Caiman | Ex-Cop | Private Investigator
@BowTiedCaiman
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Ex Cop. Private Eye. Midwestern Supremacist. I write about guns, politics, and pop culture
a concrete jungle
Joined September 2019
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The greatest moment in the history of American Journalism was when XXL Magazine had an interview with the rapper DMX and asked for his thoughts on then - presidential candidate Barack Obama
This is 100% real.
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Anyone remember this girl going viral during the 2020 primaries?
She plead down a felony Domestic Violence charge for beating the shit out of her boyfriend.
Gotta be careful around those E-Girls. Seems like a lot of them throw hands.
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Caroline Ellison's Tumblr posts are a tour de force of Female Autism
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Underrated entrepreneur: Dave Portnoy
Dude made a Billion Fucking Dollars realizing that drunk losers who have never accomplished anything love two things:
1. Talking shit about pro athletes
2. Hearing themselves talk
So he made a news site FOR drunk losers BY drunk losers.
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Let's talk Quality Control for a minute....
The Glock 19 "Generation 3" has been around since 1998. You're basically buying the exact same gun today as you were then.
Made of the same three materials: carbon steel, stainless steel, and plastic.
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If you don’t own guns yet, your priority of acquisition should be:
1. A compact pistol like a Glock 19
2. An AR-15
3. Literally everything else
Shotguns, revolvers, and bolt-actions can wait unless you live in a 100% Cucked state.
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A lot of 2A influencers are getting into Long Range right now and trying to convince people that sniping is the new Prepping strategy of choice
I'm....doubtful
More likely the industry has realized AR-15s are saturated, so they're shifting to Long Range to boost sales
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The first three Jason Bourne movies (Bourne Identity, Supremacy, and Ultimatum) are three of my favorite movies of all time.
in addition to redefining spy movies for the 21st century, they make the US Intelligence Community the villains without being moralizing or
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Men really only really want one thing and it's the CAR-15 Leonardo DiCaprio used in the movie Blood Diamond
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I love how everyone else is running tac'd out rifles with lights and lasers and tape switches and this dude is just rockling what looks like a $600 Palmetto State he brought from home
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If you're a young guy in high school or college, or just starting out your career, go to the websites for Lockheed Martin, Raytheon, Boeing, and whatever other defense contractors you can think of.
Look at their "Early Career" job listings (they'll have pages specifically for
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everyone you went to school with that wore this has died from fentanyl
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Holy. Shit.
This will be shown in every law enforcement academy in the country for the next decade at least.
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Now that it's pretty much guaranteed Carvana is going bankrupt, I want to buy one of their car vending machine towers and live in it.
Think about it: you don't even need to walk from room to room, just toggle the elevator and the kitchen comes up to you.
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Going back and watching Band of Brothers is such a mindfuck because there's so many minor 1-line characters played by nobodies that went on to become Hollywood royalty
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I know a LOT of Ukrainian immigrant families.
Most of them are foaming at the mouth about Russia, demanding that the US do more, to include combat troops.
But *all* of them have military-age males that speak Ukrainian fluently living here.
Guess how many have volunteered?
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Have you ever met someone who was a cheapskate to an absurd, performative level?
My uncle will drive 2.5 hours one way to see a used diesel truck, just to walk way because the dealer won't drop the price another $1000.
My old neighbors (retirees) put off moving to Florida for
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You don’t need a lot of money for a decent rifle.
Everything here was $750 and put together in 10 minutes with a wrench and screwdriver. After you hit ~$1000 it’s all diminishing returns from there.
Instead of a $2000 gun I’d take this and $1250 of ammo and training.
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Damn, look at that.
If you bought these together you'd have a completely functional AR-15 for under $400 + tax and fees.
Crazy.
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Building a perfect gun is easy.
Building a perfect gun 1 million times without making a shitty one is hard.
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To get rid of a snake problem in colonial India, the British Raj paid bounties for dead cobras. To get more bounties, people just breeding cobras. Soon the city of Delhi were swarmed with hordes of snakes.
