Rob Halden
@robhalden
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Comedian & writer - written material for Mock The Week, Roast Battle, Comedy Central - host of the @MarvelVersus Marvel podcast
Stafford, England
Joined January 2011
Once you turn 50, there is no reason for you to ever say anything that is not an insane lie. Every public appearance should be seen as an opportunity to make your lies grander in scope and more absurd. Your eventual goal is to forget every true event from your life
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The size of a fiber optic wire capable of supplying a home with high speed internet
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NEW 🔥 Nick Mohammed says fans didn’t see his full reaction to Alan Carr winning Celebrity Traitors: “There was a lot more they edited out. I was effing and blinding, I was so shocked. Then I just lost control of my legs and I was on the floor, and then when Alan burst into
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Robert Plant once wrote "If the sun refused to shine, I would still be loving you. If the mountains crumble to the sea, there will still be you and me" I get:
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GTA VI being the most-hyped media release of all time is funny. It's gonna be the missions they've had for 25 years (chase down someone who owes you money, rob somebody else, fly a helicopter) while a radio broadcast goes "I got my son vaccinated... and now he's GAY?"
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Pure distilled essence of 1979-2025, here. I’m loaded and loving it but somehow I can never shake this mortal terror that somewhere, some poor wanker might be eating a free cheese sandwich.
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I remember when they were called Christmas Christmas Christmas Christmas Christmas Pies and the box had photos of Paddington driving a Routemaster to the Somme.
Tesco can plaster tinsel all over the box, but apparently the word “Christmas” is too risky for their “Merry Mince Pies”. Welcome to the era of corporate tiptoeing so as we don’t offend the murderers and rapists flooding the country. We are doomed. Bah humbug
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Uber sends notifications like "hey want to take an Uber right now?" No thanks, buddy. It's more for when I need to go somewhere
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a good barometer for alcoholism is how many times a week you fall asleep in jeans
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Adil Ray, "Our lawyers would like to emphasis that his former royal highness Prince Andrew has given £12 million of his mum's money to someone he has never met before" "Has renounced all his titles for something he didn't do" "With the same person he's never met before" "At
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matt stop serving you’re being broken up with😭
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Mark Bonnar is absolutely RAGING finding out who the traitors are 😂 his impression of Alan was impeccable 😂 #CelebrityTraitors
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