Melissa Schubert
@poodawgmelissa
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poker player, commentator, dog mom/snake daddy. half 🇯🇵 half 🇦🇺 full 👹
Joined July 2019
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@Joeingram1
@philivey
@IAmMaverick888
@HCLPokerShow
why they look like two kids giving a class presentation
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What in the actual fuck just happend on the ballys stream?!?
Austin just said this word for word to Jason.
"Jason, do you remember who i am? I will fuck your mother in front of you and torture her while you watch"
WTF was thatttt?!?! Can someone give me an update?!?
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Most of this poker training out there are complete trash, by people who can’t even beat the games. Give me about a year and I’ll make the best content there has ever been and offer my masterclass for free. That’s a promise. Happy Father’s Day to all the great dads out there ♥️
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6 years. A reminder of where I once was. Grateful for the life I get to live today 🙏🏻
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4 years ago today, a moment of clarity showed me where i was headed - i saw my future kids being afraid of me like i was afraid of my mom
i was a blackout drunk doing coke/xanax/ketamine/anything. harming myself and others
everything is different now
eternally grateful❤️
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GG greg
NSFW: Man Sends Woman Unsolicited Dick Pic And Then Tries To Get Her Fired After She Roasts His Genitals
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Overheard at WSOP
Guy on phone in hallway: “Baby I had the nuts. No this time I did. I was like 95% until he made a better hand on the river”
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@nautalii
girl with older brothers here. i had dropkicks practiced on me before i could ride a bike
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BREAKING: GG Poker superuser MoneyTaker69 revealed to be rapper 21 Savage
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poker is weird bc you learn, become aware of how bad you were before, then that happens over & over so ur exponentially more aware of how little u know relative to what there there is to know so u feel worse at it as u get better anyway does anyone have therapist recommendations
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normal people: we can’t split the bill so i’ll venmo request you for the exact amount
poker players: let’s gamble on an obscure crocodile tooth-pulling game to see who is going to pay for everything
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me: i’ll remember this hand history. i don’t need to write it down
me retelling it later:
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Very uneventful Wsop after the early 3rd. Booked a small win at what is likely my last Wsop. Time for a new start...
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Biggest flex is not drinking this year despite temptations. 3+ years without a drink and still going 💪🏼
At my worst I was a shell of me, grasping for whatever I could. People like me only get worse from there.
Life is a lot different and more meaningful now.
So worth it 🌎
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in 2022 i:
- took more risks/played more live cash
- 2xed my booty
- made my commentary debut
- 5 years sober from being a blackout drunk/drugwoman
- did 2.5 months of lab grind (100k+ hands + daily studying)
-shidded and farded
in 2023 i will:
- be bussin
- slay
- buy a casino
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“Not now honey, daddy’s cyberbullying”
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hellmuth: complains about being buried, tells dealer to hurry up
also hellmuth: open jams AK for 250bb, gets no action
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@downbadpatrol
She’s being rude wtf he was so nice about it. He prob would have been chill if she said no damn why she gotta TKO him like that
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Hey
@WSOP
what’s the policy on men going into the ladies room? This guy just stormed in and got mad at us when we told him to leave saying “anyone can use any bathroom these days”
Just wondering
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phil berating botez A9 is making a demon rise within me
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every MTT i play is one step closer to selling my farts in a jar
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me, mentally unwell, trying to make someone fold a flush
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sorry guys ill just go back to tweeting ass pics, forgot who my audience was
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Finally playing my first full WSOP schedule this year. All it took was seeing that Mike The Situation has a better hendonmob than me
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It’s time to take a page out of the NFL’s book and add some more women to the poker audience.
@icespicee_
is now dating
@themouthmatusow
per TMZ
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May 2022 vs May 2023 gains
Hope I don’t lose it all grinding
Happy WSOP everyone 💪
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UNPOPULAR OPINION
Ladies tournaments are useless and better served by cash game social nights where the list can be made private
And there is no need for female leaderboards
*braces for impact*
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reminiscing on the time i got really bad lash extensions then went to play 1/3 right after, and within 20 min got asked if i was a prostitute
first of all, rude. if i were a prostitute i'd be rolled for more than 1/3
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3 things are certain in life: death, taxes, and guys giving unsolicited coaching in dms after we play at the same table
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@rampagepoker
Wtf?!? That’s an insane amount to loan to someone you don’t know named Dustin Da Closer
😩😩😩😩
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Update: Coke Can Greg would like a word with my employers
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you're kidding right? the investigators are being used to...dox twitter troll accounts..?
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don’t tell me you know anything about cars unless you can tell me where this part goes
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felt cute might unearth my retired twitch channel and and take over
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For everyone trying to gotcha me with political questions: this has nothing to do w trans the guy knew exactly what he was doing and admitted it. But yes keep wasting your breath trying to bait me into some braindead back and forth
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poker rooms in vegas: please do not eat or exist at the table
poker rooms in texas: DOES ANYONE WANT A HOT DOG???
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me after i make a horrible river call
@thinkingpoker
there’s math and statistics in poker strategy??!?!!?! this is the first time i’m hearing this
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when you battle from 200bb below ev to a solid $3 profit on the day
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Love that for him
Rip match over set over set in 3b pot for 300 something k pot.
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sometimes i like to think that dead poker players are in the afterlife making side bets on us
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i generally don't speak out much on these hot buttons and prefer to shitpost and meme but since i have relevant personal experience and am losing braincells seeing people arguing w/o having the correct info, here:
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Happy Father’s Day ❤️ I lost my dad when I was 9 - he was my bestie! Sending love to any of my fellow dad-holers today 🫂
And ofc HFD to all the great dads out there
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After seeing his responses here and realizing there have been even more attempts to contact me than I previously thought, I will be filing the order of protection today.
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