Whacktose Intolerant
@MillyTamarez
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Following
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Comedian, writer on @datinggameabc , host of @betches_sup pod, @waitwait contributor, creator of: @flexxmag & @dafcomedyfest
New York
Joined June 2011
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Pinned Tweet
You have to choose one of these looks before you move to bushwick
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DAY 381 OF QUARANTINE
I don't think this black dad muppet belongs on Sesame Street. He's too damn fine! Do you know how busted all the muppets are on that street? They will lose their panties for this king!
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If you ate public school lunch in america, don't worry about what's in the vaccine.
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"We have a GREAT role for you, its a story about a woman in a healthy loving marriage and-"
NICOLE KIDMAN:
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Should i get a covid test from this Uhaul van on my block ?
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I have alot of comedians who i consider my close friends, people who have met my family, opened doors for me, traveled the world with. But if any one of them has to have between 70-116 podcast episodes removed for saying racial slurs you will never catch me dick riding this hard.
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This person was just like "fuck reading"
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Cher is the funniest person on the internet
When we were coming out of movie I saw beautiful
Couple.He Was taking
Her pic….She had flowers
I said … can I take your
Pic….Had my mask on so they didn’t Know Who I was. MAYBE Just a crazy woman..
THAT ME
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The perfect store doesn't exis-
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Ah yes the fundamentals of satire, constructing a weak nonsensical punchline and then explaining it parentheses (this is a critique of Babylon Bee and their trash ass conservative writing)
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I can't believe "disco sucks" was a fucking movement this country. Racist and homophobic nonsense.
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I just took a DNA test turns out they used it to lock up my cousin
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Has anyone tried to give the proud boys a pepsi?
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So.... nail polish?
Machine Gun Kelly to launch unisex nail polish line UN/DN:
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I don't wanna be famous i wanna be BOOKEDT like this bitch! She stay in her bag 💅🏾
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That face when you get hired to be a writer on WWE's Smackdown.
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No one:
Absolutely no one:
Still no one:
White woman who makes eye contact with me: I LOVE Lizzo!!!!!!!!!!
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I get mad at my dog because he keeps eating random things that give him diarrhea and never learns his lesson. But then I sit back and think "wow he is just like me"
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So glad they teach WAP in schools
Why is a song called “Wet A** P***y” not considered inappropriate but Dr. Seuss is?
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Calling out of work to celebrate Grimace's birthday today
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Yo i was in Manhattan last night and i was STRANDED no trains, no ubers, no taxis, no lyfts nothing at like 2am. The only way i got home was by renting a ZIP CAR and driving back. In all my years in NYC i have never experienced anything like this
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I know alot of the nepo baby discourse is tired and now the cool thing to do is to be like "wait til you realize xxx profession is also made up of nepo babies." But I think this convo is the part of the big cultural realization that meritocracy does not exist, which
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Should i get these 16 dollar yeast infection jeans?
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One of the best comedy showd I ever did was actually a "recital" for a Stand Up class I taught. One of my students worked at Trader Joes and he promoted the show to his coworkers and literally 30 of them came out. The most positive and supportive crowd ever. Very cute shit.
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I believe in prison reform but if we are jailing white men for launching podcasts 🤔🤔🤔
Fyre Fest's Billy McFarland placed in solitary confinement for launching podcast
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One day i will tell y'all about the time I saw a bearded Penn Badgely (post-gossip girl but pre-YOU) do spoken word about feminism and domestic violence in a black owned bar in Harlem.
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Forgive me twitter for I have sinned. I broke quarantine to fuck my ex and... it was just ok 😔
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Was waiting for the M train and saw three cops hiding looking for fare evasion at Marcy. I saw a white man and his two children hop the turnstiles and then walk right by the cops and they didn't say SHIT to him. Not 3 minutes later they arrested this black teen for the same thing
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Nowhere in this 51 minute interview does travis scott accept an once of responsibility. Despite Charlemagne's extreme softball ass questions that set travis up to do so. Everyone on travis scotts team should be embarrassed. 9 people are dead.
Travis Scott makes his first public appearance since the tragic events of his Astroworld Festival in an interview with Charlamagne tha God.
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After seeing Lena Dunham buy out a screening and subsequently watching the film myself i now believe "Little Women" is culturally important for my white sisters! So out of solidarity i will buy a ticket for a white woman so they can finally see themselves on the big screen ❤
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Disagree we have enough white woman Disney princess representation
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I live in Bushwick but i hate eating ass 😔
What's a food that's part of your region and/or culture that you do not care for? I'm a southerner and I hate boiled peanuts
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I used to think when jobs say things like "we are all family here" that they were lying, but as I got older I realized they just meant they won't respect your boundaries, violate your free time, belittle you, scam you out of money, and disrespect your dreams.
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Posing for pictures with in my "Biden 2020" shirt
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I don't think I can mentally survive another pandemic on twitter.
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Yall really need to lighten up. These kids are engaged enough with your book they wrote to you. That is how kids speak.
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Generational wealth sounds dope. no debt, just vibes.
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The bar is literally in hell
WHEN HE SAYS UR NAME WHILE TALKING TO U😳😳😳😳😳😳😳😳😳😳😳😳😳😳😳😳😳😳😏😏😏😏😏😏😏😏😏😏😏😏😏😏😏😏
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Nicole this is so hypocritical, when we partnered together to create diversity panels I leveraged my contacts and did the labor of organizing the event. We organized two workshops and when I asked if I could moderate one of them you said no because everyone who spoke on the panel
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I NEVER want to hear complaints about BLM protests causing traffic!!!
