Aura man enjoyer
@sthsthburner
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Lemme go and check on these goddamn garbanzo beans
Joined January 2021
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You're trying to give thanks to the good Lord for gifting you with a goal on Easter, meanwhile your teammate is telling a bunch of people in wheelchairs to shut up
guehi’s face when he realises Olise says ‘shut the fuck up’ to the wheelchair section 😂😂
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City fans pretending they've declined is too funny
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I remember the days when one simply said "our home record isn't good"
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A video comes out of him saying the n word and we immediately go in for him
But I was told the new owners don't understand what it means to be Chelsea...
🚨 EXCLUSIVE: Chelsea board now in Poland trying to reach verbal agreement with Shakhtar for Mudryk and hijack the deal! Official bid ready close to €100m. 🔵
#CFC
Arsenal always been leading the race, in talks with Shakhtar after 3d official bid.
Mudryk position, now crucial.
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Idt I've ever watched a footballer develop their decision making this quick before, this isn't the same guy I saw dribbling into bodies and giving a defender a concussion just a few months back
Making quicker simpler decisions, keeping the ball moving and still being direct
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See the difference in head shapes, Pep's is smooth and rounded whike Ten Hag's is jagged and irregular
Players respond to these things.
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Poch is kiIIing me, he saw Caicedo outnumbered in midfield and his response was to sub him off and make sure Enzo was outnumbered in midfield instead
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They were annoyed that a 35 year old wasn't acting like a father figure to a bunch of grown men in their 20s/30s, I'm in actual tears
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Italians are so insane man, before I started following Serie A I didn't even know white Europeans could racially abuse each other ffs
Looks as if Dusan Vlahovic is being racially abused by some Atalanta fans. He scored, silenced them but it didn't seem as if that stopped those La Dea fans. Leonardo Bonucci was fuming.
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Cobham is so funny man, we somehow produced a guy who dribbles like Musiala, crosses like Reece and looks like Mctominay
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Everytime a Chelsea fan says "hear me out" I get an ear infection
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Every time I get close to taking him for granted I try to remember what the non Reece minutes used to look like
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Raul Jimenez is playing against a CB pairing of Phil Jones and Raphael Varane and he's *actively* targeting Varane, this is hilarious
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A 9 who's as comfortable with his back to goal as he is facing it, can perform whether he's isolated or linking with teammates, will sprint in behind or drop deep to receive to feet and has all the physicality and nastiness you'd want
Fucking incredible player
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Skskksks have some goddamn shame!!!
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Miss prime CityPool games, was like crack cocaine in football form
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Wow it's been long enough that we can run revisionism on his performance in that world cup, fairs fairs
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Rangnick going from Lokomotiv to United to the Austrian NT in the span of 12 months
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Look at these gigantic human beings ffs I GOT MY CHELSEA BACK
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I genuinely don't think I've ever felt as gaslit by any player in football as I have with Bellingham
Everytime I watch him I, feel like I see one thing but then I come on here and the way people talk about him make me doubt my own two eyes sksksk
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He's running off homoerotic love for Messi and pure racismo rn, everytime he sees Upa his stamina bar fills up
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Still can't get over how funny it is that Tuchel froze Tammy out 2 weeks into the job before deciding to sign a washed Auba two years later because we lack goals
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Badi kills me man, he said ain't shit funny ffs
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"good form" gimmick when every game is a fight for my mental stability, OK.
35 - Since Boxing Day 2023, only three teams have picked up more points than Chelsea (35) in the Premier League (Man City, Arsenal and Liverpool). Developing.
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Much as you lot won't want to heat it, this shit won't work without Nico
You want Nkunku drifting around the pitch free of holdup responsibilities, go rewatch the first half and see how much dirt work Nico went through
Ironically enough could've had an assist to Nkunku
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Man did a bicycle kick clearance after an hour just to feel something 😭😭😭
Thiago Silva playing with a Cigar in his mouth for 90mins lol the prem allegations ain’t sticking dawg
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My favourite thing is following fans of a club I don't follow closely and finding out about all the little subplots
Like who knew Bayern fans had beef with Goretzka lol
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Discourse around him from people who don't watch us pisses me off. Been so good for a few months now
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Going from "Chelsea will need to sell academy yoof for FFP" to banking almost 100m off Havertz and Kova alone is kinda funny
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Will never get why we just had a free run at him
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He feels like one of those FBs who can end up carrying an entire flank by himself like Reece, Phonzie, Nuno etc
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2 xG with 12 injuries and a red card + Jovacic in the 2nd half, Graham Potter you are generational...
