🥊Johnny Danger📖
@K_NoiseWaterMD
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Civil Rights and Appellate Lawyer, #606 , thrower of hands. "Hillbilly Scholar Monk"/ Actually 11 Great PoToos in a trench coat. 🦉⚖️
Kentucky, USA
Joined June 2016
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Pinned Tweet
[REDNECK STORY TIME] Due to the popularity of these things, I'm going to pin this tweet and link past story times underneath.
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British Twitter: "Americans are disrespecting the Queen."
Irish Twitter:
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I will admit that I did not have 'monkey gang war' on my Coronavirus bingo card
Hundreds of hungry monkeys swarm across Thai street as 'rival gangs' fight over food after tourists who normally feed them stay away because of coronavirus
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BILLABLE SLEEPOVER!!!!
Brian Steel requests that he be jailed with his client.
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Uh. So. A judge having an ex parte communication with a party and a witness midtrial without notifying another party is ....... really bad. And a judge being more concerned with how the defense found out is likewise..... suboptimal.
YOUNG THUG'S LAWYER HAS EVIDENCE OF COERSION AND WITNESS INTIMIDATION BY THE JUDGE AND THE STATE
THE JUDGE WANTS TO KNOW HOW HE FOUND OUT BUT STEEL ISN'T RATTING. THE JUDGE THREATENS STEEL WITH JAIL.
WOODY ALSO APPARENTLY ADMITTED HE'S THE ONE WHO KILLED NUT
CORRUPTION.
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Been thinking about life and mortality today. I’d rather die gloriously in battle than from a virus. In a way it doesn’t matter. But it kinda does.
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Since this has blown up: fellow Irish-Americans, if you don't identify with colonized peoples over monarchs and the wealthy your ancestors would be fucking ashamed of you.
Remember that at the polls, you miserable fucks.
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@johnburnsnc
@TomLlamasABC
BREAKING NEWS - people surviving natural disaster still need to eat! Even if the store is closed! Details at 11.
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I am once again here to remind you that one of the most famous Looney Tunes episodes involves Bugs Bunny tarting up, riding around on a thicc ass horse, and giving Elmer Fudd the weirdest boner of his life.
“When we were young, you could watch cartoons without having to worry.”
— Gov. Ron DeSantis (R-FL) again baselessly claims Disney is injecting sexuality into cartoons while stumping for Nevada Senate candidate Adam Laxalt
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White people on twitter trying to decide if they can make a naysayer joke:
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Ok, these gender reveals are getting out of hand, y'all.
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911: 911 what's your emergency?
Me: Nothing yet. Just go ahead and send an ambulance. I'm going to pet this thing.
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Napster being the highest paying platform is some serious M. Night Shyamalan shit
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Republicans in 2012: "Executive orders are almost always unconstitutional and usurp the role of the legislature."
Republicans in 2020: "Executive orders literally came from Jesus."
WATCH: Peter Navarro says “the Lord and Founding Fathers created executive orders because of partisan bickering and divided government.”
#MTP
#IfItsSunday
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Look at the olympic level gymnastics this sentence goes to in order to avoid saying "deputy shot man in the back"
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In 2005 I was jobless and homeless. I applied to work at a gym where I had been able to use the showers because I had a friend with guest passes.
I didn't have an ID or an address. The HR Director allowed them to hire me anyway.
Ten years later I made partner at a law firm.
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#threadnought
#lawtwitter
OH MY GOD THE VIC STANS ARE GOING AFTER THE JUDGE ON HIS FACEBOOK ACCOUNT AND I'M SO EXCITED I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO WITH MY HANDS
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The woman in the middle getting sugar poured on her is Joan Mulholland. She was 20 when this picture was taken. She is still alive today.
Not ancient history.
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#demon
*possesses my body*
Demon: "HOLY SHIT OW-"
Me: "Yeah."
Demon: "HOW DO YOU LIVE LIKE THIS? WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOUR KNEE?"
Me: "Basketball, football, blah blah."
Demon: "DO YOU HAVE TYLENOL?"
Me: *laughs* "Oh, that ain't gonna touch it, sport."
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#lawtwitter
So news: I am taking an indefinite hiatus from the full time practice of law. A few of you know this, but most of you don't. I want to say a couple of things about it.
I'm blessed to be in a position where I can afford this financially. That's the result of 1/
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#lawtwitter
I caught word this am that another KY lawyer took his own life yesterday. He was married, had children, and was incredibly successful. He was also barely 40.
Can we please get serious about this? Like really serious? Not just CLEs about yoga and mindfulness? 1/
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So some of y'all made Ilona Maher cry and I'm going to go on a bit of a rant here: this is why I don't believe probably 90% of y'all who have issues with trans folks in sports because you want to "protect women."
