Adam Kay
@amateuradam
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BAFTA for best writer lol. Decreasingly here. Debut novel A PARTICULARLY NASTY CASE out 28th August. Weirdly, you have to buy it by law.
Joined February 2009
I finally know how authors like Charles Dickens and Agatha Christie felt when they did cover reveals for their debut novels. A PARTICULARLY NASTY CASE is out in August, and you can pre-order your copy (included signed ones!) now.
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A quick thread on in the importance of being careful what data you share - even if you're the Queen. Today, Her Maj tweeted this lovely picture, gor bless er, etc. You might think that the contents of the red box would be official business. And you'd be right. 1/6
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. remarkably good at guessing what a word might be, even if the words are fuzzy round the edges. Optical character recognition, it's called. So - without further ado - I've overlaid the best guess (99.3% accuracy per character) for the document in question. 6/6
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It’s really becoming increasingly difficult to be proud to be British, isn’t it?.
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Dear Daily Mail, if virus A has half the hospitalisation rate of virus B, but the number of people with virus A doubles every two days, then hospitalisations from virus A catch up with virus B in two days. Love from maths.
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Sounds like I need to have an awkward chat with my husband.
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Oh, I didn’t realise it worked like this! @grantshapps can I invoice you for the extra cost of my mortgage, energy bills and food which your party incontrovertibly caused?.
I’ve written to @Keir_Starmer to request he pays for the criminal damage the Just Stop Oil attacks on the Energy Security Department caused this morning. As the political wing of Just Stop Oil, it is the Labour Party not the taxpayer that should be paying the bill
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For example, I never spent four billion pounds on unusable PPE.
You will always be better at spending your own money than the government is.
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Chelsea?.
Has ANYTHING become cheaper since leaving the EU?.
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I mean, I'd have probably spelled CORONATION right, but whatever.
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Today, with huge thanks to Ealing Hospital, we planted a tree - the UK’s only memorial to NHS staff who have died by suicide. May they rest in peace, and may we redouble our efforts to stop it happening ever in the future. 3/3
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I have 6,000 too many messages on here to reply to everyone about #thisisgoingtohurt but thank you with all my heart. The next morning, I’m left full of gratitude for two great institutions under threat - whether pernicious or overt - the NHS and the BBC. Long may they thrive.
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If you wander round a hospital like this during a pandemic - a hospital like the one that SAVED YOUR FUCKING LIFE 19 months ago - then you have nothing but my absolute fucking contempt.
"Hey Blondie, mask lady. You got some ill people & nurses for me to breathe on. wafah. haha. spaffing!"
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As a former NHS doctor, I'm surprised to see a Conservative MP - whose party has blood on its hands as a direct consequence of its treatment of the NHS - using the words "unethical" and "unforgivable" so freely.
As a former NHS doctor, it makes me sad and angry to see doctors involved in action which I believe to be unethical and unforgivable, given the harm being done to patients and the NHS itself.
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Not looking great, I'd agree. And we're not in 24 where you can magically sharpen a CCTV image. BUT. When it's text you're looking at, computers do have a major card up their sleeves. Words are simply patterns of pixels, and having looked at multi-zillions of them, they're. 5/6.
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Now, bearing in mind this is just what I can achieve as an amateur Adam with a laptop, it makes you wonder what other matters of state might have been shared over the years. Let's spin this round a bit and have a quick look at the top document. 2/6
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A quick click of the Perspective Warp function on Photoshop gets it looking a little bit squarer. 3/6
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We can probably lose the colour at this point as we're just looking at text. And given we've lost the bit under the red box in any case, I'm just going to concentrate on the words down the left hand side. Here. 4/6
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It was pretty exciting to hear today that 8,065,501 people watched episode one of This is Going to Hurt in its first 28 days. But it was EXTREMELY exciting to see episode six feature on this week's Gogglebox - every sofa in tears at @ambikamod's heartbreaking performance.
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I think today may be the day our village discover that we’re gay.
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LIKE ABSOLUTE FUCK YOU ARE.
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Doctors don’t swear an oath. What was yours? “First do no research”?.
Junior doctors voting whether to go on strike next year should recall the first 4 words of their medical oath. 'First do no harm.'.
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Loudspeaker person needs an MBE, Pride of Britain award, Sports Personality of the Year, the works.
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I’ve got the technological knowhow of a beetroot, but every time I’ve changed phones my old WhatsApp messages have just automatically appeared on my new one.
🚨🚨 | BREAKING: Rishi Sunak is failing to hand over his Whatsapp messages from his time as Chancellor to the Covid 19 inquiry . He said he changed phones and “didn’t back the messages up” . [@guardian].
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This is Going to Kill 170,000 People.
