Tom Ley
@ToLey88
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28,132
Following
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Media
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Statuses
6,015
Co-founder, Defector Media. tom @defector .com
Joined January 2011
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I really, really want to read a story explaining exactly how the Utah Jazz managed to get their hands on 58 COVID-19 tests in a matter of hours.
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We gotta shut down the auto industry until we can figure out what’s going on with these blinding headlights. Driving on a lil state highway with oncoming traffic is like a 0 visibility situation now and we’ve just decided that’s cool
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Saruman seeing that Elrond spent 4 Fellowship roster spots on hobbits
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Sorry but it’s illegal to use the word “looting” while we’re on our way to 30% unemployment.
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I hate it when I asphyxiate someone for 8 minutes and 46 seconds and they coincidentally die of heart disease.
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Nobody is as good as Joel Embiid at making sure the entire world knows exactly how tired he is throughout the course of a playoff game that he is losing.
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Feeling sad for all the 20-year-old dudes in college towns who were looking forward to spending their entire spring in a car with 3-4 male friends, running errands like “Mike wants to buy a hat” and “let’s go to Chipotle again.”
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I think it's 👍 very cool 👍 that all of our discussions about free speech and censorship continue to center themselves around Facebook/Twitter while state GOP legislatures are busy making it literally illegal to attend a protest and giving people license to run protesters over.
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Me in 2016: Bernie Sanders is great but I'd be fine with a Clinton presidency I guess.
Me in 2020: The Democratic Party establishment is a malignant growth sucking at the body and soul of this country and it must be excised.
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I like Shogun because all good historical dramas should remind you that people from the past were basically from a different planet. Nobody alive today can understand how it’s possible to become so horny for a lady that you offer to cut her head off for her.
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We failed.
This has been a year of chaos and pain, but this moment also holds the potential of leading toward a new and much better chapter.
I’m launching a new podcast, The Deciding Decade, featuring in-depth conversations with people who are helping lead the way.
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Bill Simmons whenever someone wants to talk about some old basketball shit without mentioning the '86 Celtics.
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NEW: Bari Weiss has published her resignation letter to publisher A.G. Sulzberger
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If I had a job I would simply not refer to my black colleagues as “the wokes”
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I hate it when the gaze of a stranger, wreathed in smoke, falls upon me at the inn. But I love it when it the stranger turns out to be Strider, ranger of the north, Aragorn, son of Arathorn, rightful heir to the throne of Gondor.
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When one of my many awful racist jokes makes it impossible for a black colleague to stay at my company? Oof. That hurts.
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I’m like 85% convinced that Simmons got so upset about everyone making fun of him for bragging about his mid score that he started cheating at the game.
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Masai Ujiri said "put it on me" after getting humiliated by LeBron, made the ballsiest trades of the year, and then beat up a cop right before raising the Larry O'Brien trophy. What a king.
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Surely no connections to be drawn between college football being a morally rotten exploitation machine and the absolute worst people in this country currently screaming themselves hoarse about how it needs to be played this year.
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How does any normal person come out of this without being fully radicalized? Everything we needed to get through this relatively unscathed was in the government’s power to give us. Instead we get this. What are we even doing here?
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GoT writers: we don't have enough time for the story to make perfect sense.
Also GoT writers: Theon is still here and he's going on a quest
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🎶pink wig thick ass give em whiplash / balls big red rash cancel wedding fast 🎶
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I think it owns that the government entered us into a game of statistical model roulette instead of solving 95% of our problems by just giving everyone free healthcare and a few thousand bucks a month until there’s a vaccine. It owns so hard.
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The absolute most charitable reading of events is that Portnoy brings over women who are barely out of high school so that he can have degrading sex with them while filming the encounter without warning or permission. And yet this orc is still lining up to get a kiss from daddy.
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Magic Johnson abruptly quit one job because Bill Simmons kind of annoyed him and another because he missed tweeting. Respect the king.
