Ruth Husko
@dank_ackroyd
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if you like tweets you’re in for a treat 😎 @parkascomedy
Black Country / London
Joined April 2023
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Pinned Tweet
Me: Hello I’d like to book an appointment please
Doctor’s receptionist:
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Me: Hi can I see this flat advertised at £1300/ month?
Landlord: Ah we've taken deposit from someone else now but your salary shows you could afford a higher rent. We would let this out to you at £2000/month?
Me: Ok - I’m not renting for more than what’s advertised
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In Rishi Sunak's Tory Britain you're no longer entitled to benefits if you are off work for reasons of ill mental health.
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Love how the landlord thinks I’m the problem here. Do they know what ‘unrealistic expectation’ means? If I took an 80p Twix to the counter and the cashier saw I had a fiver to pay and said ‘it’s £4.75 now’ I think you’d probably describe them as the unrealistic expectation haver
Me: Hi can I see this flat advertised at £1300/ month?
Landlord: Ah we've taken deposit from someone else now but your salary shows you could afford a higher rent. We would let this out to you at £2000/month?
Me: Ok - I’m not renting for more than what’s advertised
Response:
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Also asked if my job was work from home or in an office. Oh you looking to rent it out to a couple between the hours of 8am to 6pm are ya? Great idea actually - true landlord mindset 👍
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‘I’ve probably relied on raw talent too much, if anything’
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Hope everyone has a lovely bank holiday mini retirement 👍 🏝️
Absolutely dying at this clip of Gary Neville seeming to discover what a holiday is
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Happy Birthday Gordon Ramsay - chef, restaurateur, writer, presenter and master of disguise
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2016: “Brexit will make your lives better!”
2023: “cheese sandwich?? Someone’s doing well!!”
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Sat here ordering just six mozzarella sticks instead of ten because I’m trying to get a body like Diamond off Gladiators 👍
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Don't usually share emotional stuff on here but this lovely message from my brother who I've not seen for four years really touched me today 🥲
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Kara Rosen with two rice cakes: I like something carby at lunch 🤭
Me scooping hash browns into a baguette using a 12 inch garlic naan: you what
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Not seen these phone charging seats in Birmingham New Street station before - just gave them a try and one thing they’ve added which I think is a really nice touch is that none of them fucking work 👍
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Thank you community notes😎❤️👩🏻⚖️
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What’s wrong love, you’ve barely touched your Coronation Street Milk Chocolate Luxury Fudge Easter egg
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About time
BREAKING: Online Safety Bill to become law in crackdown on harmful social media content
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Never been into Fleetwood Mac but just heard a song where they start playing a cover of the theme from Formula One at the end love it lads - let's have Grandstand next please 👍
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‘I’ve done my duties - Paddington, take me back to my Peloton’ 🫡
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Love that you can watch this Covid enquiry - it’s like being allowed to sit in a disciplinary meeting for someone at work you fucking hate
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this ad I just got hit with on reels is somehow even more Tory than Tory party conference
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The only thing worse than 'Sweet Caroline' is that little bit of artistic flair people have added when they go 'So good! So good! So good!' Sweet Caroline Sweet Fuck Off more like
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I reject all men who’ve slept with more than 3 women because as science has proven, the fanny walls gradually bevel away the edges of the willy over time, thus turning the plumpest and healthiest gentleman’s excuse me into a bleak and lifeless wet pig’s tail - fair play Andrew 👍
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What’s the best fake song? Like a song that exists in the world of a show/movie but not our world
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Coolio died a year ago today - loved his cover of this Michael Barrymore song 🙏
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You wouldn’t Holly a Willoughby
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Royal Blood providing the most embarrassing moment in music since:
Royal Blood making their feelings known about the crowd at BBC Radio 1’s Big Weekend yesterday 😂
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Post a picture from your phone that could be from a horror movie
Post a picture from your phone that could be from a horror movie:
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‘As everyone was talking about a famous tree I couldn’t help but wonder - wasn’t it about time someone destroyed my Sycamore Gap?’