Former Health Secretary Matt Hancock has revealed he will publish his diaries of the pandemic later this year. What should the title of his book be?. @JuliaHB1
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Here’s a nice thing. The TV version of This Is Going To Hurt is all about the mental health of doctors, and culminates with the death by suicide of a junior doctor called Shruti (spoiler alert). There is a scene where a tree is planted in her memory, shot at Ealing Hospital. 1/3.
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I’ve had an incredible week in glorious Iceland, and they’ve turned the lights on for my last night here. I realise this makes me someone who shares their holiday snaps but, bloody hell, what a trick for the sky to pull.
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YOU👏CAN'T👏CLAIM👏INFLATION👏GOING👏UP👏IS👏NOTHING👏TO👏DO👏WITH👏YOU👏BUT👏INFLATION👏GOING👏DOWN👏IS.👏LOOK,👏YOU'VE👏MADE👏ME👏DO👏THE👏CLAPPY👏HANDS👏THING👏THAT👏I👏HATE.
A year ago inflation was at 11.1%. Today, it’s down to 3.9%. This is good news for everyone in this country.
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Square one please.
"Do we stick with the plan that is starting to deliver . or do we go back to square one?". Rishi Sunak has kicked off the year with his first major campaign event of this election year, saying Labour and Sir Keir Starmer "doesn't have a plan for Britain."
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Here’s a new clip of Ben Whishaw being me being a doctor - THIS IS GOING TO HURT is out on @BBCOne and @BBCiPlayer on Feb 8th.
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You really think schools and hospitals are full of staff having a piss-up after work?.
"I don't think at any time he thought he was breaking the law. he thought just like many teachers and nurses who after a very long shift would go back to the staff room and have a quiet drink". Tory MP Michael Fabricant urges Boris Johnson to apologise.
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Great news! I’ve been selected for a trial where I get to call @BorisJohnson DANGEROUSLY INEPT for the loss of public confidence and adherence his sham non-isolation “study” will cause. You can join my trial too - it’s free!.
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My first thought was “where do they do £6.50 cocktails?!”.
Mad how often these attempted hatchet jobs make the target seem quite sound
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I mostly feel sorry for healthcare staff, unsure whether to dock points on the mental test score of patients who can't name the current prime minster or monarch.
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If they fuck the NHS we end up with an insurance-based model, and this is what it looks like.
I wish horrible things on everyone who works in insurance. This is from my kids appendectomy.
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One of the most upsetting things I’ve ever read. Those poor babies, those poor families. Unimaginable horror. Also thinking of those colleagues who spoke out and were ignored or, worse, chastised. Whistleblowing remains impossible in the NHS. Please god may lessons be learned.
Nurse Lucy Letby guilty of murdering seven babies and attempting to murder others while working on hospital ward
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Last weekend I did a book reading in Monmouth and brought my dog along for logistical reasons. As soon as I went on stage she started whining in my dressing room so…
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This is your ONE HOUR WARNING that #ThisIsGoingToHurt will be on @BBCOne at 9pm. It’s also going on @BBCiPlayer as a box set, so you have the option of watching it all straight through until 2:15am tomorrow.
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I've been in touch with the hospital, who were extremely supportive: we're hopefully going to make a tree happen. For all the Shrutis.
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Couldn’t be more thrilled for Ben, the nicest man in the industry, for his Best Actor win. And congrats to the whole This is Going to Hurt team for the overall haul of four BAFTAs. An incredible reward for everyone’s hard work. I’m very hungover.
The brilliant Ben Whishaw thanks his This Is Going To Hurt cast and crew as he accepts his Leading Actor BAFTA. #BAFTATVAwards with @pandocruises
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At the risk of turning into my dad, SEVEN QUID FOR A FUCKING LIME AND SODA? They were 20p when I was at university.
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Final ep of #ThisIsGoingToHurt on now. Trivia - the lake at the end is a FAKE LAKE. Just a tank of water. I feel as cheated as you do, don’t worry. Thanks for watching, or being in it/ directing it etc (if you were in it / directed it etc).
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Question 1. If the NHS has 133,400 staff vacancies, with 40% of junior doctors planning to leave, and nursing salaries down 20% in real terms over the last decade, should you pay them a fair wage?.
Prime Minister Rishi Sunak looking at plans to ensure all pupils in England study maths in some form until age 18
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#thisisgoingtohurt ep2 trivia! A lot of the supporting artists (nés extras) in the surgery scenes are ACTUAL theatre staff. We thought that would be easier than training up loads of anaesthetists, scrub nurses, ODPs etc.
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A late entry but very strong contender for MOST DERANGED TORY MOMENT OF THE YEAR.
