Andrew Hilary 🇵🇸
@AndrewHilaryUS
Followers
11,846
Following
3,364
Media
5,791
Statuses
69,546
Future Dead Guy. Wholesome Ice Cream Man, Unhinged Comedian, Host of @WorstWeekYet
Pittsburgh, PA
Joined August 2011
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Pinned Tweet
Did I mention that tonight was Wing night?
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A little girl just came up to the ice cream truck and asked if she could buy ice cream with a blue rock she found. I am now one blue rock richer.
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A little kid came up to the ice cream truck today holding a $5 in one hand and a cool leaf in the other. She asked for a bomb pop, and I said “okay, that will be one leaf please!” and she said no and handed me the $5.
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What in the actual FUCK
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“do you think Israel has a right to exist?”
Buddy, I don’t think the United States has a right to exist.
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Elliot Page
Who would you like to see cast as Elon Musk in the upcoming biopic from Darren Aronofsky and A24?
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Hostile reminder that the government could, at any time, bite the bullet and shut down all non life supporting businesses, fire up the money printing machine to make sure no one loses anything, and completely eradicate Covid in less than 2 months.
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Okay first of all, those are called Teefs
cats are so funny cuz what are these teeth even for
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Babe, I know you had a rough day, lemme roll you somethin up real quick…
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By age 34 you should have:
1. A failed podcast
2. A failing podcast
3. A new podcast ready to launch
4. A gun
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This is just racism. Implying that a guy who won the mayor’s race in 2020 with 70% of the vote was simply a diversity hire?
DEI outrage is nothing but an attempt to be racist with different, socially acceptable words, these people are vile but they’re also so fucking stupid.
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5 cops died last year of autoerotic asphyxiation and I feel like not enough people are talking about it.
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She’s still inside the capital just scurrying around. They’ve tried setting traps but she outsmarts them every time.
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Inflation has drastically altered what it means to say “I just ate $25 worth of Taco Bell”
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How to manage your adhd without medication:
1. don’t have a job
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The amount of boobs I’ve seen as a direct result of this wing is honestly absurd.
Quote this tweet with a picture that had your dms blowing up 🥰🥰🥰😚
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Good afternoon from the Star Wars Episode I Pepsi machine that is still in operation in the year 2021.
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“Under communism, you will own nothing and you’ll be happy!”
My guy, under capitalism I own nothing and I am fucking miserable.
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When I was 19, I worked at McDonald’s. One night, cops pulled someone over in our drive thru, and every car that asked me what was going on, I said “they finally caught the hamburglar” and not a single person laughed.
I don’t still think about that or anything though…
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Follow me if you like ice cream or if you hate traditional currencies.
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I pulled out the fridge at an old house I’m cleaning out and there’s a secret door behind it… think I should open it?
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Reminder while Kellogg’s is in the news: the reason why a vast majority of Americans are circumcised is because the corn flakes guy convinced a generation of parents that it would stop their kids from jerkin off.
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If praying mantis isn’t in your top 3 bugs, you are objectively wrong.
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Kids these days have NO IDEA... that the ice cream man was in a K hole last night.
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No contest
What is the best episode of television you’ve ever watched?
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I went to a party tonight and I said something about Twitter and someone was like “do you mean X?” and I was like “No, I do not”
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This 23 year old girl at the bar just told me her first memory was 9/11… I was like “wow dude, mine was The Land Before Time”
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People will be like “you put ketchup on Mac n cheese? You’re DISGUSTING” and then put their tongue in someone’s butthole.
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I feel like there should be a rule at concerts where as soon as a single person dies, they stop the concert.
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Ryan Knight tweets shit I learned from listening to nofx when I was 13 as if he’s personally unlocking the secrets of the universe.
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@incominglarents
Actually the only reason I have this big of a following is because of a kid paying with a cool rock once!
A little girl just came up to the ice cream truck and asked if she could buy ice cream with a blue rock she found. I am now one blue rock richer.
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@ericmetaxas
Lots of people try to avoid becoming a sad old dork when they grow up, it’s refreshing to see that you bucked that trend and embraced it fully.
