Me: Hello I’d like to book an appointment please Doctor’s receptionist:

Some say this is AI

My newest obsession is the way Martin Roberts just said “damp” on Homes Under the Hammer

The problem with curry is, they’ve made it too nice

https://t.co/wE66Oqmmy2

Eating chocolate for breakfast for the next five weeks

Smith: See Terry’s done a milk chocolate orange now? Jones: Ain’t they all milk chocolate? Smith: Nah this one’s just chocolate Jones: What, no orange? Smith: Nope Jones: So. Terry’s Chocolate Ball? Smith: Exactly Jones: Huh Voice over: No orange, just one of Terry’s balls

This is how you do a draw

I love Jeff so much

Ladies and gentlemen, the weekemd

Couldn’t risk leaving the naughty elf at home so took him to work with me. Wouldn’t let me leave until I got a pic of him with Abu Dhabi Sports Gary Neville

"Grease and Love!" @dank_ackroyd

When you're 33 but your Spotify listening age is 32

My oh my! Woke up this morning and look what I found?! This cheeky little elf reading my important academic research papers! Let’s hope he keeps it quiet from Kath! 🤫

Is this about up the arse

What the hell… #SpotifyWrapped

And is there… an Uncle Bessie? 😏🌹

Thought an air fryer would make me eat healthier but I just keep putting Auntie Bessie’s Yorkshire Puddings in it

It does as well

They all come out the woodwork at Christmas don’t they

Everyone talking about ‘Your Party’ but no one talking about Black Lace’s ‘Party Party: 16 Great Party Icebreakers’