Conservative MP Nick Fletcher says Doctor Who being played by a woman has pushed young men into crime.
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Given refugees are in the news a lot, here’s all I know. On 16th April 22 we hosted a family of six fleeing from Ukraine. Both adults found jobs amazingly quickly. Today, 349 days later, they’re moving out to a private rental to be closer to work. Refugees ADD to our economy. 1/2.
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Fuck it, let everyone do neurosurgery and then you’ve solved the NHS staffing crisis too.
Motorists could be allowed to drive lorries - up to 7.5 tons - without extra test in ‘Brexit bonus’ plan. Call for Evidence opens today.
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Ministers - if you want to take a screenshot of your resignation letter, it's shift+command+4 on a Mac or Windows+PrtScn on a PC. Stop taking blurred, wonky photos.
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It's not normally a good look to criticise the quality of someone's written English. But I'm happy to make an exception when they're an education minister.
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I reckon Jesus knows all the shit you've done, mate.
I’m reminded that at all times, there is only an audience of one - Jesus.
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To anyone at my show in Nottingham, the person who was taken ill is now fine - thanks as ever to the never-off-duty medics who helped. I do wonder why the fuck so many medical emergencies happen at my shows, but at least the theatre’s always full of doctors and nurses….
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The sheer number of messages I got from (old, male) doctors after I published “This is Going to Hurt” telling me to toughen up was astonishing. To think they’d also condone sexual assault is beyond appalling.
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Is Sue Gray's report nearly out?.
What would be your first question after waking up from being cryogenically frozen for 100 years?.
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Awful news about the brilliant Sean Lock. One of the all-time greats. A lovely man, and just as funny off-screen as on.
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I didn’t expect the worst idea of the year to happen so early in January.
🔺 EXCLUSIVE: Free lateral flow tests face the axe under plans for living with Covid which Boris Johnson will announce within weeks
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THANKS REVIEWERS YOU'VE ALWAYS BEEN MY FAVOURITES.
BBC1 comedy drama This Is Going To Hurt launched last night with 3.2m viewers. It's the best reviewed TV comedy of the year so far, with eight publications giving it five stars. Read reviews here:
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I do love Stacey Solomon. Gorbless her majesty and let her have her big day, but I really don’t understand “She works really hard” as an argument. She doesn’t work harder than, say, a staff nurse… but earns 200 times more.
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I’m no theologian, but I reckon if Jesus had met this bloke there would be whole parables about how Rees-Mogg gets his comeuppance.
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A “hospital bed” is generally considered to be an allegorical term that also encompasses all the medical, nursing and allied professions required to provide a patient the care they need. The Secretary of State for Health has just gone on the IKEA website and ordered some beds.
I want faster, simpler, fairer health care for all our patients. That’s why we’ve delivered 5,000 extra beds this winter to help cut waiting lists.
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Hi @Jeremy_Hunt - thanks for the plug. 1. You’re only mentioned in the final 250 words of This is Going to Hurt. If you didn’t finish the book, did you read it… backwards?.2. If you changed bedpans every week for six years, how did you misread the situation so worryingly badly?
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What have we become? And what can we do about it? Make sure you're registered to vote, I guess.
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Solidarity to all the junior doctors who made the difficult but necessary decision to strike. It comes down to this. When I qualified as a doctor, I was paid 25% more in real terms than they are today. (And I was at least 25% worse.) This isn't a pay rise, this is pay restoration.
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THANKS THE EVENING STANDARD YOU’VE ALWAYS BEEN MY FAVOURITE
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@sapphirejbates I’ll come by and do an event for you later this year if that helps? DM me if so.
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Boris might be pussyfooting around actually preventing people dying of Covid, so maybe some civilians should have a crack at it instead. It is now MANDATORY to wear a mask at one of my theatre shows, unless you're exempt. Other people who are on stage, feel free to do the same.
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Yeah cool just self-refer to an internal-bleedingologist.
"One of things we've put forward. self referrals so individuals dont have to go to a dr in order to get referred to specialist help. if youve got internal bleeding & you just need a test there ought to be a way that doesn't involve going to see a GP". Keir Starmer on #BBCLauraK
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NO NOT BORIS I DON’T BELIEVE IT.
EXCL: Boris Johnson accused of failing to self-isolate last January despite standing "face to face" with a Downing Street aide who tested positive for Covid.
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"Well go get a job that pays more" is the most frequent and most blancmange-brained gotcha that people use about the junior doctor strikes. EVERYONE'S ALREADY LEAVING! THAT'S THE EXACT PROBLEM! IF WE DON'T FIX THE PROBLEM THERE WON'T BE ANYONE LEFT!.
