Matt Leys
@mattleys
Followers
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Writer and script editor. Silverpoint, Dumping Ground, Bing, etc. Bravo Two Charlies series 4 now on BBC Sounds https://t.co/oKdvPYc9by
Joined February 2009
Hello. I now have a website for my writing and script editing, including agent contact details
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I'm hearing 30 or 40 people have had their dishwasher break down after having the AstraZeneca vaccine.
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Tesco Clubcard is in the news, a good excuse to revisit the absolutely insane way it was first introduced
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Fuck off.
The PM has apologised and is implementing all Sue Gray's recommendations. Now we need to get on and deliver for the British people - growing our economy to tackle the cost of living, funding the NHS to clear covid backlogs and cutting crime to make our streets safer.
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Fuck off. Don't try and make me vote for your shitty Brexit party by blaming me for Nigel fucking Farage. Take a flying fuck at the moon
Here's my howl of frustration at the ultra-Remainers who are so angry at Labour - which has voted for a second referendum twice - that they'll allow Nigel Farage's party to win the European elections, both wrecking their own cause and harming the country.
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As it's the last day of Twitter we're allowed to bring in games.
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The police just checked my shopping trolley and swapped the Merlot for robust but unpretentious Cotes du Rhone Villages.
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Sad that my teenage kids don't believe in Santa any more, but happily they still believe in the elves that clean up the fucking kitchen.
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Ah, here he is. Fuck off.
The Sue Gray report is not comfortable reading but highlights a number of important things. The PM has apologised, taken responsibility and already made changes in how No10 works. Absolutely the right things to do.
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There's a plumber trying to deliver a new basin next door but they're not answering. Let that sink in.
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Giving this new Ken and Dierdre Barlow graphic novel five stars
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People are understandably very angry about the poor behaviour set out in Sue Gray’s report. The PM has apologised and taken full responsibility for all that happened. Changes have already been made. Now let’s get on with tackling the big challenges ahead.
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The only time Corbyn shows any spirit is when he's fighting his own party. Because it's what he's been doing for 30 years.
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Incredible. The Tory party have removed the whip from 2 former chancellors, 10 former cabinet ministers, Queen Victoria's nephew, the Sanjak of Novi Pazar, the drummer out of Aztec Camera and a giant panda. Unprecedented.
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I'm grateful to Sue Gray for her report and I sincerely repeat my apologies for the event I received a fine for. The Prime Minister has apologised and lessons have been learned. I hope we can now move forward and continue delivering for the British people.
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I agree with Simon - Sue Gray’s report documents unacceptable behaviour that has caused understandable anger. The PM has apologised. Lessons have had to be learned and changes made. Now we need to focus on the economic challenges ahead. And get behind the PM.
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1/3 The PM has made a full and unreserved apology. The public now want us to get on and deliver - dealing with the war in Ukraine, helping with the global rising cost of living which has resulted from the war and post pandemic.
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Sue Gray’s report describes unacceptable behaviour when households were making enormous sacrifices. @BorisJohnson has apologised unreservedly and implemented changes. With serious challenges at home & abroad, the PM has my full confidence and is the best person to deliver for 🇬🇧.
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The Prime Minister has apologised and, as Sue Gray's report confirms, is already making the necessary changes in No10 to ensure these mistakes cannot happen again. Now it's time to get on with the job and deliver on the issues that matter most to the British people.
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My local police are collaborating with The Streets on some new material
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The events detailed in Sue Gray’s report were wrong and should never have happened. They’ve been investigated, a full and genuine apology has been given and it’s now time to move on. We must focus on the challenges facing people today.
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You're listening to the boy from the big bad city.
Tempora mutantur, et nos mutamur in illis.
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As usual the BBC is outrageously biased against whatever you're biased towards
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I’m glad that the Prime Minister has apologised and responded to the unacceptable conduct as described by Sue Gray’s report. Wherever you are on this issue, the one thing this Government will focus on is delivery, delivery, delivery, and No10 now has the team to make it happen.
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Today I said goodbye to my lovely, daft friend of 14 years. Sleep well, Sparky. You were a good dog.
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PM responded to Sue Gray's report. In recognising the hurt many people felt, again the PM apologised and took responsibility for mistakes made. I welcome changes and our full focus on tackling the cost of living challenges faced by families across the UK
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If I'm walking down a street and it makes a woman anxious about doing the same thing, it's because it's all men. She doesn't know it's not me. I'm not me in that situation, I'm all men.
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Are we allowed to go endless carping in groups of more than six?.
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Roses are red.Violets are blue.It goes over your nose.You twat.
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Does anyone know somewhere in north London I can buy something with gluten in.
