Will Sennett
@Senn_Spud
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Anamosa High 2014 @pod197424 / @CloserLookPod
Joined June 2011
Why did the Bengals lose the Super Bowl? Next Thursday we will answer this question at UCB Franklin. Come see the show that a lot of people really really liked the last time we did it
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(Cognitive behavioral therapy enjoyer I just cut off in traffic) Think positively. He is probably in a rush for a reason. Maybe he’s late for a job interview. Maybe his wife is giving birth . Me: I’m da king of da highway.
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you want me to get in a car. The thing that killed Princess diana.
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girls were invented by an ad agency to get us to buy bed frames.
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drinking 7 twisted teas and asking my high school chemistry teacher out via Facebook messenger.
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I have a 200mg ibuprofen in my back right molar that I can bite into in case I’m ever in a situation where my head starts to hurt a little bit.
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When My vape died at the bar last night I tried to grab a poIice officers gun.
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14 year old girl who said Y’all in a tiktok: I am so sorry . Guy who was “Blackface Johnny” for Halloween in 2012: Does she really think that we’re just going to let this go.
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{breaking up 25 second awkward silence on first date} World War 1 was insane.
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It’s crazy that toilet seats aren’t more comfortable seeing as we spend around 4-5 hours a day sitting on them.
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Soccer I love when they hold up the sign and a brand new beautiful boy takes the place of a dirty sweaty ruined one.
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I hate fireworks they remind me of when I was in Iraq. For the Iraq fireworks festival.
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Talked to friend today. Full time job but cant afford down payment on a house. Late 20s. Single. Huge cock. Balls same size as eachother. No kids. Bulging vein running all the way up the shaft is begging to be touched. Has given up on ever owning a home. Things are bleak indeed.
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once bought a bottle of Benadryl thinking it was melatonin. Took like 3 every night and Had spider nightmares for 2 straight months. Never once did I think something was wrong. Was just like man it’s hell getting old isn’t it.
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People In their 20s dont want to work. well thats because Im supposed to be fighting a war right now. My biological clock is going insane. I should be in a field somewhere in Europe killing a German teenager with a rock. So sorry if Im not pumped about getting good at excel.
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Yeah man I haven’t seen you since what, first grade? How are you? Oh you’re a grown up now? You’re all big? That’s so great. I’m still a little boy. Can you cut this hot dog up so I can eat it.
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All guy apartment is brutal. Trying try to make my toast lunch at 2:45 Roomate 1 is making his 2:43 toast lunch. Roomate 2s laundry in the dryer and the 30 lighters in his pockets are clanging around and it sounds like Normandy. Thank god its “Beer Night” tonight.
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Bobby Oppenheimer get your country ass over here my momma says you been in the city Inventing a bomb as big as a damn bus.
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my mom found and threw away my box of ants. I was so close to having enough ants.
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hey you should hire me. Ive spent the last year inside my room getting fucked up on stimulants and tweeting about goblins and ancient gods. Yeah I definitely won’t go monkey mode on the first customer who asks me a question. I totally haven’t forgot how to be a human. I love you.
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City folk see a big truck and go waah waah nobody needs that. They will never experience the joy of hitting a deer so hard it explodes into a red mist.
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scrolling Instagram. Wow a Man I betrayed got married. Good for Noah he got into grad school. He seems to have recovered from my betrayal. woah Mike just had a son. One day I will betray the boy. As I did his father.
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Brother told me he got engaged. I tried to smile for him. Couldn’t do it. Avicii is dead.
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(To my girl friends gay friend while she’s in the bathroom) Big dog…you are mother.
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I drank 2 hazy IPAs last night and woke up in the woods surrounded by enemies.
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Beer 2: I am my fathers greatest failure . Beer 3 {wearing sunglasses}: I have entered Morpheus mode.
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89 hours in to a 120 hour fast. My focus is sharper. I have more energy. I have unlocked a deleted scene in saving private ryan where they look at the camera and tell me I can save the entire unit by going to Costco and biting the 3rd man I see in the face.
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Guy at the piss store just asked me if this was the poop store. Buddy look around you.
