Idea Monkey 🧨 💥 🐵
@BringBackMonkey
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ASD+ADHD adjacent. Seen better days; probably the 90s but I can't remember them 😵💫 Currently living up in the trees 🐒
Joined December 2021
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Pinned Tweet
What. A. Fucking. Mess.
That's the tweet.
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It takes a special kind of dumb to wedge yourself on an issue, but that's what Spud's done with nuclear.
The tech doesn't exist
The market has said it's not viable
No-one wants a reactor in their electorate
Where does the waste go?
The LNP: We're all in
"We stoopids" 🫠
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Linda Reynolds strikes again
Is there nothing she can't clean?
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With this Indigenous Voice in Parliament referendum, we're about to find out just how abhorrently racist Australia really is, aye? 😬
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Higgins was found in Reynold's office by security at about 4am Sunday. She was naked. And so intoxicated she was unresponsive. She'd been raped.
Before Monday 9am that office was thoroughly steam cleaned
And Reynolds thinks there was no cover up?
Good luck with that, Lindy
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Hi from Australia 👋
Unofficially the melanoma capital of the world.
Sunlight (specifically the UV competent) 100% causes skin cancer.
Eat all the granola you want. If you expose skin to too much sunlight, you’re risking skin cancer. Esp with white skin like yours.
Kthabai
I don’t wear sunscreen, and I never will.
We blame the sun for cancer when we should be blaming our diets.
But if we cleaned up our diets, how would Big Food and Big Pharma make their money?
Sunscreen and a poor diet will make you sick.
Sick people = $$$
Don’t be a pawn.
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And here we are
Only one day later
😂😂😂
Mark my words
This will only encourage repeat, and possible more 'creatively expressed', versions.
How long before the LNP installs a specific CCTV camera to prevent it?
But until then, I very much look forward to the 'next Barnaby'.
It's coming. Bookmark this.
😂😂😂
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So Pauline Hanson looks like she'll lose her senate seat.
Oh this gift just keeps on giving.
👊👌😁
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Since being booted from Twitter (unfairly), and now having to rebuild my account, I'm finding I'm getting almost zero engagement on anything i post or tweet. So I'm asking friends, can you see this?
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You know when your mates invite you over to theirs for BBQ, and when you knock on the front door, they open it and invite you inside?
"Hey mate, great to see you, come in."
That's Welcome to Country.
It is NOT a welcome to 'the' country.
No-one is taking anything from you.
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So Barnaby is going to take a 'paid' leave of absence
Hands up who thinks that needs to be regulated by an Indue Card 🤚
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The photographer who took this shot 100% WAITED for this shot.
They knew exactly what they were trying to get. And they fucking nailed it.
Hats off.
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So now both parents now have covid. Confirmed by RATs only, and they’re not trying for PCRs bc they’re both over 78 and queuing while sick for hours is stoopid. Thankfully they’re both boostered tho.
So now we wait. Fuck I hate this.
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I feel like I've lost touch with reality here
Everyone is bitching hard about Albo attending Kyle's wedding. Some times invites are hard to get out of.
But NO ONE at all is talking about how an actual, real woman has agreed to marry Kyle fucking Sandilands
🤪🫠
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Serious question 👇
Can anyone from any side of politics name one policy that the LNP has put forward as an alternative option to what the ALP is doing? I'm 100% not a fan of everything the ALP is doing, but has the opposition offered literally ANYTHING as an alternative?
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Honestly, I haven't wanted to see someone lose a fight this bad since Mundine fought Danny Green
Please 🙏 may this be the legal axe kick that takes down this fuckstick
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After the murder of Molly Ticehurst, it's clearly (well beyond) time to admit that the current raft of legal deterrents do little (if nothing) from stopping men intent on violence.
AVOs clearly don't work
What would work better? Not granting bail is obvious.
What else?
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Where is the Higgins rape trial up to?
Any one know?
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Okay tweeps. Given Skeeter's awesome effort at arc welding today 🤣, if you were in charge of his photo ops, what job what you have him do next while he was being photographed doing it?
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If this isn’t enough proof that this country needs
#RoyalCommission
into media ownership, I don’t know what is?
Fuck me, what manipulative garbage.
Please try and tell me the MSM in Australia isn't bought and paid for by the Right.
Don’t reckon I’ve seen a full page ad like this in a by-election before..
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Apparently Skeeter suffered from anxiety when he was PM.
I honestly couldn’t give less fucks.
But instead of sharing yet another one of his smirking (and highly punchable) PR shots, I'll share this.
