Maia Bittner
@maiab
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TMI tweets about tech and mom life. Investing in startups founded by fellow @olincollege alumni via my fund @parcelbvc and in fellow women via @xfactorventures
Bellingham, WA
Joined October 2007
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Last Seen Profiles
ok my friends are starting to have serious things go wrong with their bodies and they are fucking up going to the doctor. Y’all. here’s my cheat sheet:
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I am surprised and disappointed that living in a house with a great view didn’t solve all the problems in my life
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hey AirPods - if I am actively on a phone call on my phone, I never ever ever ever want you to switch to my laptop instead
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why are Apple free trials so much less friendly than other apps?
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4. every problem that a man has is more important than any problem a woman has. if you’re a woman, speak to how this issue creates a problem for you husband (or make one up).
@maiab
I told them I couldn’t hug my husband and they moved my umbilical hernia surgery up two months. Then after the surgery, a nurse told me she was glad I had the surgery when I did, and I think about that a lot.
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1. literally no doctor cares if you’re tired or in pain or can’t work. *but* they do care about Activities of Daily Living (ADL).
Google it, and focus on *those* as the reason why your problem is a big problem. e.g. my back hurts when I bend over => I can’t put on socks and shoes
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5. you can google stuff to come up with hypotheses but NEVER tell a doctor you have googled or what your theory is. instead, figure out what type of doctor is an expert in your hypothesis and ask your doc “please refer me to an endocrinologist so we can rule out anything there”
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3. Show up in kind of a decrepit state. Doctors are power freaks and they dismiss you if you’re put together. Super over-do your ADL- if you can’t put on socks, walk in barefoot. They need to see evidence of how your problem negatively affects your life when you walk in the room.
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I have a friend who, in their annual self-review at work, lists all the job opportunities they were recruited for that they did not pursue.
remind your employers that you are choosing to continue to work for them! 💁♀️
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what’s the fanciest car I can buy that doesn’t have a fucking touch screen
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2. when they say “Well, we could [insert treatment]”.
Immediately reply to this with “Will that help?” and potentially follow up with “Will that help me complete [ADL]?”
Often their answer is “most people don’t find it helps but sometimes some do” 🙄
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9. doctors ability to read imaging is also random: depends on how much they care about you, how tired they are, how much they remember about your context. KEEP YOUR FILMS/CDs and make sure every doctor gets them. Other doctors will see different things in the same report!!!
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oh my god I FINALLY figured out how to deal with plumbers electricians etc!! instead of just telling them what I want them to do, I say “My husband wants…”
if they have a question I say “let me ask my husband”, walk in another room, wait 5 minutes then come out and answer it
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WHY WOULDN’T YOU JUST DEFAULT TO THE ACCOUNT THAT DOES HAVE ACCESS TO THIS FILE THEN GOOGLE???
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this is cool, Google now puts train alternatives in flight results!
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Me when a founder is pitching me: “So what is the deep childhood trauma that you’ve sublimated into a maniacal drive for success?”
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@notchloarchi
it’s so crazy to me. the coffee shop in our local train station is not open when both of the two daily trains depart??? WHEN ELSE WOULD A TRAIN STATION COFFEESHOP BE OPEN??
or the juice shop that’s open less than 30 hours a week! you really gotta time it
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8. another great way to save money: if you think you are DYING, go to ER. check-in, and when they say they want to admit you, decline and say you just want to hang in the waiting room as long as you’re still conscious. if you pass out, they’ll admit you ASAP. if not, you owe $0
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11. oh you know how every doctor gives you a 5 page form to fill out with all your family history of every possible disease? just skip it and give it back to them blank. they don’t even notice or look at it 🤷♀️
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y’all are so horrified at my money saving tips but I don’t understand how so many people have so much money they don’t need to worry about this????
here’s another one: local anesthesia is *always* WAY cheaper than general anesthesia. always choose local when you have the option
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6. they think you’ll go away if they prescribe something so they’ll just prescribe you something random and innocuous (like “prescription-strength” ibuprofen 🙄). just skip any prescription you don’t want, e.g. I’ve never filled any of the metformin scripts I’ve been given
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7. prices for procedures, imaging, etc is random and varies a TON. if you have more time than money, they are 3rd party sites that tell you how much each thing costs at different places with your insurance.
I used to spend hours to take Caltrain to San Jose to save $$$$ on MRIs
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wow this is the best explanation of programming I’ve ever seen
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ooh here are some A+ phrases to use
It's my job to teach med students direct, accurate communication with patients.
I reckon patients should have access to this knowledge.