I think about this every time a Congressman has a "bold new idea."
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Whenever some billionaire claims they’re giving their money away, what they mean is that they’re giving it to a charitable org with a board controlled by their family and friends that acts as a tax-exempt hedge fund, and maybe builds a women’s clinic once every 20 years
I don’t get much wrong, not due to omniscience, mainly because I stay in my lane. But damn was I wrong about Bill Gates. He didn’t give his money to charity, as I once believed. He’s truly a force for evil. And he never got cancelled despite being Epstein associate.
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Found a 23 acre lot in Kentucky with a big farm house for $200,000. The grounds need some work, but it's good to go for any enterprising spirit.
$200K is chump change for what's essentially a compound
YOU'RE NOT LOOKING HARD ENOUGH
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A Top Gun graduate explained the difference between the F-16 and the F-18 to me as thus:
The F-16 is a jet first and a weapon second. The F-18 is a killing machine someone figured out how to make fly.
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Oh damn this blew up a little?
I'm a part-time Private Investigator and bit of a politics dork.
I also write about Guns and Law Enforcement. Please check out my Substack and give a subscribe
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stainless steel has been double and triple checked by an autistic Austrian guy with an engineering degree.
A "lemon" leaving the Glock factory is almost unheard of
People put 15,000 rounds through them without cleaning, and they still don't break even though you're supposed...
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Remember when this Gigachad took down an active shooter at a mall in Indiana?
He made 8 hits out of 10 shots from 40 yards away, under unimaginable stress
Exactly *zero* people on Earth could do that without training
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So today at age 30 I accepted my first ever job that paid $100K in salary.
That's not that much by the standards of Banking or Tech. It's not even that much for a coastal city, but it's a hell of a lot of money for a guy like me, and for millions of Americans.
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You walk into a gun store and see this guy behind the counter....
What's he gonna try to sell you first?
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Reality Check:
Most gun owners have a severe case of Dunning Kruger Effect when it comes to their own skill with a handgun
Consider a target the size of an 8.5" x 11" sheet of printer paper. On the buzzer, you have to draw your handgun from concealment and hit the target 5
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One of the most infamous OSINT tricks
National Security journalists can tell when things at the Pentagon are in crisis mode by checking the call volume at the local take-out restaurants.
A crisis means people work late nights and order pizza.
@BowTiedHitman
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If you unironically call yourself a “Stoolie” you should be forced to live in a kennel
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If you don't have $10,000 in the bank, you don't deserve to
1. drink alcohol
2. smoke
3. go on vacation
4. gamble
This is just common sense. But if you tell the "Average" American this (especially Americans under 35) they won't just disagree, it will /anger/ them
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One thing to consider when you start to shoot pistols a *lot* (5000+ rounds or more in a year) is just how much better Glock magazines are than other brands.
They’re cheap, last forever, are indestructible, are simple to clean, and run so well dirty you hardly ever need to
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And contrary to what salty Sig Bros might tell you, you're not just paying for the Glock name, either.
You're paying for the best record of Quality Control in the industry. Everything from the CNC milling, to the plastic molding, to the chromium content of the....
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Germans have a long history of autistic firearms design, but outdid themselves making a fuck-huge .45 pistol that never jams for US Special Operations Command
You can’t appreciate how ridiculous the Mark 23 is until you see one in person
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If you're in your mid to late 20s and single, the best thing you could do for your dating life is to find the nearest city with 500K+ people that ISN'T overrun with progressives, find a neighborhood where you can afford a studio / 1 bd apartment, and move there.
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So why is it, in the year 2023, you can't buy a brand new Glock for less than $500 out the door unless you're a military veteran or cop?
Palmetto State can make the exact same gun, using American labor, for $300, after all.
The secret is, you're not paying for the gun itself..
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I applied to the Naval Academy the same year as her and didn't get in with a 34 ACT, 3.7 GPA, and 99 ASVAB.
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Individuals think in terms of comfort, ergonomics, and performance.
Institutions like governments think in terms of maintenance schedules, inventory management, and logistics.
