Effin' Birds
@EffinBirds
Followers
286,276
Following
1,231
Media
10,431
Statuses
34,108
by @aaronreynolds (he/him) • merch, books and tour details at • defeated Jimmy Fallon in a popularity contest
In a fucking tree, idiot
Joined May 2017
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Last Seen Profiles
Pinned Tweet
WOMEN'S CUTS HAVE CLEARED CUSTOMS, I REPEAT, WOMEN'S CUTS HAVE CLEARED CUSTOMS
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Gang, just putting it out there that Effin’ Birds — a social media cartoon that is nothing but birds and swear words — paid $24,000 in taxes last year
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thank god for Twitter, where else would I be able to interact with such glorious nincompoops
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once again the offensive birds cartoon is offensive in a manner someone finds offensive
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When you hate your Christmas present so much that you seek out the author’s contact information to try to make them feel bad for having written it.
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Facebook, your platform has bigger problems than birds that say “fuck”
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Who would be interested in a 1000 piece Effin’ Birds jigsaw puzzle if it was around $20?
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Your pal Effin’ Birds has been hospitalized, so I will be staying the fuck off of Twitter — but also I kind of knew it was coming so there are 120 days of posts pre-scheduled.
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DHL guy: Are you Mister Birds?
Me: Ha, no, see it’s the name of the —
DHL guy: I can only release the package to Mister Birds.
Me: *sigh* Yes, I’m Mister Birds.
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“How are you doing” is a question that is painful to answer when the truth isn’t positive. And the person asking? They don’t want the truth. They want to be reassured.
I’ve closed my DMs because I don’t have the energy to make you feel better about how I’m doing.
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HOW THINGS WENT SO VERY WRONG FOR DAVID:
• He thought it was an instructional book
• He bought it for his mother without reading the back cover or apparently the title
• His mother was offended
• This is obviously the author’s fault
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I am a FUCKING ORACLE
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Meanwhile, my nine year old got given socks and said “these look really warm” and gave his grandma a hug, because he’s better at receiving gifts than this lady.
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Hey
@Etsy
— I sent your legal team a request to stop using my registered trademark in your Google ads. Charlotte sent this reply — but I have no issue with a shop. I have an issue with your ads.
Did you really say “so sue us” over an obvious trademark violation?
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I write Effin’ Birds far in advance and I had this account scheduled all the way to 2021, but fuck it, you guys need me, and I'm turning on the firehose.
Four birds a day is our new normal until we get through this fucked up global moment.
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@Iron_Spike
This account exists because a media company asked me for pitches and they hated this pitch so much that I was determined to make it more popular than their entire brand.
It is currently twenty times more popular than their entire brand.
Spite is a hell of a thing.
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“There are beautiful books out there about birds and this is not one of them”
holy shit I love this so much
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because I’m that kind of asshole, you can now use the code MEG to save 6.66% on anything in the Effin’ Birds store.
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