five hundred itchy sweaters 🇮🇱🏳️🌈
@SPECIALG4Y
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Following
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🇺🇸🇪🇺🇮🇱 Neoliberal. Cat person. Registered spy. Proud owner of a Jewish Space Laser™. 🇺🇦🇺🇳🏳🌈
a galaxy far, far away
Joined September 2013
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Send us removal request.
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Last Seen Profiles
L-rd, grant me strength not to post this in the chat at my next departmental Teams meeting.
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@ChrisETeigen
Go to church. Go directly to church. Do not pass “Go,” do not collect two hundred dollars.
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hi I’m joseph i turned 38 this morning. 👴🏻
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I want a guy to get naked with me under my blankets in my king-sized bed and we will watch documentaries about the origin of the universe, physics stuff like how atoms are formed, etc.
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Anything can be marketed to straight men w/ the label "tactical."
Moisturizer: Tactical Epidermal Hydration Cream
Umbrella: Tactical Rain Deflection Shield
Soap: Tactical Body Decontamination Agent
Vegetables: Edible Tactical Vitamins
Condoms: Tactical Anti-Pregnancy Barrier
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TRUMP: I'LL SEE YOU IN COURT!
JUDGES: Well, okay. You just did, but yeah, let's do this again sometime.
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KID: Ma'am, you told us about the President and the Vice President and the Cabinet, but you forgot the Secretary of Transportation?
TEACHER (going pale): We... we don't talk about the Secretary of Transportation.
The bill requires parents to be warned 30 days in advance if an LGBT person/subject will be even mentioned in a Tennessee classroom, and allowed to opt-out their children.
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1) Joe Biden isn't senile; that's a thing conservatives say to each other to make themselves feel good whenever they lose a news cycle.
2) John Fetterman's stroke means he stumbles over a word now & then. He never stumbled over his MESSAGE, which Pennsylvanians heard & voted for
"Candidate quality matters." Well, Democrats were able to election a senile geezer Joe Biden who nobody likes and John Fetterman who can't complete a sentence. Republicans can win with the worst candidate ever if we understand that elections in 2022 are ballot counting operations
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I’m ready to bend over right now. Like, all my horny lights just lit up at once.
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This will be a good way to test just how many people have muted me.
I just took a nude that I LOVE.
Who wants to see it?
(Apologies and WARNINGS to the handful of people who know me in my personal capacity. If you haven't muted me, now might be the time for a 24 hour thing.)
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1/ Shalom! I have returned from Wild, Wonderful (but Mostly Wild) West Virginia. This was a bittersweet Thanksgiving, but I want to share with a short Gay Hallmark Story™. It will make you say "been there," laugh, and maybe cry. So let's go.
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Get yourself a man who is as happy to see you as Maslow is to see his human.
(I want this.)
Coming home to your flööfy Keeshond puppy that has missed you all day and has been waiting for your to return (part 2)
What do you think he’s saying to me??? 😅
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What an eminently boopable snoot!!
Ok be honest…
Would you BOOP this snoot???
RT to BOOP, keep scrolling if you hate dogs 😳
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Can we, as gay men, just LET MEN BE PROUD OF THEIR BODIES? You don't have to want to fuck them. Just let them be proud.
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Fred.
Congratulations you’re taking home this fluffy potato!
What are you naming your new pup???
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I am going to say this one time, and one time only.
The whole "let's welcome pedophiles into the LGBT community" thing is being organized by RIGHT-WING TROLLS for the purpose of discrediting us.
Refuting it without calling out the people truly behind it just serves their goal.
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I shall retire to my bed.
If you're curious, I will be NAKED in my bed.
I will have ALL THE BLANKETS.
But I would throw them away for cuddles.
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Tops who don't care if the bottom cums are the worst people in the world.
(This should get a billion RTs.)
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Mine will be the last generation to understand "You could try Sears."
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I bought myself a 4th of July present.
(Please clap.)
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Maybe you don't like or even respect ex-Republican professional political operatives.
But Steve Schmidt is 1000% correct about Meghan McCain.
John McCain, for whatever faults he had, was a decent and honorable person.
His daughter is... less so.
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@MeghanMcCain
has been trying to have a conversation with me for almost 14 years. Once again, today, she called me a Pedophile. It is a slander. It is disgusting. It is untrue and it says everything about her. Here she is liking the tweet of a far right liar and piece of filth
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A decision was made today. I will now search for another apartment in which to live.
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Seriously, Gay Twitter has the same fight about open relationships every six to eight weeks.
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I feel bad for all the twinks who get ghosted by older men. Daddy issues times two.
