Michael Marshall Smith
@ememess
Followers
34,490
Following
4,774
Media
7,650
Statuses
120,565
And Michael Marshall, and Michael Rutger. Novelist, screenwriter, sitting place of cats, Creative Director of The Blank Corporation. Legacy verified.
Santa Cruz, CA
Joined September 2008
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#WEARE大阪生配信やで
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Charlotte Beauty Of Skin
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taeyong
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#BalenciagaxPPKRIT
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海ちゃん
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見逃し配信
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Ley de Amnistía
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#魔改造の夜
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Saver with ML
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ライドカメンズ
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#ปลดล็อคพาซีนุนิวไปเที่ยว
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ヤンマー
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IPOB
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元太くん
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Zulu
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#素のまんま
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ライガーテイル
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スレイヤー
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ヘルナンデス
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ピッチャー
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勝ち越し
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ドリアイ
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Pinned Tweet
One prefers to be civil on Twitter, but here’s an idea for you: Fuck off. Then keep fucking off. Fuck off until you come up to a gate with a sign saying “You Can’t Fuck Off Past Here”. Climb over the gate, dream the impossible dream, and keep fucking off forever.
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I’d love to see Biden announce not just a VP, but a draft core cabinet too — including Warren, Harris, Booker, Klobuchar, Yang, Buttigieg — like a Democratic Avengers ready to pile full throttle into the clown-show of narcissism, greed and incompetence in the White House.
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Nancy Pelosi is at her brother's funeral. That's why Gaetz and crew chose this day to commit a Federal crime in an attempt to block a lawful deposition — despite the fact that 46 Republican representatives are perfectly free to attend it.
These people are beneath contempt.
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I've tried hard, but I've not come CLOSE to nailing the AI issue this well.
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I will not endorse Joe Biden until he commits to coming round here and telling me that I'm right about everything. He has to earn my vote. And cleaning up our garage wouldn't hurt either. Maybe cooking us a light supper.
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Just spent a thousand dollars ordering this to go in the kitchen, as a Christmas present for my wife, because as a writer I feel I should undergo a wide range of life’s experiences, and amazingly I haven’t yet been divorced.
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@KaitMarieox
So, just to be clear... your argument is that women are too emotional to be allowed to vote, and yet not too emotional to be allowed to own a potential murder weapon?
Follow-up question: how much attention will be enough?
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@JesseKellyDC
If this disturbs you, there are professionals you can talk to about your sexual insecurity. Use them. Try to unpack your homophobia, understand where it comes from, and grow as a person by transcending it.
Or you could just fuck off.
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@JuliaHB1
What's saddest about this is that you seem to think it's a win. What everybody else sees is an attention-hungry adult attacking a child. What would you feel if someone did that to a kid of yours? Don't you care? Just want the clicks. Gotcha.
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There’s nothing like trying to sort through your parents’ house, your childhood home, when they’ve both gone, to make you think: wait, I’m not ready for this - I’m a kid. And then you realize they probably thought that too, until the end. There are no adults. We’re all just kids.
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Huh. I thought Twitter was solely populated by expert virologists. Turns out today there’s a strong contingent of master military tacticians too.
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@sam_d_1995
@FetsKatze
@stkirsch
Yeah, she’s definitely the weirdo in the story. Not you. Absolutely.
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A man so unpleasant that I wouldn't let him talk to my child... is president of the United States.
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No, Twitter, if I compose a tweet to
@DineshDSouza
suggesting that he’s a dick, I do not wish to “revise” it. It is evidence-based, considered and heartfelt, and represents my lived experience and truth.
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@AnnCoulter
@Delta
SERIOUSLY? So you stood, took a picture, and blasted it — and her — all over the net. Who's the asshole here, Ann?
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So arrest them. It's simple. They're breaking the law.
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Seriously, if Biden won’t commit *today* to restringing my guitar for me and teaching my son some Spanish then I’m going to vote for Trump or a random Libertarian nutjob. It’s in Joe’s hands. I don’t make the rules.
