bummer without b
@bummer_no_b
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Last Seen Profiles
Pinned Tweet
#FreePalestine
btw! A few places to donate:
And call your reps/urge the San Francisco DA to drop charges against the Bay Bridge 78:
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I love telling my cat “you’re on thin ice dude” when he’s not doing anything
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Usually when I tell people I've never smoked weed, they are understanding, but there's no one I respect more than the girl I went on a Tinder date with who responded with "that's fucking stupid"
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the teen that’s gonna cancel you has already been born
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Trying my hand at writing the next big Christmas song
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The contestants on Jeopardy are rarely, if ever, in any real danger. Misleading name.
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You all watch Euphoria but Eu don’t care who died Phoria sins.
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couldn’t sleep up all night thinking what does Florence Pugh have that Hayden Panettiere didn’t
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Mesmerized by this picture someone took of me drinking alone in the corner at my own post-PhD reception
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male comics drop your @ in the replies so I can boost you
into the fuckin stratosphere idiot get fucked
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Whenever my roommate is out of town I feel as though I am haunting my own apartment. Does this make sense
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I'm on the aux but I feel like I have to preface every song because I'm afraid you'll judge me
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Oh my god … she was right
this guy —> 😵💫 is disgusting. what is he so hypnotized by? a woman’s butt and boobs??
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I just got broken up with and you came over to keep me company
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Personally I would condemn white supremacy, if asked.
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The White Lotus thought I wouldn’t recognize Lord Cutler Beckett. They underestimated me.
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The humor in old-timey literature sucks. Someone says "hunting for pheasant at this hour? why, a de-frocked vicar would have more sense in his little finger!" and the whole drawing room cracks up. Give me a break.
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“Latrine” could have been the most beautiful name in the world. What a waste.
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Most people only have to hear "He Is Risen" on Easter, but if you're the youngest in a big family, you hear it any time you're even slightly late coming down for breakfast. And I'll say it: the tone is worse than anything Jesus ever had to deal with.
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I'll kick the Devil's ass for scaring my Catholic friends
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@celestrogen
Exhibit A: Filter Feeding
Exhibit B: Reproduction Via Budding
Exhibit C: Regeneration
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If anyone wants to meet the Legend herself:
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I have a cousin with big "trying to outwit the magician instead of just enjoying the fucking show" energy. Does this make sense
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An old-timey explorer with a bushy mustache and a safari hat raising his eyebrows at a girl’s Tinder bio that says “always down for an adventure :)”
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POV: you are my poor OkCupid match and you just asked what you think is going to be a fun icebreaker
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Cole Slaw implies the existence of Dylan Slaw. I am not going to search whether someone has done this already.
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Every guy with slightly longer quarantine hair is turning into a progressive trailblazer
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I have a date tomorrow and it's *possible* that she's taller than me. My shortness is not a problem, I am beautiful, love knows no height. And so I repeat my favorite affirmation:
I will NOT make a mountain out of a molehill,
I AM the molehill that makes out with the mountain.
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what do I have to do to get 1000 followers. what do you people want from me. when have I not danced when you, the howling masses, say "dance"? when have I not spun around when you, the screeching unwashed hordes, say "let's get a look at that figure"? 852. what a god-damned joke.
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Kate is pictured leaving Windsor Castle with William
Kate is pictured leaving Windsor Castle with William
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I'm apologizing to you but it's way worse than the original mistake
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god I don't know dude. when did tweeting become homework and when did we all agree to it
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In 8th grade my class went to DC and I tried to leave a penny at the base of the Lincoln Memorial (not remotely a tradition) but I was holding a Big Gulp and spilled ice all over the steps. I ran away and cried by the Vietnam Veterans Memorial. But they won't teach you that.
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I am unethically monogamous (my only partner and I are terrible people)
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Big news my dad and my nephew are getting some important work done
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you sit down with an insect you won't hear the end of how they have lymph instead of blood - like, that's not a personality dude!
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The worst part is they’re calling it “HE’S NONE THIS” :/
A major COVID-19 testing site in Los Angeles has been temporarily closed so they can film Addison Rae’s gender-swapped ‘SHE’S ALL THAT’ reboot.
(via:
@KtownforAll
)
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It’s come to my attention that people think my bio is a joke. I really am a grad student at UChicago, and I really am studying cuttlefish camouflage. If anything “comedian” is more of a stretch.
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humpty dumpy shouldn’t have sat on a wall. he is an egg.
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had to put out a lil disclaimer before my party last night
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"7/11 not 9/11" - me correcting somebody about what the store 7/11 is actually called, because they made an honest mistake
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The poster for every show about 20-somethings navigating sex, love, and - well - life
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every character in an action movie named like Tank or Wrench or something
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I'm on my way somewhere and I have to think of something normal to say as we pass each other
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I don’t understand how people describe suspects to police sketch artists. The most I’d be able to say confidently is “well, he was sort of your classic Guy”
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Hey everyone, my martial arts instructor has been having a really rough time lately, dealing with health problems, police harassment, and housing insecurity. Please donate and share widely if you are able, and read about him below!
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is this the kind of inseam you girls are looking for 🤤
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Lizzie McGuire’s Dad
Gavin Newsom no hair gel gives off entirely different vibes. (2006)
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Finally. Support.
fuck cherry tomatoes and their stans. get them out of here.
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A praying mantis in the UChicago quad, had no idea he was there until my advisor pointed him out. One of my favorite things about camouflage is how stupid it makes you feel afterwards, like looking back on an ex.
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Twitter took it down for some reason, so here, once again, is as much of my magnum opus as I'm allowed to show you:
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They said the Queen is pronounced dead. Actually, it is pronounced “Queen”
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If they looked at me like this I would break the law of conservation of mass and simply disappear from this universe.
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Me not having sex in high school (and for many years after) was a deliberate choice, let's say
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using your friend's shower when you're staying over at their place
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While you're all here, please donate for Daunte Wright's family if you are able:
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Books are so good I really like them! any ladies seeing this
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"See, the Three Taco Bell Sauces are legitimate because each level does not simply rewrite the level previous, but *evolves* it. We cannot therefore take Diablo to be Canon, since the wildly different consistency and flavor disregards its predecessor."
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this is the only good thing. everything else can eat shit
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My dad went in to get x-rays for an upcoming spine surgery and found out he was born with one fewer pair of ribs than he should have been.
Nobody is allowed to make The Joke. That’s my dad.
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I don't know why I'm trying to put on a pretense - it's my birthday and I would like attention
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a thing that I know: NYE stands for "New Year’s Eve"
my idiot brain whenever it sees "NYE": ah, New York Eity
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