Captain Bendy
@robmulholland
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Comedian & Marcelo Bielsa enthusiast • #LUFC • • ☠️ co-host of @deadmentalkpod ☠️ New comedy special here:
Stockport, England
Joined March 2009
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Last Seen Profiles
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Why I'm vegetarian not vegan 🥦
Taken from the full special BORN READY
/// OUT NOW ON YOUTUBE ///
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The FA are investigating a comment made from Jordan Henderson towards Gabriel in today’s game 😳🚨
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Man marking everyone except Haaland is an original tactic I'll give them that
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Fair play, absolute class this 👏👏👏
Congratulations to Wayne Rooney for keeping Derby in the Championship after a thrilling 3-3 draw.
Great achievement considering it’s his first season as a manager.
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These people literally think marrying a black woman is worse than shagging kids. Carpet bomb the parade and be done with it.
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This Russell Brand conspiracy goes deeper than you could ever imagine. The mainstream media and the deep state have been subtly planting these allegations by having several people tell me about them a decade or so before he started to uncover their secrets.
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Every single person who downloads this wank. Against the wall. Firing squad. Total annihilation. No mercy. It's the only way we can continue as a society.
LadBaby and LadBaby mum have started a podcast? I am absolutely livid.
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A blue whale's vagina is so massive it can fit six men inside it, which makes it the world's second biggest pussy after Frank Lampard
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It remains FUCKING INSANE that despite being a subscriber to Sky, BT, Amazon and my club's in house TV (at a stupid combined cost) the only way I can watch my team play today is by illegally streaming the Malaysian broadcast of it
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@BrennanReece
@Vanessa_ohaha
The irony of a fashion journalist saying someone else's job is pointless 😂😂😂
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I really miss the days when we didn't know what Matt Le Tissier thought about anything other than tracking back
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Doing sarcasm on twitter is like trying to show a card trick to a wasps nest
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This looks like a fake kit from a shampoo advert
Much needed minutes, thank you to all the fans who supported last night. 🔵🇺🇸
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Martin Keown: "Raphinha was at Leeds, did he even do that well there?"
Well Barca bought him for £55m at the end of it mate so I'd say yeah fairly decent
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Leeds Liverpool
🤝
Winning titles
Making Frank Lampard Cry
Hating Man U
Loving James Milner
Having Legendary Managers
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STOP QUOTE TWEETING K*TIE H*PKINS TO DUNK ON HER, THAT'S WHAT SHE WANTS YOU TO DO
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This game nearly killed me
Name an obscure EFL game that was absolutely incredible yet nobody talks about it. I'll start. Newcastle 4-3 Norwich from 2016. Norwich were 3-1 up before Newcastle scored in the 95th and 96th minute.
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Winning a FIFA Fair Play Award with *Leeds United* is the greatest managerial achievement of all time
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Tyler Roberts: I have undoubtedly scored Leeds United's goal of the season
Luke Ayling: Hold my hair bobble
#LUFC
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I didn't celebrate Bamford's equaliser untill I'd seen a clear replay. That should have been a great moment. I fucking hate VAR so fucking much.
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Look on the bright side Leeds fans; if it wasn't for Marcelo Bielsa we would have just watched Millwall boo black people then beat us.
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The problem with Marsch trying to make Leeds more defensive is we are fucking shit at defending
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While I'm in Australia I've subscribed to Optus Sport. £13 a month for *every* Premier League game. We're being shafted in the UK.
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Old Trafford is a less safe place for women than downtown Kabul
Ryan Giggs in Man United directors' box for today's game at Old Trafford
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Mad how Craig Pawson and the FA are trying to gaslight 36,000 people who watched him wave play on after Struijk's challenge
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Frank pal, one of your players did an ACTUAL HUMAN SHITE on the floor at Elland Road, that in your fuckin code is it?!
Frank Lampard has hit out again at Liverpool's coaching staff 👀
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Derby County's Tom Lawrence was in the audience of my show...
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I'm heartbroken. The best that football's ever been for me. Gracias Marcelo.