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A vote is not a marriage proposal. It’s a bus ticket to where you want to be. If you keep refusing to buy a ticket because it doesn’t go all the way to your front door, then you ain’t going anywhere: just standing on a street corner in the rain, shouting at the people on buses.
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Presumably there's a kitten down in that hole.
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I've spent 25 years as a horror writer and honestly I'm not sure I've ever come up with something this disturbing.
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If the future of Twitter involves
@elonmusk
and
@ggreenwald
merrily laughing it up together as they direct targeted harassment at
@MollyJongFast
, then you will be losing me as a fucking sunbeam.
Sort. This. Shit. Out.
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@Cobratate
@GretaThunberg
Oh please stop, dude. I’m now so embarrassed for you my dick just literally fell off.
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Well, it offends me, but that might be because I’m anti-attention-seeking brand-building right-wing twats.
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Trump’s limp presidential run announcement. Elon buying Twitter, and acting like a child. Kanye’s… whatever the hell that was. And now Andrew Tate. Maybe the big message in these last days of 2022 is that being a toxic “alpha male” asshole doesn’t work. It’s about time.
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Just imagine how hard Breitbart and others have been looking for dirt on
@GDouglasJones
... and failed. That alone is remarkable. This is not a hard choice. Doug Jones deserves to be in the Senate. Roy Moore does not.
#RightSideofHistory
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I won't be on Twitter much today, because according to the rota it's my turn to take water out into the ocean, to help certain tiny little fish, that aren't doing well without water, despite being... literally in the water. It's special water. Okay, it's soup. For the tiny fish.
"California is gonna have to ration water. You wanna know why? Because they send millions of gallons of water out to sea, out to the Pacific. Because they want to take care of certain little tiny fish, that aren't doing very well without water." -- Trump
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Trying to imagine how it must be to be an “undecided voter” at this point. How do you get dressed in the morning? Can you reliably find your way around your own house? Do you understand the correct way to sit on a toilet? Do you know not to eat bees?
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Whatever happens, tonight - along with November 3rd - has already proved that there is a passionate, diverse, motivated and sane coalition of people determined to make the world a better, fairer, and more democratic place. That by itself is deeply reassuring news.
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"The party told you to reject the evidence of your eyes and ears. It was their final, most essential command."
— 1984, George Orwell
Mike Johnson describes January 6 insurrectionists as "people who were just there and happened to be walking through the building"
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So it turns out that the National Enquirer’s entire internet presence is hosted on servers owned by... Amazon. If I was Jeff Bezos then right now I’d be sitting in a cool 60s chair with a cat and laughing like a deranged polar bear.
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Dunno who made it, but this one goes out to all the writers, artists, designers and other creatives... sigh.
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Hard to imagine that anything could go wrong in an hour and a half’s unsupervised chat between an ex-KGB intelligence officer and a guy who couldn’t work out how to walk in a straight line next to the Queen.
According to the White House schedule just released, the Trump-Putin meeting will last for 90 minutes.
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ENOUGH. Tucker Carlson and Fox News are not just normalizing but promoting the idea that it's defensible for random guys with assault rifles to take to the streets.
Every advertiser that stays with this show is condoning armed civil unrest and domestic terrorism.
Tucker: How shocked are we that 17 year olds with rifles decided they had to maintain order when no one else would
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The pandemic so far feels like turning the contrast up on a photo. The politicians you felt were decent, increasingly confirm that you were right.
The ones you implicitly distrusted, go out of their way to confirm themselves as craven, dumb, self-serving narcissists and fools.
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I’m not sure I will ever be able to process the hypocrisy of people who tried their hardest to overturn a democratic election, and disallow the votes of 81M Americans, but who are now bleating about “unity” — after an insurrection they encouraged. It just won’t fit in my head.
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I've spent my entire adult life writing. Yet I cannot express how much I loathe Marjorie Taylor Greene. Possibly because she stands outside language, and before it. She is that horrible thing outside the cave, that gene that never progressed, the empty void. Death in a MAGA hat.
