Sir, that is my emotional support beautiful stationery which I will never use because I’m afraid of ruining it.

Every week, my friends share the best thing our therapists told us so we can get extra therapy. Mine: If your new situation feels scary, it means you're not repeating old patterns. It means you're going the right direction Please share yours so we can collect infinite therapy

there should be a restaurant called “Soup and a Book” where you pay a flat rate and then sit by the fire reading while sampling as many soups as you like

Clearest image ever taken of Venus. Photo by JAXA..

Why are ethics questions always like: "is it ethical to steal bread to feed your starving family?" And not: "is it ethical to hoard bread when families are starving?"

petition to normalize wearing jedi robes bc they look so comfy

Why do we do awards shows if you’re gonna play the winners off after 30 seconds? Surely in 2022 we’ve evolved beyond commercial breaks, right?

Thought I liked swimming but it turns out I just like pretending to be soup.

computer: a new version java is ready to be installed! me: i'll see you in hell you son of a bitch

Broccoli has no business being $4.99 a pound. That’s asparagus money.

must be crazy to be a grown-ass cat. imagine being 45 years old and ppl treat you like a little baby

Obviously the solution for speaker is for someone to nominate Dolly Parton.

it’s time we make all castles bouncy, we have the technology

spelling bee judge: your word is respect me: can you use it in...a song spelling bee judge: you mother fucker

1. A few days ago, Congress and Biden approved $858 BILLION in military spending with almost no public discussion or debate. That's $858,000,000,000 Follow along for FACTS about HOW this money is spent and WHY 🧵

new years resolution to throw 105mph fastball

in the coming year we’re doing away with the concept of “cringe.” we’re being our weirdest selves, we’re embracing our nichest obsessions, we’re recovering the passion society tried to shame out of us. ignore the haters. become the exuberant nerd you were born to be.