bad news everyone: i'm still tweeting

spongebob would actually be called bob by people who know him well. just one of the many ways the series is very unrealistic imo

many people don't realize this, but [sound of a distant owl hooting on a midwinter's night]

entering my medieval serf era

[pop star's wikipedia entry] kaitlynne emerald suzanne parkhouse, known professionally as Súzee Cocaine,

don't i know it

hiding treats around my cage to keep myself amused and encourage natural feeding behaviors

with the best interest of my country in mind i will also not be running for president in 2024

[to a squirrel running across a power line] get down from there man u don't have to prove anything

this is what having a wizard in your contacts is like

i do have to ask why you, a grown adult, would put me in a Situation

[immediately after begging for my life] no worries if not!

https://t.co/jQre45BvIR

musk trying so hard to get me to stop using this site. joke's on you buddy. i don't really have anything else going on

severely misguided to make likes private. everyone knows the biggest problem on this site by far has got to be the Posts

friend replying to my text: hey can you find a different way to say you finished a show besides watching it "to completion" me (typing bubble for 20 seconds): no

oh perfect, another Scenario. just great

[to the tune of "downtown" by petula clark] dune 2

baked potato simulator: yukon gold edition

[watching a biblical history documentary] is that the real jesus