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One time i got a group of like 10 friends to all skip school but then we had no place to go so we ended up at the local library and we got a conference room to chill in and we were paranoid the cops were gonna pick us up for truancy so we gave fake presentations to each other.
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@singstar332
@AliEzzoBezzo
I have learned that many people keep it grey by design to avoid accountability
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This would save the Maury show so much money
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This bag of doritos was promised a cask of amontillado
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The non union acting game is NOT for the weak
The new conservative dating app funded by Peter Thiel called, ‘The Right Stuff’ has now launched, and women describe what they are looking for in a man: “I like the Alpha-Male vibe.”
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Defund the police
Cancel Rent
Extend CARES Act
Medicare for All
DO SOMETHING SUBSTANTIAL
NYC Mayor Bill De Blasio helps paint the Black Lives Matter mural in front of Trump Tower.
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Insane that you cannot mute/ block people on venmo. I really do not need to know that the guy i dated in 2015 is charging his live in girlfriend for chicken wings
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is a big pillar of opressive systems like white supremacy, patriarchy etc
Acknowledging that people are successful and rich not because they are the most talented, but because they had an advantage is the first step to dismantling the way things are. It helps people understand
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I am DONE with the misinformation online. NO DUCKS are shaped like this!
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@krismass666
@goblin_scream
@PapiLiterati
@PoppaLovelust
@smokingroovy
@kaykookiedough
The breast bureaucrat over here
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Um... today is my first day of my writer's residency for
@waitwait
!!!!!
Can you tell I am excited?
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@sam_aye_ahm
Please spend some time on tik tok and learn how teens communicate before you get carceral with your actions. The only thing you are going to do by reaching out is convince a generation of readers your work is not for them. This person is clearly thirsty for more of your writing
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This punch was not only a cultural reset, it combined timelines in the multiverse to get Richard to his destiny: being a broke loser.
NEW: White supremacist Richard Spencer says his life is in shambles. His wife left him, he’s a social outcast, he goes on trial next month for his role in Charlottesville and cannot afford a lawyer.
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The capitol riots have created a mass pro-snitching movement in this country and i am OBSESSED
He bragged at the dentist’s office about attending the Capitol riot, feds say. Another patient turned him in.
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NXIVM has spread farther than we could have ever imagined.
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Omg she hired a movement coach to help her navigate being fat 😂😂 What the fuck is wrong with y'all ?! (Hollywood)
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People with diverse backgrounds encouraged to apply. We won't hire them but we will accept their applications and pat ourselves on the back for it!
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Yes and they are both equally hot... next question
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“I promise I won’t cry. It’s just a single frame from a TV show.”
The single frame:
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Thank you all for your positive vibes! All your positivity came through and i am happy to announce I've been working for the past few weeks as a writer on
@DatingGameABC
! Here is a photo with me and my new best friend
@mbsings
!! Love y'all 💘😻
Got something in the pipeline and need positive vibes my way!
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FB groups be like:
hey i know no-one has ever heard of me, i do nothing for this community & frankly i'm an unpleasant person but can someone give me the personal cell of the VP of development @ HBO? I wrote a 1 page show concept that is probs racist. i want to sell it for 2 mil
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Her singing, her shredding, the outfits, all male backup singers that are 60 deep. So many levels to the badassness. If I could time travel i would literally just dress up and go watch this woman perform live.
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WHY DO PEOPLE INSIST ON POSTING THEIR L's ONLINE???
🎥: Anti-masker Ethan Schmidt getting dunked on.
Ethan posted this because he thought it made him look good. These young people don’t have time for losers.
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Go back in time one year and try to explain this dystopian nightmare to yourself
Ballot boxes dancing to Missy Elliot is how Philadelphia is doing right now
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Where you were what?
After 18 months, most of which they spent locked inside, my parents have finally returned to the place that started it all: The Cheesecake Factory in Florida where I was conceived. I genuinely have not seen them this happy in years 😍
#sorry2thatman
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@INDIEWASHERE
But her ex wasnt *her* soulmate, her ex was the soulmate of the old her and the tears were her mourning that 😭😭😭
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I can't believe azealea banks literally started the apocalypse
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Oh my fucking godddddddddd
15 years of riding the subway together. Crime shouldn’t get in the way of another 15. Time for the city and state to solve this together.
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@patwiselive
I feel like if you are a white dude getting 100 million dollars for a podcast you should probably not say nigger 100 times but then again who knows
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Every time I feel like I am starting to understand white people, the goal posts keep moving
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The pain of covid and police brutality have NOTHING on the daily mind fuck i am getting from seeing every single person, institution, and company that has ever belittled me for being a woman of color posting some empty "solidarity" post because anti-racism talk is in vogue
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The students of color org from my alma matter held an all day conference on radical love & transformative justice (it was so well organized) they asked me to join at the end for an announcement.Well y'all the announcement was NAMING A SCHOLARSHIP AFTER ME AND MY CO-ORGANIZER🥺😭
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Shout out to Steve Harvey's social media manager who just gets the most luke-warm black-dad takes off Facebook reposts it, captions "who made this?" With three laugh emojis and calls it content 👏🏾👏🏾👏🏾
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I was on a zoom job interview the other day and the interviewer said "I love your background" and I was like "i love YOUR background, loving the wall paper and gold framed mirror!" And she responded "no I meant your work history is great for this role" 🥴
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My favorite part of ted lasso is when the workers organized to make a 15 dollar min wage and ted said "no 11 dollars is the max you should get"
Warming up for Halloween weekend with the grandkids. As
@TedLasso
says, "Your body is like day-old rice. If it ain't warmed up properly, something real bad could happen."
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