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11/ I guess I want us to remember that we are all role models, sometimes to people much older than us, and sometimes when we don't know they are looking up to us. So we should all be good people. That's all I have to say about that.
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What if, and I'm just brainstorming here, we both got into my bed and then, you know, did naughty things with each other's naughty parts?
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It has been suggested to me that facial hair works. I am undecided.
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It Trump wins, it is because of white people without college degrees. Which just reinforces my hatred for stupid white people.
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STOP PUTTING IN YOUR GRINDR PROFILE THAT YOU ARE LOOKING FOR CHAT, FRIENDS, AND DATES IF YOU ARE NOT WILLING TO CHAT FOR THE PURPOSE OF MAKING A NEW FRIEND WITH WHOM TO GO ON A DATE.
Yes, I screamed that at everyone.
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I've decided to begin making adult videos.
They're going to be me in sensible business casual dress, balancing my checkbook.
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Is there any gay out there who doesn’t do crystal meth?! 😥😥😥
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I'm 37 years old and have been out of college for 15 years, you fopdoodle. 🤣
Hey Millennials,
It's called a bacon, egg, and cheese. No avocado in sight.
And a large coffee is a LARGE. Not a venti mocha crappa whatsits.
You'll learn about the real world once you get out of college.
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Gay guys will leave their door unlocked & invite you to bareback them as they're blindfolded, but block you for saying "let's get a drink."
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Observation: Coming to the beach has made me feel pretty, not in a “I look better than you” way, but in a “there are so many shapes and sizes here but we are all loving the fuck out of the sunshine, sand, and warm water” way. 😁
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It’s shirtless Secretary Pete!! Not bad, Mr. Secretary. Not bad at all.
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I currently live in a 323.75 square foot studio. In this new place, I would have a designated BEDROOM, a dining room, and even a patio on which to sit and drink wine when I start drinking wine again!
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*sees attractive similarly-aged top on Grindr*
OO YES!
*reads profile again, notices randomly capitalized T*
Well, fuck.
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Places I Do Not Want to Be Today:
-work
Places I Am Today:
-work
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@TylerDinucci
Dems taking both houses of the VA legislature will force Youngkin to pose as even more "confrontational," which will in turn hurt him in any future campaign he chooses to wage.
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There is a table of 6 gays not far from where I am sitting, and I want 4 of them. 😅
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Maslow looks so good with windswept flööf!
There’s a heat wave in Seattle but thankfully we have an AC unit!
Maslow, our resident flööf, has been in this position all day, staying cool in front of the vent 🧊
In case you’re wondering, Maslow is happy (as always) 🥰
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So, I have a sexually transmitted infection. Let me talk about it.
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@jbarro
For a certain type of (almost certainly) white self-styled progressive in San Francisco, voting for the recalls was like hooking up with someone you don't really like that much — "we will do this, but I will never speak of it again."
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Why are millennials killing the DUI arrest industry?
DUI arrests in South Florida plummet. Uber, Lyft, millennials among the reasons why
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I am ready to go back to Chicago, but my mother needs me to do some things for her that she is no longer physically able to do herself, so when I planned this trip, I planned an extra day to be a good son and do the heavy lifting.
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I can be won over with cheesy pickup lines, lol.
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I've noticed a pattern:
*Trump sets something on fire*
"Look, I'm not to blame. This burning object has existed since Obama was president."
"Congress should vote immediately for a fire extinguisher."
"I have poured some water on the fire. I am the World's Best Firefighter!"
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I shall retire to my bed. NAKED. Anyone want to get under my blankets with me? 🙂
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Have you ever had someone you respect bitch-slap you with a truth you didn't know was true until that moment?
My work mom says to me, "I don't buy your independent act. You want someone, but only on YOUR terms, so you don't have to risk anything. And that's your problem."
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I forgot about the Maryland 6th. If David Trone pulls ahead, that would be great.
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So I have a date tomorrow. A legit, for real, I asked a guy to meet socially and he said yes, DATE.
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I really do want to be "out there" again. I'm just not good at it. I tell myself, "You'll be ready when you lose 20 pounds," or "dating is a young man's game," or anything. If I were to confess a thing, it's that I just never learned how to DO any of this.
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Gay boys come out at like 13 now. I’m happy they can do that, but sad that I didn’t get to do that.
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I forgot to share with everyone that I got a haircut today!
(Please clap.) 🥺👉🏻👈🏻
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I *did* have a breakfast date with the "cute boy I hook up with from time to time" this morning after my doctor appointment. So that was nice. 🙂
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Also, my kidney function is normal, my liver function is normal, my red and white counts are normal.
