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@kourtneyinhell
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Following
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figment of your imagination (@kourtneyinhell2)
Joined February 2020
Had a free hour at work to finally highlight my hair so at least I’ll leave here a little hotter today
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what if someone threw a full milk carton off the roof of a tall building and it landed on my head Kim. how much does that cost
Kim Kardashian tells Call Her Daddy that she would like to know the cost of a milk carton: "I mean, I don't have a concept of what like certain simple things cost, which really, um is, you know, I'd like to know a little bit more about what like a milk carton cost."
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Just ate a third of a loaf of bread with butter in the dark as a snack like I’m a squatter hiding out in the closed kitchen of an Outback Steakhouse
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sick of these guys “they have no idea what’s coming.” is it a gay porn where you all dress as different versions of Hitler and suck each other off while moaning the n word for some reason? No? Back to the drawing board then pal. time to come up with some original ideas for once
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Want your tactical tools seen on national TV—not just social? Our tactical shows air on cable, satellite & streaming across the U.S. Make customers see your brand like never before. See how it works.
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you can be hot, you can be pathetic, you can be hot and pathetic. you can be whatever you want in your 30s. you don’t have to pick just one
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One Christmas my dad got shit hammered and hopped on my Walmart mongoose bike and started at one end of the trailer park and fucking booked it into one of these and the ramp flipped over and he went flying ass first into a chinaberry tree vomited then went inside and fell asleep
Some of yall never went full speed on your Mongoose and sent it off one of these and it shows.
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“Don’t hate cancer because it isn’t aware of its actions” can someone shoot me in the skull please. I’ve had it
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oh look another generous contribution to my rapid mental health decline
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I hope SKIMS starts accepting bush donations like it’s locks of love
Kim Kardashian’s SKIMS drops new underwear collection featuring faux hair: “The Ultimate Bush”
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wearing the faux bush thong and the fake nipple piercings bra both on the same day and dying and getting made fun of by everyone at the morgue
Kim Kardashian’s SKIMS unveils new underwear collection inspired by faux hair: “The Ultimate Bush”
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6yo keeps going “hello sir, do you work here?” every time the cat walks by. Another great bit. She’s getting more powerful by the day
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This and the spinning helicopter lady both made me laugh harder than I’ve ever laughed
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Yeah so I can frisbee it at your head
Marriage tip: when your wife tells you to grab her a glass of water before bed, bring her this.
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Social media has destroyed the fabric of civilization buts it’s also helped me a lot personally
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trying to explain to my 3yo in the simplest terms why SpongeBob and Princess Peach most likely aren’t friends and why they probably don’t even know each other and I’m just now about 5 minutes into this conversation wondering why I didn’t just say yeah they’re friends
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