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Looking at Nikola Jokic: An athlete as beautiful as he is unconventional. An artist. A dancer. A a man of unlimited charm.
Looking at Luka Doncic: This red-faced slob. This lout. Have some respect for the game, sir. Have some respect for yourself, sir. Breathe normally one time
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One annoying knock-on effect of podcasts becoming Big Business is that the ones that are just two people shooting the shit (90% of them) now have descriptions like "A show about questions, big and small, answerable and unanswerable, that shape culture. Join us on this journey."
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I'm dying at this. They flashbanged American citizens so that they could produce a 29-second propaganda video that looks like it was cut from a Tim and Eric skit.
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One thing I really like about Succession is how “winning” is just whatever Logan decides it is. That’s how it works for rich sickos in real life.
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Lol I literally just got over 200k page views on a post about three dogs I met.
Yikes G/O Media just released a statement criticizing the traffic on non-sports Deadspin stories: "While amusing, our readers haven’t actually come to Deadspin for stories like 'Classic Rock, Ranked,' or 'You’re Goddamn Right It’s Layering Season,' or 'It’s OK to Logoff.' "
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Even though he lost, Embiid should be proud. All those afternoons he spent as a kid practicing taking two limp dribbles and falling down for no reason paid off, and he got to do that on the biggest stage tonight.
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I like Cool Hand Luke because I love a movie with a simple premise. Such as: What if the hottest guy in the world went to jail?
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Whenever a publication tries to milk engagement by tweeting some shit like "Twitter fam, Brad Pitt's birthday is in three days. What's his most iconic performance?" I always imagine a real person saying it to their friends and getting punched in the arm.
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If there’s really a Nigerian out there who sleeps until 5 pm on Sundays and spends all their time tweeting about Mayor Pete and Lis Smith we need to get their family involved, because that’s the bleakest existence I can imagine.
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@BrandyLJensen
We had a 70-year-old boiler and when the guy came to service it last winter he called someone on the phone to tell them about the fucked-up boiler he was looking at
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Damn it’s almost as if this guy is a completely disingenuous dickhead and anyone still pretending otherwise for the sake of a paycheck is playing themselves.
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@BernieSanders
Bernie I have good news: We started a new worker-owned publication. Please smash that subscribe button, Mr. Senator.
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Really starting to worry the next 2.5 months is just going to be the Democrats going, “Ummm name a more iconic duo, we’ll wait!” and then completely forgetting to campaign in Wisconsin again.
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This guy has a million followers and pretty much all of them are squarely in the demographic that needs to be taking this more seriously. He’s gonna help get people killed.
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I’ve emerged from my mind palace with a concise explanation for why I hate Mayor Pete and everyone in his campaign: To them “being in politics” just means performing as if they were in a movie about politics from 1998.
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How do we get one of those mayors from the movies who is always up the police commissioner's ass
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🚨ALERT🚨 If you see voter intimidation tactics like this today, simply place a fresh plate of lasagna or chicken parm 100-200 yards away from the polling station, and the agitator will follow the scent and leave peacefully.
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People are pointing out what a huge piece of shit I am again? Better make another visit to Tucker Carlson’s White Power Hour to defend myself.
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Found myself genuinely moved by this exchange in the Defector comments. Thank you to Larry Piss and his new friend:
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Seen the Lord Of The Rings trilogy so many times I’m running out of thoughts to have about them. I’ll be watching Theoden’s speech like “it’s so tucked up that I can’t get drunk for real at the Prancing Pony”
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I know this conversation has been had many times, but it never ceases to be insanely depressing to see the anti-war soldier who was “accidentally” triple-tapped by friendly fire used as this kind of rhetorical cudgel.
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Imagine all the other things a union could spend time and energy fighting to achieve if quality healthcare wasn't something that had to be extracted from management during negotiations.
There are 14 million union workers in America who have fought hard for strong, employer-provided health benefits. Medicare for All Who Want It protects their plans and union members' freedom to choose the coverage that's best for them.
