Will Sennett
@Senn_Spud
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the warrior in the garden @pod197424 / @CloserLookPod
letting it eat
Joined June 2011
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Pinned Tweet
New pod cast baby sexy and casual for springtime
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(Cognitive behavioral therapy enjoyer I just cut off in traffic) Think positively. He is probably in a rush for a reason. Maybe he’s late for a job interview. Maybe his wife is giving birth
Me: I’m da king of da highway
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you want me to get in a car. The thing that killed Princess diana
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girls were invented by an ad agency to get us to buy bed frames
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drinking 7 twisted teas and asking my high school chemistry teacher out via Facebook messenger
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I have a 200mg ibuprofen in my back right molar that I can bite into in case I’m ever in a situation where my head starts to hurt a little bit
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When My vape died at the bar last night I tried to grab a poIice officers gun
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14 year old girl who said Y’all in a tiktok: I am so sorry
Guy who was “Blackface Johnny” for Halloween in 2012: Does she really think that we’re just going to let this go
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{breaking up 25 second awkward silence on first date} World War 1 was insane
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It’s crazy that toilet seats aren’t more comfortable seeing as we spend around 4-5 hours a day sitting on them
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I hate fireworks they remind me of when I was in Iraq. For the Iraq fireworks festival
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Talked to friend today. Full time job but cant afford down payment on a house. Late 20s. Single. Huge cock. Balls same size as eachother. No kids. Bulging vein running all the way up the shaft is begging to be touched. Has given up on ever owning a home. Things are bleak indeed
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once bought a bottle of Benadryl thinking it was melatonin. Took like 3 every night and Had spider nightmares for 2 straight months. Never once did I think something was wrong. Was just like man it’s hell getting old isn’t it
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Soccer I love when they hold up the sign and a brand new beautiful boy takes the place of a dirty sweaty ruined one
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People In their 20s dont want to work. well thats because Im supposed to be fighting a war right now. My biological clock is going insane. I should be in a field somewhere in Europe killing a German teenager with a rock. So sorry if Im not pumped about getting good at excel
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Yeah man I haven’t seen you since what, first grade? How are you? Oh you’re a grown up now? You’re all big? That’s so great. I’m still a little boy. Can you cut this hot dog up so I can eat it
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All guy apartment is brutal. Trying try to make my toast lunch at 2:45 Roomate 1 is making his 2:43 toast lunch. Roomate 2s laundry in the dryer and the 30 lighters in his pockets are clanging around and it sounds like Normandy. Thank god its “Beer Night” tonight
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my mom found and threw away my box of ants. I was so close to having enough ants
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hey you should hire me. Ive spent the last year inside my room getting fucked up on stimulants and tweeting about goblins and ancient gods. Yeah I definitely won’t go monkey mode on the first customer who asks me a question. I totally haven’t forgot how to be a human. I love you
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Bobby Oppenheimer get your country ass over here my momma says you been in the city Inventing a bomb as big as a damn bus
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City folk see a big truck and go waah waah nobody needs that. They will never experience the joy of hitting a deer so hard it explodes into a red mist
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Brother told me he got engaged. I tried to smile for him. Couldn’t do it. Avicii is dead
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I drank 2 hazy IPAs last night and woke up in the woods surrounded by enemies
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Beer 2: I am my fathers greatest failure
Beer 3 {wearing sunglasses}: I have entered Morpheus mode
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Guy at the piss store just asked me if this was the poop store. Buddy look around you
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So funny when athletes sign these long contracts. Oh you’re gonna be playing for the Yankees in 2031? Buddy the fog is gonna consume us in 2027. The fog is coming. The fog is coming. The fog is coming
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I could lift a car over my head if you told me that a beautiful woman dropped her vape under it
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I'm seeing a big shift in friends moving away from:
- alcohol
- caffeine
- nicotine
and towards
- The bright light emanating from the woods
- The voice promising all the riches the world has to offer, also coming from the woods
- the delicious smell of something in the woods
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Realized last night that i was blocked and had no idea why. Went back and found the only interaction I’ve ever had with them
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I named my dog mujahideen and no one cares. Nobody has responded positively or negatively to it. I went to the dog park yesterday and yelled it 100 times people didn’t even look at me. I feel like I am a ghost haunting my own life
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Jesus pulling Matthew mark luke and John to the Side and being like you guys are the big dogs
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Message to my best friend from childhood: Hey brother. I just did the math and I really don’t think I’ll be able to afford to fly out for your wedding. I feel awful. I hope you can forgive me.