Do some people believe that? Yes, and 1/
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......so we should.... Build statues of them?
On Fox & Friends, Sen. Tom Cotton compares protesters to the Confederacy: "These insurrectionists in the streets of Portland are little different from the insurrectionists who seceded from the union in 1861 in South Carolina, and tried to take over Fort Sumter."
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Young Thug needs to put his lawyer on a track for this one
YOUNG THUG'S LAWYER HAS EVIDENCE OF COERSION AND WITNESS INTIMIDATION BY THE JUDGE AND THE STATE
THE JUDGE WANTS TO KNOW HOW HE FOUND OUT BUT STEEL ISN'T RATTING. THE JUDGE THREATENS STEEL WITH JAIL.
WOODY ALSO APPARENTLY ADMITTED HE'S THE ONE WHO KILLED NUT
CORRUPTION.
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I wonder if the "I can't relate to this" and "movies shouldn't teach to disobey their parents" crowd enjoyed a movie about a clownfish who disobeyed his father leading to an epic journey involving an amnesic Ellen Degeneres who can speak "whale."
Turning Red currently has a 66% audience rating on Rotten Tomatoes. Dived into the reviews and had a real "don't know what I expected" moment
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So much for the tolerant left.
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#lawtwitter
This is flipping the script in the same sense that saying "I hold YOU IN CONTEMPT, YOUR HONOR" is flipping the script.
Josh Hawley Flips the Script, Calls for Ethics Investigation Against Democrats Who Filed Complaints Against Him
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Ya'll remember this guy? He killed himself.
I'm having an extremely hard time explaining how I feel right now. But it's in between wanting to sob at my desk and pistol-whipping this supervisor into a coma.
Profits over people looks like this, ya'll.
Ten minutes later, during the ride home, his cell phone rings.
He's fired. Don't bother coming back. We'll send you your stuff.
Set aside the blatant violation of law - WHAT THE FUCK IS WRONG WITH YA'LL??????
I'm going to file a motion to make his supervisor fight me 2/2
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There are things in life that just happen. You will insult someone a little too harshly. You will trip and fall. You'll take a chance on a risky fart and lose.
But blackface ain't one. I ain't never seen anyone trip getting out of the shower and land in blackface.
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Ah yes, who can forget Martin Luther King's famous "Letter From a Birmingham Starbucks"
Fox News legal analyst Jonathan Turley, on Canada PM Justin Trudeau invoking emergency powers to deal with the "Freedom Convoy" blockade:
"By this rationale, they could have cracked down on the Civil Rights movement. They could have arrested Martin Luther King."
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@CalWells
@johnburnsnc
@TomLlamasABC
I'm sure they all had plenty of cash on hand/places to store food so none of it got wet. During a hurricane/massive flood.
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This man looks like this because all of the local prosecutors are so scared of him and the judges respect him so much that he can dress however the fuck he wants.
Bullshit. This man has seen it all. This man will file the most scathing motion you’ve ever read & follow up with a “sent from my iPhone” email. This man sees the judges daily & won’t be fooled by your BigLaw ~fear me~ attitude. I’d trust this man with my life.
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#lawtwitter
I'm a LAWYER
I like BILLABLE HOURS
I drink TOO MUCH
I love CAFFEINE
I have AN ABSURD AMOUNT OF STUDENT LOAN DEBT
If you don't like it WE'LL MEET AND CONFER AS REQUIRED UNDER THE LOCAL RULES BEFORE PROCEEDING TO MOTION PRACTICE
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#lawtwitter
Today I did something I've only done once before in my entire career - fired the client.
He said he didn't care about my mother's brush with death and that I should have gotten something (minor) done for him at the hospital. Take your money back and GTFO, son.
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The elite Special Forces shitposters of Black Twitter and Irish Twitter being called into action yesterday:
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I don't care if Biden is currently 11 raccoons in a trench coat, I'm pulling the level for him. We can triage "how the fuck did it come to this stage" right after.
As much as I hate Biden and would love to sit this one out, if you don’t want Trump, even if you’re a Republican, you gotta vote for the corpse. We really could lose democracy with this one, boys. Imagine an FDA loyal to Trump. There’s a legal path to that happening. Just vote
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Everyone take a mental health break and watch the greatest tiktok ever made
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For all law students following
#lawtwitter
who are stressing about the bar. A real lawyer wrote this.
You're all going to be fine. I promise.
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@MonicaLewinsky
@AdamMGrant
That's it! Close the thread! It's over. The thread is over.
@MonicaLewinsky
won. Everyone can go home! Good game, we had some fun, huh?
