Author and screenwriter. Sunday Times
#1
, & NYT Bestselling author of 'Behind Her Eyes' (now a smash hit Netflix show) and INSOMNIA coming to Paramount+ soon.
I'm pretty sure that 3-4am got called the Witching Hour because that's when all the women of 45-55 lay endlessly awake cursing everything and everyone....
The 3 stages of Pasta cooking..: 1) ‘Is that enough spaghetti? I don’t think that’s enough spaghetti. I’d better add some more. 2) OH MY GOD THAT’S SO MUCH PASTA I COULD NEVER EAT SO MUCH PASTA! 3) Eat all the pasta.
The eagle has finally landed.. I’ve celebrated by getting soaked in the park and panicking about deadlines..:) but Eek! Welcome to the bonkers fun that is BHE....
#willnotspendthedaycheckingtwitter
#whoamikidding
Still laughing at my mum from Sunday.
Me:'Try Train to Busan. It's really good.'
Mum: 'Is it zombies?'
Me:'Yes, but great story.'
Mum:(Deadly serious)'I always feel so sorry for zombies. They're very tragic. It's not their fault they have to eat human flesh, is it? Poor things.'
Me n Ted both a bit sleepy today. Mainly because for about ten minutes at 2am this morning Ted was barking madly, 'IT'S A NEW MILKMAN! WAKE UP! IT'S A NEW MILKMAN! HE'S GOT THE MILK! HE'S PUTTING THE MILK DOWN NOW! HE'S GOING BACK TO THE VAN NOW! BUT I'M STILL BARKING ANYWAY!
Five years ago today I met this scared little chap to see if we liked each other enough to maybe live together. I love how he was like 'I'll take this one.' ;-)
I remember
@neilhimself
telling me that my grief for my father would hit when I was least expecting it... He was right. I was absolutely least expecting it at the end of Guardians of the Galaxy 2...
#allclasseveningrief
Very sad to see Dan Simmons comments on Greta Thunberg on Facebook. But not for Greta, who's clearly a powerhouse, but for a 71 year old white man who can't see that maybe we should listen to youth when it comes to saving the planet and wants to call her 'bratty'.
I’m finally excited about work for the first time since my dad died.. Thank fuck, I thought that feeling was never coming back. Just me, my dog and work. Wonderful:) oh and rain. All the rain.
My diary: "Yet another tedious day in the endless clusterfuck shitfest that is 2020."
Ted's diary: "Another BRILLIANT day of it being me and Mummy ALL DAY doing everything together. THIS IS THE BEST YEAR EVER! oh hang on, she's going for a wee. I'm off to feet-sit! I LOVE 2020!"
Apple have chosen Insomnia as their Thriller of The Month... I feel validated in all my overspending on apple products I don't really need but really want now;-)
I wonder how many Americans might get the new Coronavirus and not want to go to the doctor because of lack of health insurance/cost? Will Trump make testing/treatment free? otherwise containment will be fucked in the states, surely?
I used to think authors didn't update their author photos out of some weird vanity, but now that mine are 8(?) years old and I have a different hair colour, I realise that it's actually that they just CAN'T BE BOTHERED. Sigh. Note to self: new photos. At some point.
Moment of solidarity with Billie Piper. We've all got at least one ex we look at and our pelvic floors immediately contract and our brains scream, "WHAT IN THE NAME OF ALL THAT'S HOLY WAS I THINKING?!"
Author photos in a pandemic... hair by nature’s own wind machine. And rain machine. :) also doubles as audition for cheerful Scandi Noir detective role.
CUJO was originally published 40 years ago (almost). The PS Publishing edition--1,000 copies, illos by Glenn Chadbourne--will be published soon, introduction by the admirable Sarah Pinborough, of BEHIND HER EYES fame.
Today would be my dad's birthday. I've been properly missing him of late. I chat away to him in my head...he'd have loved all this Netflix business. He'd have been drinking out on it proudly every night;-). This pandemic business however...
One thing I never want to see in a film again after this is a woman going into a hotel bathroom with long blonde hair, a box dye and a pair of nail scissors and coming out with a perfect brunette pixie bob. WE KNOW BETTER. Also, I just trimmed my hair. This may be related.
There is no greater irrational fear than sitting on a train having somehow lost your ticket at your train change and waiting for the conductor to come and put you in TRAIN JAIL.
I know my constant BHE Retweets are probably super annoying but it’s a bonkers touchstone moment for me and it will be back to Ted pics and park weather reports soon enough...
What baffles me most about the Cummings story is why, if you think you have/have Covid, would you then travel hundreds of miles to be in the vicinity of the two elderly people that technically you should love and want to protect the most? Surely you'd be glad they weren't near?
I have the glooms this evening. I thought my oven was broken earlier and the sense of utter despair at being fucked for cooking food and on my own hit me. THEN I GOT OUT THE MANUAL AND PRESSED SOME BUTTONS AND IT LIVED AGAIN!! But that's how close the edge feels at the moment.
Everyone be like, 'join Mastadon!' I'm more, 'Fuck no, if the Twitter ship dies, don't you see it's our chance to escape the madness and disconnect? You know.. without having to have willpower?'
Me: 'Mum I think you should read the paper on line rather than going out every day to get it when you're in isolation. I'll pay.'
Her: 'but my tablet is old and slow.'
I'm now paying for subscription and new iPad. THIS IS LIKE TOTAL ROLE REVERSAL FROM MY TEENS.
Ted at home: I HAVE DROPPED A TINY PIECE OF KIBBLE IN THIS CLEAN DRINKING WATER, CHANGE IT, CHANGE IT NOW, IT'S DISGUSTING.
Ted in the park: Hey look at this big patch of stagnant muddy floodwater that the ducks have been shitting in for days, I'm having me a drink of that!
I mean the one believable thing they could have said is that 'He had to drive 260 miles cos he has no one closer than that who'd be prepared to help them, because it seems everyone else thinks he's an utter cunt.' Well, they certainly do now.
What would be obviously super nice when the adaptation of your book is number one on Netflix, would be for Amazon to actually have the paperback in stock.. *sobs quietly*
My dad is a tough old brilliant bastard. Hospice: “COME NOW.” (I’d just left) we all rush back. He wakes up. He can’t speak but he’s demanding kisses from my mum. Me: broken. *necks wine*
#oversharetweet
Haven’t straightened my hair in 15 months now… the hair of my youth has returned on my much older more cynical and sun in my eyes head:) (also yes I am bored and should be working..)
Today presents will be wrapped, house will be sorted, meters will be read, tax will be paid, all that organisational shit will be done..AND THAT YOUR HONOUR, IS WHY I WAS EATING PANNETONE AT 6.30 IN THE MORNING.
So this has been keeping me busy...I'm absolutely loving adapting INSOMNIA for
@ParamountPlusUK
with
@LeftBankPics
.. We're having such a great time. Can't wait to share it!
So who fell asleep early and didn't see the Northern Lights? yes, that would be me. BUT AT LEAST WHEN THE TRIFFIDS COME YOU'LL ALL NEED ME TO SEE. (work with me it's making me feel better)
Hearing about some highly unpleasant and threatening (but unsurprising) DMs allegedly being sent out by a Richard & Judy pick author, if it was me getting them, I’d be screen grabbing and posting the shit out of them. And prob exactly why it isn’t me getting them…
We went to the graveyard where I made Mark help me clean moss off graves (we discovered Fanny Clarke) and then we spoke some names aloud so they felt remembered. He’s getting into my ‘weird’:)