Robert Kroese
@robkroese
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Founder of and and author of 35 novels.
Grand Rapids, Michigan
Joined March 2009
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High Plains Grifter has been sent to the Kickstarter supporters! The rest of you can pre-order it here:
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This is 79 degrees Fahrenheit. I don't understand how Brits ever colonized India
UK to be blasted by 48 hour 26C heatwave with five cities in England the hottest
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Nice to see celebrities taking time off from raping each other to condemn prayer
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Leftists: "What is a 'Soros-backed prosecutor'?"
Right-wingers: "George Soros literally supports certain prosecutors"
George Soros: "It's true, I do"
Leftists: "It's a mystery. I think it must be anti-semitism"
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Being in school is about problem-solving, and the problem is figuring out what response will please a 95-IQ education major
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"Is that the hill you want to die on?" - conservatives, after ceding their 76,328th hill in a row
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I always like to imagine trying to explain tweets like this to a medieval peasant.
"So he's mad that there are chicken sandwiches?"
"No he's mad that lots of restaurants have chicken sandwiches"
"Because they don't have any other food?"
"No there's other food"
"..."
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"Andy Ngo should have known not to go where he wasn't welcome"
*drives 300 miles to find a baker who won't make a gay wedding cake*
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The problem with making artificial meat from plants is that there are already some extremely efficient machines that make meat from plants. They are called animals
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@misstozak
Yep. I lived in Florida and in the CA Central Valley. 110 in the Central Valley is better than 90 in FL
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Venn diagram of people who think rural Americans can't photocopy an ID and people worried about rural Americans 3D printing firearms
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Democracy is such a weird thing to believe in. Like somehow the people who can't return their grocery carts to the corral will mystically unite to create a just and good society
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"I have principles but not really I guess lol"
I actually don’t advocate throwing drinks on people. Not at all. But yes, i think MAGA hats (deliberately) reflect a movement that conjures racism, homophobia, xenophobia, etc. So yes, it’s a little harder to feel sympathy when someone gets Coca Cola thrown on him.
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Imagine trying to explain this tweet to a human being who has ever experienced a real problem
The more I think about it the more I hate that expected reward for clearing a dungeon in DnD is gold, gems, and valuable art. You are effectively looting the lost artifacts and cultural items from a long dead kingdom that peoples likely survive to this day.
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the "crossing state lines" meme feels like something injected into leftist discourse by a sociologist studying how NPCs share information. a meaningless, arbitrary bit of data like the radioactive dye in a PET scan
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If they sold the hat for £5billion, then someone else will have a hat worth £5billion and you will be upset that that person has a hat worth £5billion.
At no point during this exchange does the hat turn into food.
The estimated value of this hat (made from plundered jewels) is between £3billion and £5billion. Sell it and help everyone who is struggling to pay for food and heating. What a jubilee gift to the people that would be
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I'm no expert on asset forfeiture laws, but it's my understanding we can now seize the White House and sell it at auction
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*Hands healthcare over to the government*
"OMG how did healthcare get in the hands of the government"
I still don’t understand how lawmakers in this country continue to think that it’s their job to tell women what to do with their health care.
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1. Liberals blame NRA for shooting stopped by NRA member
2. Senator introduces bill to outlaw something already illegal
3. Chainsaw bayonet
"WHY CAN'T WE HAVE A SERIOUS DISCUSSION ABOUT GUNS??"
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Weird how people who laughed at the idea that conservatives are being silenced are suddenly very concerned that the ideology of Twitter's owners could affect the way it's run
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I'm just a simple caveman. I don't understand your concepts of "consent" and "not masturbating in front of reporters"
Weinstein: "I came of age in the ’60s and ’70s, when all the rules about behavior and workplaces were different"
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Advisers: We need a diversion from the email scandal!
H: basket of deplorables
Adviser: We need a diversion from that now
H: *falls over*
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Can we start calling homosexuals something other than "gay," because they're basically never happy
GLAAD's response:
"In addition to refraining from financially supporting anti-LGBTQ organizations, Chick-fil-A still lacks policies to ensure safe workplaces for LGBTQ employees and should unequivocally speak out against the anti-LGBTQ reputation that their brand represents,"
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Funny how right-wing trolls always "harass" people into quitting, but Scarlett Johansson just "dropped out"
Don’t let Scarlett Johansson dropping out kill Hollywood’s first trans studio film — Opinion
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Normal person: Don't monkey this up!
