Patches
@mostly_cheese
Followers
4K
Following
21K
Media
774
Statuses
23K
Massachusetts, USA
Joined August 2017
Instead of “sorry for the delay,” write “thank you for your patience.” In lieu of “apologies for the oversight,” write “if you’re so perfect why don’t you fucken do it.”
64
17K
92K
STOP using THESE FIVE WORDS in your RESUMÉ: fuck, shit, piss, ass, balls
0
0
3
ME: shouldn't i, the one who has accumulated all the debt, be known as the debt collector? DEBT COLLECTOR: *muffled whispering* ME: DEBT COLLECTOR: i'll call you back
7
215
966
I got locked out of my house after having dinner at an Italian restaurant. I had gnocchi.
16
323
834
I’m always surprised that this Jimmy Carter anecdote gets overlooked.
199
2K
43K
Ahhhh f*** it, we ball 😂😂
I saw a funny TikTok just now, but can’t share it because the sensitive ones might attack me
120
4K
64K
This is not a healthy society this is the United States of America
Healthy societies don't lionize vigilante killers.
109
8K
76K
officer frye patrolling the mcdonalds. was deputy mcnugget there
Tyler Frye, the police officer who identified Luigi Mangione, talks about the arrest at a press conference: “It feels good to get a guy like that off the street, especially starting my career this way, it feels great.”
202
16K
242K
Hitting the last three words in the headline
The recent killing of UnitedHealthcare CEO Brian Thompson in Manhattan has brought renewed attention to the escalating costs of protecting top executives.
91
6K
83K
I will never be a cocomelon parent you gone sit here n watch the wire season 4
357
12K
105K
BREAKING: The US vetoed a UNSC resolution for a permanent ceasefire in Gaza, which received 14 votes in favour and one against. 🔴 LIVE updates: https://t.co/f8zU2iwSRl
42
12K
96K
I’d say locker room leader with reduced minutes while you nurture new talent however it is a week from one of the biggest games of the year, do you really want to make major lineup changes this late?
Seasoned vet that brings leadership to the oven on Thanksgiving? Or put him on waivers to make space for a new pan?
266
7K
93K