Senator John Connor
@JohnConnor_US
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Senator | Soldier | Savior 🇺🇸🇸🇹🇦🇶🏴☠️ 8/29/1997 Never Forget
Washington, DC
Joined January 2014
Billy Eyelash: would Sydney Sweeney: would That pig with a bad haircut: we’ve all been there
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Official statement from Senator John Connor on every female celebrity picture circulating right now: WOULD WOULD WOULD
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I can’t imagine anything fucking with Jarvis more than everyone suddenly being very nice to him. Sadly I have a legitimately caustic personality and cannot play along with this ruse. But all of you should.
Inspired by the Sydney Sweeney interview, I’d like to give everyone the opportunity to — if you want you — apologize to me.
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I’m not donating cat food because my shitpost got more likes than your self-absorbed comparison to Sydney Sweeney. Be well!
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@jpodhoretz @jarvis_best I would never antagonize the future Mr. Nancy Mace like this, he’s going to have too much power as concubine to the warlord of South Carolina.
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@mazemoore Obamacare was very bad. Also bad: shrieking about it for 15 years, gutting parts of it while leaving the most detrimental parts in place and failing to fix or replace it despite repeated opportunities. Including right now. Obama left office 8 years ago. Move the fuck on.
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Imagine waking up as a Europoor this morning: 1. No internet 2. No in-unit laundry 3. No deodorant 4. No freedom 5. No college football Yikes
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The Jarvis-verse has pierced the veil into reality, and the real plot twist is that it’s for good.
This is not a drill - I spoke to the President tonight @Aetna - She has documentation you would cover her life changing/saving brain surgery - then it was denied when she showed up. Please HELP.
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That fart on the plane earlier was me
Tell me a secret you can let the internet know.
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Campaigning this weekend in whatever city this is supposed to be.
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Whoever liked the original tweet is getting audited
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I reject the unholy, and often non-consensual union of mayo and peanut butter in the strongest possible terms. I hereby call for the immediate arrest of food rapist Damin Toell.
@JohnConnor_US The people want to know where you stand on mayo + peanut butter, Senator. I have been fielding questions all morning. Alex Burns is ready to push go on a full page outlining your connections to both Peter Pan and Duke’s. 🚨🚨
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We finally Fired Pelosi.
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America will emerge from bankruptcy stronger than ever.
Karoline Leavitt: “President Trump is running the country the same way he ran his business.”
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My son is 13. Yesterday I asked a group of his friends if they ever heard of Nick. They all had every clip of him memorized and began chanting it in unison as their eyes illuminated in a strange glow. I screamed, realizing that my son has no friends. And then they vanished.
My son is 19. Yesterday I asked a group of his friends if they ever heard of Nick. They all have this clip memorized and repeated it like a mantra to me. 😬
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In the middle of an insanely important meeting featuring half a dozen C Levels, some fucking moron responded to an observation made by his boss’s boss’s boss’s boss with “it do be like that.” I almost died. He was asked to leave and fired on the spot 😂😂😂 Anyway, I need a job.
Legitimately important day, citizens. Entering THE ZONE to try and make some money so I can give it to other people. If any of you should need anything while I’m away, fuck off.
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