Some useful patient phrases translated into hospital-speak:
"please explain this further so I can decide if I consent'
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10. whether because they’re arrogant or they’re trying to incite your confidence in them (and thus the placebo effect), if you bring them an explanation to a new doctor they will scoff and doubt prev doc’s credentials. pretend to agree, take every new explanation with skepticism.
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@emilykmay
that sucks, what an awful feeling to be so unseen. I’ve experienced something similar and I think it’s the “just world” fallacy - basically people are saying “I like you and think you’re a good person, I don’t believe bad things happen to good people, I have to tell you it’ll be…
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does anyone else feel this constant low-level background urge to start semi-random small businesses
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@madelaine_lucas
lol I just did INFANT
@p_millerd
I did INFANT for occupation and the passport officer burbled at her “I see here you are an infant, are good at being an infant?”
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oh my god this must be the laundry routine of everyone I buy poshmark clothes from ☠️
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a lot of the magic of ChatGPT is nothing to do with AI, it’s just nice to consume high-quality internet content without ads or whacky custom formatting.
the sad thing is, this isn’t a technology problem at all, it’s a business model, copyright & incentive problem. and I’m not…
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oh my god I think I’ve figured out what happens in my intimate relationships and it’s nauseating.
When someone is close to me, I start treating them like they *are* me.
and I am so cruel, so no-excuses, and unforgiving to myself.
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just to be clear… y’all are working out and going to therapy and the doctor and the dentist and doing skincare regimes and gratitude journaling and your taxes and mowing your lawn and feeding yourself and your children? plus working a full time job?
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I often tell founders that there are three types of successful seed pitches: traction, team, and vision. (I didn’t invent this I stole it from a ~2010-era VC deity).
It’s not having the impact I want it to have, so I’m going to say my point WAY STRONGER here:
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everyone on my TL is talking about this kid with a 1460 SAT score and I didn’t watch the video but isn’t a 1460 like… not that good? like you want to go to the Ivy League, literally the top, the most elite colleges you need to bring more than that (in addition to all your…
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I put together an “afternoon as an unbanked person” for my team as an offsite activity — we had to work together to cash a check, transfer money, pay for an uber, etc without a bank account — and my friend goes “you know most people do *fun* things for an offsite, right?”
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I hate SaaS, I think people forget — we used to use programs on our computers and they were SO FAST. I spend 90% of my non-meeting hours in Google Slides and it’s the slowest clunkiest software in the world
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replacing the CEO with one of your friends
What's considered trashy if you're a VC firm, but classy if you’re a PE firm?
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please join me in welcoming a brand new, 6 pound human to the world today 🐣✨
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my theory is that men don’t like the newborn phase because, relative to not having a newborn, it’s worse, but for women, relative to being pregnant it’s much better
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@p_millerd
I did INFANT for occupation and the passport officer burbled at her “I see here you are an infant, are good at being an infant?”
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why is it whenever I ask to have a phone call with the most important people I know they reply “sure want to just call me now?” 😅
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my salary is oh idk something >$100/hr ANYWAY guess how many hours I have spent trying to get an expense of $5/month approved
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My boyfriend not only never throws things away, if he likes something (like his new jacket) he’ll buy several more in case they stop making it. I said he’s hoarding, he said I’d feel better about it if I thought of it as hedging against macro inflationary risk and dammit, I do 😤
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FYI:
- your clothes are not supposed to smell “yummy” because you are not supposed to eat them
- this is why we all have endocrine disorders
- your clothes are still clean if you use unscented soap, this is what I use 👇
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it is slowly dawning in me that men live in messy apartments, then they move in with their girlfriends, and then their girlfriends just like... clean up after them? and then they live in a beautiful clean house until they die, the end. I didn’t quite realize it happened like this
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every guy I’ve dated before has hated cupping, said it made me look gross
until the guy I’m dating now who says “🤗 I’m so happy you have something that makes you feel better”
which made me realize- most guys I’ve dated have cared more about how I look to them than how I feel 😞
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"most Americans can't pay a $400 expense" is commonly quoted (particularly in pitch decks!) but NOT TRUE.
The media went crazy misinterpreting a study from the Fed.
It came from the stat "only 60% of Americans would pay an unexpected $400 expense with cash equivalent." 🧵👇
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I guess I thought if I stopped paying, the New York Times would just stop delivering me the newspaper, not keep delivering the newspaper and then send me to collections
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@OneBandwagonFan
it was so much longer than I expected and there was so much more laundry detergent than I expected, I hate watched it with increasing horror as it just kept going
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I just met someone who said they “studied at a place called Oxford and then worked at a place called McKinsey” and like… who do they think I am that I have not heard of Oxford or McKinsey?