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BTW, if anyone can find the name of this clerk I will fly to Nevada and teach him how to throw a punch free of charge.
Kid's got the engine. Now he needs the gas.
District Court Judge Mary Kay Holthus was violently attacked by a criminal defendant who leaped over the bench.
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Congratulations to her. And I mean this. Yeah she's got unlimited resources and it's easy to hate her. But it seems like her heart is in the right place and I won't ever hate on someone who wants to do right by other folks and is at least trying.
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@Americacawww
@tysonbrody
@teethpasta
Center right is basically American liberalism. We haven't had a truly left wing party in decades.
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All this 'stolen valor' nonsense being thrown around is silly as shit. Without googling, who was the last president to see actual combat? (answer below) Who was the last VP to deploy into an active war zone?
We do this stupid thing in this
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Supporting Trump in 2020 must become a scarlet letter. Any Republican who is too chickenshit to take a stand against this guy must be forced to wear that forever and constantly made to answer for it.
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Something I first noticed when I became an attorney: the normalcy trap. So her reaction to a 14 hours of work/commute/chores is "this sucks." Normal people then mock her mercilessly for being a lazy wimp.
Ok. But who is the weird one here? Her reaction seems 1/
Omg, poor baby has her first job. Like..she has to commute?? Like...she has to cook dinner?? Like...no time or energy to work out?? Like..she's working in person not remote??? Like...She. Has. To. Work. 9. To. 5 ??? What????🙄
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Ashleigh Merchant apparently just lives at the courthouse in a glass case that says "break in case of emergency"
Glanville allowed Ashleigh Merchant into the courtroom as she is representing Steel in this contempt.
#YSL
#YoungThug
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Jesus, DON'T REWARD HER 🤣
A racist lady threatened to call ICE on food truck workers selling tacos. Today, a mariachi and tacos party was thrown on her street just for her. 🇲🇽
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My experiences are similar to
@J_Dot_J
and honestly it's really messed with my world view over the last 12 years.
I was raised conservative in a conservative part of the country. The values I was raised with included work hard, stay humble, stay in your lane, the world 1/
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@GroverNorquist
There is zero chance you don't understand what a marginal tax rate is and I am so here for this well deserved dragging, you overly dramatic butter goblin.
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Prince Harry did two tours in Afghanistan, flew an Apache helicopter, and the Taliban put a bounty on him.
Charlie Kirk quit community college because the liberals there were meanies.
Charlie Kirk says Meghan Markle is "making it up like Jussie Smollett" and calls Prince Harry a "metrosexual beta male"
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You aren't a superhero and you can't save everyone.
Something I've learned in all of this is that there is strength in allowing yourself to be weak every now and then. That was incredibly difficult for me to to figure out.
And if any of you ever need to talk, my DMs are open. /e
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Diana Taurasi, Sue Bird, and Angel Reese after the final buzzer:
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#BragAboutYourGeneration
I've never seen a millenial throw a fit and demand to speak to the manager over an expired coupon.
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Broke: Not supporting good things.
Woke: Supporting good things.
Bespoke: Only supporting good things if those good things are supported by people I agree with 100% of the time.
Food trucks are a favorite cause of many urban progressives. But after their latest setback in Chicago today, it may be worth remembering that the legal fight has been backed by some of the most powerful right-wing forces in the country. Lemme explain /1
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#lawtwitter
Good morning, live look at me and every lawyer outside of Fulton County currently following the YSL trial:
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You know what they call an AK-47 Supreme in France? A Royale AK-47.
Trump: And they walk in with the biggest guns I've ever seen. They call them supreme guns, ak-47 supremes.
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This is the real reason people are making fun of this. The whole thing comes off as an exercise in deeply inhaling one's own farts.
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Goddamn. Seriously?
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I'm just a man with a simple dream. A dream that one day someone, somewhere, will listen to the actual lyrics of this song.
Counter protesters waving American flag are blasting “Born in the USA” at the University of Chicago.🇺🇸
🔥🔥🔥
🎥
@TheoKnights
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Do y'all remember when someone broke this woman's brain by revealing she had written an entire book based on misunderstanding a legal term of art?
Who remembers when the sun was golden not silvery, the sky was deep rich blue, not pale milky blue, and robust gorgeous cirrus clouds were everywhere, crisply delineated in the sky; when the sky was not plagued with weird streaks that spread with horrid inevitability, blocking
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I love when OC thinks I'm dumb
A retired judge here told a law school class in re: me "people hear the accent, that 'aw shucks' stuff, and go to sleep. Don't. Some of those country lawyers are assassins. You won't know they've sliced your throat until you turn your head."
