I once saw Les Dennis riding his bike down Greenwich Highstreet with a parrot on his shoulder. He said that now the parrot was too old to fly this was the only way he could make it feel like it was still alive. What a lovely man.

Why not?

A country with more than 1,300 food banks is building a £250 million Royal Yacht and teaching kids Latin.

@DeborahMeaden Look at the state of this and weep.

using antibac gel makes me feel like a badly-written female character moisturising her hands before bed

I wouldn't rely on BT Internet being back up anytime soon. I've just had this through the door. @bt_uk

When I got halfway through reading this and realised what it was, I definitely cried.

All these years we’ve been so preoccupied trying to find him maybe instead of asking “where’s Wally” we should be asking “why is he hiding?”

Every single MP worth their salt should have been saying this. Every single one - no exceptions. @DavidLammy deserves so much respect for doing so when others parroted the 'respect for democracy' nonsense.

I’ve been wanting to say thanks for your support but my BPD keeps stopping me, so I thought I’d show you that instead xx

I have Borderline Personality Disorder. He lives in my head and it’s difficult to explain the symptoms, so I got him out to show you xx

Do not listen. This is shit advice. I have nothing to do with this. In the wise words of my wife. “What has changed?” Nothing. There is no cure, there is no vaccine. Go out at your peril. Mingle at your own risk. Just remember “Bring out your dead.” Be safe Eric

6 weeks ago my beautiful 16 year old son was diagnosed with brainstem cancer. The prognosis for DMG/DIPG is devastating. Every 9 days another family in the UK gets this news. Please sign this petition to improve research into this deadly childhood cancer

I remember tripping out my box in San Francisco on some really mind blowing acid, probably 92 or 93. The walls were literally caving in around us. Yet every single fucker in the room retained a firmer grasp on reality than this cunt.

I don’t know if this was the right thing to do but I saw a middle aged white guy writing on #BlackLivesMatter graff and I got really angry and felt - as a fellow middle aged white man - I should challenge him. I think that’s probably our duty as white folk.

The story so far. Boris removes our EU passport & access to 28 nations, provides a shiny black UK one giving FoM in 1 country & made in the EU, causing the 200 yr old UK passport maker to close. Then Stanley Johnson applies for an EU passport to protect the rights of Boris's kids

In another on brand 2020 move. Stanley Johnson has just applied for a French passport so that his grandchildren can live and work in the EU after Brexit. Remember Nigel Farage’s children have German passports. It’s baffling how people still believe in what these buffons call for.

Watching the whole of All Stars season 3 wondering how the hell @itsSHANGELA didn't win. Get to episode 8... stitched up by her sisters!!

Just tried cocaine it had no effect on me. P.s does anyone have miss worlds number I really feel I’m in with a chance?

From the moment I was spotted as having the virus to where I am so far must have pulled in the work and skills of over a hundred people working long hours. The NHS was and is a great leap of the human imagination designed to help us all. Forever grateful and believing in it.