matt ufford
@mattufford
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Head of Video and Audio at @YahooSports . Veteran of the Iraq War and several defunct blogs. Semper Fi.
Connecticut
Joined February 2009
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Mother's Day
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LOSE MY BREATH REMIXES OUT NOW
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バンドリ
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#ほっともっと16周年
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Ernestina Godoy
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Pinned Tweet
me after telling the kids to put their socks on for the 8th time
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Pepsi deleted its crap ad from its YouTube page! But not before I made a GIF of Kendall seeing poor people for the first time.
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if you had told me at any time between 2005 and 2020 that Tom Brady would become more sympathetic than Aaron Rodgers I would’ve assumed Rodgers killed someone in a hit-and-run
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there are two movies in the 21st century that deserved to be a franchise but never got a sequel
Hollywood's great untapped genre is Russell Crowe Has a Friend
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today I learned that Spencer Pratt’s Instagram is mostly him feeding hummingbirds, the 2000s are an unknowable ancient past
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Nick Caserio: "We have zero interest in trading Deshaun Watson."
Deshaun Watson, reporting to camp:
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Roethlisberger is as mobile as ever
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first minute of an Olympic event: no idea who these people are
7th minute: Ross and Klineman need to finish the Chinese in 2 sets here, gotta stay fresh in pool play to challenge the Canadians for gold
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@mosseri
I don’t want to watch videos on Instagram, period. I don’t want to make videos. All I want is to scroll through pleasant photos, and any data you have saying otherwise is because product changes intruded on my curation.
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Adam Sandler Wears Golf Muumuu to Premiere of New Film 'Fart Vacation'
http://t.co/QHZDArGn0D
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(•_•)
<) )╯UNEMPLOYED
/ \
\(•_•)
( (> DURING
/ \
(•_•)
<) )> THE WORLD CUP
/ \
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Every Mitchell Trubisky incompletion is better when you remember the Bears traded up from the third spot to draft him second overall in the draft with Deshaun Watson and Patrick Mahomes.
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The Seahawks made a tribute video to Marshawn and... oh dammit, I swore I wouldn't get emotional
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seen a lot of talk about Cam Newton's fit in New England, but I think this is it
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call it whatever you need to call it
Which two actors you want to see in the new season of TRUE DETECTIVE ?
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laundry is the worst chore because it’s actually 3 chores:
— washing/drying
— folding clothes (slow death)
— putting folded clothes away
by the time you finish all three phases it’s time to do laundry again. life is perpetual laundry, the most nihilist chore
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Pleased to announce that I'm joining ESPN full-time next week to help run their digital video effort. Finally, the company that owns Star Wars, Marvel, and Pixar will taste success!
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my favorite part of parenting is getting my kids ready for school. cajoling, repeating myself, grinding my teeth as I shake with rage — I love starting each day the angriest I’ve ever been
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I said maybeeeeee
this beach is gonna be the one to age meeeeeee
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Craziest thing about Pulisic's shoulder piece? It's not a tattoo. It's a birthmark.
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looks like he might do 7-9 years
Serial robbery suspect David Eady, 54, is in custody. Eady, an ex-con for robbery, admitted that he was the masked gunman responsible for ten Nashville business hold-ups since early November. The investigation continues into his involvement in other robbery cases.
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my son named a piece of birthday cake “Cakey” then got too attached to it to eat it. we saved it for him and he decided to eat it the next day bc he didn’t want it to get old. he cried the whole time saying “I’m sorry Cakey” between bites
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Congratulations to my favorite team in any sports championship, Not Boston.
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been a while since I had a take but here goes:
breweries gotta stop with the 4-pack of pints. gimme a six-pack of 12-ouncers. I want two beers before bed, not two and 2/3 beers in two XL cans. give me the flexibility of more drinking units.
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my 4-year-old son only eats the outside of a hot dog and it is BEYOND disturbing, please help
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my dude is wearing a Christmas sweater depicting his own penalized sack dance
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this is what Bowser leaves behind after you defeat him
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OK we all had a good laugh at Steve Underwood's mustache, but actually seeing him speak out of that thing has REALLY derailed my day.
Steve Underwood: "You ever see the Lorax?"
Barber: "say no more fam"
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I secretly switched Joel Osteen's face with Martin Short's, let's see if anyone notices.
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there's so much pain in his upper register. I need the full track so bad
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Jayson Jenks talked to Kawhi Leonard's college teammates. Highly recommended.
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Still emotionally shattered from this Vine. GET THAT RACCOON MORE COTTON CANDY. Please, I need to sleep.