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you are pitching your startup to VCs all wrong, stop acting like you’re proposing a new project at your job, you need to bring different energy
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my total comp at my job drops by over 90% on September 13, 2022
and like
on the one hand I kind of get why this is (standard 4 year vesting schedules, rocketship company, etc etc)
but on the other hand… it is presumably the same job afterwards so feels a little weird 🙃
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@clhubes
also you haven’t even addressed the privilege of knowing your baby’s birth month, for many people who have adopted babies or other situations they might not know what month their baby was born in.
plus it’s not really valid for babies born on like aug 1 or aug 31!
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My card isn’t going through but I don’t know if it’s because I use a startup card or because I’m buying from a startup merchant or if it’s because it’s a startup checkout
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People are asking me for reference checks for VCs and I’m like “I dunno they wrote us a check, never heard from them again, and then they invited me to their holiday party. The party was decent.”
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@Cryptomnomiconz
sure, it’s fun cause it’s south facing so in the winter I see sunrises on the left side of the ocean and sunsets on the right side
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how I interpret prices of consumer goods:
$$$$ it’s a scam
$$$ it’s the nice version
$$ it’s the normal version
$ it’s a scam
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@DanielStrTowns
my town has destination neighborhoods. I like it - they have sidewalks, street lamps, and the houses are close together. my neighborhood is houses far apart with long driveways, no sidewalks, few street lamps. would be fun to see my neighbors but just not as enjoyable
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As an angel investor, this would be my dream format of a portfolio company investor/friends update email to receive
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I spent the first thirty years of my life reaping all the benefits from having a huge capacity to force myself to do unpleasant things that I don’t want to
and the last couple years slowly realizing all the different parts of my life this has ruined
😔
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I have finally learned how “data-driven decision-making” works in business:
First you make whatever decision you want to about your product or business.
Then you go spelunking to cherry-pick data to back up it being a good decision! 🍒
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all of this web3 stuff is very exciting, but — and this could just be because I’m a cynic — it also makes me kind of sad that so many people think technology (admittedly very cool, very powerful technology!) is going to fix all these deeply human and cultural problems we have 😔
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ok I’m slowly starting to realize: all these people whose lives turned around by sleeping more or not drinking or whatever??
it’s only because they had a fucked up relationship to that stuff in the first place
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it’s a HUGE change, there is way less fumbling around, they just get to work. AND since I have to go “ask my husband” they actually give me all the relevant information about the situation up front, instead of me pulling teeth trying to get the details from them.
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has “It’s not *that* hard to just build that in-house” ever been on the right side of history?
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oh my god I just realized something horrifying: most people probably learn how startup equity works *from recruiters* 💀
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the photos came back from the photographer 😭😭😭 here’s baby Rose at just 7 days old
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I cannot believe I confused suppressing emotions with managing emotions for 30 some years
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it costs $36.06 to get tofu pad thai on doordash, I don’t know how anyone affords this (and that’s with $9.24 saved by having “Dash Pass”!)
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one of the things that make me hesitant about the idea of joining a VC firm is that I don’t really admire anyone my age who works for a VC firm. they don’t seem that happy / fulfilled / motivated.
people older than me at VC firms look like they’re having the time of their lives
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If an angel introduces a founder to a fund, and the fund leads the round, they have to make room for the angel to invest, it should be like a law
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one of my hesitations with becoming a VC investor is I don’t see myself in them, they seem so comfortable, I identify with the wild fire of founders, the maniacal drive to do anything to make money
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it seems like the key to being successful in tech is to make sure you leave your job before the consequences of your bad decisions come to light and are attributed to you
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anyway probably blame my parents they never taught me that I was entitled to top 1% experiences without fucking bringing it
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In some good news, the hospital my mom works at gave everyone bonuses this year — everyone, nurses, housekeepers, everyone — for the first time ever
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my boyfriend is the most secure person I have ever met and I think it’s wildly good for my mental health to spend so much time with him
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I know some investors ask for customer references when evaluating a company. Me, I want references from their most junior employee
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I guess you learn who your real friends are when you can’t get allocation in their seed round 😔
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at some point I just decided “I am a person who lucky things happen to” and my life has been really good since then
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I don’t know the best way for twitter to make money but every time I see an ad on instagram I think “hmm that looks awesome 👀” and everytime I see an ad on twitter I think “omfg wth 🚮” and I spend 10x more time on twitter so… maybe figure that out
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when I was a founder, I used to interrupt people at parties "sorry, I don't take advice from people on things they haven't done before"
I don't know, there's just something about being an early-stage founder where every random person tells you what they would do in your position
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also full transparency - I took out a loan to exercise my startup options and uh, that’s why I’m always posting photos of the beautiful house I live in so ymmv I guess
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