Fred Skulthorp
@skulthorp
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For
@unherd
I went in search of where London ends and found Ulez vandals, reactionary home counties dads, lost international students, dystopic millenials and a quiet sense of upheaval in the city's shire facing suburbs
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I don't think we're really yet to come to terms with how completely insane LinkedIn in is
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The most amazing match of a photo and caption I've ever seen
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A friend who is the archetypal Guardian tote bag man has just moved to Buenos Aires to escape Britain and I can't stop laughing
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Perhaps we can solve this time of discord by getting Jews and Arabs to bond over the horror of having to go for a coffee with Marcus to talk about their feelings
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I went to university with this bloke. Well off family, smoked too much weed etc. Many such cases.
Protester storms stage and throws glitter over Labour leader Sir Keir Starmer as he starts conference speech
Follow live
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Congratulations to all those who'll do well in their A levels today.
I got three A*s and went to a VERY good university and have since go on to lead an unfulfilling life of extreme middle class mediocrity.
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Feel deeply sorry for anyone trapped in a South London pub surrounded by neo-Baddiel thirty something men who work in me-dee-uh in retro England shirts with their passive aggressive, guilt driven peformative supporting
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Deterring digital nomad types from living here is proof that we can still achieve things in this country
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A phenomenon known as the "London Dinner Party Paradox," in which musings which go down extremely well over the cheeseboard after a few bottles of organic red (hmm, yummy, yeah, yeah, good point) sound weird and stupid when uttered in reality
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Yes mate, I'm sure Ali and Muhammad are going to love hearing about your dreadlock maintenance routine and the time you saw Avenged Sevenfold at Leeds
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Denis and Sharon being guilt tripped into making their bungalow net zero compliant because General Gordon took a steamboat up the Nile is quite the story
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Periodically shutting down society so the furloughed middle class can relive memories of baking banana bread and feverishly banging pots and tins for the NHS at 5pm everyday is probably not a good idea actually
got a big piece in the i - online today, print tomorrow - on the quarter of people who say they were happier in lockdown: I sat in on a focus group with some of them, spoke to a therapist, and generally tried to figure out where they were coming from:
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Had there been no structural racism in 14th century England these poor women could have had timely and equitable access to treatments like bloodletting, vinegar and chickens to place on their buboes
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The idea of Hanania training himself to write like Shakespeare to prove a point in the same spirit as one would prepare for a weightlifting competition is so funny I think the Arts Council should fund it
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"Are you worried that there's been a lot of right wing rhetoric?" is probably not the most penetrating question to ask a group of people who have travelled all the way to Manchester to attend something called 'The Conservative Party Conference'
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Football Factory 2: Cenotaph Go Hard or Go Home. Former football hooligan Tommy Johnson is living a life of middle class respectability in Southfields until an op-ed by the home secretary in Britains newspaper of record triggers a cocaine fuelled spiral of Remembrance hooliganism
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How I long for the indifferent, sneering contempt of Paxman
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When I was a teacher in N. London there was a child like this in every lesson. Sometimes more.
You could only pray they would 'stay in their lane,' and take pity on your attempts to teach them the proto feudalism of Anglo-Saxon England.
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Exactly what 15 year-old me needed, a visit to a portakabin in a car park staffed by De Montfort pyschology grads armed with clipboards
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I may not be the most distunguished almuni of my year, but at least I'm not having a narcissicism induced pyschotic breakdown on national television involving glitter and Keith
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The Duck and Raisin in the heart of the Surrey Hills is a new father/son venture with ales sourced from the local brewery and an 'unashamedly British' surf and turf menu
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The celebrification of journalism and its consequences have been a disaster for the human race
The most amazing match of a photo and caption I've ever seen
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The Church of England and its theocratic, repressive grip on the nation. Yeah may as well be in bloody Iran mate
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Jeremy Vineism becoming a real problem. Falling Down levels of midlife crisis chanelled into cycling and 'evidence based' busy bodying into other people's lives.
