Husband found a parking spot right in front of the packed aquarium today and immediately was like “this is a parking spot you’ll remember forever” and has managed to talk about it all day. Has also said “how about the parking spot though” about 30 times so far
Its illegal to help baby sea turtles escape predators if u dont have a permit. If you see this you have to leave it alone and respect the natural order of things
husband and I have been arguing for weeks bc our spoons have all gone missing. Almost every spoon, gone. Every day it’s like WHERE THE F ARE THE SPOONS? Today our 4yo chimed in with “oh i throw them out at school when I’m done with my yogurt bc I don’t feel like rinsing them off”
I used to detest teenagers, hated their guts. But I just cut a 19yo’s hair and when I asked him how he likes college he said “yeah I like it. What about you, are you out of school yet?” 🥹🥹🥹 fine u little devil I guess teenagers are alright
A 57-year-old man is accused of drugging three 12-year-old girls with sedative-laced smoothies during his daughter’s sleepover at his Oregon home, court records show
You fucking dorks calling me a whore because you have nothing else better to say to me is so god damn annoying my godddddd, call me a minx, a hussy, a harlot. A freaky little sexpot. Be creative for once in your life
@SteveClaflinIT
@Dohghoe
@Rebels_Raiders
It was within 15 seconds of pulling into the lot however he has reminded me multiple times that the first thing I pointed out to him was "it's packed today" and it was HIS genius decision to still check the first row of parking instead of going around to the back first
This video is the funniest thing I’ve ever seen and the only thing that has brought me any type of relief from grieving these past few days. really speaks to my experience dealing with a dead fucking body in my house over a holiday weekend. No choice but to laugh at this point
my husband is fucking ROASTING me right now for my blue check. he said, and I quote, "you pay that man a cent, you deserve public, town square humiliation" this is worse than 9/11
At preschool graduation today one of the dads introduced himself to my mom thinking she had a kid in the class and she said “oh no I’m grandma…this one is mine” and pointed to me and the guy said to her face “Jesus…do you have any more daughters?” AT PRESCHOOL GRADUATION
holy shit everyone on twitter should be institutionalized. y'all really thought his wife (a mother) was gonna thank you?? for presenting her with the most devastating, potentially life-ruining news after parading receipts all over twitter? With BABIES involved? are u sociopathic?
Husband has always told me I look like Anna Kendrick. I’ve always disagreed. Told 5yo while watching Pitch Perfect “daddy says I look like her” she says “nope”. I say “really? I knew I didn’t look like her” And she says “yeah she doesn’t have pimples like you” ????? I’m gonna kms
Popping in to let you know that I made my hair darker today and got carded in the liquor store immediately afterwards which obviously means I look young and hot and sexy and cute and young/hot
I hate to make that naked mole rat any richer but everyone go on Am*zon and buy these flare leggings right now. Men too. They’re so good even the fellas should be wearing them
the twitter girlies are mad that I disagreed with their unhinged methods, so they have resorted to threatening to fuck ~my~ husband after *checks notes* publicly dragging someone else's husband for *checks notes again* cheating on his wife...mhmm yes this all makes sense actually
Every night that my husband (a UPS driver) gets home it looks the same. He’s covered in dirt and sweat, has holes in the shoes we’ve already replaced twice this year. It was 110 degrees in his truck and he took around 27,000 steps. He’s exhausted
we've officially reached the stage of viral tweet where random people just reply to me telling me I'm "ugly" and "have a gross body" for no reason like first of all stop lying
Watched Oppenheimer with my parents. They covered their ears for 5 minutes before the bomb went off, as if it might explode suddenly at any moment, and as if it would be as loud as a real bomb