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The Conservative Party social media team:
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Thinking of getting into the old opinion piece writing business myself tbh 🪶 🤔
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Not wanting everyone to see my fanny 👍
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Quote this tweet with a funny meme or video that makes you laugh when you’re sad.
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Not saying I spend too much time alone but I just said ‘how are we getting on lads’ to two drying out t shirts on the radiator 👍
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Hate it when you go to a craft ale pub and you ask if they do Guinness and they go ‘no but we’ve got one that tastes like it - it’s called Mocha Choca Milky Boy’ so you buy it and it tastes like Senakot
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What’s the funniest thing you’ve been told off for on here because this is world class
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So funny now that in 1995 there was that big rivalry between ‘Roll With It’ and ‘Country House’ when both of those songs are fucking shite 👍
#totp
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Grown man out here smoking a candy floss vape like a baby - grow up and get one that tastes like lead or WW1
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Quote this with that video you will never delete 🤣🥺🤩🥳🤯😁
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Suella Braverman says ‘ooh part timer!’ when you leave work at 5:29pm
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Can’t understand the fuss about Luke Littler’s age when it’s more shocking that Michael Van Gerwen is only 34
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Stylist: What we going for tonight?
Florence Pugh: You know the British sitcom created by Jimmy Perry & David Croft that took place in the fictional Maplins holiday camp in Essex towards the end of the traditional British holiday period of the 1950s?
Stylist: Say no more 😎
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The Conservative Party social media team:
“Rishi said any League with me in it would be Super anyways”
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20 years to the day a friend came out to a group of us by saying 'Ok, l'm into girls...’ then looked directly at me and said 'NOT YOU' 😎 👍
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As everyone was talking about Oppenheimer, I couldn’t help but wonder - wasn’t it about time someone oppened my heimer?
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BREAKING NEWS: Taylor Swift is dating the random terrifying silver mask face mirror bloke no one recognises from the film from the Glasgow Willy Wonka experience
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When a big account steals your Twitter patter but they put it on their insta
@ladbible
Happy Birthday Gordon Ramsay - chef, restaurateur, writer, presenter and master of disguise
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Dance like you’ve never actually seen anyone dance before but are contractually obliged too
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Queens of the Stone Age: I hope you’re all on fucking mushrooms tonight motherfuckers! 🤘
Me lying in bed doing a Wordle: heheheh yes Josh let’s rock 😎
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I got CDE in my A-levels. Hated school, wagged it all the time, went to uni & spent all my time working at Greggs. Didn’t get a career until I was 35, no savings, 8k student debt and just spent 10 mins making this image anyway not sure what my point is mind how you go fella 👍
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Any excuse to post ‘Do You Love Me’ on Rik Mayall’s birthday - I remember watching this when I was about 10 and thought it was the funniest thing ever and I still do 😎 ❤️
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He’s playing every member of the Hussein family like Nutty Professor 2 - The Klumps
Barry Keoghan to star in Saddam Hussein movie, but he’s not playing Saddam Hussein
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@jamiesmart
Sorry to be clear
@SlauHaus
They are honouring it for a short let only for £1300 a month but at the end of that they asked would I want to let from June for £2k 💀
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Happy Birthday Jimmy Nail - thank you for creating this masterpiece 🥲
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You can only decline one
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‘As Liz Truss talked about not compromising with communists and triangulating with terrorists I couldn’t help but wonder - when will a man terrorise MY triangulate (my fanny)’ 🤔
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The sugar when you realise you bought the wrong one for baking
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Wait a minute
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Jim Bowen: Light up your lunch and smoke out the competition with this fabulous Benson & Hedges picnic set!
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Them: You better not be watching Jasper Carrott performing a cover of ‘Caroline’ by Status Quo with Bev Bevan on drums and Tony Iommi on guitar that also segues into ‘White Christmas’ for some reason when I get there
My goofy ass:
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Things exes did with me on Sundays:
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