Skeeter inflicting anxiety on us, which is all he ever did
Fuck off, Scott
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This is exquisite. I CANNOT love this more.
😂😂🤣🤣
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Now please tell me Australia is not a racist fucking country.
How far have we come, really?
Go on RWNJs, make your ridiculous, nonsense case.
That fucking guy 🤬
FFS
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@noplaceforsheep
They never consider the response it'll draw. Porter didn't. Roberts-Smith didn't. Lehrmann didn't. It's an entitlement blindspot. These men have always won, at everything. Even watching their peers stumble into this trap STILL didn't open their eyes to the fact they could fail
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How good is not having to worry about living your life on an Indue Card?
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'Covid, it just knocks you around a bit.'
Josh Frydenberg, 24 Jan.
'At least people aren't dying.'
Barnyard Joyce, 24th Jan.
Today's update: 58 Australians died yesterday.
Also 24th Jan.
The LNP doesn't care if you die.
#PutLNPLast
Because that's where they put you.
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Shorter Dutton after finding out the name: "Oh fuck, it's one of ours. Let's maybe forget the whole thing, yeah?"
🤔 😂
ASIO warns naming 'traitor' politician could expose sources, as Peter Dutton cools on push to identify them via
@ABCaustralia
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It seems Putin has massively fucked this. Credible reports say parts of the Russian army surrendered or lack coordination. Russian POWs say they were told this was 'an exercise'. Putin's losing, 100%. The Ukrainians are fighting. So, how do we stop Putin from throwing a nuke?
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Fuck, we've already covered this with Australia Day
If the supermarkets aren't stocking something, it's NOT an ideological protest
It only means the product isn't selling. Woolies literally doesn't give a shit about your politics
Maybe you should have bought more, patriot 🤨
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I've said it 100 times, and I guess I'll keep saying it.
The LNP and neo-Liberals NEVER admit fault, ever.
They CANNOT do it. Even when the error was as egregious (and obvious) as this.
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Fuck. Off. Cunt.
Forever
Thank you! Plans for Your Good response has been terrific. Already in first reprint in Australia. You can get your copy @
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No one ever suggested God actually wrote the Bible. Did you think he did? 🧐
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I'm going to ask the un-askable question;
Can anyone explain what the appreciable difference is between what the Nazis did to the Jews, and what the Jews are now doing to the Palestinians? (Not Hamas, the Palestinians).
Anyone want to catch that one?
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I can't confirm this, of course, but it pleases me to imagine that the person who gave him this vest intentionally gave him 'that' vest.
They actually do come in larger sizes.
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Look at the size of these monstrosities!
Idiot
Look at the size of these monstrosities! Just how much non-renewable material is used in these things. Don’t let unreliables destroy our environment.
#auspol
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Maybe it's the Rona giving me brain fog, but i honestly struggle with the political resistance to masks. Ignoring health reasons (you shouldn't but stay with me), surely keeping more people healthy (and therefore at work) is BETTER for the economy? And masks are cheap. WTAF 🤨
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Let's be clear about Lehrmann's claim he'll 'never work again'
At the ripe old age of 23, he was hired as 'senior advisor' to a front bench minister.
Zero exp. Zero academic creds
With that level of influence, he'll never want for a job in his insanely privileged life. FFS 🙄
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Just to put this one to bed because people seem to be complaining about it
The ALP didn't run a candidate in Cook because when the LNP inevitably won the seat, it stopped the Libs then turning the by election into a beat up about how they beat Labor.
It silenced them
Ya dig?
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So the headmaster defends him?😩 With that response, it makes you wonder what else the boys at that school can get away with just because 'they're promising young men'.
<sigh>
via
@ABCaustralia
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@ImagingOdin
@philYoung17
@TimWilsonMP
Even in our own crisis, compare the pair. One went for a photo op. The other filled five parliamentary cars full of supplies and spent his time cooking food for the volunteers.
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@adamhillscomedy
Kills me so many Aussies who (presumably) were raised on a 'fair go' carry so much hate for people who are the original Aussies.
Depressing 😥
I want us to be better than this.
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This guy, I mean. How fucking badly can you score an own goal?
😂😂😂
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So, what we've all learned is that one of the (many) massive grifts the LNP has perpetrated on the Aust people is to funnel obscene levels of public money into consultancies for the sole purpose of setting up their own lucrative political exit strategies.
Did I miss anything?
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BREAKING: Landed myself an awesome fulltime job 🎉🎉🎉
Lost my last one pre-covid, so about eight years ago. Freelance hustling these last few years has sucked royally. Basically doing work I used to do ten years ago, for about as much money.