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As with Boebert — they aren't politicians. They both literally just got elected. They have done zero legislative work. Their only job is saying stupid, inflammatory things, to dumb our politics down yet further, to read the Fox and MAGA script. They got cast, rather than elected.
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It is 1973. We are in a basement jazz bar off Bleecker Street. The main character (in their own head), a entitled sophomore two weeks into a course on Hegelian Dialectics and Mass Media, checks that everyone’s listening, takes a deep drag on a herbal cheroot, and drawls:
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Say what you like about Trump, but he’s very consistent. He started out by being fucking awful, spent four years steadily being fucking awful, and is now going out in a blaze of being fucking awful.
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Man lies 6,000 times in two years, fawns over dictators, pays off porn stars, is fined $25M in fraud settlement, and is under multiple FBI investigations. Woman overstates Native American heritage and everyone says her reputation is compromised. UnFUCKINGbelievable.
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@LindseyGrahamSC
Honestly, dude - what does he have on you? Would it not just be simpler and cleaner to take the hit and throw yourself on public opinion’s mercy? It can’t be worse than being like this.
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@GovMikeHuckabee
Yeah, and the Queen was sitting there still in a snit about the American War of Independence. God you're stupid. And so ignorant of Europe. And so, so unfunny.
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@RepKatiePorter
Imagine if the person in this picture had skin of another color, or was wearing the traditional dress of a different culture — a hajib, say. If your reaction to the photo would be completely different, explain to me how you're not just maybe a tiny bit of a white supremacist.
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I may never stop watching this.
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A creature of a different species, with whom you share no language or culture except the ones you’ve developed together, yet who’s comfortable enough to sleep in your presence. Not just chosen family, but someone choosing you as their family. What greater gift is there?
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One of the great pieces of oratory of this era. If Adam Schiff ever runs for president I will literally carry people to the polling station.
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My wife just shared this on Facebook. Make of that what you will.
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Here the deal. Sean Hannity is a really bad person. That’s how he makes his money. He’s cruel, cheap, and nasty.
Joe Biden is none of these things. In everything you do, be like Joe, not Sean.
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It helps if you imagine autocorrect as a tiny little elf in your phone who’s trying so hard to be helpful but is in fact quite drunk.
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@Santos4Congress
Interesting departure, lying about something in the future rather than the past.
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@neilhimself
Look Neil we've discussed, this — will you please stop making LORD OF THE RINGS all the time, you're supposed to be doing other things. They're literally standing in the studio waiting for you to show-run this season of DANCING ON ICE, WITH TIGERS.
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Meanwhile, mischievous youngsters from some new-fangled thing called TikTok have co-opted the
#MillionMAGAMarch
tag for tomorrow and are flooding it with pictures of pancakes, the naughty scamps :)
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This woman is clueless. It’s WAY too early to talk about gun control, and I don’t get the sense she’s even TRIED meaningless thoughts and prayers. Thank god we don’t have to put up with this “decisive action to make the world better” crap in this country.
"The time to act is now."
New Zealand PM Ardern vows to announce gun law reforms within 10 days of the mosque terror attacks that killed 50 people and injured many more.
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America: Thought we'd try out a bit of political chaos.
UK: Hold my beer. And my other beer. Hold my mate's beers too. And that bloke's gin and tonic. And all the crisps. And a table. Actually — let's see if we can balance the entire ****ing pub on your back.
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Honestly. This is the only image that counts, the only argument you need. A “president” barricading himself in, the day before a democratic election. Never before would someone have considered this. Let’s make sure it never happens again.
'Non-scalable' barrier goes up around White House before election
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@Cobratate
@GretaThunberg
Oh dude. You look enough of a clown already. Being really, really quiet is your only good option right now.
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@michaelscat2
Ah, turns out this isn’t real. Sigh. If you can’t trust cat-lovers who CAN you trust?