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They see how he makes liberals feel and they just enjoy that because that's how they felt - for absolutely no discernible logical reason - under Obama. That's where this comes from. /end
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Don't worry, everybody, the "torture isn't torture" guy has this all sussed out.
BTW - this guy is still teaching at Cal Berkeley. I thought everyone was cancelled?
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The single most decorated veteran of the modern era in terms of serious presidential candidates was John McCain. We watched Cheeto Jesus tear that man to shreds and Mitch McConnell basically accuse him of being a traitor for voting his conscience on the ACA repeal. 3/
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I feel like the person who made this sign should be placed in charge of all federal messaging related to coronavirus:
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I maintain appellate arguments would be greatly improved with walk up music for the lawyers.
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There is something rotten in this profession. It is literally killing people. We need to stop treating this like it's some kind of minor annoyance to be dealt with like appellate rule updates at the convention. And every day we don't is another day we've wasted. 2/2
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country where we pretend every election cycle to love combat vets more than life itself.
It's just bullshit. The last president to see combat was Bush Sr. The last VP to drop into a war zone was fucking Al Gore.
But all you Trump lovers think these guys are both pussies. 2/
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My mental health hit a crisis level a few months ago that I would not have survived but for tools I had previously learned in therapy.
My advice to all of you newbies: stay in front of this. I had a "rub some dirt in it, do some pushups, and get back in the game" approach. 3/
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If a plaintiff's lawyer did this to a judge they'd wind up in contempt so fast the windows would shatter from the sound barrier being broken.
Can we talk about how nuts this is for a prosecutor to straight up yell at a judge like this?
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Alabama Democrats know exactly how to take swings
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@broglennn
Hell no. You got in there and you did what you could in the moment. You showed who you are: a brave man who would walk the walk and put himself on the line for strangers.
Your family has got to be proud. You represented today.
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Bugs Bunny used to dress in drag and hit Elmer Fudd with straight up "wreck me daddy" eyes.
I can’t believe I’m tweeting this but.. they are pushing the trans agenda on children via muppet babies.
This is sick and PERVERTED. Everyone should be disturbed by predatory cartoons meant to usher children into gender dysphoria.
Bring back manly muppets, anyone?
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My mother was air lifted into university of Louisville hospital with a brain bleed today. Surgery tomorrow.
#lawtwitter
and
#appellatetwitter
... Please come together and pray for my mom.
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@ASFleischman
@Popehat
So are we massive, jack booted monsters who are going to load up conservatives into prison buses and haul them off the death camps at gun point?
Or are we all pencil necked snowflakes who are too in touch with our feminine sides?
Pick a fucking lane, Gorka.
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appropriately if you want to do this for the long haul. Learn how to say "I need some help." Schedule time off BEFORE you need it, well in advance. Set boundaries. And know you aren't invincible, even if a lot of people think you are. 5/
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Judge McNiceGuy has a copy of that hearing. He shows it to law students in his trial practice class in a presentation titled: "How to Make a Judge Hate You." 13/13
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anyone tries to do anything to improve the situation for our veterans, we can count on the GOP to pull out the bean counters and say "can't do it." They don't seem to suffer for that.
So please. Just spare us this time. It's tired. It's old. You're full of shit. /e
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That's been my whole life, really. Every time I started to break down I would just work harder. Every time I thought about taking time off I'd say "after [some thing] is done, I can." But I'd always add another thing. It was never convenient.
You need to prioritize yourself 4/
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Blackthorne: Three months to complete all discovery? Are you mad? Why not order me to subdue a tiger with my bare hands or put out a fire with my testicles, so long as we're assigning ludicrous tasks?
Mariko: The Anjin has concerns about the scheduling order.
#lawtwitter
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the values I'm talking about are good, most of the people who preached them never lived them to begin with.
They were a bad joke that let them punch down at others. Because the second they felt powerless, they abandoned them completely.
Trump is their revenge. 12/
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Law schools need to be hiring a lot more practicing attorneys to be professors.
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@ScottGreenfield
@Popehat
I once had a co-counsel send a letter (without consulting with me) to an appellate judge complaining about how long it was taking to write an opinion.
We got an opinion three weeks later. Ask me how it went? Go ahead. Ask.
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My girlfriend has said for a while she wanted a special proposal. Fancy restaurant etc. She came to me a while back and hugged me and said she didn't care because covid could delay that and she just wants to marry me.
She didn't know I already had a ring.....
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Funny angry judge story. So a few years back, our local PD's office picked up a new hire from a law school out of state - can't remember where, but his parents had some kind of connection in KY.
So anyways, this dude was straight up insufferable right out of the gate. He 1/
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I didn't want to benny hill this. I had to.
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