Before you reply to one of my tweets, remember who you’re talking to

RT @EricWilzon: People need subculture like hardcore or raves or heavens gate so they don’t revolve their personality around being a reddit….

Join millions who have switched to Grok.

Taking the edge off after watching a Michael Haneke movie

Somewhere someone is trying to craft the most perfectly boring viral tweet where you just smash two things happening together that’s like “let’s hope Taylor and Travis stay engaged longer than Cracker Barrel did to their new logo!!!”.

I like when someone paints themselves into a corner with their content and runs out of ideas so they have to scramble to make a video about how Cap’n Crunch is actually a socialist because he let the workers at the plant sell the Oops! All Berries even though it’s a mistake.

RT @ALittleTimePod: Following the trail w/ @BkSharad

So awesome they let you test these out in the store

Just played my first round of golf and for some reason I have this nagging feeling that corporations are people???.

The worst part of these Oasis reunion shows has been seeing the giant influx of men wearing bucket hats with low to medium confidence.

When you’re right, you’re right

RT @ALittleTimePod: Wow the lads ride again with their friend and comedian BK Sharad to get into it about burning racism, high school style….

RT @ALittleTimePod: Our idea for how to make airports better has no downside

I don’t think anyone has ever looked more retired than my dad

And we’re keeping that way, mama

Just saw some Mormon missionaries in Bushwick and it’s like if any neighborhood has heard the good word about polygamy, it’s this one.

Recently hung out with a friend’s friend that was so annoying I had to resort to scrolling Pinterest during dinner because I had exhausted all other apps instead of engaging with them.

RT @ALittleTimePod: If you need directions to an amarican heritage brand, @ohJuliatweets has you covered

I’ve decided to start homeschooling my roommates. I don’t need their fragile 37 year old minds being corrupted by the outside world.

Las Vegas is a beautiful city as long as you love stuff that sucks ass and have no taste

I’m a historically Good Guy for noticing how attractive Famously Beautiful Pamela Anderson still looks.

Not if you come to Wiseguys Town Sauare comedy club in Las Vegas this Friday and Saturday 8/8-9 to watch me do stand up! We will fix Vegas or they can bury me in the desert!.