Message to Etsy vendor selling Master Chief Keef t shirt for $300: Whats up legend
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date number 5 tonight time to tell her how I am constantly being punished by god
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when women go into their rooms at night and don’t come out until the sun is up. What are they doing in there
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the only boner pill I need is adderall. So I can think even harder about the Babes
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(Texting bumble date)
8:37 pm: got here early! Sitting at bar. What is your drink of choice
8:52: im dressed like beetle juice
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I’m not going to pay a million dollars to go see a Macbeth movie when I can print off the Shakespeare script for free and go be all the characters in my car
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After 6 months of Ketamine therapy I can now confidently say that Bowser is not real
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The flight attendants just hazed the new guy by convincing him to throw a piece of luggage out of the emergency exit. I would be laughing but it was mine they threw out. And my best friend from high schools lacrosse jersey was in there. Oh yeah and he’s dead
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President biden shaking my hand: son you look like when your shit get hard it gets hard as hell. you go blind for a minute oh yeah. it gets all purple and shit lookin like Barney dinosaur
Me: all due respect sir you can’t talk to me like that
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It’s crazy to think that most soldiers in world war 2 were 18-21. Which means when they weren’t fighting they were talking about Metal Gear Solid
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Repeatedly shouting “big boobs” at my phone so instagram will hear it and show me ads for big boobs
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(Trying to get my girlfriend interested in football) That guy with the ball is likeHello Kitty (guy who i said was hello kitty suffers the most traumatic head injury I have ever seen) some times hello kitty gets sleepy mode
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when we were down 3 points with 7 seconds left in the state championship game my coach looked me dead in the eye and said meesa jar jar binks
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The amount of boobs I’ve seen as a direct result of this wing is honestly absurd.
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(To friend whos developed a major drug problem) whats up man heard you been lettin it rip lately
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Gun owner fantasy: man breaks into my home with a loaded weapon. My wife and children are terrified. But then I pull out my gun and blow his head off of his body in front of my scared family
Knife owner fantasy: Stab a huge can of soda
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Uber eats driver: I am here with your food
Me dressed like Nosferatu: be right down
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Every day I think “I deserve breakfast”. And then I remember that I don’t. Because I didn’t fight in the Iraq war
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Why would you ever say anything to a woman. She will kill you
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Recently rewatched Mad men and this time around it struck me that Don is not the hero (girlfriend leaves room) if Don Draper was a fire truck he would be the biggest one in the world
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when they show all those names at the end of movies what the do those mean
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losing my lust for life. Just ate a Big Mac and didn’t grin or chuckle at all. I Only said Who has it better than Me two times
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{finding a vape from 3 months ago that has 2 hits left in it} the whole goal of life is to not kill your self. Anything that allows you to continue fighting is beautiful
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I go to hooters to play big buck hunter. The waitresses and their boobs don’t exist to me. I’m there to kill.
