danielle weisberg for hire
@danielleweisber
Followers
32,262
Following
969
Media
1,597
Statuses
40,898
award-nominated tv writer, nap slut, the best goddamn dancer in the American Ballet Academy | she/her | dweisberg123 @gmail .com
under a blanket in LA
Joined June 2010
Don't wanna be here?
Send us removal request.
Explore trending content on Musk Viewer
Pedro Sánchez
• 378290 Tweets
Wizkid
• 276358 Tweets
woozi
• 204742 Tweets
#CDTVライブライブ
• 169392 Tweets
Scotland
• 105502 Tweets
The Gift
• 72699 Tweets
Thiago Silva
• 68061 Tweets
#キュウゴー
• 58275 Tweets
#TimnasDay
• 52868 Tweets
アンセム
• 51570 Tweets
Mufasa
• 45893 Tweets
Uzbek
• 34856 Tweets
Matisse
• 32074 Tweets
#アンメット
• 20787 Tweets
Blue Ivy
• 20257 Tweets
ドラゴンボール
• 17461 Tweets
Medina
• 17186 Tweets
UNIT SONGS
• 11917 Tweets
Rock in Rio
• 11868 Tweets
Wasit
• 11838 Tweets
Qちゃん
• 11377 Tweets
鈴木千裕
• 10934 Tweets
Last Seen Profiles
whenever someone my age is like ‘my husband...’ my first thought is ???? but we’re kids ????? (I am 29)
1K
45K
486K
it’s just so weird to me that not too long ago someone with a regular old job could buy a house like an entire house with just their job money
642
36K
367K
it makes zero sense to me that my iCloud can ever be full??? it is not real??? nothing is??? just let me put more stuff in there
202
22K
293K
me earth
🤝
getting hotter but
for sure more unstable
every year
137
46K
270K
people without undereye bags make me nervous. what aren’t you tired about
288
29K
257K
how do astronauts not cry all the time from being scared
552
19K
239K
what if we just did three day weekends every week and that was just how we did things now
551
25K
237K
how :) the fuck :) is this not enough :) to remove him :) from office :) every day :) is a new nightmare :) with no way :) to wake up :)
President Trump admitted in an interview he plans to block additional funding for the U.S. Postal Service in order to prevent increased voting by mail.
2K
18K
24K
180
62K
218K
every broadway show :) should be filmed in high quality :) and released affordably :)
431
30K
212K
I can’t believe I exist on a planet with like aurora borealis and coral reefs and fuckin snow capped alps and mossy stones and sparkling waterfalls and I have to do like a career
215
43K
213K
There is always money for war but my mom has been buying her own classroom supplies for 44 years. There is always money for war but my generation drowns in debt we were told is necessary for success. There is always money for war but when we get sick we crowdfund for medicine
227
45K
196K
if ur wonderin why millennials are fuckin fed up 24/7 it’s prob bc our entire lives there’ve been needless wars, a stagnant minimum wage, declining support for science/environment/arts, and the only property we own is a phone that provides devastating updates every few seconds
546
43K
189K
they investigated that shake shack faster than they’ve ever investigated a sexual assault but ok
136
33K
189K
|￣￣￣￣￣￣￣￣￣￣ |
| why don’t we just vote |
| and count the votes |
| and the winner wins |
| ＿＿＿＿＿__＿＿＿＿|
(\__/) ||
(•ㅅ•) ||
/ づ
490
22K
182K
how are ‘teeth’ and ‘the position of your teeth’ two separate professions
318
8K
178K
I love the difference between dog and cat rescue stories. dog owners will be like oh I prepped for months and applied and had a home check then did a foster to adopt trial period and then the rescue chose me! and cat owners are like .. I found him in the trash
2K
14K
168K
I love when married people are like marriage is the best!! it’s hard work!!! it is work it is hard and the work is hard!! it is the hardest work I have ever worked hard at!!!! like ok I already have a job so no thank you I’m good then
808
13K
166K
I just feel like a lot of you are not as afraid of the ocean as you should be. like what is even in there
1K
19K
157K
unfortunately there is a law that states I have to buy myself a little treat any time I leave the house. it is a pricey law but I am nothing if not a rule follower
77
22K
144K
read the room, Forbes
140
13K
139K
happy two year anniversary of starting to work from home for two weeks to avoid this weird new virus that’ll prob be over by april xoxo
96
12K
135K
you’re telling me she ran after smoking weed and that’s a problem? when I am high I can do nothing. she should get an extra medal
166
12K
132K
carb/tomato/cheese is the best thing our species has ever done. pizza? perfect. quesadilla with salsa? genius. grilled cheese with ketchup or tomato soup? joyful. pasta with marinara and parm? beautiful. carb/tomato/cheese CARB/TOMATO/CHEESE
287
14K
132K
I really used to commute an hour and a half in high waisted jeans
159
7K
130K
just totally randomly thinking about how when I left CONAN (show) Conan (person) told me to use him as a reference wherever it would be helpful. A year-ish later I applied to The Simpsons and listed him as a reference on my resume. they called him and I got the job
171
3K
128K
I love how writers are like we want 22 episode seasons and actors are like 22 episode seasons are awesome and the crew is like please give us longer seasons so we aren’t unemployed 4 times a year and audiences are pleaseeee give us more episodes and execs are like .. how about 6
341
12K
128K
how do airpods stay in your ears. I feel like you guys are lying about that
1K
8K
124K
omg I saw a real life meet cute at Trader Joe’s. they bumped into each other then made a joke then started shopping together !!!!! a few minutes later I turned down frozens and one of them said “ok where to next” and then they went to snacks!!!!!!!
