any woman can suck you off but the right one will swallow your darkness

My problem is I always want a sparkling lavender lemonade or some bullshit

I like to binge drink and hit my roommate

Not you being messy 😭😭😭 in 2019 I was severely into psychedelics and I shot one of your drivers

selling some vintage clothes i adore but dont wear anymore and these are the messages i get

twitter has gone to shit and i dont really care for posting anymore the only thing i ever get the urge to post is just quote tweeting the insane takes i see with this picture. its really fun to make homemade hummus. i got my car tuned up and it drives alot smoother now

https://t.co/IgUUCisDfU

if you soak your dishes you are lazy and a bad person

white people be like My dog has fibromialgia

my friend: [snapping fingers at group of strangers] yo, check out what my boy’s got going on. cmon, show em me: [playstation voice] play-station

I used to fear the black mold in my apartment bathroom but now I understand it. It’s here to help me. It’s here to make me feel good.

trying to use testosterone gel as lube and getting a kind of illness nobody knows how to treat

PSA: if you’re staying at a hotel during a con, the shower is completely free to use and even comes with free shampoo and body wash. You don’t have to pay to use it, it comes with your room. You should use it actually.

Something is wrong like in general

I gave your address to a mosquito

In the mornings I ask why. In the evenings I eat dinner. Not entirely sure about the other times

the yesterday to today pipeline

The brita filter has cursed jewels in it that make you hate your roommate

High in bass pro shops with my hands behind my back like it's the louvre

i hate bedtime so fucking much