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The problem with reducing everything to 'mental health' is that creates one homogenous concept which apparently stretches from women living in the world's most repressive regime to Giles having a tough week at Deloitte
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Biggest shock as a teacher in N/W London was the gratuitous anti-semitism, not just from students but even parents
One actually refused her child be taught about the Holocaust. She even vandalised the H/W booklet and scrawled 'Free Palestine' across it. The teacher was Jewish.
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For
@unherd
I went to England's newest town and found a dismal developer driven purgatory set to be scaled out across the country in the age of newbuild Britain.
Can we do better? Tl;dr: No.
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If I were invited onto a podcast to hold forth on the matters of the day, I personally wouldn't do it while dressed as a sex tourist
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Mark E Smith on 1997: the death of Diana, Friends and New Labour. "England hasn't recovered from that year. I have, but England hasn't"
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Westminster/Public Affairs/Comms is perhaps the most egregious example of 'elite overproduction,' graduates just running endless campaigns and engaging stakeholders for things that will do little to change material problems of the British state.
Exactly what 15 year-old me needed, a visit to a portakabin in a car park staffed by De Montfort pyschology grads armed with clipboards
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This clip alone will preserve the monarchy for another 100 years
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A lot of faffing about could be avoided if they just narrowed down their search to every sociology lecturer in the country
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A politician in a country where two MPs have been murdered in recent past expresses concern for his safety and the very clever people come up with this:
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If it hadn't been for the British Empire there could have been a flourishing Weimaresque gay scene in 1930s Gaza.
Noel Coward, Christopher Isherwood rubbing shoulders while watching a man in lipstick do Cabaret sending up everyone from the local imam to the colonial governor
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Parliament really should just hold weekly votes on whatever tragic story they have absolutely no power to influence happens to be in the news
Reusable Twitter cards at the ready: "Rebecca Long-Bailey has voted to end flooding in Bangladesh"
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For
@TheCriticMag
I reviewed James O'Brien's magnum opus "How they Broke Britain."
"The sole marvel of the book is that despite writing on one of the worst periods of British governance, O’Brien still manages to come across as an incoherent crank."
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Reading about the 2019 intake and it's hilarious how the Tories have gone from: 6th Duke of Portland, resigned over the corn laws, lost a son at Waterloo etc
To: ran a Sugar Daddy Website, fled a hit and run in a blonde wig, caught in a gambling sting etc
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Yup, let's turn the Gaza Strip into a giant Centre Parcs. That'll work.
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Must have been really tough being a member of the British press in the naughties, what with being both appalled by and entirely complict with the culture you were creating
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"Notes from a Small Island, Twenty Years On." Bill Bryson having a full on existential , post-twee breakdown in non-place highstreets. Getting called an old nonce by Mizzy etc
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One of the many reasons I left teaching. The utterly pointless task of getting students to 'infer' knowledge about the Vietnam War from a photo. An unbelievably tedious display of pedagogical gymanstics to derive a piece of 'knowledge,' you could have imparted in ten seconds
I’m also pretty certain that the average secondary school pupil, if given the choice, would prefer story-time-style history lessons over being taught how to ‘evaluate a source’ in the abstract.
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The last time I was mugged the culprit had a well thumbed copy of Private Eye shoved into the back of his tracksuit
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J.G Ballard's Crash but it's Jeremy Vine getting sexually aroused by the idea of a horrific collision with a pedestrian on his penny farthing
Unfortunately the nice penny farthing video I uploaded a few hours ago provoked a very nasty backlash from people who can't read road signs
***updated video explains*** 👇🏽👇🏽👇🏽
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Hilariously blunt John Gray interview on net zero/climate change:
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In the village of Tsyrkuny, one of the few things still left is the Orthodox Church.
"Oh great, we've been waiting for you," says the priest dryly upon arrival.
During the fighting for Kharkiv, the villagers took shelter here and prayed together in the crypt day and night.
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Trying to phase out 'mate,' reckon it's completely had its day. We're living in a post-mate society quite frankly
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Galloway dresses like an eccentric, elderly homosexual. A streak of Quentin Crisp. Rochdale via Old Compton Street.