Glock has many competitors in the individual pistol market. No one touches them in the .Gov market.
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I stayed in a brand new La Quinta for $100 a night and it was fantastic
Economy hotels have come a long way in the last 10 years.
AirBnb is a scam now. Imagine renting a place and then being told you have to clean it up before you leave (not disclosed BEFORE you rent and pay cleaning fee). Civil fraud on a massive scale. Plus they ban conservatives. Use hotels.
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@Indian_Bronson
GOP missed the biggest populist opportunity in decades to counter student loan forgiveness (disproportionately benefits liberals) with an alternative offer of Credit Card debt forgiveness (benefits the poorest Americans of all political spectrum)
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The Elites don't want you to know this, but you can buy a brand 705 horsepower supercharged F-150 /with a warranty/ for $45,000
The European mind cannot fathom this amount of power available to the common citizen.
I’m tried of people from other countries, mainly Europe, telling Americans how we should do things.
Mad about trucks & vehicles
Brother, our country is HUGE & we have tons of farmland & woods between little towns..
We also a bunch of manual laborers…
We need this stuff, STFU
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Ruger has finally relaunched their Mini-14 rifle with the folding stock and stainless steel furniture
This is an 80s classic
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Men will talk about having D1 athlete sons, then settle down with some Snooki-looking chick that walked the mile in gym class
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So when some douchebag Glock fanboy says "You get what you pay for" concerning gun quality, odds are he doesn't really know what he's talking about.
A $350 Canik WILL still out-shoot a Glock out of the box.
The Glock Gen5 is 2x the price because it's designed to be abused
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Imagine a Bugatti in every garage.
Money Twitter is about to reach unprecedented levels of cringe.
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"Before you think of doing something stupid, I'd reconsider.
This has been the most interesting thing to happen to you in a decade. For me, this is just another Monday. You're out of your league."
No comeback even possible to that.
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Decriminalizing weed was a good thing.
Legalizing it so corporations could pump THC into everything and hock it over the counter like a case of Bud Lite has been a fucking disaster.
Marijuana can trigger a schizophrenic episode in people under 30, and especially under 25. This isn’t up for debate. Unless you have untreatable pain or some other medical condition, there’s no reason to mess with this stuff.
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I genuinely believe any man under the age of 30 has a wildly skewed idea of what an "average" woman is like.
It's not even that you don't touch grass. It's that you live in a literal Alternate Reality where the median 20-something woman has 20 thousand IG followers, a BBL, and
We're gonna need a name for this new phenomena where men don't actually interact with women IRL, but watch podcasts where the only female guests are bimbos or literal porn actresses and think that's how women are on average.
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Look how every other cop here is on edge.
This Sergeant's nothing special physically. He works out, but he's probably 5'9 180lbs, not some imposing figure.
But he doesn't sweat anyone, knowing this room is full of dudes (many bigger than him) who'd like to throttle him.
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It's crazy to me that Great Pyrenees. the goofiest and most gentle dogs I've ever met, were bred to kill wolves.
“Vet said he’s lucky to be alive” uhh that dog just carried out a fucking vengeance action movie plot successfully I think they just fucked with the wrong dude
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Remember these guys? The dad ate 14 years for Murder.
The son walked, after 3 years of legal proceedings.
Sometimes it’s best to just walk away
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Whoever invented these “belt clips” for pistols needs to be sued into oblivion.
I *guarantee* you will shoot yourself in the dick if you stick a loaded gun down your waistband enough times without something to block access to the trigger
Just say No.
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See also: Why FN and Daniel Defense can charge so much for "outdated" AR-15s
And why Heckler & Koch is now making the rifles for half the countries in NATO.
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Today I found out that my "day job" employer (Fortune 500) will be offshoring EVERY finance and accounting role that isn't legally required to be held by a US Resident.
Your employer sees you as a burden. They'll throw you under the bus to save a buck.
Start a business.
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to swap the recoil spring on them every 5,000 rounds (yes really, per the Glock Armorer Course).