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Absolutely love stumbling upon a British period drama that has all the guys in it. You know the guys I’m talking about.
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Extremely funny to see Meghan McCain's anonymous friend try to spin her as down-home and foiksy when her house in LA looked like this:
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Bill Simmons bringing up leadership lessons he learned from Bob Iger's book on two straight podcasts while his employees are begging him to just tell them what the fuck is going on with their company.... we love it folks.
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"So you just got back from Myanmar, right?"
"Yes."
"I feel like Myanmar is sort of having a moment right now."
"Absolutely. The energy there is just--"
"My buddy Bunko has always been a big Myanmar guy."
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At the start of the pandemic I thought enough things might rupture to create the possibility of meaningfully reshaping the country. Now 100k are dead, nobody has a job, and we’re just trying to convince people that masks aren’t for pussies. We’re the most cowed society in history
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[looking up from the massive, mahogany desk that sits in the middle of my ornate study] Ah, come in, please. You've just caught me in the middle of ranking music years from 1977-2000.
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Jack Torrance got absolutely washed in his head-to-head matchup with Wendy. A system murderer outclassed by a dynamic playmaker at the mother position.
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Entering minute 12 of Bill Simmons talking about Larry Bird and the 86 Celtics during a podcast segment dedicated to Nikola Jokic.
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So disappointed in everyone today. If some of you had just cared about important journalism enough to subscribe to The Atlantic, the magazine’s billionaire owner wouldn’t have had to lay off 68 staffers :(
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It's time to have a conversation about how getting into QAnon often functions as a gateway to even more disturbing behavior, such as becoming a fan of Barstool Sports.
Watching
@TuckerCarlson
at the Trump Hotel.
@stoolpresidente
is SPOT ON!
Listen up Fauci, it’s absolutely not the government’s job to tell people how to live their lives.
RE-OPEN America!
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George Bailey ends up so beaten down by capitalism that he's driven to suicide. The system is so bad that he is only saved thanks to an intervention by God himself.
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Wow, this is insane. The analytics team just told me that the last three days have been the highest trafficked in the history of Unnamed Temporary Sports Blog. I never imagined we'd end up here when we started this company three days ago.
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You can't win, Darth. If you strike me down, I shall live in your head while paying less rent than you can possibly imagine.
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Current foster dog is Buttercup. She was rescued from a suspected dog fighting ring, and is now thriving as a full-time sweetie. The haters are sick.
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Me drinking bourbon a year ago: lol that burns.
Me drinking bourbon after watching Justified: Mmm mmm! If that ain’t like drinkin silk! If that ain’t God’s gift in a glass! If that don’t put a growl in this dog.
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@pareene
@IngrahamAngle
I’m actually the one who bankrolled Pareene with dark money. You’ll never be able to prove it though because I routed the $39.99 through several shell companies and offshore accounts.
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Adam Silver rolling this bad boy out onto the court while all the players sit cross-legged in front of him.
Per Walt Disney World Sources: Disney will make movies available for players and their families (once they join). This is likely to include movies that have not been released to the general public, including Marvel's Black Widow.
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We should all get the chance to go Chappelle Mode about our various grievances. I would love to pop up once year and force 500 people to watch me sit on a stool and seethe about how bad the Rockies are at developing a coherent pitching philosophy.
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Famous people who trade on their red-state folksiness almost always live like perverted sci-fi antagonists.
Look at Dr. Phil's house. (It's for sale for $5.75 million.)
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“Sorry, kid, it’s over. I’ll need you to turn in your Yankees hat, your Rangers hat, both of your hoodies, and your pair of boot-cut jeans by tomorrow morning.”
BREAKING: NYPD will transition about 600 plainclothes anti-crime officers from all 77 precincts into new roles including community policing,
@NYPDShea
said “effective immediately."
He says “we welcome reform” and that “meaningful reform starts from within."
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People go inside when there’s a lightning storm.
