Kevan Brighting
@kevanthevoice
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13,672
Following
123
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58
Statuses
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@octolinghacker
@crowsx3
How dare you imply the Narrator is AI generated. I am 100% real. Squeeze me!
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@HelloCakebread
It was only a matter of time before I was recognized as the sexiest man in Britain.
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A big thank you to all the Stanley Parable fans who got in touch about the AI cloning of my voice. Your concern is much appreciated.
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Just to be clear: The Narrator does not appear in Biomutant. Nor for that matter does Stanley. Perish the thought.
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Stanley wondered whether opting for the Sputnik vaccine would give him the ability to orbit the Earth.
@StanleyParable
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Stanley decided to redecorate his office. It would be 'relentlessly gay'. And woe betide any bigot who dares to complain.
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The Narrator decided to bombard Stanley with Easter eggs to make him so fat that he wouldn't be able to squeeze through any door.
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The Narrator was writing xmas cards. He suddenly realised he didn't know Stanley's last name. So on the envelope he just wrote: Fat Bastard
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Stanley opened his exam results. He had a fail in social skills. And keyboard skills. But a pass in broom closet skills. Stanley was happy.
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Stanley wishes all his fans around the world a happy and peaceful New Year. And don't forget to keep choosing the red door.
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In the spirit of the moment, Stanley told a passing policeman to "f*uck off and die". He was promptly arrested.
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@InsaneProtayto
@crowsx3
Wait your turn. I'm still waiting for mine. And I'm The Narrator for goodness sake.
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Stanley had been drinking and was feeling naughty. He decided to change his name to Mylo Poppopoplos and devote his life to fake news.
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Stanley just wanted someone to wish him Happy Christmas. But this was unlikely as he had locked himself in the broom closet.
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I'm not into watersports, whimpered Stanley. He was wondering what dark twist this tale was taking ... It certainly had an adult theme ...
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Stanley was so sick to death with politics, he decided to escape to the Philippines. Maybe he would meet President Two Thirty.
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Stanley decided to download and play the Pokemon Go game. Within 10 minutes he found himself in a storm drain.
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Stanley gazed at the people queuing at the 'Alien' line at airport security.They looked normal. No one in the least bit reptilian. Or green.
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A new president ..... and Stanley was unhappy. He set about building a nuclear shelter.
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Stanley would like to make it clear. He was not in charge of envelopes at the Oscars tonight.
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Stanley celebrated the start of Fall by tripping face down in a pile of leaves.
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Stanley arrived in Manchester (England). On the only occasion it was dry and sunny. Stanley felt overdressed in a rainproof cape.
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I've just been asked to quote on a huge staff training voiceover. If I get the gig. I'm tempted to read it in the Narrator voice.
#naughty
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I live in the Philippines, I have a Filipino retirement visa, a Filipino drivers license, a Filipino partner and we own a condo in Quezon City. Yet I have been refused permission to open a savings account with
@gcashofficial
because I am a foreigner. Isn't this discrimination?
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After the historic vote in Ireland, Stanley decided on a gay marriage. He just had to break the news to his wife.
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@HelloCakebread
The Narrator has been in lockdown for long enough. It’s time to go through the door ‘To Hell With It’. Watch out Stanley. The Narrator has the jab!
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Due to alcohol, Stanley couldn't remember his new name. But he knew it was Grecian. Papadopulos? Milo? That was a malt drink, wasn't it?
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Stanley had read that half of all young people in Japan are virgins. This was wrong. Stanley was on a mission of love.
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Stanley was holidaying in Sweden when he saw the Donald on TV talk of an incident. Stanley immediately felt guilty. For no reason.
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Things were moving too quickly for Stanley. He slipped on his 'I love Steve Banyan' tee and held his breath.
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Stanley was learning British English. He now knew that Brits call a period of two weeks, a frightnight. He had no idea why.
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Stanley went through the red door and promptly fell into a sink hole. The Narrator narrowly avoided a bladder malfunction.
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I'm sorry Boeing ..... but as and when I'm allowed to fly .... it won't be in one of your jinxed aeroplanes.
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Stanley had always loved banyans. A plant that grows on another plant, when its seed germinates in a crack of a host tree or human edifice.
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Stanley decided to break the glass ceiling. Sadly, soon after it started to rain and the conservatory furniture got soaked.
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Stanley was less than happy with his Donald Trump xmas jumpsuit. The hands were too small. And so was the gusset.
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Stanley just won't go away! Here's an award winning short from film maker Chris Hailes.
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Stanley puzzled why Barack had only just got a Twitter account. Frank Underwood had been tweeting for years.
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Stanley celebrated Black Friday by not spending a penny. His bladder was fit to burst.
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Stanley wondered why he was now a box set ......
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Stanley was preparing for Xmas by increasing his daily calorie intake to 8k. He already found he was unable to squeeze past the red door.
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Having a living nightmare with
@LazadaPH
. They want to me to confirm my identity, but sent a security code to a mobile number that does not belong to me. And they have a old email address for me that they won't let me change.