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Tottenham have agreed a deal for Wales centre-back Joe Rodon to join Leeds on a season-long loan. Formalities of deal to follow in coming days. More on
@TeleFootball
#Spurs
#LUFC
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Kalvin Phillips is gonna be at Bruno's table at dinner tonight slapping his fork out of his hand
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I might give up following Leeds United and take up a less stressful hobby like chainsaw juggling or crocodile massage
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Leeds having an away game in Amsterdam that we're not allowed to go to is the cruellest twist of the whole pandemic
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Robin Koch was next level today. That brief period with him, Forshaw and Klich together in the centre was magic
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Leeds this season:
encouraging performance ➡️ raise expectations ➡️ game we think we should win ➡️ get battered ➡️ repeat
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Fetch the Norwich scarves the most expensive team in history are being underfunded again
Erik ten Hag has reportedly been promised a transfer budget of £200million this summer, with many departures also expected
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Leeds before the Leeds after the
International break International break
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R Kelly urinated BESIDE the child's mouth not IN it. This is basic stuff.
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THIS IS MARCELO BIELSA'S LEEDS UNITED AND WE'LL CHANGE FUCKING NOTHING!!! 💙💛
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I refuse to feel upset about that. Leeds United are fucking brilliant in the PREMIER LEAGUE!!!!
We were brilliant today and I'm gonna enjoy that fact.
VAMOS LEEDS CARAJO!
#LUFC
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My most controversial Leeds opinion is that Junior Firpo will be great next year. Players often take a year to settle into English football and he's had loads of injuries to deal with. People forget the very good performances (Chelsea away!) due to the stinkers he's had.
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Just seen a tweet saying if the football league gets voided Leeds fans "would just have to get over it" like we're not still singing about a bad penalty decision from 1975
#LUFC
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I've never had anything against Everton, they're a grand old club with a rich history. But if Lampard gets the job I hope they get relegated, go into administration and the stadium falls down with him in it.
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Totally agree unless Leeds get relegated
Parachute payments have again finished 1st & 2nd in the Championship, this nonsense has to end asap.
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To be honest mate bats can fuck right off at the moment, I'm absolutely fuming with them
Did you know that this is how bats wee?
I don’t know what else I expected and yet I’m still surprised
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Leeds beating City means you need to shut the fuck up about burnout!!!
The Elland Road Round-Up is my weekly-ish Leeds United comedy show and episode 7 is OUT NOW on YouTube here:
#LUFC
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Munich. Hillsborough. Galatasary.
Stop singing about death you monstrous cunts, it's a fucking game.
It's not just one fanbase. It's not a one off. It's everywhere and it fucking sucks.
Enough now.
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@BeardedGenius
They really need to rebrand this as the jumping pig, did fuck all swimming there
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@BeardedGenius
A flag and a crown mean nothing to me, this is the stuff I feel patriotic about.
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Cunts can be recorded attempting a rape and nothing happens. You wonder why women don't report their assaults? Fucking shameful.
Criminal proceedings against a 21-year-old man in connection with an investigation opened in January 2022 have, today (Thursday 2 February 2023), been discontinued by the CPS.
Chief Superintendent Michaela Kerr, GMP’s Head of Public Protection, said:... (1/7)
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You will find that English people can be a bit edgy with you if you happen to be an insufferable yank prick who's turned up to fuck up their football club in the most irritating way possible you fucking smug cunt
🗣 "When I went to Leeds, they told me within three years the club had an 84% chance of being relegated"
On this week's
#UpFront
, former Leeds Utd manager
@jessemarsch
speaks out on his time at the club and his career to date...
Watch the FULL episode Thursday!
w/
@sjopinion10
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Bielsa did it and took 4 points off them
🎙️ Roberto De Zerbi: “We lost 3-1 to Man City and my staff and I had doubts while preparing for the game. Be courageous or sit back? At the end of the meeting, I threw my mobile phone against the wall shouting: ‘I didn’t waste 10 years of my life. If we lose, I want to do it my…
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Orbiting that massive dense head you big doughy fuck
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Always happy to listen to constructive feedback from my fans 👍
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Leeds win 4-0, Chelsea get fucked by VAR last minute in the cup final, now this!!! What a fucking day 😁💛💙
If you think you're having a bad day, Galatasaray just lost the Süper Lig title by a single goal
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Bielsa's been done dirty here
🔰 Dean Smith has been ranked the fourth best looking manager in the Premier League
(Via
@betway
)
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That is an absolutely pathetic fee. He's England's player of the year, he's well in contract and he's not hit his peak years yet. Total crap.