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@edsbs
receiving the mic stand at the wrong height and then seamlessly affixing the mic and lowering the stand in 2 seconds before his next line is a representative slice of the coolness throughout
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If I were a Pats fan, I would be infuriated by the relentless speculation that Tom Brady’s last play as a Patriot was a pick-6. But I’m not and it was great!
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Jack Daniel’s and Jim Beam need to stop with the ads that are like “Our process is intricate because we make a special whiskey.” Just hire a guy with a cowbell to stand on a corner and yell “BROWN LIQUOR HEAH! REAL CHEAP! NO SHAME IN FEELIN WARM”
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I appreciate that Tom Brady is aging like a CGI rendering of himself while Aaron Rodgers is transforming into a shifty 19th century gold prospector
Aaron Rodgers wasn't about to make excuses after not practicing all week.
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there are 15,000 fans in MSG, 9000 of whom look like Turtle from Entourage
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You can be mad about ONE thing from the final season of Game of Thrones, what is it? (Me: Arya not face-swapping to kill anyone.)
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as a Sonics fan, it’s fun to watch Harden and Durant on the Nets and think about all the titles OKC never won
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Everyone's talking about Deshaun Watson's 400-yard, 4-TD day. But Mitch Trubisky set career highs with 14 completions & 164 yards today.
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The Seahawks would’ve been a much better matchup than the Packers. Seattle would also be down 27-0 at the half, mind you, but that would be by DESIGN.
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did … Diddy just deflate the tension AND segue back to The Godfather? I will never question his talent again
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if I were a security guard in a heist movie and the surveillance footage flickered a couple times before returning to normal I would assume it’s nothing and go back to my newspaper
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My wife just heard Ed Orgeron's voice for the first time and her face was PRICELESS
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Why are OKC fans mad? It's natural for Durant to want to finish his career on the West Coast, where it started.
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Tom Brady has now thrown touchdowns to three different white guys.
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PHARMACY TECHNICIAN: “now this vaccine has more side effects than a flu shot...”
Ma’am the Marine Corps gave me shots for yellow fever and anthrax, you can dip a Ka-Bar knife in that Pfizer solution and stab me in the gut and I’ll be back in four weeks to do it again
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No condolences, please. There are more and better things to come.
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Nets really building a championship roster with Guys You Wish You Hadn’t Started a Conversation With
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WIFE: Please stop saying “mah wife.” None of your internet jokes make sense. Now, what’s the weather today?
ME: It’s ... [my forehead beads with sweat]
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"Gotta bring Pulisic along slowly. Don't want to put too much pres--"
THIS IS WHAT HE LOOKS LIKE HOLDING THE WORLD CUP
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you cannot imagine the measures I will take to prevent my son from learning about this
The first trailer for 'PAW PATROL: THE MOVIE' has been released.
The new film releases in theaters on August 20.
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BREAKING: big boy president is the biggest boy
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bourbon rankings:
1. horse on the bottle
2. brand begins with a B
3. named after a guy
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NBA: we have invited every team with a chance of making the playoffs to the bubble
Suns: cool we won every game, who we got next
NBA: uh
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the appeal of the Phillies is that they showed up to the postseason like a 12-year-old with a backpack full of Roman candles entering a debate competition
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there is a police/military-themed BBQ joint in CT that plays the national anthem at noon each day. a corner of the restaurant is dedicated to 9/11. hands down the driest brisket I’ve ever had
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this is an incredible athletic feat and also a triumph of broadcast commentary
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if I’d known today was The Purge I would NOT have paid for my bagel
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Here's a yellow Lab carrying a puppy in a shopping bag. Everything's gonna be okay.
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this got stuck in my head so I had to make a guide to long drives in America
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“this was a personal decision” I tell the media after starting a fire at the mall
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He went to SDSU instead of a Pac-12 school because he just didn't text back to anyone who recruited him. Icon.
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the AI prompt was “the Notre Dame mascot as a pick-up artist”
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blasting “Sex on Fire” in a 25 mph zone while taking my kids to school in the CRV
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BASEBALL: we must play games daily for six months to determine finalists. no less than twice as many games as any other sport shall do. our sample size is unassailable.
ALSO BASEBALL: BRING THE HEAT IN THE WILD CARD GAME OR GO HOME BITCH
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reminder: you can just walk into Carvel and buy an ice cream cake, no questions asked
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[I very carefully mislead people about not getting the vaccine, then spend months acting alternately smug and aggrieved by people's reaction to my dishonesty]
"the haters root against me because of my vaccination status"
Aaron Rodgers says people were rooting against the Packers solely because of his vaccination status.
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when your All-Star team throws down sick dunks but you just want crisp passing and tight defense
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