Akiva Cohen
@AkivaMCohen
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Pinned Tweet
On the news that Israeli government accounts have now been forced to share images of atrocities in order to counter a developing narrative that those atrocities never happened and were Jewish lies, this will be my last tweet for a while. I don't need to see that. You don't either
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So here's the thing. You can only violate people's legal rights and your own word so far before they lawyer up and come after you.
I really do hope Musk changes his mind and does the right thing - the employees deserve that. But it'll be fun as hell if he doesn't.
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Folks, if you're not following a whole bunch of lawyers on here you're probably not seeing the way the collective legal community is in shock at how bad Trump's lawyers are. Even if you are, it's probably hard to grasp the detail of how truly bad it is.
So here's an analogy:
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If Christians actually said "you're free to do it" this country and its political rhetoric would be in a vastly different place
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They are inventing entire new categories of legal ineptitude. This is the worst lawyering I've ever seen, and folks, I've seen some shit. (For avoidance of doubt: Yes, "shit" literally means feces, but I am not using it in that sence, v'hamevin yavin)
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Imagine you moved to a new town and are going to see a new doctor for the first time. And when he walks in, he has his stethoscope dangling out of his ass. And then he pulls it out and says "OK, I want to take your temperature now" and moves to place it on your forehead.
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That's the net effect of what we're watching the Giuliani clown crew do. Everything they are doing is wrong in literally every procedural and substantive way any of us could have imagined - and also in ways none of us could have invented if we'd tried to predict it in advance
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Hey,
#LitigationDisasterTourists
, we have 🚨🚨🚨🚨🚨developments 🚨🚨🚨🚨🚨 in the Mar-a-Lago litigation.
Requires some background, but let's just say it looks like TFG is going to regret suggesting Judge Dearie as the Special Master
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@erinvandermeer
@questauthority
@Equinox
@nytimes
@TheAtlantic
@guardian
Erin, this is my pinned tweet. I'm a commercial litigator here in NY. Please let me know if you'd like me to help with this pro bono
NY people - these are insane, trying times. If you need any legal help trying to deal with the impact of Coronavirus on your life or business, reach out. No charge.
Depending on how many people do, I may not be able to help everyone who asks. But I'll help as many as I can
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I don't think I've ever been angrier about a footnote.
Context: this is in a SCOTUS decision holding that a state prisoner on death row can be executed because of his appellate counsel's negligence, because district courts CANNOT "forgive" the forfeiture due to that negligence.
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CSPAN reporting Romney yelled at the other Senators "this is what you've gotten, guys"
He's 100% right
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OK. Time for a thread on masks. Anti-maskers (who should be as reviled as anti-vaxxers) keep citing research studies showing masks aren't that effective at protecting wearers from becoming infected. You need to know why the anti-maskers are wrong. It's a basic mistake
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Everybody here sucks. Driver in the Honda is a lunatic. Driver in the truck decided to risk lives to not "let the Honda driver win". And the folks in the car taking the video are cheering at a the Honda driver's potential death.
Why even are people?
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"My crimes would have gone undiscovered if i hadn't made sure people were scrutinizing my business dealings by running for public office. An American tragedy"
Had Trump never run for President, none of this would have happened to him. He’d have died a rich man known for a popular TV show. Now, they’ll hound him till he’s dead and more than half the country will cheer it all. What a story to be told.
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Folks, this is trivially obvious:
If you write laws intended to force doctors to err on the side of not aborting where there's any question at all, you'll get medical ERRORS of not aborting.
It's baked in.
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OK, folks, this Yoel Roth imbroglio, of all things, has effectively been the last straw for me. I'm going to be significantly decreasing my twitter usage and migrating my Litigation Disaster Tours over to Mastodon (). I'll post links to them here when I do.
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"Which state would try to criminalize gay sex in today's day and age", random people in my mentions asked
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OK, this is officially the greatest and most twitter thread ever
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This is such a painfully bad take.
Do I have "unquestioning trust in law enforcement and the FBI"? No.