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So adopt. There are thousands of children born through choice, who now need a loving family. Commit your emotion into one of them, not against women who made a choice over what happens in their own bodies. Life is hard. You can make it so much better for someone.
To the women "shouting" your abortions...
I am currently paying thousands and going through years of pain, grief, and suffering in order to conceive the "parasite" that you poison, dismember, and burn alive
You are destroying and throwing away a life that I would die to have
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This isn’t a president. This is a washed-up hack daytime game show host - who hasn’t been on TV in a decade, after that unfortunate thing he got caught for - doing his catchphrase for a paying audience of medicated morons.
The president finishes his speech at CPAC by hugging and kissing the flag
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I've just spent twenty minutes reading the Terms & Conditions for Sex and nowhere is that limitation made clear. Though I have discovered that God owns the copyright on all orgasms and may share them with data partners in order to more efficiently bombard you with guilt.
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Wait: am I to understand that Laura Ingraham, Ann Coulter and Kellyanne Conway are technically not the same person? Then why are there so many of them? Do we actually need this many? And is Tomi Lahren a newly-hatched one of these things, or what is she?
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@aubrey_huff
Ah, I can explain why you feel this way. You're an absolute asshole with a horrifically over-inflated idea of your own value and importance. Hope that helps.
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Laura Ingraham, scabrous lunatic with a reputed net worth of $40M, argues that the poor should be literally starved into taking whatever crumbs they’re offered. This is not a biased précis. It’s what she’s actually saying, in words.
Laura Ingraham: "What if we just cut off the unemployment? Hunger is a pretty powerful thing."
Bar Rescue guy: "They only feed a military dog at night, because a hungry dog is an obedient dog. Well, if we are not causing people to be hungry to work..."
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Yes, we absolutely need to keep control of the Senate too. That's why it would be a draft cabinet. What will win this election is brand recognition and an absolute and unflinching show of unity across the Democratic party and its voters.
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This is nothing more than a mob of super-fans pissed that their favorite show is being canceled. Let’s just get it done and start production on the new thing before they get violent.
Where is the National Guard? Where is the pepper spray? Where are the rubber bullets?
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Given how very, very easy it is to wear a mask - I mean, so stunningly not-a-difficult-thing - I can only assume that the people protesting it have never tried to do anything like raising teenagers, holding a job, working out where the butter is in a supermarket, or standing up.
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A period in history where single people, couples and families are all staring at each other with irritable envy.
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@SenTedCruz
No president in history has confronted challenges like these and had so very many things to un-fuck at the same time.
Also, this isn’t distracting us from your role in encouraging an insurrection.
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@realDonaldTrump
This is just scary shit now. It's not funny. Impeach this clown. Do it now.
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I think I've understood it now:
"Woke" = change
"Unconstitutional" = I don't like it
"Election interference" = being held accountable for actual crimes
"Marxism" = being considerate to people who aren't like me
"Leftist mob" = normal humans who are tired of this bullshit.
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I just waved a piece of this at my wife and asked what do you think about it, and she said what are you talking about and so I said it’s a penne for your thoughts SO I’m basically the god of dad jokes but also suddenly single. Hit me up. I have food.
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@JacobAWohl
@chrissyteigen
No idea who Chrissy's husband is, but I love her tweets. They make people laugh with her. As opposed to yours. Where people laugh *at* you. And then turn away, and think about something more important. Which is basically everything.
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There is a positive way of viewing the Texas case just thrown out by the Supreme Court: it tricked 126 men and women to come out of the shadows and proclaim yes, out of greed or cowardice they'd be willing to commit sedition against the United States. We know who they are now.
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Absolutely speaking for a nation sick to freakin' death of Jordan's endless, exhausting bullshit.
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Okay so I absolutely need a set of these tea cups.
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Possibly the only time I’ve wanted to take a corporate Customer Service department out and buy it a beer.
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@PressSec
@realDonaldTrump
Imagine being this fucking smug and petty. Grow up, please. There’s a country to fuck up.
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Saw this piece of graffiti in Brighton many years ago and sometimes I still think about it.
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