having sensory issues is so weird. how am I supposed to explain that I’m mad because the wrong lights are on?

Hello. I'm here with another invisible tweet but you won't know this.

gonna go put on something diabolical and take out the recycling.

I will never push religion... But I will make you scream the lord's name...

I will cover your nude body in nougat

I talk a lot of shit on ai for someone whose first celebrity crush was Data from Star Trek

I just got emotional watching a cat video, now I find out it’s ai. I fucking hate ai.

My buddy lost his job to AI. It was his job to chug thousands of gallons of water at a data center

Ppl who have no playlists & just shuffle their liked songs folder are capable of murder

Told my doctor I was depressed and he asked me if I’d thought about killing myself. Hell of a piece of medical advice but here goes nothing

It's been a real meh-low day.

Twitter is for people who want attention while being left alone

Hired someone today who has never heard of Crosby, Still, Nash, and Young and now I am furious.

Your idiosyncrasies or mine, baby?

I have fucking officially revoked my fucking Internet privileges

This guy will say dumb things for likes

How can I tell if this can of whoop ass has expired?

Gonna start my happy turkey day with a crisp bike ride into the country side.

6yo said “can you just make sure you always pack me a banana for school? (friend’s name) brings one too and we do banana phones at lunch” lmao. banana phones. Great bit

That moment u are inside her and she's saying "Oh baby don't cum, fuck me hard." But the voice in your head is saying, "you have one minute remaining.."

Hate it when I flip my pillow over to the cool side and accidentally knock over my nightstand spaghetti and meatballs