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So funny when athletes sign these long contracts. Oh you’re gonna be playing for the Yankees in 2031? Buddy the fog is gonna consume us in 2027. The fog is coming. The fog is coming. The fog is coming.
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I could lift a car over my head if you told me that a beautiful woman dropped her vape under it.
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I'm seeing a big shift in friends moving away from:.- alcohol.- caffeine.- nicotine. and towards.- The bright light emanating from the woods .- The voice promising all the riches the world has to offer, also coming from the woods.- the delicious smell of something in the woods.
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Realized last night that i was blocked and had no idea why. Went back and found the only interaction I’ve ever had with them
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you have to be willing to die in any bathroom you walk in to.
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I named my dog mujahideen and no one cares. Nobody has responded positively or negatively to it. I went to the dog park yesterday and yelled it 100 times people didn’t even look at me. I feel like I am a ghost haunting my own life.
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Jesus pulling Matthew mark luke and John to the Side and being like you guys are the big dogs.
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Message to my best friend from childhood: Hey brother. I just did the math and I really don’t think I’ll be able to afford to fly out for your wedding. I feel awful. I hope you can forgive me. Message to Etsy vendor selling Master Chief Keef t shirt for $300: Whats up legend.
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I went to Miami he absolutely owned my ass.
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date number 5 tonight time to tell her how I am constantly being punished by god.
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when women go into their rooms at night and don’t come out until the sun is up. What are they doing in there.
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the only boner pill I need is adderall. So I can think even harder about the Babes.
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Wash my bathtub? lol yeah right after I mow my lawnmower.
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(Texting bumble date). 8:37 pm: got here early! Sitting at bar. What is your drink of choice . 8:52: im dressed like beetle juice.
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I’m not going to pay a million dollars to go see a Macbeth movie when I can print off the Shakespeare script for free and go be all the characters in my car.
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After 6 months of Ketamine therapy I can now confidently say that Bowser is not real.
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The flight attendants just hazed the new guy by convincing him to throw a piece of luggage out of the emergency exit. I would be laughing but it was mine they threw out. And my best friend from high schools lacrosse jersey was in there. Oh yeah and he’s dead.
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President biden shaking my hand: son you look like when your shit get hard it gets hard as hell. you go blind for a minute oh yeah. it gets all purple and shit lookin like Barney dinosaur . Me: all due respect sir you can’t talk to me like that.
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Having my friends drop me off in the middle of the woods with only a compass 8 hours before kickoff. Lets see how much I really love football.
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It’s crazy to think that most soldiers in world war 2 were 18-21. Which means when they weren’t fighting they were talking about Metal Gear Solid.
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(Trying to get my girlfriend interested in football) That guy with the ball is likeHello Kitty (guy who i said was hello kitty suffers the most traumatic head injury I have ever seen) some times hello kitty gets sleepy mode.
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Recently rewatched Mad men and this time around it struck me that Don is not the hero (girlfriend leaves room) if Don Draper was a fire truck he would be the biggest one in the world.
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Repeatedly shouting “big boobs” at my phone so instagram will hear it and show me ads for big boobs.
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when we were down 3 points with 7 seconds left in the state championship game my coach looked me dead in the eye and said meesa jar jar binks.
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The amount of boobs I’ve seen as a direct result of this wing is honestly absurd.
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(To friend whos developed a major drug problem) whats up man heard you been lettin it rip lately.
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Gun owner fantasy: man breaks into my home with a loaded weapon. My wife and children are terrified. But then I pull out my gun and blow his head off of his body in front of my scared family . Knife owner fantasy: Stab a huge can of soda.
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Uber eats driver: I am here with your food. Me dressed like Nosferatu: be right down.
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Every day I think “I deserve breakfast”. And then I remember that I don’t. Because I didn’t fight in the Iraq war.
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Why would you ever say anything to a woman. She will kill you.
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You need to spend 1 third of your day jacking off. 1/3 rd ruminating on the past. And one 3rd jacking off to more violent versions of what you jacked off to earlier. And if you don’t do this you will never make over 250k a year.
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when they show all those names at the end of movies what the do those mean.