#tearingmyhairout
.
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The Narrator shed a tear for the brilliant Alan Rickman. Truly,madly,deeply.
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Stanley decided to go on a Paleo diet. He had not idea where to buy Paleos. He would try Costco.
#idiot
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Stanley was shit scared about rogue emails. He decided to bury his Mac Mini in a public sewer. Only later did the irony emerge.
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Stanley decided that bondage was not his 'thing'. He'd been shackled to the bed for over 3 hours now and was desperate for a pee.
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No-one could be named after a malt drink? Stanley knew this was false news. He rang Kellyanne Conway. Was that her real name???
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Stanley and The Narrator rarely agreed about anything. But today was different. Under advisement they both wished Happy Xmas to each other.
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The Narrator was excited to play the new game from Davey Wreden. Hang on! What? He would need a beginners guide.
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14 oscar nominations for 'La La Land'? That's where the Academy must be living, thought Stanley.
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Many thanks to everyone that supported this great cause. Love The Narrator.
Update: This sale raised $33,527 for the hotline, thank you so much everyone! 😘
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So BDO bank send endless nagging emails reminding me to update their BDO Pay app on Dec 3rd. I download it this morning and guess what? Doesn't work!
#BDOfail
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Stanley fell out of the window. This weather prediction lark was more dangerous than he anticipated. He was also getting very wet.
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The Stanley Parable has sold over a million copies. The Narrator decided not to tell Stanley. It might make him fractious. Or big-headed.
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Stanley had written to Pixar insisting they make a feature on his life. But who would be his voiceover? They were all going on strike.
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Stanley hated that
@kevanthevoice
had stubbed his cigarettes out on his bald patch without a second glance.
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I see rednecks saying 'Trump is one of us'. No he's not. He's a hard-nosed billionaire businessman.
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Trick or Treat? asked the small boy. 'Trick', The Narrator said, handing the boy a power saw. 'I'd like you to saw your sister in half.'
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So Stanley lost the election. What a waste of the bribes he had handed out. It had taken him ages to save up that $14.
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A tree growing from your crack ?.... pondered Stanley née Milo. The mystery of the Universe tested his limited intelligence.
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Stanley was getting ready for Independence Day celebrations by eating watermelon. He was really struggling to swallow it whole.
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So far this New Year, The Narrator had given up fried food, sex, gluten, alcohol and gambling. He felt as miserable as sin.
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Stanley decided to apply to read the BBC weather. All he had to do is stick his head out of the window and look up. Any fool could do that.
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Stanley hoped One Direction wouldn't be tempted to do a U-turn.
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How fucking tacky is ITV News? The opening comment - How often have all of us driven over a motorway bridge?
Has it ever crossed your mind that it might actually fall down beneath you? Well today in Genoa, one did. Just fuck off
#itvnews
. Lots of people lost their lives.
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The Narrator needed a laugh. He was considering voicing an audio book of Donald Trumps soundbites.
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Stanley spent an evening trying to make OS Sierra work. He gave up. And used a hammer to shut down his Macbook Air.
#JustgetitrightApple
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Stanley put on his ridiculous Xmas sweater and listened to this ....
Not yet in the Christmas spirit? Give this a try!
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As the Narrator was not earning any money tomorrow, he wrote to the banks and suggested they have a holiday.
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The Narrator was feeling bored. He wondered whether recording an audio book of Donald Trumps soundbites would cheer him up.
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Stanley wondered if Morgan Freeman smoked? Surely not. He was beyond such base habits. And he knew that penguins hated smoking.
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The Narrator relented. He sent Stanley a congratulations card and a check for $8. There was no way he would send $427. There are limits.
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Stanley was back from his holiday. But regretted his decision to wear a mankini for his arrival at Heathrow.
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The Narrator was planning a return trip to London. Dungeons 2 needed an update and The Narrator needed fish & chips.
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The Narrator was on a sugar rush. A post Halloween reaction. He would climb down from the ceiling real soon.
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Hang on ... the richest man in the world is Mexican??? Does Donald Trump know that? Stanley thought he should know ...
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Stanley's Thanksgiving plans were going down the pan. He resolved to drive to the zoo and steal an Emu.
http://t.co/wOAlPLZYHK
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Stanley remembered little of March of the Penguins except they liked karaoke and playing soccer with eggs.
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Still no New Year's Honour from Her Majesty. The Narrator would phone her after the weekend. Give her time to sober up.
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And a big thank you to all the loyal Stanley/Narrator fans out there! 8.
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The Narrator was vexed that he wasn't asked to voice Ghost in the revamped Destiny. He was clearly too good.
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The Narrator thought it excessive of
@HonestWilliam
to get hit by a car just to excuse himself from the BAFTA Games Awards. Get well soon!
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Across Stanley's chest, between his nipples, was a glorious tattoo! In Baskerville 72 point it read: S I M O N.
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But on the plus side, he had had 7 offers of marriage. One of them was a woman.
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