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The Nokes thing (lying about going on GB News) is hilarious and really does betray the pyschological mess of the modern Tory party. One eye always on winning elections and the other on being embraced into the corporate post-politics griftsphere when they get bored/lose their seat
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For
@TheCriticMag
on the tyranny of Twee Britannia, and why in the interests of national rejuvenation come 2024 it must be destroyed
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"Mate, mate did you not read the Stansted Airport Community Charter? That sort of behaviour's not on."
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The poet laureate of New British Twee:
Also in the canon: Richard Osman, Very British Problems, David Mitchell, Stephen Fry in his post mental health period
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Thanks lads, but discussing my problems in a pub in East Dulwich with a load of strangers is probably going to cripple my 'mental fitness' forever
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The descent of mid noughties indy pop band The Kooks into fascist iconogrophy and ideology as normality was quite something
The descent of the Labour Party into fascist iconography and ideology as normality is quite something
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One thing I've noticed with coverage of Reform/Farage is that there seems to be a cliched obsession with tying their voters to a part of the country 'red wall,' 'left behind Clacton etc,' That mood, exists in varying degrees, in every seat in the country. Not just geographical...
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Ukrainian army soldier Vitalii Ovcharenko helps run a social media intelligence operation in Russian occupied territory.
Two months ago, they were able to locate and bomb a Wagner battalion in the town of Stakhanov using intelligence sent by civilians on Twitter/Signal
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Symbolic how my local Zone 4 starbucks has gone from hipster gentrification symbol to run down mono hub for international students, deliveroo drivers and drifters in the space of about ten years
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It's true, the rest of us are miserable alcoholics
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Having just returned from Kharkiv and Kyiv,
@johnsweeneyroar
has many friends there and is very well spoken of. He was there well before most others. Must be doing something right.
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Sixty something desperate to retire man on a Zoom call with he/him pronouns by his name. Waiting patiently to speak with a raised digital emoji hand. I looked into his eyes and I saw my future.
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This clip summarises the problem with the NAs neatly, a bit a sneering at the sans culottes, and then a disingenuous discussion about migration levels hooked around an airport with a 'just tourists,' gag
If this is the 'podcast,' election then it's a race to the bottom currently
“This country is dead. Sharia law is king.”
@lewis_goodall
went door-knocking with Reform Party activists in Andy Burnham’s former constituency, Leigh, in Greater Manchester.
Full episode out on Sunday 🎧
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A modern day version of AE Housman's 'A Shropshire Lad' but it's Deano visiting his mum in suburb of Middlesborough longing to return to Bali
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For
@unherd
I went on the campaign trial in Surrey ahead of the May elections and found Nimby last stands, angry centrist grandads, shit filled rivers and a quiet sense of decline.
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Whole series is so good. Britain in the seventies as a cross between a Carry On Film and a David Peace novel.
Think the idea running through it is that the national memory of how shite the period was has been lost amidst present doomerism (particularly amongst my generation)
The climax of our series on 1974 - 'the worst year in post-War British history' - sees Labour scrape home in a second election, more IRA bombs, hovercrafts, pandas, Marcia Williams-related lunch-themed shenanigans, & MRS THATCHER ENTERING THE RING
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A Robert Harris style thriller about a young, impressionable LGBT+Tory activist who gets radicalised by Yimby Twitter and ends up secretly murdering a pensioner for opposing a block of flats in Brentwood only to end up as a junior housing minister in a 2030s Con/LibDem coalition
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Behind the migrant crisis, there's a battle for Albania's future. My dispatch from the country for
@unherd
.
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For the
@TheCriticMag
, my heartfelt plea to stop the reputational atrophy at the BBC
Behind Clayton’s Musk car crash is a new brand of journalism waiting to get found out again and again...
