I wish more dumb people were shy.

RT @BirdiesBidness: Yall ever see someone post their dinner and think what vomit blender did they pour that from?.

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RT @fundersum: Some dudes will never learn. Especially the ones that don't like being called dude when acting like a dude.

Technically speaking, the pour spout on a gallon of milk is called a “Jim Caviezel”.

I just found out that I have to go to Spokane, WA for a funeral at the end of the month, so if anyone knows of absolutely anything fun to do in Spokane, Washington please tell me.

RT @SPippstein: You are only as good as your next zero-likes tweet.

When I say “bless you,” the “shut the fuck up” is implied.

This isn’t a very good tweet, but the point is that “Rob Mac” is a really dumb thing to go by.

RT @MisterD78UK: Maybe Monday is more scared of us than we are of it. we don't know.

RT @nayele18maybe: Is summer almost over? I can’t suck my stomach in much longer.

We all finally figure out how to pronounce Rob McElhenney’s name, and he changes it to Rob Mac.

RT @vapidally: Cinephile sounds like the name for someone who likes to fuck in the theatre.

RT @dietz_meredith: more people would go to the doctor if they jerked you off. i guess this could apply to a lot of appointments really.

RT @cheeky__gal: Cinderella had one night out and it changed her life. I had one night out and it changed my credit score.

RT @BalloonFlavour: I’m a drunk and a floozy.

RT @talldarkthirsty: A few tips for those who have never gotten high:.1. You will get hungry .2. A tiled showered is the perfect place to….

“I don’t know man, this feels like a whole ‘Berenstain Bears’ situation.” . - me, whenever I don’t understand what someone is talking about.

RT @ollkorrect0: My mother has requested I find a new emergency contact.

RT @ash_isawitch: Kinda wanna go roller skating for my 40th birthday, kinda wanna live a little longer.

RT @nayele18maybe: Life is short…. send that text, dance in the rain, eat cold spaghetti in bed, start a bar brawl.

RT @E_Ville13: Sorry, I've just been in a weird mood for about 23 years.