Judge you? I didn't even notice you.

Teenage mutant ninja midlife crisis

I’m a nice girl with raccoon tendencies

What 80% of patients are seeking, without realizing it, is naturopathic physicians, whose main function is getting to the root cause of a person's illness. The next step is a search for: Naturopathic physician near me

id be so mad if i found out im reincarnated

My bathroom floor is covered in penny tile, but they're not circles, which means there's some damn story.

it’s either this, or push a hoop around with a stick

Waymo is designed to obey road rules & never drives under the influence. Learn why these advocates say it could save lives.

Why yes, I did just try to delete the word "soup" by blowing on it.

How much stand could a standstill still if a standstill could still stand.

when i hear about a movie called one battle after another i assume that someone in the film will engage in a battle & then another one & then another one & then another one, all in succession until the very end when the character will probably realize that existence is futile.

the feminine urge to start a coven

I’m going to become a gigolo so I can meet new people.

Notice: If you do not understand this tweet ask someone to explain it to you

We’ve got 20 minutes (quietly)

i will sit in the rain about this

What’s the opposite of monetising your Twitter account? Anyway, I’ve done that

One day you'll unknowingly snap into your last Slim Jim.

Just saw a Spirit Halloween with a permanent sign on it. The economy is so unbelievablely fucked.

okaaaay those are not sweet onions

it u think my uterus is hostile wait till u examine my brain

Creepy if literal: pass out candy

Snacks (greasy) and books (absorbent), forever at war.