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losing my lust for life. Just ate a Big Mac and didn’t grin or chuckle at all. I Only said Who has it better than Me two times.
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AOC: Im President because youve run my social media so well. Me southern accent: not a problem mam. AOC: the idea to put stuff in brackets to show that youre doing it. Its genius. Me: god is a genius mam. AOC steps close: if I was in brackets what would you do to me. Me: no mam.
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Putting on my girlfriends clothes and make up and underwear when she leaves the house and watching jack reacher so I can know what it is like to be my girlfriend watching jack reacher.
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{finding a vape from 3 months ago that has 2 hits left in it} the whole goal of life is to not kill your self. Anything that allows you to continue fighting is beautiful.
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(Peeing at urinal Forgot to pull my pants down) hmmm quick question. Where the hell is my piss.
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I go to hooters to play big buck hunter. The waitresses and their boobs don’t exist to me. I’m there to kill.
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crying so the girls leave the bar and then me and my friends will have more room to play army.
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opened a pop tart and there was 3 in there. Started to celebrate but then remembered how bad everything is. Now I’m just sort of driving around.
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What the hell is going on.
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In my hometown the only book that schools banned was “The Spread Offense: A Guide For The Future Of Football” because they were afraid that young children would start believing in flash in the pan razzle dazzle voodoo magic instead of running the damn ball.
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hey mom look at this tweet its a video of an otter giving its baby a bath. Don’t scroll up or you’ll see 2 guys I know having sex and don’t scroll down or you’ll see a picture that another guy I know drew of Mickey Mouse killing goofy with a chainsaw and they both have boners.
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Nice picture of your penis. I’ve already noticed 7 flaws with it. Going to look at it more later. After I’m done with work.
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Iock me in a room with Pete buttigeg and Id have him on the ground pretending to be a cat in under 15 minutes.
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Eating a 1700 calorie lunch so I can be dialed in for Pissing Off My Girlfriend later.
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Uber driver(about to turn left into oncoming traffic) : I’m not religious bro. I’m all about truth. I’m a virgo. But that’s the thing bro god isn’t religious either. Hes the truth. God is the truth. me (last moments on earth): God goes crazy.
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Woman at Barnes&Noble: I saw you read the last page of a book first. I do that too theres something beautiful about starting a journey knowing it will end a particular way. Me {touching floor feeling vibrations}: Men on horses. 15 I reckon. They got rifles. They aim to kill me.
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22 year old me working at a movie theater: I am going to swerve in front of another car tonight. I am going to close my eyes and yank the wheel as hard as I can to the left. 37 year old coworker: Heres a little something something you might not have known about Master Chief.
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A Woman met a man off tinder and went on a date with him and this is how he was eating in front of her
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Having girlfriend is crucial because every 14 months a man is hit with the uncontrollable urge to shave off all his hair and start wearing huge jeans and wife beaters. man needs woman to tell him that that’s insane.
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true detective season 1 was so good because all of it was written by a guy that was taking a bunch of Creatine and doing preacher curls with 85s. And we will never see that again.
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I can throw a football through a car wash and it’ll come out dry. Why would I need to go to therapy.
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nice short fingernails man. Sorry I have a poor mom who isn’t rich and can afford to live in the city and come over and cut them whenever I want. Sorry my mom is broke as fuck and so I have these fucked up long fingernails that i have to go to the doctor for every week.
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(Seeing a guy that is so hot but I’m straight) yeah his juice level is off the charts.
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I like red wine because of the taste and fun sort of breezy buzz it gives me. I like white wine because it unshackles the cruel animal within my heart and gives it permission to feed.
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(An hour after eating the biggest most fucked up breakfast burrito of all time at 7am) what happened to me. What happened to my life. What happened to the boy who smiled.
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On average Men are having less sex which is ok because The average speed of a 4 seam fastball is way up.
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Lock eyes with woman across the bar. Entire life flashes before my eyes. Courtship. Wedding. Marriage. Kids. 2 boys. Promising athletes. Bigger stronger than everyone. NFL dreams. Puberty. They stop growing. 5’9. Division 3. I snap out of it and hide in the bathroom for 2 hours.
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