Goatstein
@MandelaFace
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Senior Bee Guard, @WyoDems | Organizer | @DaltonSchool Class of '25 | Formerly @WarrenForAmerica | Formerly @BetoForAmerica | #ChildrenAreNotTheirGrandfathers
Joined March 2020
This is insane in at least two distinct ways already, then the middle hits.
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this isn't even the right scene. how about "I am the one who tucks." absolutely no craftsmanship anymore.
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sorry that 30 kids had to die in 5 seconds again this week. but consider the other side of magazine size restrictions. an italian hunter almost got injured in 2021 because he sucks at aiming and had to reload. he didn't, but what if.
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Around 2016 there was some joke that Hillary should call Trump voters Shit-Eating Morons because they'd immediately start self-identifying as that, and no one has ever been more vindicated.
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Yahoo bought the sex gifs aggregator "Tumblr," banned all the sex gifs, then sold it for a billion dollar loss, in so doing dumping a bunch of extremely unwell 17 year old sorcerers on us. This in economics is called "externalities".
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guy whose metaphor is a pornographic 4chan meme: i do not see how i could benefit from instruction in arts and culture.
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I like that the mere combination of a specific curtain, microphone and a camera angle has become code for "you are about to hear the dumbest shit all day".
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Norm MacDonald once said "bad comedians say things to make people clap, not laugh" and I think about it all the time.
BREAKING: Norm MacDonald has died "after a long and private battle with cancer" . The influential comedian and former 'SNL' Weekend Update anchor was 61
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There has never been anything that's made me feel over and more out of touch than the fact that Gen Z made this dumpy Youtube game show host into one of the biggest celebrities on the planet.
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You ever wonder how some guy could walk into a medieval village and say he saw a man with the head of an elk stealing all the grain and it ended with four hangings.
WOW 🚨 . “My daughter enrolls my 4 year old grandson into preschool last week — I live in small town Ohio. — They tell her that she has to hire a translator with her own money in order to send him to preschool because he is the only student that doesn't speak Spanish”. “This
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PAUL ATREIDES: May thy knife chip and shatter. ME (can't think of anything cool to say): No u.
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it would be cool if this ever happened with a republican. like if one of them got in office and went Psych i'm actually into decolonizing gender.
The beauty of democracy: people can join the pro-bio slop caucus, but I’m in the pro-ribeye one.
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tfw you get cuckolded by your cat wife's AJ3的花RSONAL SIURBARNER.
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leftist: this is due to deregulation and lobbying to reduce safety regulations. here are three examples.rightwinger: this is due to an ongoing satanic plot to kill billions. here's an mspaint i made.centrist: these are the same, to me.
It's uncomfortable but it really feels like the idea of shadowy capitalists inflicting a terrible industrial accident and coverup on a small all-white rural town with a cinematic name fits the herrenvolkish, heartland-versus-globalists worldview both extremes occasionally share.
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i love starting my marriage with the lifelong suspicion that we killed ruth bader ginsburg.
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suddenly just remembered that the Dilbert guy married an insta thot who immediately disappeared into an insta-thot-shaped cloud of dust going "meep meep" as soon as her 2 year prenup pension was vested. queen
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Remember when this was a lot of money to lose by mismanaging a website
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One thing I love about these people is their unstoppable juggernaut confidence. Did I misremember something from when I was 7? No, They changed the color and shape of the sun for some reason.
I’m just telling a person in their 20s that the sun used to be yellow when I was a child and he’s laughing. The last time he saw a yellow sun was on Teletubbies. Here’s the sun right now. White and a weird shape. How’s it looking where you are?
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This is the young working class guy version of the fantasy where a white lady goes to teach high school in the hood and wins their respect by rapping about Shakespeare.
Many do not realize that there are many viable businesses in rural America owned by an aging man who has no obvious successor. The guy probably wants to retire, the locals need the service he provides, but the business would be hard to sell because it is not managed according
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*closing 14 tabs* Not me.
Who has seen a heavily pregnant woman since 2021?.
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trying to frighten an american: imagine living on only 2500 calories a day.
Here's what the globalists have planned for YOU in 2030: . NO meat or dairy. 2500 calories per day. 3 new clothing items per year (how generous!). ZERO privately owned vehicles
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We don't do that though. "Bluhh its not my fault that 99% of my mass is below sea level". Aren't you a volcano? Fucking grind for it, pussy. This post brought to you by Himalayas Krew.
The Hawaiian archipelago would be the world's tallest mountain range when measured from the base to the summit.
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Every few years there's a new conservativism that's edgier and more punk rock and it always ends up going back to "Halloween decorations are too scary now"
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I don't understand the popular leftist turn against entering a magic wardrobe and being whisked away to adventure.
i do not understand the popular leftist turn against space colonization.
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c*vid was a historically bizarre disease because it hit world leaders and the jetsetter class first. we *had* to shut down. now they're safe, so it can be left to burn through the rest of us
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If you only read Based Trad Genocide Apologetics you'd be forgiven for thinking that the Aztec Empire held ancient dominion over the entirety of the Western Hemisphere and wasn't a loose territory the size of Ohio that lasted for 90 years.
