Wow. This really puts things in perspective. People are struggling out there guys, just remember that. We’re all on this Earth together.
Travel influencers say coronavirus is 'impacting income massively'
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The NCAA won't give
@BrockHoffman76
a hardship waiver to play at VTech, closer to his mom who is suffering from a brain tumor, because he will be 5 miles outside of a 100 mile radius and because she "has gotten a little better lately." FUCK. THE. NCAA.
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That chef is a motherfucking unit.
Chefs outside the West Wing prepping for tonight’s White House iftar. President Trump will host 30-40 guests to celebrate the Muslim holy month of Ramadan.
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Perfect weather for a short sleeve button-down and shorts but maybe with some fabric connecting the two into one single item
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