chu cold scorpio
@douglaschu_
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and so what? so what if all I ever made of my life was more of it?
Grand Rapids, MI
Joined June 2011
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Pinned Tweet
now’s a good time as any to announce “there is no safety,” the title track to my EP.
what is reality? reality is what you can count on. what is pain? pain is when you bump into reality. we are not promised safety. but we may find completion
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russian soldiers trying to match on tinder with women from the country they’re invading and then getting catfished for intel is such a weird “we live in the future” moment
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@fuitsnack
daddy issues seem to affect your relationship with the world. my issues with my mom affect my relationship with myself
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nice
p.s.: lift all restrictions on ukrainian refugees
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@orageofachilles
@Maccadaynu
They should have let you continue to play as Fired Rex Tillerson and show up in pajamas eating ice cream or something
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@tammieetc
equal parts amazed and horrified. cutting directly into the package of pork belly. the bowl full of standing dish water. chaos haute cuisine. do they work in a kitchen to have their hands be immune to oil splatter burns. I may steal the double layer of panko move
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@comicsplunder
@punished_cait
I have just as much contempt for the crab bucket types who were like “people shouldn’t be mean to her but idk she’s a little weird and creepy”. a more subtle and insidious bullying
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@PourDecision
now it’s soldiers giving away stuff to someone with a desk job whom they think is a woman
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@ManuclearBomb
As a musician, “Can I Borrow a Feeling” is the best parody of bad songwriting ever created. It’s not possible to write a clumsier set of metaphors
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one of my favorite things to do is talk to kids and take everything they say very seriously, like an important business client
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@hahafunnymemay
@SgtGreen_v2
@kahltfeet
@Flawless_Cowboi
finally, a reason to look after my health so I can live to see domesticated brown bears
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our brains will literally worldbuild a complete story arc with an omniscient narration instead of asking someone else what they’re feeling
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@coolebio
@deezmalders
@BDAstroBaker
@halomancer1
I have a mutual who subscribed for a month and the check stayed there for like 5-6 months afterwards
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michael caine tearing up in a muppet christmas carol, when the ghost of christmas present brings scrooge to his nephew’s holiday party and they absolutely roast him when he’s not there… what a tour de force of acting
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@ToriGlass
this was great. next up, screaming at your kids! (my mother’s preferred form of discipline)
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none of us were going to invite you over anyway kris
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@kept_simple
if you don’t mind a total absence of sun from October to March, why not Grand Rapids, MI? It’s run by the benevolent oligarchy of Dutch billionaires
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what if evangelical men had picked a different action movie from 1995 to idolize, like waterworld
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the birthday boy has logged on
I am 33, let the jesus year commence
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@FlamingArrow79
@thedigitaldash_
it’s calibrated for how our bodies experience temperature! it just makes sense!!
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new intrusive thought: the liberty mutual jingle but it’s “liturgy liturgy liturgy”
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@Kaitlin_M_Ruiz
@mattxiv
there’s a 3 month gap between the original posting and the last edit
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@fellawhomstdve
I heard donnie yen requested that his character be blind. he had unfinished business
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“just looking for the jim to my pam” 🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩
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@myfavshipclears
@cowboylikebett
@natniels
“have you tried not posting” is a subpar comeback. cosmetic lane wins, judges’ decision
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I pocket the $15 and spend it on two beers + tip
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believe it or not, this is my very first valentine’s day where I’ve been in a relationship. it is a wonderful feeling to celebrate it with
@woldair_
. happy valentine’s day marie ❤️ xoxo
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@jeanpaulblartre
@bananafitz
In season 1, yes, but after that she became more and more an aspirational figure
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@pIanet_sandwich
@kathbarbadoro
you may have been the recipient of like, a low-grade form of sexual harassment, honestly. unwanted touch crosses a line
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@foureyesfiend
“The low-ranking soldier had received money via his brother's account from his online lover, Rajesh Meena, superintendent of police, State Special Branch, Rajasthan Police, told CNN.”
lol this makes it sounds like his lover was the police superintendent
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i am being persecuted in my own group chat for my anti-IPA convictions. A prophet has no honor in his hometown
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I’m not a natural at lending a sympathetic ear but I am a natural at lending a hater’s ear. I will creatively talk shit about the person who hurt you, on your behalf
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The existence of a Science Mike implies the existence of a Humanities Mike
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who said this? the federal bureau of lizards?
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@Sosorrymam1
@kathbarbadoro
what about those of us curséd with socially anxious self-awareness
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all christian deconstruction accounts should be hobby themed. you should have to pick one. deconstruction and gardening. deconstruction and model trains. deconstruction and decoupage
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I'm too low church for high church people and too high church for low church people 😏✨
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I didn't think I'd have to say it but this is a pro-Mr. Brightside account
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@TylerHuckabee
@tammieetc
I have been told on good authority that the hand tattoos + imperviousness to heat are signs of someone who has been a line cook
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@merte_
@THEKIDMERO
it was the 90’s and white people hadn’t learned about it from food bloggers yet
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@tweetraychang
@ryanstruyk
@MichaelRWear
@CNN
This is the second time
@ryanstruyk
hasn’t included Asian polling data. If nothing else, do a fellow Calvin alum a solid here, Ryan!
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retroactive announcement: I have accepted a job offer and am going private while they run the background check. it is a very well-paying big boy software engineering gig. can’t fumble the bag
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@punished_cait
lmao also ai is just predictive text on steroids. it is not reading anything, it is spitting out a plausible sounding review of john green and then totally making shit up about her book
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if you got married before the apps you most definitely did
do married people watch gen z dating and feel like they caught the last chopper out of Nam
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