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crying so the girls leave the bar and then me and my friends will have more room to play army
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(Peeing at urinal Forgot to pull my pants down) hmmm quick question. Where the hell is my piss
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opened a pop tart and there was 3 in there. Started to celebrate but then remembered how bad everything is. Now I’m just sort of driving around
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AOC: Im President because youve run my social media so well
Me southern accent: not a problem mam
AOC: the idea to put stuff in brackets to show that youre doing it. Its genius
Me: god is a genius mam
AOC steps close: if I was in brackets what would you do to me
Me: no mam
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Nice picture of your penis. I’ve already noticed 7 flaws with it. Going to look at it more later. After I’m done with work
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Iock me in a room with Pete buttigeg and Id have him on the ground pretending to be a cat in under 15 minutes
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hey mom look at this tweet its a video of an otter giving its baby a bath. Don’t scroll up or you’ll see 2 guys I know having sex and don’t scroll down or you’ll see a picture that another guy I know drew of Mickey Mouse killing goofy with a chainsaw and they both have boners
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Eating a 1700 calorie lunch so I can be dialed in for Pissing Off My Girlfriend later
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22 year old me working at a movie theater: I am going to swerve in front of another car tonight. I am going to close my eyes and yank the wheel as hard as I can to the left
37 year old coworker: Heres a little something something you might not have known about Master Chief
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I can throw a football through a car wash and it’ll come out dry. Why would I need to go to therapy
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true detective season 1 was so good because all of it was written by a guy that was taking a bunch of Creatine and doing preacher curls with 85s. And we will never see that again
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Uber driver(about to turn left into oncoming traffic) : I’m not religious bro. I’m all about truth. I’m a virgo. But that’s the thing bro god isn’t religious either. Hes the truth. God is the truth
me (last moments on earth): God goes crazy
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nice short fingernails man. Sorry I have a poor mom who isn’t rich and can afford to live in the city and come over and cut them whenever I want. Sorry my mom is broke as fuck and so I have these fucked up long fingernails that i have to go to the doctor for every week
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A Woman met a man off tinder and went on a date with him and this is how he was eating in front of her
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I like red wine because of the taste and fun sort of breezy buzz it gives me. I like white wine because it unshackles the cruel animal within my heart and gives it permission to feed
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(An hour after eating the biggest most fucked up breakfast burrito of all time at 7am) what happened to me. What happened to my life. What happened to the boy who smiled
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On average Men are having less sex which is ok because The average speed of a 4 seam fastball is way up
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Lock eyes with woman across the bar. Entire life flashes before my eyes. Courtship. Wedding. Marriage. Kids. 2 boys. Promising athletes. Bigger stronger than everyone. NFL dreams. Puberty. They stop growing. 5’9. Division 3. I snap out of it and hide in the bathroom for 2 hours
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Falling in love is the greatest joy in life. Followed closely by sneaking into a gated community late at night and firing a gun into the air
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Heard the green knight was based off a poem. A poem. Like row row row your boat. So that’s what we’re doing now. We’re making movies about row row row your boat
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Left my AirPods at home but luckily im getting a Big Fan of Les Miserables vibe from everyone on this bus
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instead of saying what college they went to during player intros nfl players should have to describe what they think it feels like to die from drowning
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high school ex is getting married tomorrow. sure hope this video of me falling down the stairs doesnt change her mind
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texting girl I went to prom with who died 2 years ago but i dont know that: whatsup mami Im home for holidays
Mother {clipping my toenails}: mr right foot done! Which means?!!
me: Mr Left Foot Mr Left Foot! Mr handsome left foot! {texting again} I said you da you da best ayeee
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My wife is freezing her eggs so they’ll hurt more when she throws them at me
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So sick of Star Wars. How about a real war. One that I can fight in. One that I can die in
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(Repairing wrecked boat village boy approaches with picture from my pack) Bahu bah? {Monster}
Me: No bahu bah. Marmaduke…Buha bet {Friend}
Boy: Mar-ma-duke…Your?
Me: Not mine. Everybodys. {confused look} he is…like Wind. Everyones
Boy {grinning} Marmaduke is like Wind
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(To guy who just sat down in the bathroom stall next to me) Welcome to the big leagues
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Tenet is so awesomeIt’s like if you told a smart guy to write a time travel movie and as he was doing it you threw a flashbang at him every 5 seconds
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I keep a baseball bat under my bed in case an intruder wants to hang a slider and get taken 450 dead center
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just spilled a giant glass of expensive scotch whiskey. Probably 300 dollars worth. This is the worst thing in the world I thought. And then I remembered something worse: War
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