Nobody cares about this, but I just want to keep you all aware that I am mostly in good working order.
I'll be around for a long time.
I am so sorry.
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The most popular answer is the one I expected, if not the one I wanted.
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I don't struggle with same gender attraction.
It comes pretty easily to me.
“While we recognize what LGBT means, we do not use those labels when we talk about people. We don’t say, for example, that person is gay. We say that person struggles with same gender attraction.”
Elder Kevin Hathaway (Mormon General Authority) 8/17/19
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My counterparts and our grad assistant all approve of the cute boy I met last night. So, I have a cheering section.
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But, also today, and this will totally mind-fuck Gay Twitter... I TOPPED.
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1/ Mayor Pete didn't just run for president. He set an example, of what vision looks like, of how how to unite Americans again.
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Here's the thing.
Come January 20, the White House switchboard won't be putting David Sirota's calls through to anyone who matters.
So, there's that.
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My Darling Tate,
My unit has been sent to a place called "Alabama." It is a strange and foreign land, with nary an art gallery or vegan restaurant for miles and miles. I crave the taste of your lips, and a refreshing craft beer.
All my love,
Joseph
#TrumpCivilWarLetters
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Gay Twitter: Where gays who wouldn’t give you the time of a day in person if you don’t have abs talk about how much they love food. ☕️🐸
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Look at them! They are so well behaved. They deserve a little treat.
It sushi night!
Be honest… should we let Pavlov and Maslow try a little salmon? 👀
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*during exit interview*
HR LADY: Do you get mistaken for a student a lot? You look very young.
ME: I COULD HUG YOU RIGHT NOW.
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"I know of no state—and I know this state well—whose people feel more strongly, who have a greater sense of pride in themselves, their state and their country, than the people of West Virginia."
--John F. Kennedy, June 20, 1963
#WestVirginiaDay
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Everyone trying to humanize the lions that ate the poachers by portraying it is a noble act of protection is putting people's safety at risk.
The lions ate the poachers because THEY ARE FUCKING LIONS. If you had been there instead of the poachers, they would have eaten you.
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I envy my followers who... do stuff, with people.
It is not yet time, for me.
But soon, I will begin to become a gay who gays want to do stuff with.
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We're 3 days into 2019 and I'm over Gay Twitter's toxic conversation about body image. There is no simply no way to discuss it that doesn't give rise to strong feelings. All I'll say is that each of you has *something* attractive about you, of which you should be proud.
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9/ Coming out is asking your straight girl friend to be your wingman in a crowded bar. Sometimes it's asking your nephew, 35 years younger than you, to give your last words to the love of your life, with whom...
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Guys who initiate a convo on Grindr just for the purpose of insulting someone should be taken to the town square at high noon and caned.
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I was the presenter at New Student Orientation today, and afterwards a student approached me to say "You are legit the best public speaker I've ever heard."
I was *SO* tempted to say "I do radio commercials for... products." 🤣
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100 percent of women don't benefit from regular prostate exams, but they're still a good idea, anyway.
52 percent of men say they haven't benefited from women having affordable birth control
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Idea: Nobody hosts the Oscars.
The winners are programmed into a random iPhone that is left on stage, and the attendees just take turns shouting things like "Siri, who won Best Supporting Actor?"
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Yeah, Tom Daley's ass isn't the part of Tom Daley I'm interested in seeing.
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On my second day as a Floridian, I learned to never go anywhere that requires making a left turn. I suspect people down here have died of old age waiting to make left turns.
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You know what I loved most about going to Pride? It was not the other gay people, or the drinks, or the parade, although all of that was fun. It was going with a lady friend from work who was totally okay with my letting my (metaphorical) hair down and just having fun.
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My dad (the less gay-friendly parent) talks to me about having children one day, by any means.
My mom (the more gay-friendly parent) talks about Younger Brother being her only hope for grandbabies.
She knows I'm hopeless. 😂😢
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You have not known fear until you've looked at the calorie counts on your favorite pasta dishes.
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A guy on Grindr had his bio as “I’ll be your wish, I’ll be your dream, I’ll be your fantasy,” so naturally I messaged him with “I’ll be your hope, I’ll be your love, be everything that you need.” His next message? “Lol show me your dick.”
Romance is truly dead.
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My dad is 72. We don't talk to each other every day, because we don't need to. But from the things my mother (who I DO talk to every day) tells me, he's getting more and more Alzheimer's-ish. It runs in the family. And I feel like I should call him more often. While I can.
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If you don't have anything nice to say, get yourself a Twitter account, and I guarantee you'll have a thousand followers in a week.
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