Katie Nolan (probably)
@katienolan
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Super Bowl halftime nipple rules feel inconsistent
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I went to a bar in my hometown tonight because whatever, it’s what you do, and I overheard someone say “there’s no way that’s katie nolan. she’d never come here, she’s 34.”
death, taxes, and me taking huge L’s in framingham, massachusetts.
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everything is pretty bad so here’s a picture of my myrtle ♥️
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KATIE NOLAN
MORNING SCHEDULE
9:30 AM Alarm goes off
10:00 AM Alarm goes off
10:30 AM Alarm goes off
11:00 AM Alarm goes off
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let the news of john mulaney be a reminder to us all that we are going through a collective trauma with this pandemic, and for many of us that’s on top of struggles we were already having. check on your people. asking for help isn’t cowardly, it’s courageous.
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if mina kimes makes you *that* mad, I can all but guarantee it ain’t mina kimes you’re mad at 💋
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I’ve thought about sending this tweet for weeks and I still have no clue how to make it not make you all roll your eyes. Alas: the obvious thing has happened. I no longer work at ESPN. I’m really grateful for my time here. I made incredible friendships and valuable mistakes.
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I disagree
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sports media breaks down the battle of winterfell
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lol lavar just said on first take that the reason he said he didn’t want the lakers to send lonzo to the pelicans is because he DID want them to. “I was playing chess,” he says, which is famously not something a person playing chess would say.
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@KaitMarieox
ok but who really funded your flight out there to gather the intel available in a google search
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how many people does it take to properly display some stadium signage?
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with all due respect (none) fuck off, lady
Weinstein Lawyer Tells NY Times She’s Never Been Sexually Assaulted, ‘Because I Would Never Put Myself In That Position’
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ordering a ride share in a global pandemic to find out if you’re his girlfriend
De Blasio just signed an executive order banning all Uber/Lyft pools. One customer per ride, unless you're a couple. And it has to be "real couples," mayor says.
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Hey guys don't judge Lavar Ball until you walk a mile in his just kidding I'm not gonna make you do that they're trash
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I don’t know who needs to hear this, but no one is asking you to choose exactly one woman in sports media to like.
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she’s working on it, ok
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the unpaid internship conversation and the student loan debt forgiveness conversation are not unrelated. improving flawed systems does not invalidate your experience with how much it used to suck.
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oh dear god they’ve armed him
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oops did I tweet it by accident how do I delete
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thoughts & prayers to the “maybe the guy is a terrible interview” crowd.
"And obviously, yes, I do want to be a head coach,” Chiefs OC Eric Bieniemy.
(via
@AriMeirov
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this IS who we are. I’m very very sorry to say that. we are, clearly, not better than this. we COULD be! I’d like us to be! but truthfully, we aren’t. admitting that is the first step. so, okay, I did step one. now someone else go.
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mom I've asked you nicely to please stop tweeting about me from burner accounts
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RIP to “where the sun don’t shine”
'Perineum sunning' is latest insanity wellness influencers swear by
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buttered toast with cinnamon & sugar isn't a struggle it's a lifestyle
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elusive
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wanting to be a good dad, I’m gonna blame this on my kids.
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Reasons I hope I never get murdered:
1. Scary
2. Sad for loved ones
3. My neighbors will be interviewed in the documentary and I have never interacted with these people
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depression really doesn’t give a fuck about any of it huh wow
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if a dog lays down on you like this it’s illegal to get up until they do
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Arya: “take your own bloody pants off”
Me:
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I was having a pretty nice little saturday until I realized it’s wednesday.
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also none of my instagram stories were about getting that one guy to text me back.
Am told that this tweet is not related to Tom Brady’s football future. Repeat, not related to his football future. But the speculation sure is fun.
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that was the kind of hug you give at the end of a first date when there won’t be second.
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dear men what is preventing you from looking like this
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the least realistic thing about game of thrones is how productive the meetings are
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look, I don’t like calling for people’s jobs but I went out to dinner with this lady tonight & she poured the rest of our table’s water into her glass that still HAD WATER IN IT while mine remained empty, and then she didn’t even drink it all.
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happy international women’s day to doris burke exclusively
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The blank asterisk on the window gave it away
BREAKING: New England Pats owner Robert Kraft charged w/ soliciting a prostitute in Orchids of Asia day spa raid in Jupiter FL. Jupiter PD says they have video. Kraft has a residence in nearby Palm Beach.
@NBC10Boston
@NECN
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NOW will you listen?!