167
3K
110K
has the cdc said yet when it is safe for me to trust a man again
168
19K
105K
with all due respect if I am watching a show from 1999 on a streaming service I want all the commercials to be from 1999
177
6K
102K
I am a WRITER ok I open up my little computer when I have an IDEA and then I BUY THINGS on the INTERNET
186
11K
100K
living alone rocks until you’re sick and then it’s like wait… whomst will fetch me a sip of cool blue gatorade when I am parched?
103
6K
97K
when a tv show has a really good-looking pizza in a scene they should have to tell you in the credits where it came from
172
6K
93K
there are two teams named after socks
And just like that, the Indians adopt the dumbest, most pointless name in major professional sports
4K
241
2K
386
6K
90K
it’s my RIGHT as an AMERICAN to go BANKRUPT when I get sick. I deserve LIFELONG DEBT for goin to COLLEGE. EVERY DAY is an anniversary of a SCHOOL SHOOTING. $7.25 an hour is PLENTY, thank you. FREEDOM BABY USA!
129
22K
88K
wait… my new york pals…. Your landlord decides the heat in your apartment???? you do not get to be in charge of your own temperature????? am I understanding correctly???????
1K
3K
86K
remember folks it is always okay to bully a corporation
128
12K
86K
so we have ice (water) hockey, field (earth) hockey, and air/table (air) hockey…. folks I believe it is time for fire hockey
224
8K
80K
idk what you guys are talking about .. the american school system is perfect?? I have no financial literacy but I do know how to square dance
208
5K
74K
I don’t believe Taylor/Travis is a PR relationship but I do believe they got together in a Princess Diaries 2 eligible bachelor slideshow way and she was like yeah he seems hot and fun and he was like yay!!! Neat 😎
45
2K
71K
bury me with a hair tie on my wrist just in case
76
12K
70K
tv is such a powerful medium. The phrase ‘moderate to severe plaque psoriasis’ has been rattling around in my head since I was like four
192
5K
69K
something about me is I have to be the best customer. I need an A+ in customer. I want to believe that after I walk out the employees are like wow she has clearly worked in customer service and they smile and nod to each other
121
6K
67K
even if you are fully vaccinated, the CDC recommends masking half of your face while living secretly in the opera house
161
9K
66K
vitamin water is hilarious. they really were like umm this liquid sugar is actually sooooo good for you and college me was like perfect thank u pass me the hot pink one I feel a cold coming on
196
3K
66K
48
7K
65K
me, a relaxed girl planning a fun vacation: ok so I’ll start the google doc
329
8K
62K
couch: oh honey you are sooo tired
bed: no she’s not! She isn’t actually
83
6K
62K
Oversharing??? you mean giving you unfettered access to the vastness of my lore
52
15K
60K
ok genuinely if this becomes a class action suit for like every coffee shop I am looking at sooooo many pennies
Dunkin’ is being sued for $5 MILLION due to charging extra for non-dairy milk.
The lawsuit claims that it discriminates against customers with lactose intolerance and milk allergies.
810
2K
40K
47
5K
56K
I see your 30 Under 30 and raise you a 29 Under A Weighted Blanket
53
3K
55K
vacations are not for relaxing they are for imagining a completely unsustainable fantasy life in a city as equally expensive as your own but with different weather
58
3K
55K
just occurred to me that I probably love airports because they are safe walkable little cities with bathrooms and snacks everywhere
89
2K
53K
I feel v connected to this earthquake because I too am an LA 3.6
113
6K
51K
legally as a 30-year-old I should not have to have dreams in or about high school
413
3K
50K
flipping between petfinder and hinge like ok who needs rescuing today
42
3K
50K
I don’t understand people who always have a romantic partner like what you just go out and talk to people and find someone who you like who also likes you and then if you break up you do that again? oh ok
175
3K
49K
I love when night me is like ok girl tomorrow you’re running :) and then morning me wakes up like bitch first of all no one tells me what to do
51
3K
49K
absolutely horrifying that exercise makes me feel better. revolting
53
4K
48K
god I love a book with a weird map in the front. Yes confusing little map!!! you have done your job. I am enticed
97
4K
47K
so the internet is largely bad, the real world also not great rn, where am I supposed to hang out, my own mind??? The worst of the three???