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"London has two Champions Leagues and four Europa Leagues"
London has two Champions League’s and four Europa Leagues (or equivalent), Paris’ best is a Cup Winners Cup, Berlin’s best is a semi final in the UEFA Cup and Rome has a Conference League, Fairs Cup and Cups Winners Cup
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As always, the worst part about Chelsea being in a bad way is I have to see non-Chelsea fan's opinions on Chelsea
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Genuine question, who said Haaland (former RB Salzburg striker) doesn't press?
"Haaland doesn't press"
Final Third Pressures by players in the 2022-23 Premier League:
Erling Haaland: 73
Pascal Groß: 70
Danny Welbeck: 68
Brenden Aaronson: 65
Jamie Vardy: 62
Aleksandar Mitrovic: 61
Jarrod Bowen: 60
Michail Antonio: 59
Ollie Watkins: 52
Kai Havertz: 52
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I can't explain how much this clip has finished me ffs
Lawful good and chaotic evil
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I've never seen a "who want me" sesh as disgraceful as what 7 has had this summer
Even Malang Sarr had multiple offers ffs
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Floor raising ballers at midtable clubs are the lifeblood of the sport
Where would we be without guys like Zaha, Blas and Berardi
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The secret is to just keep scrolling Twitter until the commentator yells
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If you want to learn about something, you study the best
I wanted to learn about striker movement and there's really noone better to learn about it from than Edinson Cavani, my piece on El Matador's offball movement is now LIVE!!
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Mudryk first 30 minutes were incr but it feels like the amount of defensive work he had to get through + the first subs cooked his impact on the game
Next step for him is extending performances like that over a full performance but overall another step in the right direction
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Nicolas Jackson been memed, mocked and degraded by rival fans and Chelsea fans alike and he has 14 goals and 5 assists in the league alone. "Worst striker in the league" suck my asshole, respectfully
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Most annoying thing about Havertz is despite me seeing him be mediocre at best for the past 3 seasons, there's still a part of my brain going "what if next year is finally his year"
Such an infuriating thing, never had it with any other player
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"PL winning strikers" are a myth
Imagine telling someone in 2016 that teams with guys like Bernardo and Firmino up top would win titles
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League's gotten so easy they have to invent struggles now, fair enough man
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Thiago Silva might be the best ballplaying CB I've ever had the priveledge of watching
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Not to be
#thatguy
but he's not getting that off in the Prem, Serie A CBs are just not particularly physical in general
Seen what his back to goal game looks like v more physical CBs and it usually isn't pretty
Sign him immediately what the hell did I just watch
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Common theme in these four games, anyone know what it is?
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Ball carrying midfielders used to be my favourite profile of player but I'm starting to get a deep seated hatred for them now.
Release the ball quick? No hermano, lemme take 4 touches into a crowd first
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This from a guy in his first PL season with like 60 senior appearances total
I've supported this club long enough to know what a shit striker looks like and he's not that.
Nicolas Jackson is matching or exceeding all his metrics from last season, while playing in a more difficult league and still learning how to play striker. Don't write him off.
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We've gotta start calling Brennan Johnson by his initials BJ because omg this guy SUCKS
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Disasi and Nico might be two of the sickest people I've ever seen play for this club, I'm acc in tears
Imagine going to a game with your kid and a 6'4 215 pound dude tries to crowdsurf on you
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ZERO ball striking tech from your wingers ffs giraffe in the box and you can't even hoof it in
Also have questions about the ox's ground coverage in midfield esp defensive transitions
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The way he lured the press in, I genuinely yelled
His DM partner can't even do that ffs
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0:35 the way he keeps up with every attempt by Nuñez to change speeds is fucking nuts, he's an unreal athlete
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@CFCEnforcer
Guy always did his best, wasn't his fault that Reece couldn't stay fit and the previous regime refused to get a proper backup
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Poch when the midfielders complain about having too much ground to cover:
PSG midfielders’ legs after each 90 minutes they spend compensating for our front three’s low work rate
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As it stands it looks like Raphinha is headed to Barcelona for about €75m so I figured since I had some clips I'd take a look at his tactical fit in Xavi’s system
As always likes, RTs and constructive criticism is always appreciated, hope you enjoy this
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Btw this was one of Palmer's worse performances and he's come away with 2 assists, fairs
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Btw no matter who's fit, Gallagher will always start so you lot better get used to it lmfao
Guy can play as a destroyer in a doupiv or a super high pressing 8/2nd striker who gets into dangerous positions, Poch is never dropping that
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Lahoz would've retired a year ago but after Messi left, La Liga couldn't afford to lose their only other superstar
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Honestly it's not even the idea of Maatsen playing for us, it's the fact that we're suddenly in need of depth at LWB and the first bit of news that comes out is we're looking to recall a loanee rather than getting linked to a bunch of mediocre 28 year olds lol
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Can tell Poch is struggling to figure out how to use Nkunku
Put him at 10 and defensive solidity + duel winning is weakened, up top you lose pressing + outlet play, LW you lose ball carrying/dribbling + your flanks become more vulnerable defensively
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We have 3 LBs on the pitch and the worst one is the one who's actually playing LB
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We used to watch football with the eyes...