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Now, is this really that important?
Maybe not for the typical civilian who keeps their gun in a drawer 364 days out of the year.
It absolutely matters for a police department or military armory that might have to use the same guns for a decade + without them rusting.
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Gigachad really did exist.
He was an Air Force colonel by the name of Robin Olds, who became an ace three times over by shooting down 17 aircraft throughout World War 2 AND Vietnam.
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True Detective isn’t just a masterpiece because it’s a nearly perfect cop drama, but because it absolutely **nails** the isolation of post-industrial America
You either grew up in a place like this, or you traverse it as an adult. Otherwise you can’t understand it.
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Thinking about an alternate history where Trump remained a Clinton Democrat / NYC RINO and rode a Centrist Wave to victory over George W Bush, with Jesse "The Body" Ventura as his VP
Can't even imagine how much that would have changed the course of American history from 2000
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Way back in the Jurassic Age of 2004, Gen X'ers and early Millennials played Metal Gear Solid 3 for the first time.
The image of Big Boss holding a 1911 in one hand and a knife in the other seared into their brains like a cattle prod.
Gun-Fu Never Dies
Dude looks like he thought he was on Soul Train for a minute.
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I've been dating this lady who's a Physician Assistant for a couple weeks now, and I think I've cracked a code on dating and relationships:
Don't talk about work unless it's something 99% of people would find interesting. Only lunatics think office drama is actually compelling.
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I once knew a PI who had a client being stalked by her ex-husband
After he presented his evidence to her, she filed a restraining order and had him serve it to her ex, along with the case file proving his stalking.
The ex got combative... The PI hit him with the coldest line..
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Never be afraid to "double up" on hearing protection while shooting
I've been in jank-ass ranges that were just a windowless concrete box with a metal door. Crazy loud even with $500 Peltors SWAT guys used
$0.25 earbuds are always worth it for extra protection if needed
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I'm loathe to give TREX ARMS a compliment, but his latest video is great.
A $500 Palmetto State Armory rifle shoots 90% as good as a $8000 Gucci rifle setup.
If you're just training to get better, a budget tier, poverty rifle is all you need.
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Thinking about that Joe Rogan clip where he calls Dave Rubin a dumbass for saying we don't need building regulations.
#Utah
HOLY CRAP
“Multiple residents in a Draper neighborhood have been evacuated after two nearby homes slid off a cliff and into a canyon overnight, months after they were declared unsafe to live in.”
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We're gonna need a name for this new phenomena where men don't actually interact with women IRL, but watch podcasts where the only female guests are bimbos or literal porn actresses and think that's how women are on average.
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One of the weirder things about guys Redpill guys is how they insist hot women only date bodybuilders, D1 athletes, or guys who could be male models
That is so obviously untrue it makes me suspect a lot of guys have never actually seen a hot woman IRL, but only on social media.
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Hey guys, I just wanted to mention that it's been 600 days since my last cigarette.
Kind of a weird anniversary, so I feel more comfortable sharing here than IRL. Onward to even better health in 2022.
WAGMI
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For the Cali bros…. Sig Sauer now sells a compliant model of the P365 micro compact 9mm
10+1 capacity
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Maybe my most controversial opinion on guns: anytime a pistol is left somewhere off the body with a round chambered, it should be left inside a holster.
Keep gun in the glovebox? Holster.
On your nightstand or in a drawer? Holster.
Under your pillow (ouch)? Holster
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If you're an American male, 25 years or older, and not currently serving in the military, you need to be making $50,000 a year minimum.
This isn't Money Twitter hustle grindset advice, this is literally the economic floor for a good life in America.
I don't make the rules.
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In the 1970s, before the days of live computer graphics, the Swiss military would train their tank drivers on an analog simulator
You "drove" a real life miniature tank through a model world playset, with the driver's POV displayed on a screen using TV cameras
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It’s funny seeing Conservative pundits want to “get to the bottom” of the Paul Pelosi scandal.
My Brother in Christ. He IS the bottom.