Climate crisis could kill off great tits, scientists warn
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nothing invigorates me more than a perfectly executed, unplanned riff
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“Can we reschedule?”
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sorry to retweet him it’s just there are tears running down my face. happy new year, all.
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whoever invented the thing where a video game tells you how many cumulative days you’ve spent playing it: why are you attacking me personally
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the realization that we’re all blocked by ben roethlisberger is a rite of passage in sports media. congrats to those who have received the sacrament on this day.
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folks: we do not have to do this
LeBron James praised the strength of Vanessa Bryant following the memorial for Kobe and Gianna Bryant, but he did not say he attended the ceremony
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“Gronk looks like if the Dead Poet’s Society had a frat” killed me dead
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never in one million years did I dream this would be possible. what an honor. what a night. what a win! thank you for having us ♥️
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how am I supposed to eat these tiny chocolates if the green one isn’t trying to fuck me
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big if true
@katienolan
@HQonESPN
you are going to bring down ESPN single handedly , sports people aren't trying to listen to your sjw bs
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the only bags you're allowed to bring into an NFL stadium are clear ones. so that dildo is either on full display or..... elsewhere.
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KENNY MAYNE FOREVER
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I’ve found my new king and his name is orange cassidy
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the whole internet is laughing at you and you respond to me. how is this possible? appropriate?
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does anyone on here know anyone who’s absolutely nailing “work/life balance” and if so can you sum up, like, how
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SOME PERSONAL NEWS:
I have finally switched my controller layout to tactical. Please respect my privacy as I continually crouch next to enemies who are killing me.
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if you’re doomscrolling no judgment just please take a couple sips of water love you
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there’s a lotta ted lassos roaming the streets tonight but I really think my brother might be the ted lassoest
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hello I cooked dinner for myself tonight are you guys doing this all the time it’s wild
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adulthood is mostly just trying not to say “are you fucking kidding me” to people who have gotta be kidding you
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Well I just found out you can’t make your sleep number 69 because it goes in intervals of 5 so yes, sir, I WOULD like to speak with a manager
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spent a lot of the pandemic worried I didn't have a big project to work on and finally realized the project was me lol
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sounds like it might be time to add a rule or two then, no?
BREAKING: Michigan State University says NCAA has cleared it of any rules violations in the Larry Nassar sexual-assault scandal.
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mina kimes would really add something to this broadcast and I hope she’s on it next year.
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sometimes I think you guys tweet stuff you meant to text your therapist
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@WhitlockJason
you’re *this close* to making an actual point about the expectation of women to not only be good at their job but also beautiful, but actual points don’t pay the bills huh. keep this same energy next time I see you though.
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Valentine’s Day is a silly holiday. If you like it, enjoy it! If you don’t, ignore it! Either way, chocolate goes on sale tomorrow
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Lastly, to the most beleaguered podcast fans in the game: Thank you, for all of it. Seeing you be decent and hilarious with each other online is the best evidence I have that I’m on a path worth walking. You rule. If you’re still here when I get back, I won’t forget that. LYMI.
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imagine the discourse if this game came down to a kick by the guy who stayed out to watch the halftime show and he missed it
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Something I think would be really good for our collective anxiety right now is a show called Solved Mysteries. Frame it just like Unsolved Mysteries but at the end - surprise! - we figured it out go get some sleep.
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I told myself this was my last time dropping into verdansk because I’m clearly just not good at this game
and then I fucked around stacked 7 bodies and came in 4th so now I‘m gonna be doing this til 3am 🙄
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I just walked four blocks past my street because the man walking in front of me was wearing the cologne my dad used to wear when I was little so I guess I go to therapy twice a week now.
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does anyone else’s boyfriend say “I got a new shirt!” and then they put on a shirt that looks exactly like 3 other shirts they already have or am I the only lucky one
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got a ps5 for christmas and plum forgot about this app
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I think aaron rodgers should be a) incredibly proud of himself, and b) not the long-term host of jeopardy please
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happy anniversary to all who celebrate 🎉
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puppy update (pupdate):
she responds to bub, bubble, pumpkin, punkin, pumpkin seed, munchkin, monkey, sweetie girl, my sweet angel, baby girl, sweet baby rays, honey, miss, mrs. baby doll, doll, doll face, and dalai lama. has no idea her name is myrtle.
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so you’re saying wandavision is about a woman so afraid of feeling bad feelings that she pours her entire life into various television shows she created in a misguided effort to gain some semblance of control? lol sorry but I just don’t see who could possibly relate to that 🤷🏻♀️
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lord grant me the outright confidence of a norwegian cruise line commercial during a pandemic.
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