TRUMP HAS NEVER DENIED HAVING THE DOCUMENTS IN QUESTION.
His only excuses have been variations on "law, schmaw, I do what I fucking want, and that's allowed"
The most bizarre development of the past week is Democrats and liberals' sudden, unquestioning trust in law enforcement and the FBI. This is the FBI we're talking about, an agency that spent years targeting American Muslims post-9/11. And did people forget about the Comey letter?
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You couldn't script a better example of what Trump actually thinks of "his people"
Trump supporting protesters outside of Mar-A-Lago denied access to bathrooms in the club.
😉🙄😂💩
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Gates: "we'll waste a few billion dollars but it's worth it"
Your periodic reminder that Trump fired pandemic preparedness people because he didn't want to spend money on them
Bill Gates is setting up factories to manufacture 7 leading vaccine candidates before we know which is best & safest; we can test the vaccines in parallel, and then throw away all but the factory for the best vaccine. May save many months.
Just extraordinary.
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Folks: The Supreme Court has been ENTIRELY VIRTUAL for months due to Covid. There is no "closed room" where the Justices would meet, and where this could be "heard through the wall" because they were not physically there. This is simply a lie. A provable lie.
TEXAS ELECTORAL COLLEGE:
"The Justices went into a closed room...When Texas case was brought up he said he heard screaming through the walls as Justice Roberts and the other liberal Justices were insisting...afraid of what would happen if they did right thing...Moral cowardice"
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Everyone.
Right now.
Stop what you're doing and run a twitter search for the word "loser"
Click over to the "People" tab.
Enjoy.
This is NOT a drill.
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@josh_hammer
@NewsweekOpinion
Before and after shots of your op-ed, which you stealth edited after noticing you said the quiet part loud.
A+ on both perverting Devarim and the lack of journalistic ethics
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I mean holy fuck. "Oops, sorry your lawyers suck, but it would cost too much to make sure you're actually guilty before we electrocute you"??
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I join her in her fight against both the Gazpacho police and their collaborationist allies in the Vichyssoise
Just to clear things up,
@RepMTG
Gazpacho: a vegetable-based Spanish cold soup
Gestapo: Nazi Germany's secret police
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All in all, Trump got what he asked for - a SM he proposed - and now he's in deep, deep trouble.
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to the child involved. I mean does anybody think that a kid who is harming themselves is going to be anything but further destabilized by having their mental health issues be a topic of public discussion? Our news organizations need to be better than this
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And, uh, guys, I hate to break it to you, but "actually, I verbally declassified all this stuff as I took it out of the White House" isn't so much a *defense* to any of the crimes he might be charged with as an admission of guilt on ALL of them.
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Folks, this is the single dumbest election lawsuit of the entire cycle, and I've read kraken filings front to back.
Yes, you're right. This lawsuit filed today - seeking to invalidate _all_ of the federal and state laws about how pres. elections are and have been certified for at least 130 years ...
... THIS lawsuit is totally the one that's going to do the trick.
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Texas's expert affidavit is now available here. I need you all to understand just how bad it is
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People asking why an innocent person would plead the Fifth.
Look, if you're the target of an investigation, you have ONE goal, and it's a simple one. Not "prove your innocence"
The goal is "don't get indicted"
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"I declassified everything as I left" means "I knew I was taking information that was classified and didn't make an item-by-item judgment that particular information would no longer harm national security if disclosed"
That's *poison* to any 793 defense
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Anyone else completely unable to get anything done right now
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Jacob: I asked Eastman how this would play out at the Supreme Court if his theory went up. We'd lose 9-0, right? Eastman said "probably, but maybe 7-2"
BTW, that's a fucking SEARING indictment of Alito and Thomas right there, and I hope Alito knows it.
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"Your Honors, they voted for Biden and we want Trump" is NOT a fucking basis for litigation, you neoconfederate treasonweasels
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First, Judge Dearie apparently issued a "shit or get off the pot" order: Trump needs to specifically (and in a form that can be used against him later) identify what he claims he declassified.
Trump's reaction
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Trump is fucked. Full stop.
