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@ihatethiskid
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![[Moxy]Muzik](https://pbs.twimg.com/profile_images/1050173867090735105/v2aLU5Ep.jpg)
Pinned Tweet
If we go on a date we’re getting appetizers bc that’s what my hors d’serve
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I went on a date with this girl and she didn’t have blue butterflies on her cheeks? Tired of getting catfished.
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The fact that Wisconsin hasn’t taken over the upper peninsula from Michigan tells me everything I need to know about those cowards
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You absolutely can tell a relatable story back to me bc that’s how conversations work
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Honestly the funniest thing he’s ever done besides fall off the bike
imagine getting cooked like this by the President of the United States, brutal
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This is all I truly want. I yearn for this life.
Normalise sitting outside the café all day and not really doing anything
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holy shit dude you drink your coffee black? Do you have to piss from outside the bathroom with that massive fucken cock
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Time to have an honest discussion about how crinkle cut fries might be the worst fries of all time
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Why didn’t I know there was a venue inside? why did I think it was just a stupid expensive billboard? my entire opinion is changed, this rules
This is inside the Sphere in Las Vegas.
This may be the most insane concert venue ever built
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This guy who definitely thinks Dwayne Wade is the Wade in ‘Roe vs Wade’
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no woman has all 5
1. a job
2. an education
3. know how 2 cook
4. a sword
5. second sword
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What drink can you still not stomach cause you drank too much if it in high school and why is it UV Blue or Fireball
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Once I liked a girl so much I asked my mom what time I was born so the girl could look up my moons or whatever you witches be doing
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Me boarding my flight after running fulls with a bunch of strangers at 6am
Full basketball court inside the airport right now to celebrate the all star game. This rips.
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Am I the only man left who likes bad bitches?
Are you ok with 77 year old Dolly Parton dressing like a 20 year old Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader.
Yes? or No? 👇
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I am just a:
⚪️ man
⚪️ woman
🔘 monster
seeking:
⚪️ men
⚪️ women
🔘 my schmoopsie poo
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This is stolen valor.
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unfortunately i will be dilly dallying and lollygagging and maybe even goofin off
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The best fries are the ones that come from your local gyro spot that look like this
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Twitter should have a feature that warns that you’re about to read the opinion of a teenager
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Once I hear someone say “don’t encourage him” I know I’m being fuckin hilarious
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This is my oldest man take but car lights are getting way too bright. It feels like every new car has their brights on at all times
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Do you guys think of people with the same name as you as allies or enemies?
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Does everyone just come on here and cry about getting no bitches or what
A generation of women raised to hate men. Feminism is to blame.
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Today last year I posted this on my Instagram story and got called a slut with all seriousness by a girl I hooked up with once
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I recently got out of a relationship and my ex just posted this on her story about her other ex and now everyone is going to think I’m a freak 😭
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Finally get to share this
dating apps should let you see other people’s age ranges. i want to know which 30 year old dudes are on the hunt for 22 year olds
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The target employee watching me remove the cap and taking a whiff from a 5th old spice scent called Wolf Dick
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Do you know what “bag night” is?
Probably not
Do you know what a "bottle night" is?
Probably not, because my gf and I invented it during a 2023 blizzard in Buffalo, NY.
We lock our phones away, turn the TV off...
Each grab a bottle of wine, and talk.
That's it, we simply talk and enjoy each other's presence.
We live…
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I thought that kid killing 2 people was something everyone was going to agree was fucked up but nahh they’re calling him a hero
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How narcissistic can you be that you just want people to listen to your stories and not talk back lmao
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Guy who’s kids are fucking losers: wow way to set a great example
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My face was so thin when I wasn’t drinking alcohol lol imagine that
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Do you think aluminum foil is friends or enemies with Saran Wrap?
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I don’t flirt I just do a lot of yapping and hand movements and hope for the best
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went to Trader Joe’s for the first time and are you guys fucking serious? is it not the worst grocery store in the world?
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Him making that face and then the camera panning over to her in that stupid hat is just 10/10
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The Boy Who Wished You Would
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as someone who grew up in a strawberry jelly home i’ve grown to learn that the grape jelly kids are bad people
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People who have your name, but spelled differently are your true nemesis
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@jordan_p989
I simply do not believe shoplifting has had a serious impact on on their profits
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How come you guys get mad at people whenever they complain about prices that you know are too high?
Does anyone care that this is a $118 dollar cart at target. Should I end it all.
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my COVID results came back negative which means I’m not feeling shortness of breath, I’m just embarrassingly out of shape
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Saying “let’s catch up”:
-boring
-overused
-makes me think of ketchup
Saying “let’s get the band back together”:
-fucking sick
-makes me feel like a rockstar
-hints of adventure
-reminiscent of simpler times
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I just made a Tinder, matched 2 girls and messaged them. They both unmatched me immediately, it’s going great so far
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When did everyone stop liking bad bitches?
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I would absolutely murder my movie recommendations for this young lady
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