All religions are equally wonderful pathways to God. Uh huh.
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george lucas looking at characters standing in front of a green screen delivering weird dialogue: what the fuck.
Jesus Christ. What the fuck happened to Star Wars. George Lucas must be turning in his grave-
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found out now that a woman tried to do a reddit AMA as a "Uyghur Activist and survivor of Chinese oppression" and disappeared the instant people discovered with a simple google search that she was a CIA employee working as an interrogator at gitmo lol
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Google: oh noo. We may be so good at coding we made a sapient AI by accident. And his eyes. feel like this!! *pushes your hands into a bowl of peeled grapes*.Youtube: would you like to see an ad for the phone you already own and are using to watch this ad.
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I don't like to overuse the term "literally," but religion has literally never been less important to the average American's life than it is now.
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elon musk, the richest man ever, pulled the old carny scam of planting a ringer who convinces the marks that they can win big too.
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This is by far the worst part now. In the Before Times, you could click on a big thread and see someone posting something funny or insightful in the replies. That's gone. I've blocked at least ten checkies a day for two years and it's still "a rain that never ends" - Jake Sully.
I hate the prioritized blue check reply system so much. It has sucked so much joy out of the experience of being here.
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Zizek: Let me tell you a great zjoke from communisht times. Wife says "cool how there are 4 mustards in the freege in Communisht Times, and none go with my sandweech. Normal World* and, husband, -he, is, right, by the way-.
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i am in Grieving because my 150 year old Boss died.
Love to dunk on grieving staffers on the eve of a shutdown!! Nice work, man — very cool!
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the best part of this is it's a known problem. he has an obstructed colon that stops him from pooping normally. rather than deal with this and like take laxatives or track his BMs before they become a problem, he just doesn't crap until he has to go to the hospital.
- Sem desistir! Vamos adiante, Brasil!.- 15.04.2025.- Jair Bolsonaro
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18-29 year old American males should not have insane beliefs like "Politicians are corrupt" or "Black people suffer discrimination". They should have normal ones like "Invade Iraq" and "It's ok when factories collapse and kill hundreds of people".
I support pandering to the voters but one takeaway I have from this survey is that America’s young people are kinda insane and ill-informed.
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Everything else aside, the UFO guy saying he has PTSD is funny because he was in the fucking Air Force. What happened, dude? You sit down in a chair too hard? Haha, just kidding. It's probably because he killed a bunch of people who were completely defenseless.
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the jerk store called. they said they've run out of your favorite jamaican rub.
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One thing you have to understand about the Current Thing meme is that it's odd to conservatives to care about something that is in fact currently happening, as opposed to barely remembered grievances from decades prior. Last night my dad complained about the spotted owl.
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Joined the Marines after 2006, became a cop, beat an inmate with nunchucks, dead of corona at 33. The Truest American Troop.
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In America you can just be a fat ugly dumbass who advocates for killing. That's it, that's your entire job. No one elected you and you're not even good at it
Forget sanctioning the Houthis. Why hasn’t the US Navy leveled their military bases yet? And if Iran resupplies, destroy the Iranian navy too. You can’t let this two bit militia disrupt global trade. Enough already.
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before you make jokes about "brunch" please keep in mind that my dad died.
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The US had 1,018 Covid deaths on Friday. Canada had 0. This is the cost of electing Republicans.
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The Feds are keeping the Free Market from building housing two hours away from any population center in the middle of the desert with no infrastructure.
One of the things East Coasters are just totally unaware of is how much land in the west is owned by the federal government, and how many problems ranging from inconveniences to the serious this causes. Because it’s just not a thing in the East.
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Watching with audio and the hunter who sucks and yet is fine is probably a woman. Apologies.
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Drone crews have killed more people than nearly anyone else in the military in the past decade, but they seldom got the same recovery periods or mental-health screenings as other fighters. The unseen scars of those who kill via remote control:
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ok i was thinking that the "they hung his ass out to dry so they could replace him" thing was a bit conspiratorial, but it's kind of wild that they had this ready to go like Yeltzin's obituary. when has Thomas Friedman ever dropped something at 2 AM.
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I'm not a successwin genius but everything I know about the business industry indicates I would rather be in the "100% markup for doing nothing" industry than the restaurant industry.
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Name other scholars beside Oppenheimer who spent their later years running away from their early work.
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McDonald's removed salads from the menu during the pandemic and the resulting menu page is very much "ask an American to imagine a salad"
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Giving funds to someone you are dating - that they didn’t ask for - and that isn’t “charged” for sex is now prostitution?!?. There is a reason they did this to me in a Christmas Eve-Eve report and not in a courtroom of any kind where I could present evidence and challenge
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Bioshock is an ineffective critique of libertarian ideology because the guy actually built a breathtaking wonder that later rotted from inequality, where in reality the undersea city project would have gone no further than producing concept art to scam other libertarians.