69
8K
47K
my brain: it’s so important to stay up late
me: why
my brain: important
33
5K
40K
not SAG actors doing the AI yearbook trend… babe
64
3K
39K
love to make my therapist laugh, which is of course the point
36
4K
38K
wow.. bars, clubs, and gyms all closed?? my life is about to seriously be exactly the same
48
6K
37K
you don’t buy Ferrero Rochers. they simply appear when you are worthy
32
4K
37K
🌸🌸🌸🌸🌸🌸🌸🌸🌸🌸🌸
🌸 if u support racists 🌸
🌸 but think u are not racist 🌸
🌸 SURPRISE 🌸
🌸 u are racist 🌸
🌸🌸🌸🌸🌸🌸🌸🌸🌸🌸🌸
27
9K
36K
so how do you guys trick your brains into letting you have a good time
350
3K
36K
don’t get me wrong I looove being alive but like how many more times am I gonna have to get groceries
55
5K
36K
the thing about so many people striking is we workers deserve more and the CEOs deserve less. That’s it. across every industry that’s it
65
7K
35K
having to pay to park anywhere for any reason is some real goofy shit
135
2K
35K
I want the monkeypox vaccine, I want the covid booster, I want the monkeypox vaccine and the covid booster
182
3K
34K
millennials love to just like keep a nice cardboard box
390
2K
34K
do tennis players know if they hit the ball a little gentler their friend could hit it back and they could play longer
48
2K
33K
cousins as a concept is so crazy to me. Some of them are babies and some are 50? And they are called the same thing?? It’s not right
68
2K
33K
would be a lot easier if my therapist could just like shadow me for a day
34
2K
32K
instead of the pills for period week in birth control packs they should put mini m&ms in there
38
1K
32K
I answered all my emails and then they in turn were answered and now here we are again having to answer emails. The horrors persist
19
4K
31K
McMansion?? uh no sweetie I want the Berenstain home
75
2K
29K
if you are the tv writer I just saw on tinder whose bio only reads “just a johnny looking for his amber” — I hope you get diarrhea tonight xo
58
663
28K
having your former boss recommend you for a job is not nepotism unless you are related btw. Conan is not my dad. And most jobs require the applicant to provide references. hope this helps!
48
207
28K
there’s a trend I’m seeing on TikTok rn of women in their 20s and 30s starting ballet “for their mental health” and as a former ballerina…….. i am experiencing some real dramatic irony here
113
910
28K
me in 2004 me in 2020
🤝
I want to try kissing
but I am scared
24
2K
27K
bi girl velvet couch green
129
2K
27K
actually my ancestors would want me to take a nap right now. They’d be like hell yeah no one is trying to kill you or anything?? you don’t have to like flee on a boat? your belly is full and it’s a beautiful day? that’s sick babe! and so really I am honoring them
21
3K
27K
oh my god. Arbys. RB’s. roast beef. it was there all along
126
1K
26K
wait babe why are you doing something the fictional version I created of you in my head wouldn’t do
19
2K
25K
can all of you who think you have a weird summer cold please just take a covid test. it’s 2023. It’s covid. Take a test and stay home
193
3K
24K
GOVERNMENT SERVICES DON’T NEED TO TURN A PROFIT THEY SIMPLY NEED TO EXIST
The U.S. Postal Service is in the midst of a 10-year plan aimed at erasing losses and eventually turning a profit. But in its last fiscal year, the agency reported a loss of $6.5 billion, a major step backward.
1K
129
443
47
4K
24K
do u have to get married to become divorced? I feel I could really embody the energy of a divorcee but I don’t want to do the whole marriage deal
118
1K
21K
idk why it’s called a semi truck.. like those things are definitely a whole truck
21
1K
21K
my favorite hobby is getting groceries then getting takeout for dinner
55
2K
19K
the number of times I have been like editing a resume while a global catastrophe occurs is a lot for a 32-year-old I think
9
1K
19K
I love the ‘you can’t live in fear forever’ covid denying people bc it’s like sweetie yes I can what do you think anxiety is I am perfect at it actually
30
3K
18K
anyway I used to think it was my destiny to change the world but now I think it is to find the best cinnamon roll there is and eat it
91
2K
17K
what’s your fav hobby mine is using a dating app for one single day before deciding celibacy is actually very cool and chic
39
1K
17K
also a good reminder to never comment with cruelty if someone looks tired or if their body shape has changed
20
2K
17K
I don’t know why I have a headache??? all I do is look at screens much of the day then go out in the sun for hours then grind my teeth all night
17
1K
16K
tinder is great if you want to remember why being alone is just fine actually
34
2K
15K