Now look up the death rate by age, Luke. College kids are more likely to be struck by lightning than die of the coronavirus. (Also turn off your mentions, gonna be a long night for you now.)
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Personally I think it’s good that the Democrats are gonna cave on the $15 min wage. It will free them up to do more important things like bomb Syria, reopen migrant detention centers for children, and ignore historic union drives.
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I honestly do not know why he keeps agreeing to do this, but I'm very glad that he does.
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Were there any survivors?????
More items recovered that were thrown at officers: Full beverage cans, bricks, bottles, rocks, food.
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Cursed idea I just had: remake Wayne’s World but have them be podcasters.
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I'm also deeply concerned about the people who want to "stay in lockdown life forever," all of whom are totally real and not at all imagined for the sake of saying some bullshit on Twitter.
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Movie: The mayor is up my ass! Internal Affairs is gonna have all our badges within a week!
Real life: Hey guys try to keep your written fantasies about murdering the mayor and his children confined to the private Facebook group
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I'm fully englandpilled. Chelsea fans respond to their own team becoming richer and more powerful by demonstrating and blocking the team bus. Lakers fans would be bragging and calling everyone else broke at this point.
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Can't wait to read Trump's funny, devastating, but ultimately life-affirming essay about surviving COVID-19 in the London Review of Books.
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Man, you simply cannot be paying any kind of full-time staffer under $50k a year if you just got 250 mil dropped on your head by Spotify and you own several million-dollar houses in California.
Pay transparency is important, so let’s start here. Today is my last day after more than three years at The Ringer. I was an intern at $11.50/hr, then $12.50/hr. Then a full-time employee at $39,000, then $41,000, and then finally, at $46,700. We need a higher minimum salary.
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Freaks like this are four years removed from authoring the most embarrassing electoral loss in the history of the Democratic Party. We don’t have to listen to them ever ever ever again.
As
@BernieSanders
is primed 4 big
#NevadaCaucus
victory,
@JamesCarville
calls for media 2 interfere in 2020 election 2 warn Americans of the "risk" of Sanders.
"I don't know if us in the media are sufficiently telling people what are the risks that you're running by doing this"
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There's a non-zero chance that at some point in the future a planet-killing asteroid will be headed for Earth and Bill Simmons's first instinct will be to do a podcast about Armageddon and Deep Impact.
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Love my annual tradition of tuning into the MLB playoffs and saying, “Who the fuck is this guy?” whenever literally any Rays player is on screen.
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I’ve successfully avoided Getting Mad at people talking shit about us but this motherfucker was literally the worst, most useless employee in the history of Gawker Media. He can go fuck himself.
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Tbh it must feel kind of cool to do something so righteous that your most famous and powerful colleague is compelled to call Barack Obama for advice on how to get you back in line.
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This is the price we are paying for having raised an entire generation of people with the idea that George W. Bush defeated Al-Qaeda by throwing a strike at the Yankees game.
“I’m not about to put my life on hold because this is going around,” said Kyle Thomas, a nurse from Colorado who flew in to celebrate St. Patrick’s Day with his Chicago friends.
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If I didn't want my police department to be burned to the ground I would simply arrest the cop who committed a murder on camera.
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@BrandyLJensen
Love to run a test to see if my potential partner is desperate enough for meaningful human contact that they'll swallow their disappointment and respond "no prob!" whenever I let them down.
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The War on Terror gave the non-Arab world carte blanche to commit as many obvious war crimes as it wants so long as someone remembers to say “oh uh there were terrorists in there trust me”
After providing advance warning to civilians & time to evacuate, IDF fighter jets struck a multi-story building containing Hamas military intelligence assets.
The building contained civilian media offices, which Hamas hides behind and deliberately uses as human shields.
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The best part of every season is when Pat Beverley gets sent home
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Maybe it was a bad idea to spend 19 years convincing Americans that nothing is more sacred than Living Your Best Life
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Matt Harvey looks like a guy who works in finance and orders a $17 hamburger on Seamless every night.
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