𝗕𝗥𝗘𝗔𝗞𝗜𝗡𝗚: Manchester City have an agreement in place to sign Kalvin Phillips from Leeds for £42m + £3m in add-ons 😲🔵
via
@David_Ornstein
🗞️
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The way
@LUFC
have handled the whole Kiko situation has been nothing short of shameful. The only blot on an otherwise beautiful period for the club. We're gonna have to watch him take the knee to protest against himself. Absolute fucking farce.
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We should be celebrating players who play badly for Man U and well for England not booing them. Maguire is doing the lord's work.
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Marcelo Bielsa is such a genius he's even managed to find a way to make Newcastle entertaining
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We need to talk about that fuckin Bernie Sanders meme 🙄
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Always had a soft spot for Oldham (my best mate when I was a little kid was a fan) but now I hope they go into turbo-administration and get relegated so far they have to play tennis instead
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It's great being a Leeds fan because you get to do fun stuff like hoping your superstar goalkeeper signed from Real Madrid is a racist so a lanky French child you saw in the cup once can take his place
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Burnley have by far the ugliest fanbase in the league, absolute set of cave trolls
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I cannot tell you how much I'd rather be in League One again than become this
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Congrats
@hwgreenroompod
!!
Couples when they post “just bought our first house with this one🏠😍”
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We still employ a keeper who called an opponent a "fucking n*gger" THIS SEASON *and* the people who lied and covered for him.
Jonathan Leko still hasn't had an apology. Fuck this black square, take actual action.
#BlackLivesMatter
#LUFC
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There's no one I've lost more respect for through this ESL bullshit than Klopp. He's been a pathetic, self-pitying company man the whole time. Gross.
"You all have to calm down. It's winding people up."
"Nobody wanted it. Definitely. But now let's deal with it."
A passionate Jurgen Klopp on dealing with, and moving forward from the European Super League fallout.
🎙
@TheDesKelly
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@Aaronpequin1
My dad is a Royal Marine commando and I am a stand-up comedian, are you crazy?
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Leeds have played very well there, look a much more sensible team. My head is delighted but my heart hates it. I'll get used to it in time I'm sure.
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Lionel Messi's shaved his beard off and turned into Gary Neville
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Every day Bielsa's decision to refuse those players looks more and more vindicated. Bunch of rats.
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Fellow Leeds fans:
Sing one song about a white guy's massive dick then we can have this conversation again. Untill then let's knock it off with the Gnonto song. Even if you like the song can you be arsed with this tedious discourse about it?
Change the last line.
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There is simply no club on earth funnier than Leeds United
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As a Leeds fan Harvey Barnes has no need to live rent-free in my head, he owns property there. His kids are enrolled in the local school. He's the chairman of the Neighbourhood Watch. He's a pillar of the fucking community in my head.
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@WhitneyCummings
I'm 6'7" you can't always get a seat that fits, even if you pay extra. Reclining seats is a dick move imo
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New signings are for pussies. Real men put kids on the bench and get on with it.
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Safe spaces are a good and necessary idea, if you don't like them, don't go.
I also think there should be spaces that are safe to make jokes about contentious subjects without them being wilfully misconstrued by people looking for offence. I propose we call them 'Comedy Clubs'.
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White people 🙄
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The 3pm blackout is meant to help non-league, idea being if we can't watch premier league games we'll all go watch Witherington Town instead, but I'm just gonna watch streams. Here's a mad idea: let me pay to watch the games I want and use some of the money to fund non-league.
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Just lie about your A-level results, literally no-one will ever check 👍
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If it gets me back to Elland Road this season you can paint the vaccine onto a shot-putters fist and slam it up my batty at 4am for all I fuckin care
Would you accept an appointment at 02.30 am to get the vaccine if a 24hr roll out was arranged?
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3 years today since I last had a drink. If you're struggling with booze just take a break for a while and see how you feel. I felt like my whole life changed for the better.
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Fuck the board. We deserve relegating for the way Bielsa has been treated. Disgusting.
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5 years sober today, never thought I'd say that.
It's easier than you think.
The rewards are greater than you imagine.
I'm so grateful I finally started making good choices.
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