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Yeah yeah, when the Nazis came to power, first it was removing the rent controls then it was the bloody Nuremburg laws mate
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If you're genuinely upset by the Bishops in the House of Lords you desperately need a complete life changing vibe shift. A crack addiction, buy a pig farm in Bulgaria etc
The Church of England and its theocratic, repressive grip on the nation. Yeah may as well be in bloody Iran mate
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It's Year 9 and one of your mates has just set up Facebook and got into Black Mirror
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Since I've started smoking I've:
👉 Lost weight
👉 Better mood, clarity and men's mental health
👉 Save money on expensive lunches, fruit/veg etc
I strongly urge you to give this wonderful product a try 💯
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For
@TheCriticMag
, I wrote about one of the great paradoxes of our time: the more apocalyptic the world apparently gets, the less people seem to care
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Actually quite excited to read this.
Always thought the best way to understand O'Brien was as a sort of Colonel Kurtz figure: an ambitious entertainment hack who went too far up river to the LBC studio and drove himself insane talking to the public
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“They’re a bunch of wronguns, aren’t they?” said one bored steward to me as we watched a man larping Les Miserables..."
My Coronation protest dispatch for
@TheCriticMag
on the mad, bad and slightly twee world of English Republicanism
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Was asked to go on Talk TV earlier to talk about Musk/tacklng Disinformation etc
The producer said she didn't want me to frame/backstory it with the Twitter files because the presenter was a 'centrist'
There's a reason no one watches television news anymore: it's run by morons
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A typically incisive and funny review from
@niall_gooch
but I feel sorry for Higson. An amazing writer and actor, a childhood favourite who feels more a victim than enabler of being stuck in a certain twitter bubble.
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Last week the 'The Behavioural Insights Team,' of SAGE/pandemic fame put out a report saying they could help reduce murders in London by a 1/3.
My verdict in the
@TheCriticMag
on their deranged, useless and potentially illegal recommendations.
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'Ridicolous! It's all about the NaRrAtIVe. This is not journalism!'
*spends the next 24 hours furiously retweeting all the revelations*
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A political disaster yes, but also remember there are now swathes of hopeless fuckwits like me who spent their early twenties pissing about abroad, can still barely look after themselves and whose idea of a financial plan is waiting for relatives to die
As a young adult in 1997, the most common living arrangement was being in a couple with children. Today the most common is... living with your parents
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As Britain slowly sinks into the mire of irrevocable decline, the nation will be paraded by a series of geriatric ex-politicians talking about their 'regret.' Off to the Hay Festival to do penitence, a sell out at the King's Lyyn Corn Exchange, weeping and begging for forgiveness
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Adrian Chiles has somehow remade a career out of writing articles built entirely around a stray comment in the family WhatsApp group that no one replies to.
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A quick bit for
@unherd
on the Newsnight folly: buried in the announcement is a reallocation of resources to BBC Verify and thus another very British case of managed decline
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Last year: Peter Hitchens welling up while talking about English hedgerows.
This year: the guy who played the villain in Seven talking about how he shouldn't of been "cancelled" for being a sex pest
Kevin Spacey announced by
@DouglasKMurray
at tonight's Scruton lecture. Douglas focused on Roger Scruton's cancellation at the end of his life.
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Terrifying thought that in about 40 years time there will millenials in care homes listening to Ed Sheeran and playing Fifa in a fugue of dementia saturated nostalgia
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Great piece by
@WalkerMarcus
on the mystical English tradition of getting ale soaked and then going to Midnight Mass.
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Napoleon is a solid one star. 0/10 don't see. Sways between a Carry on Film and an ITV costume drama, with a Waterloo that looks like it was filmed by your Warhammer collecting uncle who runs the local battle re-enactment society
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£130 train ticket to sit on the floor next to a blocked toilet for 3 hours isn't that bad. It's the blitz spirit. Keep Calm and Carry On mate
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Shapps looks like a man who has set up his own 'military history,' YouTube channel after having a severe midlife crisis
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It's true. I bought one of these for my grandma Christmas 2019 and now she is a card carrying member of the EDL. Dangerous. Should be banned.
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Hoyle almost weeping in his chair as he loses control of parliament will eventually be canonised in some twee realist drama in the post Starmer years, the bookend of dark Britannia 2016-2024 before the New Labour restoration
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