Fire whoever did this recent Apple update. Hideous in every way.

I just watched Good Fortune and it confirms my long standing love and appreciation for @Sethrogen 💖

books are so cool because there are NO FUCKING ADS IN THEM

good statements for women to practice: 1) you interrupted me. i'm not finished talking. 2) no 3) that isn't funny 4) that isn't appropriate 4) i already know that 5) that won't be necessary 6) leave me alone 7) you're making me uncomfortable 8) stop ignoring what i'm saying

Why are men always hacking and coughing up mucus? Everytime I go outside I hear them making sound and I get enraged.

i think the hardest thing about adulting is that you literally have to keep going! no matter what mood or situation you're going thru. you gotta keep going cause life goes on.

A huge factor in the collapse of our collective mental health is the decline in reading for pleasure. Reading lessens loneliness, builds community, sharpens the intellect. It brings joy. You will be shocked at how much better you feel if you begin to read regularly.

women need to stop having sex with men

BRING BACK LAPTOPS WITH DVD PLAYERS

Overextending yourself doesn’t make people appreciate you more.

read the books you bought … read the books you bought… read the books you bought.

Your trinkets are shit and your doodads are laughable

because it's fucking awesome

men should not be anywhere near gynecology

bloopers in movie credits

I’m learning that people who don’t have gratitude in them and express it toward me (& most likely others) aren’t people I want to be around. SAY THANK YOU TO PEOPLE.

I’m lookin for someone to be my sugar daddy. It’s that simple.

I'm sorry I said Trump is dead. That's not true. Actually, Trump has diarrhea.

The United States should no longer be considered as a host for the Olympics and World Cup, effective immediately.