Progressive: You mean like a black person?
NP: What? No, I--
Prog: Cuz blacks are like monkeys, right?
NP: Jesus, no. I was just--
Prog: With their dark skin and big nostrils
NP: No
Prog: *dances on table holding a banana*
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Would be fun to write a sci-fi series where in the first book the plucky rebels defeat the evil empire and then in every succeeding book things get progressively worse as people realize the empire was the only thing keeping the galaxy from devolving into chaos
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@thehill
Yeah, high crimes and misdemeanors would be something like giving sensitive information on our allies to our enemies
Hold on, some news coming in
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It would take the U.S. military less time to subdue your entire country than it would take them to conquer Idaho
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Great idea. Teenagers are too immature to own guns. They should stick to things like spearheading our national gun policy debate.
I plan to introduce a bill to require ALL firearms purchases from gun dealers be restricted to individuals who are at least 21 years old. If you can’t buy a handgun or a bottle of beer, you shouldn’t be able to buy an AR-15.
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It's pretty wild that in English, the numbers 1-3 have Latin cognates, then we switch to German or something for 4 & 5, then Latin again for 6 & 7, German for 8, Latin for 9 & 10, then German for 11 & 12. How does that even happen?
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Let me guess: you found 6 racists on Twitter and decided to make them famous.
‘White genocide in space’: Racist fans seethe at diversity in new ‘Star Trek’ series
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We need a universal hand gesture for "The news media are fucking idiots"
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@CheladaPachinko
My girlfriend lives in Ecuador. She complains about the cold when it's 74 degrees
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why person calm one time and not calm other time
Give me a break. The guy was calm, cool and collected surrendering to police right after shooting people. He was laughing in court yesterday. This is why they had him testify - for this performance.
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I just can't get over the stupidity of the argument that if cops can't face a man with an AR-15, the solution is to have cops confiscate millions of AR-15s
If 19 armed police inside PLUS 150 police outside, were afraid to engage ONE 18 year-old with an AR-15, the only solution is to ban AR-15 style rifles, period!
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Bought my first gun yesterday. Had to get a really small one to compensate for my tremendous manhood
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I don't know any of my friends phone numbers because they're all stored in my phone. It occurs to me that if self-driving cars become a thing, there are going to be adults who don't know where they live
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@CNNOpinion
The elites need to break their dangerous infatuation with micromanaging other peoples' lives
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@ElonMuskAOC
No. If Twitter worked properly, people who want the news would already be getting the news from their feed. Introducing a "God level" of posting outside the algorithm is a bad idea. Make the platform work so that people see what they want to see.
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Fuck these people
$75 million in the bill for Corporation for Public Broadcasting, that is PBS and NPR
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In hindsight, maybe it was a little unfair not to tell the Democrats up front about the electoral college.
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Everybody writes alternate histories where the Nazis win. Somebody needs to write an alternate history where the communists win and nothing is any different
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If a big flashing warning sign goes on that says YOU ARE LITERALLY NOW IN NAZI GERMANY, you should disobey, but not a moment before
No. Cops, like soldiers, carry out the will of the government. It's not their fault if the government enacts bad laws. There's a breaking point - if your government is Nazi Germany, you should quit the job or work to overthrow it - but we're not Nazi Germany, & neither is Canada.
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@WalshFreedom
"I'm a conservative. Let's make a huge unprecedented change to a system that's been in place since our country's inception. Conservative I tell you!"
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My guess is Florida
Prediction: As Biden's polling drops over the next few months, he'll bomb the hell out of some random country to show he's tough.
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Pretty sure we passed some laws against this?
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You don't need to dunk on Keith Olbermann. God has dunked on him by making him Keith Olbermann
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NYC mayor saying "nothing has changed" re: a SCOTUS decision that overturns NY law and the Justice Department saying they "respectfully disagree" with the decision, so no, I don't care about January 6
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@NYPD121Pct
@NYPDChiefPatrol
those bright orange parts are meant to tell you it's not a real gun, in case you were wondering
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Lord give me the confidence of a man in a women's bike race
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This book on the sunk cost fallacy is terrible but I'm like 80% done with it
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"This is worse than Watergate!" - Carl Bernstein checking into a Best Western
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Nothing says "I fucking love science" like believing the end of the world is being foretold by a magic clock
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I bought a gun to protect my stuff, but the only valuable stuff I have now is ammo
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Probably my least favorite kind of person on Earth are the progressives who insist that religion and government must be absolutely separate except when progressive policy sounds kind of like Christian doctrine, in which case it's the Christian's sacred duty to support it
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"It's time to make Georgia as bad for business as it is for living"
"I am tired of being told that we are the best state in the country to do business when we are the worst state in the country to live." - Abrams at Gwinnett Dems dinner
#gapol
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If only there was a pithier way of saying "gang violence-ravaged and impoverished disaster zone" 🤔
Trump is kicking 200,000 Salvadorans out of the United States and forcing them back to a gang violence-ravaged and impoverished disaster zone.