Today is a good day. I’m back! 🐒
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Quoting the Bible to prove the existence of God is no different to me quoting a Spiderman comic to prove the existence of Spiderman.
FACT.
Dear "Jesus is not God" crowd:
"I am the First and I am the Last; apart from me there is no God."
Yahweh (Isaiah 44:6)
"Do not be afraid. I am the First and the Last."
Jesus (Revelation 1:17)
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Someone, anyone, want to try and argue that the existence and enduring influence of religion on this planet is a positive for the world, as a whole?
I'll fucking wait (for Rapture, I expect)
Religion is mental illness. Don't agree? What's that 👇
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@MyFirstCousin
Talk about a loaded question. It’s not Albo's job to handle the pandemic. He's in opposition, and wasn’t even invited to be part of National Cabinet. What more could he do?
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Sharma putting his TER on campaign ads.😆
Kids do that on CVs when they leave high school bc (understandably) it’s the ONLY thing they have to show.
Apparently, after all his time in parliament
@DaveSharma
feels he needs to show his TER.
It’s almost like he’s done nothing 🧐
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Is it possible that Bruce was sooooo drunk he didn't know how to say 'no' to someone covering his car with prawns?
🧐
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Please watch this 🙏👇
Whatever it once might have been, the LNP now is nothing other than a criminal cartel solely concerned with pillaging the public purse
That's it.
#LNPCrimeParty
Fuck!
Deborah O’Neill reveals shocking details that under Peter Dutton, Home Affairs arranged for KPMG to audit controversial co. Paladin who they contracted, but that the audit was conducted on “the wrong company”😳
Stephanie Foster can’t explain how nobody even noticed.
#Estimates
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Thoughts and prayers for this guy
Someone might want to check in on him
😂😂😂😂
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@noplaceforsheep
Am I the only one who thinks that PvO has finally decided to step up and throw a punch bc his rep has taken such a beating over the last few days? He clearly HAD that text exchange. And he chose to use it today.
🤨
He did it today, for him. Or am I being ungracious here?
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Hey
@AlboMP
@SenatorWong
I hope you both won't mind to learn that when it comes time to vote for the ALP again, many of us will instead choose 'to abstain'
Just so you know.
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@Aaronsmith333
@nick_coatsworth
Should we start a pool on the date he publicly accepts a preselection for the Fed LNP?
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So after receiving millions in misappropriated JobKeeper (ie YOUR money) fuckstick Gerry Harvey now had the gall to start selling RATs.
He laughs at us while he takes our money, during a crisis.
#boycottharveynorman
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Two years ago Scott ran off to Hawaii while our country burned. That makes today national
#AbscondmentDay
If you have a Hawaiian shirt, today's the day to rock it.
I am so here for this 🤙
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@katea76
Should have called Linda Reynolds. She knows the number to get people to show up immediately, on Sundays. They'll clean anything. Even crime scenes.
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Hands up who's really fucking hating this AUKUS club we've been signed up to.
🤚
Seems we can't even cast a vote (in a non-binding resolution) to call for an end to active genocide
How good is it?
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@SarkySage
@Tony_Burke
He's been appointed precisely BECAUSE he’s not up to the job.
Our system of Govt was never designed, and subsequently cannot cope, with the idea that the people tasked with using it would intentionally seek to undermine it.
The LNP simply doesn’t give AF.
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@ScottMorrisonMP
Do you ever do literally anything other than being photographed?
Follow up question.
Do you realise we all know this isn’t actually you doing any work?
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Why not walk up the brick wall on the right?
🥴
Are bricks 'virtue signalling' too?
Man climbs up railing to avoid using WOKE stairs
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Okay peeps
I'm coming back to this 👇
Advance Aust was always using Dunkley as a test case. And it didn't work. So 100% expect them to learn from this.
The next time they'll shift gears and try something else. They will, 100%
Don't get complacent. Expect it.
I expect Advance Australia to lie at every opportunity on behalf of the LNP as a test run.
Win/lose, they don't really care about Dunkley.
What they actually care about is refining and perfecting a model to be used during bigger (and more important) elections.
100% chance.
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If Peter Dutton is the answer, what was the question?
(Wrong answers only)
🙃
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@rpcounat
@thespecialbka
He sits on a 5% margin. Swings against the LNP, on average, in recent elections have been consistently double that number. And then there's the specific hatred Victorians have for the Fed LNP. Every seat has its nuances. But I'd say Josh is in trouble.
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@noplaceforsheep
Shorter
#Domicrom
I broke NSW Health. Please don’t use it till further notice.
