Fillmore Wilbury 🎶
@RussRoth4
Followers
3K
Following
248K
Media
796
Statuses
60K
power pop treasure hunter, dot connector, mustachioed dad of 3, favorite misheard lyric: "we're all such silly people" (Marvin Gaye, Let's Get It On)
SoCal
Joined March 2017
Let your inner weirdo sparkle…it’s basically a bat signal for your tribe.
11
26
88
Tip for the guys: When a woman asks what you're looking for in a relationship, "a way out" isn't the right answer.
8
43
73
The reason us guys post pictures of our cars is because we don't have cleavage.
3
25
46
I often think that if I'd taken a different path in life, I could be lying on a slightly more comfortable sofa right now.
5
169
241
The problem with people who exercise is that they want to tell you about it.
13
37
157
Forget half-empty or half-full, is the glass in the dishwasher or next to the dishwasher?
10
23
81
*gets out of shower* *Scrolls through tweets before picking an outfit.* *spends entire day naked*
0
14
28
On a cold Monday morning, even my coffee needs a coffee to survive this.
1
15
38
Jesus can walk on water. Babies are 72% water. I can walk on babies. Therefore I'm 72% jesus. I'm also 100% in prison.
1
12
30
Not riding your shopping cart to your car is the first sign of depression.
7
87
174
My kids keep getting a new cup every time they want water, so no need for a paternity test
5
19
71
Every day that you don’t hear ‘we need to talk’ is a great day
0
33
121
Ageing like fine wine 🍷. Taste em and you’ll know
0
1
5
l hate it when people don't know the difference between “your” and “you're”. Their so stupid.
6K
806
19K
Wife: You didn’t notice my haircut. Right answer: I was looking for the perfect words to complement it. Wrong answer: Wait, you have hair?
0
15
28
“Fake it till you make it” is especially good advice for those in the forgery business
5
33
109
I should win an academy award for the amount of times I faked being happy to hear from family yesterday.
5
54
95
Nowadays, the only time I get asked for sex is on an application form.
5
60
116