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@MadiSP4321
@misstozak
The dry heat is hard on your lungs and skin, but I think it's far more comfortable overall
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Any hill where you can k1ll a c0mmie is a good hill to die on
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Me, at pizza place: what are the sizes of the pizzas
Waitress: 4, 6, and 12 slices
Me: I don't know what that means
Waitress: Triangles. For you to eat
Me: ...
Waitress: Do you want the diameters?
Me: yes
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If you want the government to use tax dollars to buy food for poor people, say that. You aren't adding anything to the discussion by saying people have a "right" to food. You're just borrowing the rhetorical weight of "rights" so you don't have to defend your position
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OK Europe, you've got a few weeks to figure out how to squeeze energy out of German smirks
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We're on the verge of WWIII because a bunch of idiots think nuclear power and drilling for oil is icky
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Medieval peasants spent most of their time adventuring in nearby dungeons, gradually gaining enough experience points to reach a level at which they were capable of defeating the lich king who threatened the realm with eternal darkness
Medieval peasants worked only about 150 days out of the year. The Church believed it was important to keep them happy with frequent, mandatory holidays.
You have less free time than a Medieval peasant.
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The fact that progressive altruism always has strings attached is reason enough to oppose it. If a man is not allowed to have certain opinions because of what you claim to have given him, then you're not offering a helping hand; you're buying slaves
This is the face of a man who climbed the ladder of affirmative action to his present perch of power only to help destroy the very ladder on which he ascended. This is not only the mark of deep ingratitude & disavowal of history, but a withering betrayal of justice & democracy.
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Suddenly leftists hate people who block traffic, it's a miracle
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Wow, no one has ever heard a boomer say, "I got mine, fuck the rest of you" before, well done
AARP executive claps back at viral "OK, Boomer" joke with a shot at millennials, says we "actually have the money"
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How about this as a compromise: you have zero say about what writers can write and you can go fuck yourself.
@CannonballJones
@jessesingal
@browbeat
Stop being a fucking drama queen. We’re just saying not to write problematic shit that is offensive and reduces POC to devices for yt MCs.🙄
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Imagine looking at the American education system and thinking, "Ah, I see the problem. Home schooling is not subject to the same rigid standards as the Baltimore public schools"
BREAKING: "Scientific American" calls for federal homeschooling regulations. Hell no.
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Free sci-fi story idea: 4 experimental vaccines are quickly rolled out to combat a deadly plague. Each turns out to scramble DNA in a different way, causing humanity to splinter into 4 distinct races
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This is such a weird tweet. Feminists have been insisting for 50 years that women can do anything men can do, and suddenly it's the fault of "men's rights activists" (who have essentially zero political power the last I checked) that a woman is forced to fight a man?
Could any picture sum up our new men’s rights movement better? The smirk of a male who’s knows he’s protected by a misogynist sporting establishment enjoying the distress of a woman he’s just punched in the head, and whose life’s ambition he’s just shattered.
#Paris2024
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"I hope you die of a virus" - people who want you to think they would never cheat in an election
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Lot of journalists out here worrying about being suspended who didn't say a damn thing when the New York Post was suspended for publishing a story about Hunter Biden's laptop. Weird
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It's telling that whenever somebody adapts an older work, like LOTR, they always approach it as "How can we put a modern spin on this?" rather than "What can this timeless work teach us?"
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Not only was the French Revolution needlessly bloody, it didn't even accomplish anything. They went from one autocrat to another. All they had to do is copy the American Revolution and they fucked it up
The French Revolution was as the greatest event in European history and you’d be a peasant dying in a ditch without it
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This is my backyard. I bought a wine opener and saved $800,000
Sitting here reading my book and someone just yelled, “does anyone have a wine opener?” and someone from the other side of the park yelled, “I do.” Why would you ever live in the suburbs.
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How soon should I expect the "Election fraud was necessary to save democracy" think pieces?
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