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Weird. Here’s me thinking this is a photo of all your Govt's achievements over the last three years.
Soz, my bad.
Today we pack the boxes to move out of the ministerial office. That’s the easy part. We also begin the farewells amongst staff who have become like family.
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I see this photo and wonder what did Jesus do to end up in court
Anyone want to guess?
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@GideonCRozner
Complete and utter nonsense based on the number of Jews around the world marching in pro Palestinians protests.
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BREAKING: Just like the White/Gold or Blue/Black dress that completely divided the internet. It's happened again.
So tell me, who do you see?
Bridget McKenzie or Pru MacSween?
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If your business is only profitable when the people who work for you can’t afford to live, then you don’t have a viable business model.
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Albo, mate
The marches are designed to send a message to legislators (that's you) that the public has had gutful of this situation
They're meant to make you act as our Prime Minister.
You 'marching' is just the tail wagging the dog. And it'll achieve about as much
A woman has been killed every four days so far this year.
Tomorrow I will walk with women across Australia to say enough is enough.
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Hamas doesn't have command centres under hospitals
But, even if they did (they don't) but if they did, you still CANNOT kill everyone in the hospital, including babies to get to them
There is literally NO way to justify that. NONE.
If you think there is, you're mentally ill
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The AEC has just called it for Albo. 76 seats. 👇✊
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BREAKING: Prude MacSwine inadvertently argues that Albo should definitely be our next PM.
Now here’s Phil with the weather.
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Is everyone else's timeline suddenly flooded with endless fucking ads for pointless gadgets?
Just fuck off with this shit
@elonmusk
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Does she think that's a problem?
🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣
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BREAKING: Faced with considerable community pressure, Woolworths reverses its decision not to stock Aust Day merch. A spokesperson for Woolies said, "We're committed to supporting all Aussies, therefore we'll be stocking a very limited range to cater to Aust Day cookers"
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I've spent a lot is years working in advertising
This is, hands down, one of the worst taglines I've ever read
Serious question: Who approved this? Who's advising you?
It's incredibly ill advised.
Try re-reading it again 🙏
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@noozchoozy
@Peter_Fitz
My thoughts. Why in the actual fuck are we concerned who leads that dumpster fire in opposition? Can we talk about our new Govt for a bit please? 🐵
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@WriteWithDave
@abcnews
After you launch your campaign, typically you would then spend the next few weeks announcing your policies and vision for the country to encourage people to vote for you.
The LNP launched their campaign three days out from the media blackout date.
The have NOTHING to say.
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Sorry for the all caps friends, but in this case, I believe they're meritted.
THE HIGHEST TAXING GOVT WE'VE EVER HAD NOW HAS THE BLATANT AUDACITY TO TRY AND SET UP A GOFUNDME TO HELP QLD??!!! WHERE ARE OUR TAX DOLLARS? JUST FUCK OFF
@AusLiberalParty
#CallTheElectionDickhead
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@senatorbabet
Prove those claims you abhorrent liar
Prove them. I'm calling you out. But I'm guessing you're hiding, aye?
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If the answer is Pru McSween, what was the question?
😁
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@Geoffy_L
Justice Lee: "Bruce Lehrmann raped Brittany Higgins"
Well geez, do I listen to armchair legal experts on Twitter, or a highly experienced High Court Justice?
🤡
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Given the super heavy shit that's breaking all over Spud at the moment, I'm thinking he wishes he'd just got shitfaced and fell over a planter box
😂😂😂
(Shout out
@friendlyjordies
who actually broke this story years ago ✊👌)
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Can we all agree that we should all stop fucking asking each other if we've had covid yet?
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IDF: Hamas cut off babies's heads.
No they didn't
IDF: Hamas bombed their own hospital
Also nope
IDF: We attacked a hospital and found a Hamas base
No you didn't.
It honestly takes a special kind of fucked up to make Hamas seem like the more trustworthy party here
Fuck
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Mark my words
This will only encourage repeat, and possible more 'creatively expressed', versions.
How long before the LNP installs a specific CCTV camera to prevent it?
But until then, I very much look forward to the 'next Barnaby'.
It's coming. Bookmark this.
😂😂😂
Cleanup on aisle Barnaby! LNP staffers engaged in another cover-up, Dutts?
(
@ihaveabluehat
I'm guessing the plaque is gone?)
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Hi Robb
This is Twitter. And Twitter is easy
I challenge you to go and watch the four hour summation from Justice Lee
His judgment was incredibly thorough.
You clearly haven't watched it
If you had, you'd know why this post is embarrassing nonsense, for you.
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