There should be a minimum sofascore threshold a player needs to meet before a match comp can be made on them
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I still need to see more from him in the box, basic backpost runs would be a fantastic start
But thus far I've been so happy with his development, can't wait to see how he looks as he gets more reps
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Jdjdjdjjdjdjd he said
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Worst part of Mbappé discourse (for neutrals) is the "he's not even that good" takes
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Idt we as a society will ever witness a worse goalkeeping season tbh
Just looked up Chelsea 19/20 xga v actual goals conceded and lost my head
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This is like the same Wolves v United game I've watched for 4 years hfjfj
Wolves skin them repeatedly on the counter and United scam a win anyway
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Such a fake guy
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Btw Chels Twitter will probably say otherwise but Sterling was incredible today, Nico the only attacker who outperformed him
Worked his ass off defensively, was a threat off the ball and was fantastic on the ball (that dribble and cross that Alisson blocked>>>)
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27 duels contested, I'm crying
He's such a busy body ffs that's a valuable squad player right there
No midfielder has won more duels in a single Premier League game this season than Conor Gallagher against Crystal Palace:
◎ 27 duels contested
◉ 15 duels won
Now that's a HIIT workout. 😉
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Enzo is such a weird player, one of those cases where the flashy talent actually hides a surprisingly deep skillset
First time I watched him I figured he was just a pure passer without a ton else going for him but there's so much more going on there from dribbling to goal threat
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Nahh imagine being so good that the opposing team's social media is hyping you up in the middle of a CL final djjdjdj
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🚨🚨🚨 It's out! My first article on Monaco star Aurélien Tchouaméni and what makes him such a special player
Likes, RTs & constructive criticism are appreciated since this is the first thing I've written that wasn't for an educational institution lol
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My club turned our best tactico into CentreGoals 💔
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Jesus christ Arsenal fans have beef with every fucking attacker, how are you beefing Kvara of all people
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When I start writing with what *looks* like a mechanical pencil but I see ink on the paper:
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Ykw Gallagher deserves some plaudits btw, generally not a fan of him in the pivot but was really good tonight in and out of possession
Even gave Enzo the platform to push higher up in possession bc of how well he did v the press
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He's so fucking good man, it pains me how his only two weaknesses make it so difficult to see him in a functional team
If he had decent burst he'd already be a world class attacker, if he was even willing to *try* defensively he'd be one of the best young midfielders itw
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I'm generally not a "litmus test" guy bc it can feel like a very elitist way of talking about football but if you think Mason Mount isn't a very good player, idk how to take your football opinions serious lol
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Enzo is like a lighthouse in the middle of a storm, you give him the ball and no matter how tightly marked he is he'll find a way to get you up the pitch
Dt there's a single final 3rd entry he hasn't been involved in
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It's amazing how many trophy winning midfields Kante has been a part of since he came to England
Won a PL with Drinkwater, another one + an FA Cup next to Matic and Cesc, a CL next to Jorginho and a WC next to Labile
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Ofc Gasipo somehow has access to Cruyff's xA in 74
📊| Most xA (expected assists) recorded in a single World Cup campaign:
🥇Griezmann 2022 : 3.63
🥈Maradona 1986 : 3.46
🥉Cruyff 1974 : 3.23
One for the books. 👑 [
@Opta
via
@gasipo_opinions
]
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No this is the season this club has deserved for about 5 years now, don't get it twisted
Virtually every issue we have now has been building for years and years, the instability of a new ownership coming in and changing everything was just the last straw
This is the season Chelsea’s ownership deserved from the moment Todd Boehly named himself interim sporting director to be quite honest
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Holds it up well, brings others into play, can create his own shot, can get on the end of things, tireless + intelligent presser, v good dribbler
Really not much more you could ask for from a 9 process-wise lol Chels fans are just dim.
In his first season in the PL, second season as a striker and playing for a dysfunctional team, these are Nicolas Jackson's numbers.
Do not take it lightly.
(via
@mclachbot
)
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