If the government has this audio he's done
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Looks like we need to spend some time talking about the Parler lolsuit against Amazon and why it's deader than a Mitch McConnell comedy special. They've brought three claims - antitrust, breach of contract, and tortious interference. None will survive. Here's why
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Biden: Now, I want to be very clear — (applause) — very clear up front: Not every Republican, not even the majority of Republicans, are MAGA Republicans. Not every Republican embraces their extreme ideology.
Republicans: He said ALL republicans!
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@longtimelistner
@chrislhayes
1) A remotely competent legal team would not have filed frivolous claims in the first place
2) Even the world's worst clients should get ethically competent representation
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You're trying to prevent the *current administration* from reviewing documents *with classification markings* by claiming executive privilege.
SCOTUS has *expressly held* that a former administration can't override a current admin in how to handle currently classified documents
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People really don't seem to get this.
"I meant well but killed him accidentally" isn't a get out of jail free card it's a ticket to a conviction.
I am 100% willing to believe Penny thought he was protecting people from danger and didn’t mean to kill Neely, but he did kill a guy and we have a legal system to sort that out. He’s innocent until proven guilty, not innocent because he’s a marine.
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Just think what would be happening to this guy if there wasn't video showing he hadn't reached for a gun
Decatur PD had body cam footage it showed at the press conference today. The chief said the store owner - who called them to report a robbery - was reaching for a gun when he was punched.
Um...
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Apparently, Judge Dearie has the same question all of us do: why is this litigation not happening in front of the Court that issued the warrant.
Since "I appointed Judge Cannon and I trust her to go my way on things" isn't the best answer, Donny doesn't really like the question
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Chauvin's mother: When you sentence Derek you'll also be sentencing me. We won't be able to talk to him on the phone, won't be able to hug him, we'll probably die before he gets out.
Now spend some time thinking about how that applies to the family of the man he killed
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Imagine the level of crazy it takes not to be the person writing this affidavit, but to be the attorney who thinks submitting it is a good idea - let alone as new matter on appeal
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"my client is not feces, so you're reference to him as a 'piece of shit' is false and defamatory"
Dead. I am dead. Cc
@Popehat
Jesus Christ
I can't wait for the rest of this document to become available
Vics fucking lawyers are setting themselves up to be annihilated off the face of the Earth in the funniest fucking way I've ever seen
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Anyone acting like the Rittenhouse verdict is a travesty either doesn't understand the law, doesn't have a good grip on the facts, or doesn't care about how the law is supposed to be applied. I said day 1 that the self-defense argument was too fact-specific to be assessed from
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This reads like a
@Popehat
Giuliani bit:
"They want you to think I had the classified documents on the floor. It's a lie! When I illegally kept those classified documents they were in my cartons, they took them out of my cartons and PUT them on the floor!"
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1) Trump is *already* objecting to the draft plan
2) His objection appears to be "but your honor, we'd really like to drag our feet!"
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Also, how is that not an "actual innocence" claim, guys? "It is medically impossible that the defendant inflicted the injuries that killed the person he is charged with murdering" is pretty damn clear and convincing, no?
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NY people - these are insane, trying times. If you need any legal help trying to deal with the impact of Coronavirus on your life or business, reach out. No charge.
Depending on how many people do, I may not be able to help everyone who asks. But I'll help as many as I can
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We are already representing some of the fired Twitter employees (from this and other waves) Musk is trying to stiff out of their severance. So are a number of other excellent firms/attorneys.
These people have options and should talk to MULTIPLE attorneys before signing anything
On the evening before Thanksgiving, some Twitter engineers received an email saying they were fired because their “code is not satisfactory.” Others received “performance warning” emails asking them to “restore our confidence and demonstrate your contributions to the team”
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This, from Josh Hammer, is an absolutely pitch perfect encapsulation of the mindset of the fascist right, of which he's a proud member: the idea that "justice" is defined by whatever legal outcomes reward friends and punish enemies
The proper long-term goal is not neutrality, but victory. The time for playing jurisprudential and judicial defense is thus over. The time is now right for legal and judicial conservatives to go on offense.