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@eggshellfriend
No not one bit! It is, however, weird as fuck to make fun of people for being kind to workers though!
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@WholesomeMeme
I accept many different kinds of currency! (Except snakes)
Follow me for ice cream truck updates, the season starts mid April❤️
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Hot take but if you, as an employer, are found to have been hiring literal children in a workplace so dangerous that one of them dies, you should not be allowed to continue being an employer.
A 16-year-old boy died working at a Wisconsin saw mill.
Then, federal investigators found that three children aged 15 and 16 were hurt at the sawmill over the last two years.
Now the company is being fined just $191,000. They also have to stop hiring kids under 16.
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Omg just saw a cyber truck in person for the first time!
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The more radicalized you get, the more repulsive it feels that your school literally made you pledge allegiance to a fucking flag every single day for 12 years.
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If minimum wage had gone up at the same rate as healthcare costs in the US since 1960, it would be $37/hr today.
Since healthcare is directly tied to employment in this country, I think it’s a conversation worth having.
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Nobody has yelled at me online in a while, so today I decided to put a hot dog in a glass of water and boiled it in the microwave.
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Nothing will prepare you for the end of this video.
everyone about this dude screams, "my asian wife," and it's gross
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So companies can afford to pay their employees $20/hr and all it takes is a less than 5% price increase??? That sounds worth it to me.
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I do not remember what it’s like to eat a meal in peace
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Ground Turkey in chili: literally can’t even tell the difference
Turkey Burger: not really the same thing but it’s good and fine
Turkey Bacon: I will shoot you with a gun
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This tweet ruined my life.
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Hey remember when the police were never defunded and then crime rates rose?
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The problem with “endure a shitty life in your 20’s so that things will be better when you’re older” is that the second part is a lie.
Work-life balance in your 20s is an easy way to guarantee a mediocre career.
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Men will be like “you can’t even COMPLIMENT a woman anymore!” but then their compliment is basically “hey the way your body looks makes me want to cum”
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Little kid came up to the truck and asked for a Spider-Man popsicle but only had $1 in his hand.
I asked if he could go get more dollars and he goes “WAIT, I’ve got this!” And pulled a purple plastic gem out of his pocket.
I am now one purple gem richer.
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Pee is stored in the balls but squirt is stored in the heart.
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Me if I got kidnapped and was trying to let everyone know without tipping off the kidnappers:
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It I was sitting next to a guy on an airplane and he busted out loose burgers and coconuts I would do 9/11 2.
My favorite traveling hack ✈️🥥
I do not drink from plastic bottles so this is how I hydrate while traveling…
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You’re laughing? Nikki Minaj’s cousin’s friend’s testicles became so swollen that his fiancé called off their marriage AND YOU’RE LAUGHING?
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Classic case of footloose
You are a doctor and you receive this case. Your diagnosis? 🤔
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I’ve come to realize that I need to take a break from twitter.
I’m not gunna take one, but I recognize the need.
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It is SO funny to proudly proclaim “things are different now but I’m still the same!”
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HOW WOULD A DIVERSITY MAYORAL HIRING EVEN WORK??? Did the whole city meet up before the election and collectively decide “I don’t care if there’s more qualified white guys, we NEED a black guy”
They don’t even bother to make sure their racist theories make basic sense.
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How would yinz feel about me crowdfunding a free ice cream day?
I do a low income neighborhood (Northside of Pittsburgh) on Thursday, if I could raise like $750, that would cover the cost of giving every kid on my route free ice cream.
Thoughts?
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Hot tip: send your friends money when they post boob
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Little kid and his sister came up to the ice cream truck with like 75¢ between them BUT he was holding a clarinet… Guess who just traded two fudge pops for a heartfelt rendition of Hot Cross Buns?
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People love to say shit like “I’m not against polyamory, it’s just that most of the poly people I’ve met seem to do it in an unhealthy way” as if the same isn’t 1000% true about monogamous people.
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Not gunna lie, it’s pretty alarming how many people are just openly calling for another Kent State massacre.
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@thepeoplesnurs
Upon further inspection, this thing is 100% made of plastic. Also it glows in the dark 😹😹😹
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