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#thisisgoingtohurt ep6 trivia - the supermarket is CGI for reasons I didn't quite understand, the private hospital (actually a hotel) also doubled up as Mr Lockhart's house, @ambikamod delivers some of the most heartbreaking acting I've ever seen.
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Enough Covid for one night. Here’s a picture of our dog and what she looked like a year ago.
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Can we just reflect on the amazing achievement of the Reform Party achieving a coup within an organisation of five people.
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Lots of people tweeted me afterwards saying they’d been to Ealing and looked for the tree, then felt silly when they realised it didn’t exist. I didn’t think it was silly - I thought there should be a memorial to healthcare professionals who have taken their own lives. 2/3.
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How depressing to see this in the BMJ. It’s hard to say those figures don’t present a compelling argument. It all leads to a big question for the govt: if you don’t address doctors’ very reasonable pay concerns, alongside their conditions and wellbeing, guess where they’re going?
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Sorry, I think you missed out "Thanks to the hard-working nurses, doctors, ODPs, admin, cleaning and other theatre staff & recovery team who made this happen." (You could have also mentioned that 100,000 operations represents 1.3% of the waiting list.).
NHS waiting lists fell by nearly 100,000 in November. The biggest fall since 2010 outside of the pandemic. The evidence is clear. When we don’t have strikes our plans are delivering for patients.
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Bloody hell. 131 weeks is TWO AND A HALF YEARS. Thanks to everyone who has bought, sold, borrowed, recommended or stolen a copy.
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Watching Jacob Rees-Mogg this morning made me reflect on the main thing a private education taught me: Having a cut-glass accent doesn’t stop you being an absolute blustering fucking idiot. In fact, it rather increases the odds.
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Yeah, I was just wondering why food's so cheap at the moment.
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Go on then, Rishi. Where are the extra surgeons, anaesthetists, scrub nurses and ODPs who you'll need to do these millions of operations coming from?.
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Thank you, everyone, for your kind and moving words about today’s tree planting. It means a lot and I promise to never stop fighting for better mental healthcare provision for NHS staff.
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Your cousin’s friend has a sexually transmitted infection.
My cousin in Trinidad won’t get the vaccine cuz his friend got it & became impotent. His testicles became swollen. His friend was weeks away from getting married, now the girl called off the wedding. So just pray on it & make sure you’re comfortable with ur decision, not bullied.
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After you.
4 new designated bathing sites confirmed today, including Waldringfield on the River Deben in Suffolk Coastal - the first estuary site
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Just changing my ringtone to a load of royalists booing Boris Johnson.
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How many junior doctor strikes did Jeremy Hunt cause?.One. How many extra hospital beds did he add to the NHS?.Minus 8,000. How many of his promised 5,000 extra GPs materialised?.162. How many copies should his book sell?.Zero.
How many avoidable deaths are there in the NHS every week?.150. What figure should we aim for?.Zero. Jeremy Hunt analyses how to eliminate preventable harm and tragedy in the NHS in his new book #ZERO. Out today.
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@Louise_Ch_ @fesshole Is it possible that you're totally wrong and eye colour is much more complicated than single-gene Mendelian inheritance?.
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What's that in Rubles? I'm glad I turned this series down – I hadn't realised the creatures would be quite so poisonous.
🚨 NEW: Nigel Farage has just landed in Australia after signing a £1.5 MILLION deal to appear on I'm A Celeb - the highest fee ever paid
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Get round a table and chat about it then, Stevie. Unilaterally refusing to just makes you seem a bit. shit at your job? (PS your basic MP salary has gone up 31% since you were somehow elected in 2010.).
The government has shown it will engage in meaningful and constructive talks with health unions. We want to find a way forward with @BMA_JuniorDocs but a demand of a 35% pay rise is not reasonable. If the BMA move significantly on this and cancels strikes we can resume talks.
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NO NOT BORIS I DON’T BELIEVE IT SURELY NOT.
Prime Minister Boris Johnson faces fresh party claims as No 10 admits staff gathered to wish him a happy birthday during first Covid lockdown.
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It’s “GOING TO HURT” an awful lot more if we don’t resolve the crisis in retention of healthcare staff. You can’t have an NHS with no doctors or nurses. In my books I was paid 25% more in real terms than junior doctors today - pay restoration is crucial and urgent.
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If your argument is that losing 20% of your pay packet is a bad thing, you'll agree with me that it's unacceptable that junior doctor salaries have fallen 25% in real terms over the last 20 years. Similar numbers for other NHS workers. So I presume you support pay restoration?.
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We did wait. The delay led to "one of the worst ever public health failures". Don't let anyone talk about hindsight. There was foresight from everyone apart from the politicians.
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