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In the full clip Ed Miliband was explicitly told to eat the bacon sandwich that way.
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The kid upstairs did a drawing of me putting the bins out. I feel she's caught my true essence
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My favourite 'MSM isn't covering this' tweets are the ones that link to the MSM covering it
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If Farage, Galloway, Clegg and Balls are all out, I'm A Celebrity is going to be amazing this year.
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As usual, BBC bias is responsible for whatever you want it to be responsible for
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They've turned the Queen's phone round because there's a little cardboard circle in the middle of the dial with her number written on it
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This is amazing: a letter about the Christmas truce my great uncle Colin Leys wrote to his school magazine in 1914. I never knew about it til today
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Going to move to the end of Rishi Sunak's street and open a rake shop.
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How Giles Coren sees himself vs how everyone else sees Giles Coren
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Allowing the public to elect BBC directors is terrible, terrible, terrible, terrible, terrible, terrible idea. Terrible.
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One of the loveliest things about being a father is when your 7yo writes a little story about you http://t.co/mxobPM1R2s.
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Dapper Laughs started work on his second series today. Because no means yes.
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Surely the WHOLE BLOODY POINT of diplomats is to smile like everything's fine in public, then send emails back home about exactly how much of a shitshow they've been posted in?.
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Just got told to fuck off by a pavement cyclist who nearly hit my daughter, but tell me again how they're all lovely.
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Important! You only have TWO DAYS to read tweets from actors telling you to register to vote.
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The MET investigation has concluded and Sue Gray has completed and published her report. The PM has apologised unreservedly and is already implementing her recommendations for change. We must now get on and deliver for the British public, as they rightly expect.
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Private Eye in no doubt who's to blame for this whole mess: George Osborne
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Just been read a Mumsnet post about a bloke who went to get the shopping and came back with 100 bread rolls. List said 'loo rolls'.
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I would have expected this bench to be quite a bit more elaborate
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If you think I'm going to come together and get behind Brexit you can take a flying fuck at the moon. Fuck you and the horse you rode in on.
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Simon Ricketts was just the nicest guy you could ever meet. I'm so ridiculously lucky to have counted him as a friend. I loved him and I'll miss him. Bye, mate.
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It's time for May to stand aside and let Not Sure form a government
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A man is sitting.in a car.he is wanting to buy. He gets out of the car.and dances. Why?. Keith Rayner, 'Why?' (2024).
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And don't you fucking dare sit there licking your wounds and feeling sorry for yourselves. Every fucking one of you who backed Magic Grandpa, this is on you. Eat it, fuckers.
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Twitter: hey, grief is hard and complex, it comes out in unexpected ways, don't let anyone judge you ❤️. Also Twitter: lol look at the stupid old man getting angry at a pen.
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YOUNG PEOPLE. This is what Twitter used to be like every day. EVERY DAY.
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Look, the BBC is going to drive you UP THE WALL in the next few weeks. Accept it. It's what they do, it's the deal, we get Ghosts and Fleabag and In The Night Garden and they do Big Royal. Leave them to it.
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I've just made a goose biriani so complicated it took longer than the original Christmas dinner. Fight me, leftovers.
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Twitter seems numb with shock tonight, at the heartbreaking news about the very wonderful Simon Ricketts. Because he's the best of us.
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Look at the replies to this and tell me this is a bad website
@MarianKeyes My girlfriend wants to get to Holyhead to catch 5pm (ish) boat to #repealthe8th. Is anyone driving there today from London area that can help??!! #hometovote PLS RT!!.
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Scientists in Geneva confirm Large Hadron Collider has been reprogrammed to search for violin small enough for George Galloway.
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I like how this is presented as 'dudes' but if a bloke said this to his mates, they'd piss themselves laughing, call him a wanker then refer to him as Oddsy for the next 15 years.
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Say hello to Letty Frizzle, who came to live with us today from @ManyTearsRescue. She is completely ace.
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The IMF weren't so worried about money when they burned that million quid in Scotland.
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With all this time on my hands I've finally got round to redoing the living room
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@jp_jordan @SteveSparshott My grandparents had a friend who pronounced upholstery "you-folster-y" because they'd only ever read it in a book.
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Woke Danny Dyer is the best thing Harry Enfield's done in years.
Danny Dyer is a clearer political thinker than anyone in government.
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I know there's piss all to be gained from saying it, but oh god, this prick. THIS PRICK. This turgid, useless, lying, entitled fucking PRICK. Fuck everything.
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Here's my dad, getting nicked outside South Africa House in 1960, the day after Sharpeville.
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Seeing off the Beast from the East with the Vest from the West.
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