boob dylan
@BYUsupersoaker
Followers
3,017
Following
528
Media
264
Statuses
7,503
comedian. neuralink experiment. wannabe TV writer. co-host of Horses and Warplanes Podcast
Joined October 2021
Don't wanna be here?
Send us removal request.
Explore trending content on Musk Viewer
LA ROCHE MELA B3 x FOURTH
• 98673 Tweets
HAPPY 3RD BINIVERSARY
• 74894 Tweets
エアコン
• 31522 Tweets
白血球さん
• 28205 Tweets
Mela B3 With NEWWIEE
• 25836 Tweets
LAROCHE x JIMMYSEA
• 20457 Tweets
ライエモ
• 14912 Tweets
永野芽郁
• 13548 Tweets
ジンくん
• 13336 Tweets
細胞実写化
• 12263 Tweets
#サッカー日本代表
• 11025 Tweets
血小板ちゃん
• 10710 Tweets
#GiveMeThat1stWin
• 10518 Tweets
Pinned Tweet
"you let your cat sleep in your bed!?" brother i would let my cat shoot a gun if he wanted to
167
21K
150K
it’s gonna be a joe biden summer (eating ice cream and forgetting where I am)
24
6K
58K
cutting my arm off BEFORE going hiking so that the 127 hours thing doesn't happen to me.
34
2K
35K
told a man this weekend that the only social media I truly do enjoy is Twitter bc it’s where I can “really show off my writing.” he said “oh that’s really nice” and opened my profile and this was the first tweet he saw
27
240
16K
never forget when the Nuggets mascot passed out on his descent
39
579
10K
old people will say autism wasn't a thing in their time and then they'll show you their coin collection
16
488
8K
cool names for boys:
gun
Beef
Wrench
therapy
Booger
carcass
Youtube
40
730
7K
this is the coolest fucking thing that’s ever happened to me
107
40
5K
fred flintstone committing su*cide by running in place in his garage
21
545
5K
@GeorgiaShenk
EXACTLY!!! I THOUGHT THIS SAME THING. her episode is the best snl episode i’ve seen in a WHILE and that is absolutely because she was easy to work with, willing to make fun of herself, and was NICE to the writers!!
1
1
654
french people deserve the hate that the italians get i’m sorry
9
25
319
as a queer teenager, i was bullied for dating a girl. they called me a "carpet muncher." that's why this pride month i'm partnering with Stanley Steemer Carpet Cleaner
2
11
237
as a queer teenager, i was bullied for dating a girl. they called me a "beanflicker." that's why this pride month i'm partnering with Busch’s Baked Beans
3
7
199
@danielleweisber
LMFAO they’d be like “ i noticed how you ate chips in your bed and slept in the crumbs…does that stem from a desire to be touched?”
1
8
189
your anxiety is lying to you!!! people actually hate you more than you think they do!!
6
21
156
they never seen a woman with DDs have a below average amount of rizz like this
8
1
147
kneeling during the national anthem at a middle school graduation.
1
10
141
tbt to when my ex and I broke up (amicably) and this was the first text he sent me after no contact
4
2
136
like share subscribe cum squirt i don’t freaking care just watch this video so I can one day make more than $25 a gig
2
6
124
@korysverse
omg kissing booth 3 when Joey King and Jacob Elordi broke up in real life lmfao they physically wince whenever their characters have to kiss lmfaoooooo
0
1
108
you think you can hurt my feelings? I had to enforce the mask mandate at a Bass Pro Shops
7
7
99
in the mountains. straight up "jorkin it". and by "it", haha, well. let's just say. My friend Ennis
0
7
90
pro abortion? that’s my dream- to go pro. right now i’m just an amateur.
2
5
82
ever want to kill your self and then realize that it’s just bc your socks are made of the wrong material.
3
2
78
me (crying): this was our song. I miss him so much.
guy sitting next to me at the baseball game: this is the National Anthem
1
6
78
i live with my mom and am on 2 different antidepressants someone breed me
4
0
72
just tried to pull up my reference picture to my hairdresser and accidentally pulled up a nude hhghuuuyfeghjjjkkkkoi now we’re sitting in silence oh god
4
0
73
real Boob Dylan fans know i gotta tweet 40 times a day or else the voices will Win so strap in new followers (john cena im looking at u buddy)
3
0
72
of course the worst picture of me of all time does numbers on twitter lmfao
2
0
61
biggest crowd i’ve ever done standup for and it was for my literal fav comedian ahhhhhh sometimes life can be soooo sexy and fun
1
0
60
Johnny Knoxville after all his friends cover his dick and balls with angry bees
1
0
58
i’m at the last kum n go on earth sticking the gas pump up my ass…just trying to feel something
2
2
51
when you don’t pay for your friends dinner and he starts yelling that you’re there to meet a 13 year old.
0
1
50
guy at the bar just saw the news and took off his Blue Lives Matter hat and put his head in his hands and sobbed
1
1
47
even though i have massive heaving tits and an above average personality i think i will be single forever, i fear
6
0
46
if ur against college students protesting a fucking genocide happening please unfollow me omg
1
2
45
people think that comedians are just a funny, well-meaning, laid-back group of people which is true for about 10% of them. the rest of them are the most selfish, narcissistic, power hungry, deeply troubled people you know made worse by giving them a mic, a stage, and attention
3
0
44
the lawyers when i tell em i did shoot the sherif but i did NOT shoot the deputy
4
0
44
My girlfriends entire family died and I reluctantly took her to a festival in Sweden where she burned me alive in a bear carcass
Here's what it taught me about B2B enterprise sales 🧵
1
2
43
me trying to impress my date who is really into dinosaurs:
god i just hate meteors, don’t you?
2
4
42
held his dick up by the scruff and now he won’t stop purring help.
1
1
40
fingering is a lost art like cursive or the midrange jumpshot.
0
4
37
they never seen a woman with DDs have a below average amount of rizz like this
2
0
38
i’ve got to be the most fuckable person in the stanford prison experiment
3
1
36
being in california is pretty cool when i don’t got a bitch in my ear telling me how much of a liberal nightmare it is
3
0
35
i love when people make fun of me for living with my mom still. Yall can enjoy paying rent and being miserable with 9 roommates, I’ll enjoy saving my money and watching Jeopardy every night with someone I love deeply lmao. but yeah make fun of me for it !!!
1
1
34
jesus christ haven’t been on here in a bit but my lovely friend has provided me with proof that this is not an original thought and is in fact the genius work of
@missjellinsky
… i knew i wasn’t smart enough to be the first one to this joke lmao
3
2
30
Even if you hate TikTok, this is a TERRIFYING precedent.
Today, they're banning TikTok. Tomorrow, it could be Hinge.
President Biden has signed the ‘TikTok ban’ bill
Parent company, ByteDance, must divest TikTok within 9 months or face a ban
2K
3K
55K
3
4
34
running is your “therapy?” ok and jerking off is my “rehab”
0
1
34
irish guy: yell never believe what I saw in tha portal on meh way to werk this mornin’. saw a pair o’ perky tits i did! oi immediately went to tha pub n wanked off into a pint of guiness; that’s why i’m late boss
1
0
34
one time in college i was hooking up w a guy and he started without a condom so i was like
"You forgetting something" and then he rummaged around in the nightstand for a sec and said sorry for being rude you wanna hit this and handed me his juul.
1
0
33
this cat just came to my door and straight up walked in, plugged in his phone, posted up like this, and then tried to sell me Homeowners Insurance.Even asked me for a slimjim and some milk. smh
0
1
34
just got boofied at the bar. someone poured a whole beer in my butt while I wasn’t looking. watch out guys.
3
0
33