My latest
@NewsweekOpinion
.
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Trump's lawyer: "I can't have Trump take the 5th, it'll be all over the news. He's entitled to immunity, he's not getting his constitutional protection"
Judge: "Can't he get that constitutional protection by taking the 5th?"
Trump lawyer: Wargarble
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People don't seem to understand that you can AND SHOULD stand with innocents under fire no matter what you think of their government.
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Second, how the fuck does Trump expect the Special Master to rule on executive privilege claims, or claims that documents belong to him, if he won't specify which "documents containing national defense information that would damage the country if disclosed" he "declassified"?
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Also, and this is from the underlying Ninth Circuit decision, fuuuuuuuck this guy, and the prosecutor he rode in on
You're testifying FOR THE STATE in a DEATH PENALTY case. Your job isn't to hide this ball unless you're asked exactly the right question. Tell the fucking truth
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This is the literal definition of a terrorist threat. Arrest her
“No mask mandates. My children will not come to school Monday with a mask on. I will bring every single gun, loaded and ready … I’ll see y’all on Monday.” - woman at a Page County Public Schools board meeting
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Having everything to Judge Dearie for a ruling by October 7, which apparently is Judge Dearie's preference, would make a pre-mid-term ruling all but guaranteed
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When I heard that Stephen Miller was writing the speech, I wanted to make a joke about how it would be all about travel Bans. But I thought, nah, that's taking things too far
CNN reports Stephen Miller was one of main speech writers.
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How many officers in this video should be fired?
Watch this LAPD officer wind up and throw a punch at a person on a stretcher being put into an ambulance. This is the kind of culture that exists within
@LAPDHQ
. Disgusting.
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Everything about this tweet is wrong. You have no obligation to stop and talk to the police and they can't just arrest you at random
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Motherfucker, we know they weren't statistically similar. Biden got a much higher percentage. You're "testing" to see whether my bank account and Patrick Mahomes' are statistically similar: they aren't.
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Welp, sense of smell is gone, along with any doubt about whether this is coronavirus
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OK, as promised, a thread on the flaming bag stuffed with feces Mike Lindell and his excellent lawyers at
@BTLawNews
left on the electronic doorstep of the Minnesota federal court yesterday
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Is there not a 1st Amendment issue with a pastor preaching from the official WH podium?
Pastor Paula White-Cain, White House Spiritual Advisor: "I declare divine intervention and supernatural turnaround. You will restore this land."
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This bill would LITERALLY, no hyperbole at all, legalize the murder of abortion doctors. Can't murder the mom because it would kill the baby too, so that wouldn't be a defense. But you can kill any abortion doctor on sight.
Legally.
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OK, let's start talking about the House's 80 page brief on impeachment. It really is an incredibly well-done piece of work. There are some things I'd do differently and some pieces I didn't love, but overall, it's very very good.
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And the close.
LOL, no you don't have any interest in moving this expeditiously.
Judge Dearie has overseen enough litigation to know that 3 weeks to review and designate this few documents is more than enough, this isn't fooling him
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Last, you know what jury will be assessing the problem of driving a kid with a gun to a volatile situation, and the kid's choices while there?
The civil jury. The folks he killed should and will file wrongful death suits. Not guilty doesn't mean not liable.
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They stacked Jewish children like cordwood
hands tied
terrified
And set them ablaze
while you cheered
or worse
said it wasn't your place
to criticize
As you warmed your hands by a child's pyre
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1) he still doesn't understand what Twitter says about bots
2) he just torpedoed his entire case. All of it.
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These poor morons
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And it also doesn't help defend against a claim to obstruction of a subpoena that called for production of all documents *bearing classification markings* (since the documents bore those markings despite the supposed magical declassification)
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Those of Trump's lawyers who are remotely competent (and Kise is) are currently considering kidnapping their client and hiding him in a bunker.