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GM
The lithium isn’t going to mine itself
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The gun business, and especially the online gun biz, is a killer because online customers are well informed and the margins are thin
You realize brick and mortar Small Town gun shops were only able to stay open for decades by peddling junk at huge markups to Low Info Consumers
I am seriously annoyed by the number of business podcasters who are lying about their level of success, lying about how much outside funding they got, and the number of businesses in the gun space that rob their customers and vendors LOL
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Cousin’s grandpa passed away. Cousin found these while cleaning out his house
Just totally normal things for a 90 year old man to keep locked in a safe in the attic
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Young people not being able to keep up with the Cost of Living in this country is a psyop.
If you're a 20-something in the USA, you can live pretty much anywhere except a handful of coastal cities on $3,000 a month.
If you can't manage this, you need to unfuck yourself
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“Honey it’s 11 AM, time for you to wash clothes by hand in the freezing cold while I tweet about it for my Trad influencer account!”
“….”
She has been doing our laundry like this for TWO YEARS. She can't even feel her feet and she's shivering in front of the woodstove.
A true heroine.
Comment "❤" to show your appreciation for this monument or a woman.
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This is the physiognomy that keeps America’s lights on and the trains running on time
Todays I learned the bosses of NYC garbage men have uniforms equivalent to a 4 star General in the military
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Did you know you can clean your guns in the dishwasher?
It sounds crazy, but it works. I was first told about it by a Force Recon Marine that would do this after every maritime mission in seawater.
Remember to dry and re-apply oil before using them again !
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This bro got his Squat PR to be entered in as sworn testimony in Congress. Respect.
@BowTiedOx
@AJA_Cortes
I did it. I found the single weirdest moment in the Jan. 6 committee transcripts released so far.
Between witness Samuel Armes and his lawyer Anessa Santos.
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Damn, tomboys just stacking W’s this week.
Congratulations to Sgt. Lujan!
Everyone was curious at the office if she was gonna re-enlist or embrace being a social media star: looks like her heart has led her to another term of enlistment and E-5 rank.
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Hope you enjoyed this thread.
I talk about the American gun industry, as well as some things related to law enforcement and private investigations, on my Substack
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Underrated Fed job: Customs and Border Protection Officer
>Great Pay (100K+ after 4 years)
>Federal pension
>Safe
>Rewarding mission
Downsides; Hope you like living on the SW border, or near a giant airport
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If I'm being honest, if I still had a job that gave me free access to a range and ammo, I'd probably try my hardest to bring out and test my own toys too
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Grown men getting upset over dads holding their newborns just absolutely reaks of repressed homosexuality
Wtf are men doing this for? Sorry, you're not the nurturers. You're not soft and comforting for a baby... especially not him. You can't feed them.
It's f**king creepy.
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I'd like to introduce you to Francis Ngannou, a Cameroonian national who literally mined sand for a living while learning to box. The typical wage in Cameroon is $4 a day.
He speaks 3 languages and is a UFC Champion and businessman.
Cope and Seethe, decadent lazy Westerner.
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Looks like I missed some controversy:
Anyone who thinks 15-20% BF is optimal never played sports at a serious level
I’m sorry all of you Twitter Fit Bros only got fit in your 20s and have massive chips on your shoulder for not being athletes growing up
Let it go.
@BowTiedOx
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You can tell Ben's family has had money for generations
No one in his family really *needs* to work to keep a roof over their head
"Work" (accumulating capital) is like a hobby to them
Actually insane to think you shouldn't drop out of the rat race after a 45 year career
Ben Shapiro on Medicare and Social Security: "No one in the United States should be retiring at 65 years old. Frankly, I think retirement itself is a stupid idea unless you have some sort of health problem."
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Precision Rifle Shooting (PRS) is having a huge come-up in popularity alongside this.
By all means get into it if that sounds fun or interesting to you, but don't let a bunch of guys who get paid to review new guns tell you what's the new "essential" kit to keep you safe
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I’m a ex-cop, and now work as a private investigator in my spare time.
You can follow what I’m working on at
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