James Acastor
@JamesAcastor
Followers
33,834
Following
16
Media
14
Statuses
700
Official Twitter account of Russell Howard's Good News star James Acastor.
KETTERING TOWN FC
Joined July 2013
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gess who is backk
sorrry eveybody I had a. smoll operation # blissed
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ton2itght!! me speshull ‘ warm carbonara 1875 ‘
streeem on Hinge
40 punds
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I Did no gett my meaasels jab or my bgc and I turn out fiine apart from a smalll tail
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JJUst find pa ssword.
Wtfuck do u alll want
an whyy are alll thee pub close
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i wonce saw thi s guy at tha zooo an he wass feedingg chipps two a hippo
MASSIVE NEWS. My first stand up special is streaming NOW on
@skytv
on demand & Now TV. It airs tonight at 9pm on Sky Comedy. Please watch it.
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spooler warrning:: its about Me anuss
The brilliant
@JamesAcastor
coming up on
@tompowercbc
@cbcradioq
and he’s got something spectacularly powerful and important to say.
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thank fo r alll nice meassage abbout’ warm carbonara 1875 ‘
Y es we leave lenS cap on. But you cuold hear it (. A bit))
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Watt th e shite is this s? I on ly eat passta (d ry)
First episode is out now! And our guest is Mr Podcast himself, Scroobius Pip. Listen, subscribe, review etc. Bon appetit!
Apple Podcasts:
Acast:
Spotify:
Or search on whatever podcast app you use 🍕
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BEN D OVERE AN TUNG U R OWNN HOL
Great to see my favourite comedian
@JamesAcastor
do his new show “WARM PIZZA LOVE MY JOB 2018”
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I Dontt’ sea th e prooblem .
please report this Instagram account that is pretending to me!!! (an honour, tbh)
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I Willl be leight as a croww has gott in too my kitchn
John's off on tour, so we've got a special show for you today!
@elisjames
is joined by
@JamesAcastor
, tune in and taste the vibes!
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I is bacck. Was trappped in bigg shed by madd farmer who thort I saw hiss wife breast
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ANNOUSNMENG
I filme d 8 off me show wit my fone (nokia) . I willl. Be showin them in a
@RobertDyas
neer u dependingg on How much charge I hav. They are all aboot me sayin I am @ butcherr 🍖
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u cannt say Meery chrustmas anymoar. So happpy Mondayy I gess
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@JamesAcaster
@piersmorgan
soorry aboet him pier. I thinkk uur gre8 Annd speeek for the norrmal uk Man lik me. So u is a thumbs upp from mee 👆🏻
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does Any1 knoe how 2 gett a croww outt??? it blockin my parth
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so soz I havfe cancel my gigg in guatamalea cos a golf balll get hit upp me dickk
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I lose this tie inn 2006 if u find plz return. make me cry so much when I think of this tie so lonely in world
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Ten t full. Of wanks
Tonight! What a bill! What a board!
@phlaimeaux
@JamesAcaster
@lollyadefope
@johnsfurcoat
@EdGambleComedy
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andd yes’ I hav try
1 moonin at him#
2 Throw nife
3 calll plummer
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i wass going 2 pulll down my troosers and pant nd flap everyting as hard as I culd
@JamesAcastor
just watched this week's MTW. What was the Churchill exam joke you couldn't get out?
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FINAALLEY
Jen's favourite comedian
@JamesAcastor
pictured with his peers. Hard to believe he still works part time at his uncle's shop
#talent
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@RobertDyas
they r call Remeat rebacon resausage rechop rebackbacon remince resausage reloinofpork and itt alll par t off a serees call “ i amm secrett butch Er)
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@JamesAcaster
@SundayBrunchC4
I don hav a brithday because I wass foundd in a bush on. Scrubland
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u can gett tickeys for mee fring show for £80 in advanse or get in foor free nd touch a tramp dickk on the way oot
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surry I hav 2 cansel. A zoookeeper hs trappt me in a chesst
See
@JamesAcastor
AND
@joeldommett
@SouthTyneComedy
#Festival
Monday 1st
ONLY £11 to see BOTH!
(0191) 454 1234
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peeiple keep talrking about Rickard prior but what about jamees acastor
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doon't lok nothin like mee meight
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@phlaimeaux
@lollyadefope
@rhysjamesy
@MrNishKumar
y Yu neverr hell”p? I. am inn perril ther iss a ratt king. In. HEar
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@Herring1967
@imosebba
@O2
@TheO2
i. Am the ritght j ame, th e other is wrongg. shuv a up yur asss richy
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My pilot didn't get picked up because "why is it in crayon and I am your mum not a channel and why do you still live here?"
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is my birtday 2day and my pressent I wood like is for these menn to stop bangin on the side of this portaloo
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i tooring my 3 shoows aboot ham. Come seee tha "TRIHAMLOGY" in ur toown
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@MrNishKumar
@phlaimeaux
@lollyadefope
@rhysjamesy
Im hopin that. Brexxxit get me outf of thi friggen binn
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@TheInvisibleDot
@JosieLong
@steenrasko
@sydney_festival
@TheMaeMartin
guyss I thort this wass is leeeds so I mayb late
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yess exactlee I am new andey parsnip
@MockTheWeek
could also do with more
@JamesAcastor
(not that bloke who keeps nicking his work
@JamesAcaster
)
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if i don't get 500 fllowrrs by 5pm i kick the head off my family duck
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Dis me Dreem shuu
Add a new level of ruggedness to casual looks with 'Remsen Limit'
http://t.co/Ond4nE3WW7
http://t.co/igRS1B1CLu
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me fayvoritt buook is the Hungary catorpollar Man that guy wass so hungary
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wun the snigger awards 4 best showw (4 my sho "secretlee i is police") AND 4 breakthru act (after I shatter glasss table at mums church)
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500 followrres by 3 or i squeeze this frog until they have to stop the wedding
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