Once considered the height of immaturity(and maybe illegal), it is now considered healthy and responsible to ship your poop to someone. 💩

The Catholic Church is the ultimate franchisor.

Imagine a day where you didn’t see one ad for Royal Match. Sigh.

There is a time to every purpose under heaven. Right now, it is time to eat ALL. THE. FIGS.

So if I understand the Trump/Vance platform correctly…Grandmas who are responsible for watching their grandchildren are going to get free bacon. Seems like a good plan. 🥓 Government Bacon.

I bet Jake from State Farm doesn’t even know who Barry Manilow is.

"The only people that have held Donald Trump truly accountable have been ordinary people," says @chrislhayes.

Alabama: Embryos are babies. Me: Oh, so we can't deport mothers carrying American citizens. Alabama: Wait. Me: Also dudes are on the hook for child support nine months earlier. Alabama: No. Not like that!

Ok so all the frozen embryos are “people”. How is it ok then to keep people frozen indefinitely? Best get them all out of there and implant them immediately. Line up, folks with wombs. You’re gonna be busy.

It feels like a special kind of aging milestone when you “can’t even” with one more social media platform.

Just know that when times get tough and you see two sets of footprints in the sand, that’s when Elmo and Tracy Chapman are carrying you

Things are not proceeding as planned

It’s impressive…Kevin McCarthy worked for years to be the biggest tool in the House, and Matt Gaetz eclipsed him in such a short time.

canceling plans is ok. changing your entire look is ok. chasing an ancient instinct to swim thousands of miles upstream to return to your natal waters just to reproduce once and die so that your carcass can sustain an entire ecosystem is ok. do whatever you need to do to cope.

Looks like Mitch needs to go back into concussion protocol

Pork carnitas is my love language.

The last time UW joined a new conference (in 1915), the biggest snowstorm in modern Seattle history followed. Just sayin’ ❄️🤞

Saw a guy gnawing on a subway pole and it might be time to change “New York” to “Like New” or “Gently Used York”?

Look at that useless dormant ash hole

(deep sigh) All six wildfires in the Pacific Cascade Region this weekend were caused by fireworks.

Still carrying a torch? Put that shit down. You got enough to carry.