He just said "I implicitly declassified it with the act of sending the docs to Mar-a-Lago" - that BURIES him on 793
"There doesn't have to be a process ... I declassified everything" -- Trump on how he declassified documents (this is false -- there is a process Trump didn't follow)
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So I'm basically fully over my coronavirus symptoms (still coughing at night and no sense of smell, but otherwise ok). And yes, it was Corona - my wife (a nurse) got tested and came back positive (she's doing great as well, thanks all)
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Elliott Page wants to be referred to as Elliott Page. There is exactly zero harm to anyone from respecting that request. Therefore, you should respect it - exactly as if that was their name from birth.
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Apologies for the second typo. I meant to type maritime law, not marital law
I apologize for the typo.
I meant to type stupid rumors about marital law not marshall law
My bad
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Disbar this bitch.
I don't say that lightly. Any of it. This isn't advocacy; it's a naked appeal to racism. She's unfit to continue practicing
"... what brought Ahmaud Aubrey to Satilla Shores, in khaki shorts, with no socks, to cover his long, dirty toenails."
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Here are the actual bases for his opinion:
1) Biden outperformed Clinton. That's not possible if the populations who voted for them are the same. Therefore, shenanigans!
2) The ballots counted last were more pro-Biden than the overall ballots. That can't be random. Shenanigans!
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@EDBRSB
Sure, except you don't, because you'd expect any attorney litigating a case like this to bring in an election law expert. It's unethical and a violation of the rules of professional conduct to take on cases you're incompetent to handle. But yes.
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"our choice to register under other jurisdictions to avoid US law is having negative consequences. Please help us!"
The only response to this should be a program that requires Cruise companies to subject themselves to US law regardless of registration if they take from it
NEW: Cruise industry not confident it could borrow from any of the existing loan programs bc of offshore registration.
Sr. admin official says bipartisan Senate grp working to ensure they can access one of the facilities--or else will seek a legislative fix in the next package.
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This "expert" report is the biggest steaming pile of crap I have ever seen, and I've seen many terrible expert reports in my career.
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I fully expect Judge Dearie to ask Trump's folks that exact question, in a not-particularly less pointed manner, at tomorrow's preliminary conference.
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Not to suggest that political considerations might impact Trump's preferred schedule, but "end of November" would put any ruling by Judge Dearie out past the end of the mid-terms.
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OMFG, are you kidding me?
Your client is out on $2M Bond, on an order that requires updating the court as to his address, & when the DA says "no, we won't redact unless you can justify it" you just say "fuck it, we'll violate the order" instead of asking the Court for relief??!!
NEW: Rittenhouse's attorney just sent me their response
Rittenhouse's lawyers say the family is staying at a 'safe house' and they had asked the DA to seal the address.
They say this was the email in response, so they moved without telling the court
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BTW, I do GET the temptation here. The evidence seems to indicate that this guy sexually assaulted and abused a 4 year old. He's a monster. Get him off the streets. Right?
Not like this. You can't fucking do this.
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Literally the only conceivable argument you can make on any particular document that would even raise a question for the SM to consider before saying "yeah, the government can review this" is "I declassified"
But you don't want to have to do that *before* he rules?
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ahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahhahahahahaha
<pause for breath>
ahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahah
Y'all, I just cannot. If he had any competent lawyers (and Trusty might be minimally competent) they would want to strangle him right now
Former president now admitting the Top Secret/SCI docs in the photograph were found “in cartons”
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Pennsylvania Republicans really looked at their gubernatorial primary choices and went "which one is most Nazi-adjacent? I'll take that one"
NEW: Pittsburgh Jewish, Black leaders call out GOP candidate Doug Mastriano for his ties to Gab, the far-right social platform used by the Tree of Life shooter. They called Gab a "festering cesspool of intolerance"
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I just want to know which idiot in Trump's circle convinced him that the problem with the picture was that morons might think he kept the classified documents on the floor
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The Third Circuit has obliterated Trump's Pennsylvania lawsuit. For obvious reasons, the opinion was written by the *Trump appointed* judge on the panel, Stephanos Bibas.
Gonna break down the opinion shortly. But an important note, first:
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