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you: (i'm such a piece of shit. i'm such a piece of shit. all my friends hate me.).boomer at work *in the middle of telling a third disinterested person about a baseball game none of them watched and who also overheard the first two conversations*: (this is great. i'm beloved).
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Until you recognize that Joe Biden the VP was not the same guy as Joe Biden the President. You will continue to fight your way out of the weeds.
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it's under-remarked on how this dumpy nobody is real-life Dethklok. youtube mega-virality seems over, big channels are getting 0.5-2m views a video. that Hot Ones with Conan O'Brien that everybody was talking about has 10m. he's out here repeatedly tripling the Super Bowl
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The premise here (the policies were not due to politics but rather rational business people trying to make money) was correct, but the conclusion (therefore he will also eventually adopt rational business policies instead of chasing insane political beliefs) was completely wrong.
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This does seem to pretty convincingly make the case that information about this account is of public interest. I'm extremely anonymous online but if I start to influence state legislation you have my permission to look for who I am.
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@ByYourLogic I'd say the worst addiction is probably one of the ones that kills you or at the very least requires that you spend some money.
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Does anyone remember how it came out that Jeffrey Epstein was telling everyone in jail that he wasn't depressed or suicidal and that proved the wily old fox was just lying to get everyone to drop their guard.
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@conor64 how much college did you have to do to gain the ability to post "i bet youd feel differently if it was things you like instead of the things you dislike" daily for eight years.
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"Young men need positive role models" Listen. We're not talking about a kid in the gang pipeline whose dad is in prison. We're talking about a dude who ruined his whole life by being on the computer too much. Being on a different part of the computer probably isn't the solution.
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"The Fly" (1986)
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I walked through blood and bones in the streets of Manhattan, trying to find my brother . He was in Northern Canada.
@TechniGal_Ash @cupcakeboner I’m not saying I survived Nova or survived the kibbutz massacres. I’m saying I survived October 7- the day.
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@Billaric The Chinese Empire officially lasted 2000 years, with long-standing local kingdoms going back over a thousand years prior. The Egyptian Pharaohs lasted 3000 years.
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zizek went on chapo and advocated using the coercive power of the state to improve society and a bunch of Ron Paul 08 guys who thought they were Marxist when they got a medical bill are in an absolute shambles
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we are reaching levels of On The Computer previously unimagined.
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Hiiiiii. regular person here👋. Dispelling some myths about our completely normal and secular plan to breed the Kwisatz Heiferach:.
Also to be precise: the red heifer isn't technically a sacrifice. It is slaughtered and burned on the Mt. of Olives but not on an altar. The ashes are used to make a mixture that is used in the purification process for entering the inner courtyard of the Temple Mount. Practical.
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@tarah I have a graduate degree in human anatomy and as such I can say your skull shouldn't look like that.
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Politician: I am outraged by the bombing of a refugee camp.Respectable center-right pundit: Your gay.
Outraged by your beard marrriage.
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if you've ever updated your resume you've been forced to write things like "achieved goals according to established timeframe. coordinated with technology to realize efforts" and you feel stupid, but for some people that dialect has replaced their first language.
For years, fans and critics alike have pushed Twitter to dream bigger, to innovate faster, and to fulfill our great potential. X will do that and more. We’ve already started to see X take shape over the past 8 months through our rapid feature launches, but we’re just getting.
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@ByYourLogic japan: custom build a fallout gun and change the course of society .america: scream about gamergate while you fail to beat the wrong 80 year old to death with a hammer.
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Matt Christman, I gave you my heart.No RT and no fav, you said I was gay.This year, to save me from tears.I'll post frogs at the Australian.
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you'd think that this is someone taking this clip out of context and being upset that the show is endorsing pedophilia, but in fact what the OP is upset about is that there are black people.
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Seems like any criticism of defunding the police moving forward should have to grapple with the fact that they have enough extra stuff to equip an army engaged in a land war with Russia.
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i love how impressed these guys all are by basic geometry. calculating the volume of a cylinder consists of multiplying four numbers together.
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@NotABigJerk morning twitter: normalize👏wearing👏a👏jacket👏when 👏it's👏windy👏.evening twitter: it's rude to talk to your friends.
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these people are gassing each other up to buy cyanide. that's what "vitamin b17" is. it's literally just cyanide. i remember a disclaimer that said "side effects may include symptoms similar to cyanide poisoning", which may be one of my favorite uses of the English language.
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This is an old joke but the fact is that the Terminator does not actually act like an infiltration unit. Every one of its responses to an obstacle is the most brutally direct possible.
It's kind of sweet that Skynet was like, "We need to create an infiltrator that can perfectly disappear among the humans. It must be exactly average, totally unremarkable. So what does the average man look like? It's pretty much this, right? They're all sculpted greek gods?"
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Grumpy Old Rural Hardware Store Owner: Stranger, I'm glad you came into town and melted this old man's heart with gumption and hard work. I'm gonna to give you my business instead of sellin it to McKinsey.Mayor Pete: *smiles sneakily*.
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